Am I A Gold Digger?

October 16, 2018

Okay so me and my boyfriend have known each other for 10 years. Since college. We dated in college but I ended up breaking up with him because he never took me out. I'd always catch him in pictures at parties hugging other girls. He'd even "forget" to buy me Christmas and birthday presents, when I would spend hundreds of dollars on gifts for him. He was always angry at me and yelling at me. And to top things off. I'm an All American Blonde Bombshell kind of girl. I've won several beauty pageants and I've modeled for A&F. I'm saying all of this BECAUSE I caught him look at Asian porn about 5 different times. Granted he looks at porn with blondes as well. I would say it's about equal. But he has specifically saved a few porn links with Asian women, and I've never seen him save any porn links with blondes. But all of the women he's ever pursued in life have been blonde. Including me. He insists he has a preference for blondes, but it makes me very insecure to see that he has saved links with Asian porn before. (I'm not racist at all. I don't think there's anything wrong with people liking other races. But I just feel if you have a preference, then go BE with that preference. Don't make someone feel second best. You know what I mean?) Anyway. So I LEFT him when I was 22. He lived in the state we went to college in (Iowa), and I broke up with him and moved back to Texas. Nobody was surprised when I broke up with him. Because most people thought that I was way out of his league. Including his family and his friends. He spent about 4 years hounding me on all of my social media accounts daily. Asking and begging for me back. This was after I won a huge beauty contest and I started getting large amounts of followers on social media, like 200k plus. He even flew down to Texas to my family house, unannounced several times. Asking for me back and begging for me back. He'd send e-mails DAILY begging for me back. I dated other guys for 4 years while being broken up with him. And then finally I decided, you know what? Maybe he's changed. Because honestly who would hound someone for so long unless they really loved them? Especially after being rejected daily. So I figured he really loves me. So I got back with him. And I moved back to Iowa. I've got my own apartment in Iowa now.

So the first day that I moved in, I asked him if he'd come to my apartment and sleep on the floor with me, because it was empty, and my all of my stuff was going to get there a day late. And he told me no. And I slept alone on the floor of my empty apartment. I was so sad and I realized that I'd probably made another mistake by getting back with him. But still I was optimistic. But more things started happening. I caught him linking up with a girl from his past (I saw a text in his phone). One that I had issues with him linking up with before in the past. He promised me he wouldn't do it again. And then I went on his phone and saw that he'd been looking at porn on instagram. Not ALL of it was Asian porn. But some of it WAS Asian porn. He said he wasn't looking at the women because they were Asian but just because it was a naked body that showed up on his explore page. I honestly didn't believe him and still don't know if I believe him til this day. And I've honestly just been feeling ugly and undesirable to him. I asked him if he could do something to reassure me and boost my self esteem. But he won't do anything. And he just pretends it didn't happen. It's been 5 months now and he literally just pretends it didn't happen, and I sometimes cry randomly in the middle of the day thinking about it. He hasn't done it again. I've checked. And I believe him. But it's like he won't fix the pain. He said that since he comes over and spends time with me and calls me, that he is treating me good and that should show me that I am his preference, and that he thinks I'm beautiful. And I told him that I need him to do something to show me that I am his preference, and he says that's nonsense and I'm being overly emotional. So basically I'm left to just heal myself for the mistake he's caused. He said there's nothing he could do, and that I just have to believe him.

Now about 6 months ago he borrowed $500.00 from me. for 5 months he hadn't paid ANYTHING back to me and even joked about making a bet with me. And if he won the bet he wouldn't have to pay me back my money. I was insulted. Highly insulted. Because it was like he had no respect for me, to even suggest that he wanted to bet with the money he owed me, instead of paying it back to me, even if it was a joke.

Finally last month I got $250.00 out of him (which was a STRUGGLE), because I had to put a deposit down on my new apartment and still pay the rent at my old apartment so I was REALLY strapped for cash at the time. So he's paid me back $250.00

He also hasn't taken me out to dinner since July. We went out for dinner in August but I paid for it. And the last dinner in July that he took me out for, I paid half. I also make it a point to pay for EVERY 3 dates we go on, because I'm honestly just a very considerate person.

