ExpatInItaly Posted November 2, 2018 Posted November 2, 2018 What do you want to come of this? A long-distance relationship? Some casual sex when he's in your area? A texting buddy? That's what you need to think about, and allow to guide your interactions. I personally wouldn't bother, just because it doesn't sound like there's much potential for anything serious.
Author zoe82 Posted November 2, 2018 Author Posted November 2, 2018 What do you want to come of this? A long-distance relationship? Some casual sex when he's in your area? A texting buddy? That's what you need to think about, and allow to guide your interactions. I'm about to move to the US. And he knows that.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 2, 2018 Posted November 2, 2018 I'm about to move to the US. And he knows that. That doesn't really answer the question, though. Are you looking for a relationship with him? Personal anecdote: I hooked up with a foreign guy years back who I'd known for a little while. He went back to his country, we kept in touch quite a bit at first, and I traveled to his area when I got a call about a job there (which I'd applied to before I ever met him; I actually was introduced to him by a mutual friend who knew he was from the city where I was job-hunting and thought could be a good contact for me) I saw him when I was in town for the interview, had a great time. We kept in random contact after I'd returned to my country to apply for the necessary paperwork to accept the job offer and relocate. But contact did start to drop off over time as life got busy. When I eventually did make the move, he was helpful in offering me some suggestions about how to get settled. We tried a couple times to meet up, but unforeseen circumstances got in the way. I never actually saw him again. Contact became less frequent and eventually fizzled out. We had our fun but went in separate directions. What we had was a fun fling but it became clear that nothing more serious was going to come of it. My point in telling you this is to just keep perspective. You may or may not see much of him once you move. He knows what your longer-term plans are, so he will make it clear if he wants to see you after you move. He's already stepping back, though, so I would keep your options open too.
Dis Posted November 2, 2018 Posted November 2, 2018 zoe, he lives in a different country and you saw him once. THAT is the reality of the situation. Of course he's going to move on and so should you. Did you really think something would come out of this when he was going back home and you're all the way in Germany? Be realistic. This was a one time fling...nothing more He probably sent you the text because he knew he had you on the hook and was bored. I doubt he plans on seeing you again considering the location problem and his low interest level (which is reasonable). Even if you do move to the U.S I don't see him chasing you down when he's only met you once. It's not like you guys dated for a year and mutually planned to continue to relationship once you're in the same country. If you don't date casually (which is what this was) why not find someone in your area?
stillafool Posted November 2, 2018 Posted November 2, 2018 You say where you're from you guys don't do casual dating. Well did you tell that to this American man and what was his response? People here will go on dates, have sex and lots of fun then you may or may not hear from them again. If they really like the sex they may end up being FWBs. When you get to the US it would be wise to make clear your expectations to any potential dates or you will constantly be in tears.
stillafool Posted November 2, 2018 Posted November 2, 2018 I'm about to move to the US. And he knows that. Your statement above didn't answer the question.
Author zoe82 Posted November 3, 2018 Author Posted November 3, 2018 (edited) Of course he's going to move on and so should you. Did you really think something would come out of this when he was going back home and you're all the way in Germany? Be realistic. Yes i did think this could be something. Why not? He's often in the neck of my woods and (as mentioned often enough before now) i'm soon overseas. So why not? This was a one time fling...nothing more Where did you get this from, when he's right coming back at me right now? A one time fling would stay ghost, once he decided so. He probably sent you the text because he knew he had you on the hook and was bored. I doubt he plans on seeing you again considering the location problem and his low interest level (which is reasonable). Even if you do move to the U.S I don't see him chasing you down when he's only met you once. It's not like you guys dated for a year and mutually planned to continue to relationship once you're in the same country. You're right. But we could take it from there once i'm at the US. If you don't date casually (which is what this was) why not find someone in your area? Because this won't be my area any more soon?! Obviously. So i dated him. He's not even from the state i'm moving to. And he tried to convince me all the time to visit him and see the beauty of his state so i would overthink my decision for the other state. So it makes no sense dating in my area, if im moving soon, right? You say where you're from you guys don't do casual dating. Well did you tell that to this American man and what was his response? Yes i did. He was all with me on that. He said, he don't like to date multiple ppl because this wouldn't be genuine any more in his eyes. He likes to concentrate on one person at a time. But you know.. talk is cheap. Edited November 3, 2018 by zoe82
Author zoe82 Posted November 3, 2018 Author Posted November 3, 2018 That doesn't really answer the question, though. Are you looking for a relationship with him? I'm sorry. Well... i wanted to get to know him better and see where it could lead to. A relationship would be preferabel. Yes.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 3, 2018 Posted November 3, 2018 I'm sorry. Well... i wanted to get to know him better and see where it could lead to. A relationship would be preferabel. Yes. Perhaps, but you still won't be living in the same area even after you are in the US. So, with that in mind, I would be careful not to get too caught up before you're actually in the country. It's easy to text and chat and make big plans. It's harder to actually make long-distance dating work - which it would still be if you're not residing in the same state. Keep chatting with him if you like, but I would dial back your expectations right now. You two are still very far apart and he's got no problem disappearing and reappearing, particularly if he knows you have no problem with him doing so, either. See if he makes a consistent effort to keep in touch or not.