Well it's been about 2.5 months and he hasn't taken me out. He just comes over to my apartment twice a week, I cook him dinner, we eat dinner together, we watch a movie, have sex. And then he leaves. Sometimes I initiate the sex, sometimes he does. But one time I had just come back from a long flight. And I tried my best to hurry up and make him dinner, and then he wanted sex, and I was just too tired. He stormed out of my apartment and didn't even reply to me when I said "I love you"

Last Saturday he was supposed to come over but then his Mom said she wanted to go out to eat as a family so he canceled on me. I wasn't upset that he was spending time with his family. But since I moved here over a year ago, he hasn't brought me home to meet his family. I asked if I could come. And he said no. Because we were arguing too much he wasn't sure if he should bring me around his family yet, because he's not sure about us.

I'd finally had enough and broke down and cried and broke up with him and told him how I'd been feeling depressed lately. He kept saying he doesn't want to break up all Sunday. So I got back with him. But today I was complaining about never going on dates with him anymore. And I told him he hadn't taken me on a date in 2.5 months and he called me a GOLD DIGGER. And I asked him how can I be a gold digger if you're the one who owes me money? If I spend hundreds on your birthday presents and Christmas gifts. And if I pay for every 3rd date? He laughed and said "Oooo every 3rd date? BIG DEAL! THAT'S NOTHING!" And he tells me I'm acting like a gold digger because I'm not satisfied or happy with the quality time he gives me when he comes over to see me. When I go through all that trouble to cook him dinner, and we have sex, and he goes home. He has been short on money for the past 2.5 months because he's taking a programming class so he can get a better job. But he makes me feel BAD for just wanting to go on a date or asking him to send me flowers to make me feel better. He says me asking for those things is making me a gold digger. And he told me that I am being selfish and impatient because he has to take care of his family. And pay for his programming class. He does provide for his siblings and mother. About 70% of his paycheck goes to providing for them and the rest of the 30% is spent on his car note and on his programming classes. But I guess I just feel down. And he says I'm being selfish. That he's taking these programming classes for US so he can make more money. And I should appreciate the quality time he's spending with me. Which is pretty much me busting my butt in the kitchen to fix him dinner, having sex with him, and then him going home. I'm trying my hardest to be a good woman to him. Someone please. What should I do? Am I being selfish?

Edited October 16, 2018 by GoldenBeauty

October 16, 2018

Because honestly who would hound someone for so long unless they really loved them?

A certified STALKER, a psycho, a nutter, that's who!

There are SO many red flags in your first paragraph. He's shown you that he's got a few screws loose and is very far from being a rational, thinking human being. Yet you gave him another chance?? That was a really dumb thing to do.

And surprise surprise, he's still a complete jerk.

You need to dump him, and have a real heart to heart with yourself about why you took him back. Don't you value yourself or have any self esteem or self worth? Why did you accept a loony who treats you badly into your life?

October 16, 2018

A mentally stable guy does not hound someone for four years with daily emails

He doesn't sound at all considerate of your feelings. He didn't treat you well before, and he's not treating you well now. He's doing a great job at triggering your insecurities though, which is blinding you to the truth... that you'll be happier without him. There are plenty of decent guys out there who will treat you well. Go find one.

October 16, 2018

Okay so me and my boyfriend have known each other for 10 years. Since college. We dated in college but I ended up breaking up with him because he never took me out.

That was your first red flag. He never even bothered to take you out for a coffee date, and jumped right into wanting having sex with you.

I'd always catch him in pictures at parties hugging other girls.

He was probably getting their numbers and trying to have sex with them. Or actually hooking up with those girls behind your back.

He'd even "forget" to buy me Christmas and birthday presents,

He didn't forget to buy you Christmas and birthday presents, he just didn't care about you all that much, because who ''forgets'' christmas or birthdays? Someone who isn't interested all that much in the person they're with.

when I would spend hundreds of dollars on gifts for him.

You should have spent that money on yourself instead, honestly, but it only goes to show that you were the only one in that relationship that was in love.

He was always angry at me and yelling at me

Domestic violence. You should have called the relationship quits as soon as he revealed his true, abusive, demanding, entitled, colors.

. And to top things off. I'm an All American Blonde Bombshell kind of girl.

You should be with an All American Tom Brady quarterback star, you will be much happier dating in your league, and the guy will treat you better.

I've noticed this trend of some men who are physically unattractive men treating their attractive girlfriends badly because they're afraid of being cheated on, even though the girl is with him because she genuinely likes him and is attracted to him.

I've won several beauty pageants and I've modeled for A&F.

There you go. More confirmation that you should find yourself a man who matches you in life accomplishments, and physical beauty.

I'm saying all of this BECAUSE I caught him look at Asian porn about 5 different times.

It seems like he's addicted to porn, and he seems to have a fixation on Asian women. Are you the only girlfriend he's ever had?

Granted he looks at porn with blondes as well. I would say it's about equal.
But he has specifically saved a few porn links with Asian women, and I've never seen him save any porn links with blondes.

Live I've said before - this man seems to have an unhealthy view of porn and is addicted to it.

But all of the women he's ever pursued in life have been blonde. Including me. He insists he has a preference for blondes, but it makes me very insecure to see that he has saved links with Asian porn before. (I'm not racist at all. I don't think there's anything wrong with people liking other races. But I just feel if you have a preference, then go BE with that preference. Don't make someone feel second best. You know what I mean?)

Maybe all of the Asian women he wanted to get with weren't interested in him and rejected him?

Anyway. So I LEFT him when I was 22. He lived in the state we went to college in (Iowa), and I broke up with him and moved back to Texas. Nobody was surprised when I broke up with him. Because most people thought that I was way out of his league.

I'm not part of your family nor am I one of your friends ,and even I believe you are out of his league and that you deserve better. Way out of his league, like as out of your league as away our planet is from the center of the galaxy.

Including his family and his friends. He spent about 4 years hounding me on all of my social media accounts daily.

This counts as stalking.. and you could get him put in jail/have a restraining order issued because of this behavior.

Asking and begging for me back.

Treats you awfully, makes you feel like you are not desireable even though you won several beauty contests and modelled professionaly and you get hit on daily by hot men, and the only time he realizes what he has is when you dump him. I mean.. this man might have severe mental issues that need to be adressed before he can date.

This was after I won a huge beauty contest and I started getting large amounts of followers on social media, like 200k plus.

Maybe he wanted you back because of the money you're making and that he wants spent on himself and on his interests?

He even flew down to Texas to my family house, unannounced several times. Asking for me back and begging for me back.

I'm surprised your father didn't call the cops.

He'd send e-mails DAILY begging for me back.

More stalker behavior. I'm surprised he didn't start writing you letters and begging you to come back YIKES.

I dated other guys for 4 years while being broken up with him. And then finally I decided, you know what? Maybe he's changed.

People rarely ever change.

Because honestly who would hound someone for so long unless they really loved them?

Mentally ill people who need to be put in a mental hospital to receive treatment. It's not natural for someone to act in any way your ex-boyfriend acted like.

Especially after being rejected daily. So I figured he really loves me. So I got back with him. And I moved back to Iowa. I've got my own apartment in Iowa now.

Man, you really got it hard for this guy, huh.

So the first day that I moved in, I asked him if he'd come to my apartment and sleep on the floor with me, because it was empty, and my all of my stuff was going to get there a day late. And he told me no.

That's when you should have realized this guy doesn't want you, he just wants the social status of having a beauty queen as his girlfriend.

And I slept alone on the floor of my empty apartment. I was so sad and I realized that I'd probably made another mistake by getting back with him.

Yes, you did. That was a terrible mistake of you to make, but it can be fixed. Dump him.

But still I was optimistic. But more things started happening. I caught him linking up with a girl from his past (I saw a text in his phone).

He's cheating on you.

One that I had issues with him linking up with before in the past. He promised me he wouldn't do it again.

He's going to do it again.

And then I went on his phone and saw that he'd been looking at porn on instagram. Not ALL of it was Asian porn. But some of it WAS Asian porn. He said he wasn't looking at the women because they were Asian but just because it was a naked body that showed up on his explore page.

He's addicted to porn, can't live without it, and he seems to want an Asian girlfriend.

I honestly didn't believe him and still don't know if I believe him til this day.

..That's because you know he's a compulsive liar.

And I've honestly just been feeling ugly and undesirable to him.

Maybe you should take that as your cue to leave the relationship, dump him, and to stop being obsessed with him.

Alright, so basically what you need to do is to dump this guy and take some time off from dating so you can heal, visit a therapist and tell him of your unhealthy obsession with a man who treats you like crap, and then when you're mentally and emotionally healthy once again - go out and find yourself a man who is as attractive as you, physically, mentally and emotionally, and who isn't addicted to porn.

Trust me, it won't take you long.

October 16, 2018

Now about 6 months ago he borrowed $500.00 from me. for 5 months he hadn't paid ANYTHING back to me and even joked about making a bet with me. And if he won the bet he wouldn't have to pay me back my money. I was insulted. Highly insulted. Because it was like he had no respect for me, to even suggest that he wanted to bet with the money he owed me, instead of paying it back to me, even if it was a joke.