SunnyWeather Posted November 3, 2018 Posted November 3, 2018 He's interested when he's in your area, or should you even be in his, but he's not putting himself on hold for you. That's what I meant, really. He will probably see you again, but he's not necessarily expecting this to become a serious dating prospect. this is my take too. who knows what his life is like in his home country. and if he's always traveling, I wouldn't be surprised if he has others just like you pining.
Dis Posted November 4, 2018 Posted November 4, 2018 Yes i did think this could be something. Why not? He's often in the neck of my woods and (as mentioned often enough before now) i'm soon overseas. So why not? Where did you get this from, when he's right coming back at me right now? A one time fling would stay ghost, once he decided so. You're right. But we could take it from there once i'm at the US. Because this won't be my area any more soon?! Obviously. So i dated him. He's not even from the state i'm moving to. And he tried to convince me all the time to visit him and see the beauty of his state so i would overthink my decision for the other state. So it makes no sense dating in my area, if im moving soon, right? Why so defensive zoe? It's pretty clear there's a good chance this won't amount to anything just based off of the following... 1. Location is a problem and even when you do move to the U.S, you won't be living in the same state 2. You only had one date with him yet you're planning your lives together like you've been dating for a year 3. He disappears sometimes which indicates a lack on interest It's kind of troubling that I have to spell that out. I think most women in your shoes would consider it a good first date with 0 expectations considering all the road blocks between you two. Is there a reason you're investing so much into a guy you've had one date with and who lives a distance from you (and will live a distance from you even when you move)? Why not just put your rational thinking cap on and take it easy, be realistic and stop the rush order on the wedding dress? You can always date new men when you move, men who are close by To add to this: Men who make future plans with you (as in living in the same state) on the first date are usually full of it. Aka, future fakers
Author zoe82 Posted November 4, 2018 Author Posted November 4, 2018 Keep chatting with him if you like, but I would dial back your expectations right now. You two are still very far apart and he's got no problem disappearing and reappearing, particularly if he knows you have no problem with him doing so, either. See if he makes a consistent effort to keep in touch or not. Yes i will. Thank you! Why so defensive zoe? It's pretty clear there's a good chance this won't amount to anything just based off of the following... 1. Location is a problem and even when you do move to the U.S, you won't be living in the same state 2. You only had one date with him yet you're planning your lives together like you've been dating for a year 3. He disappears sometimes which indicates a lack on interest It's kind of troubling that I have to spell that out. I think most women in your shoes would consider it a good first date with 0 expectations considering all the road blocks between you two. Is there a reason you're investing so much into a guy you've had one date with and who lives a distance from you (and will live a distance from you even when you move)? Why not just put your rational thinking cap on and take it easy, be realistic and stop the rush order on the wedding dress? You can always date new men when you move, men who are close by To add to this: Men who make future plans with you (as in living in the same state) on the first date are usually full of it. Aka, future fakers No im not defensive. I try to explain whats on my mind. Yes, sure location is a problem. But that's actually an issue that could be solved. Yet, im not planning our lives together. Yes, he disappeared but he also explained why. Regarding the fact, we just had one very good and intense 1st date, i don't try to freak out and will watch his actions from now on. As i said i'm not a casual dater. And i cant really tell, whats going on because whats happening now is just confusing. So before im moving on to date a new man, i'll have to get clarity of his intensions. If this makes sense... 1
Dis Posted November 4, 2018 Posted November 4, 2018 No im not defensive. I try to explain whats on my mind. Yes, sure location is a problem. But that's actually an issue that could be solved. Yet, im not planning our lives together. Yes, he disappeared but he also explained why. Regarding the fact, we just had one very good and intense 1st date, i don't try to freak out and will watch his actions from now on. As i said i'm not a casual dater. And i cant really tell, whats going on because whats happening now is just confusing. So before im moving on to date a new man, i'll have to get clarity of his intensions. If this makes sense... I think this is a good plan, zoe I'm not a casual dater either so I understand where you're coming from I'm glad you're moving onto someone new because it's just not a smart bet to bank on this guy considering all things. It would be a gamble that most likely wouldn't work out the way you want it to. I know I've had plenty of first dates that never went anywhere. At first, I was always disappointed but as I continued to date I kept my expectations in check and didn't get invested too early on. I suggest you do the same to protect your heart. Dating is a tough game. Good luck with the new guy
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