Finally last month I got $250.00 out of him (which was a STRUGGLE), because I had to put a deposit down on my new apartment and still pay the rent at my old apartment so I was REALLY strapped for cash at the time. So he's paid me back $250.00

Why would you think you're a gold digger? A gold digger is someone who dates men for lots of financial perks. Gold diggers don't pay for stuff and NEVER lend out money.

You're the opposite of a gold digger.

October 16, 2018

There are so many red flags, and your concern is that he called you a gold digger? It’s pretty clear that you’re just a convenience for him - easy sex, companionship when he needs it, money when he wants it and some fun moments on the side. That’s why he never does anything more for you than just the bare minimum.

You need to work on your self-worth. It’s apparent that you don’t value yourself and believe this fool is all you deserve. Raise your standards and aim higher. Externally you are beautiful but you need to cultivate your internal strength as well.

Walk away from this guy. Stay single for awhile. Work on yourself. Heal and try to move on. And block this clown from ever entering your life.

October 16, 2018

Why would you think you're a gold digger? A gold digger is someone who dates men for lots of financial perks. Gold diggers don't pay for stuff and NEVER lend out money.

You're the opposite of a gold digger.

Yeah, the only gold-digger is the dude. I have no idea why this lady thinks she's a gold-digger.

October 16, 2018

He did pay me back half of the money. And he's been trying really hard lately to not be quick to anger. I'm not the easiest woman to deal with. As I get sad often and it can take a toll on him because I always call him telling him I'm sad and that I shouldn't be in this relationship. And I think it's stressing him out. And that's why he's unsure about bringing me home to his family. I just get sad you know? And I don't know anyone in Iowa so I feel so lonely all the time. I just go to work and come home most days. I know that he has to provide for his siblings and his mother. He says I should just be patient and hold on because he's going to be getting a raise this January, and he says after he gets the raise everything will be different. I just don't want to make a brash decision and leave him. When he chased me for so long when I kept pushing him away. When I kept rejecting him and he kept on insisting that we are meant to be every time I rejected him. I even threatened to call the police on him once and got his parents to tell him to leave me alone. And STILL he insisted that he loves me and he's the one for me. I do love him. He's my best friend. I've never met a man that I connected with like this before. We have the same sense of humor and we've known each other for so long. My main concern is that since I'm blonde, I'm not enough for him? I know that he knows I'm beautiful. Because he always comments about how guys are always checking me out when I'm with him. And he loves showing my photos off on his social media platforms. Do you think I'm overreacting about the instagram thing honestly? Is a body just a body? Or was he looking at her because she was Asian? He says that there were so many blonde women there but for some reason I chose to focus on the Asian woman and that I'm being irrational. What do you think?

October 16, 2018

Asian women have tried to talk to him and date him several times. But he's rejected every Asian woman that was interested in him. I've grabbed his phone while he was in the shower many times. And I've seen him reject/ turn down two Asian women who are coworkers who slid into his DMs to try and flirt with him.

And he was obsessed with a woman in college before me and him started dating. She was actually a mutual friend. And she looks VERY similar to me, but with a smaller chest. She rejected him several times and he pursued her obsessively. She used to complain to me about him actually. Then he met me. And pursued me obsessively. And well. The rest is history. Which makes me wonder if I'm just acting crazy about this? Because he was completely obsessed with her. Would call her constantly text her. Ask her why she was ignoring him. And she just wanted nothing to do with him. I remember him saying that's the only other woman he ever thought he wanted to marry besides me. It never bothered me that he liked her because me and her looked quite similar anyhow. Which makes me think that he does like blondes and maybe I'm just overreacting?

Edited October 16, 2018 by GoldenBeauty

October 16, 2018

Honestly it’s worrying that you are even asking this question. It seems like you have some major self esteem issues and insecurities.

Even your rational for going back to this man (?) follows the same pattern: you believed that he was in love with you. That’s a terrible reason for choosing to be with someone, but - again - it’s probably a common reason among those with self esteem issues whom are looking for validation.

Now I’m just guessing; but maybe some of your insecurities comes from fear of being alone? Have you ever spent significant time as single? It’s not all bad! And to be perfectly honest with you; today’s dating is, initially, a lot about appearance. Finding dates will be super easy if you are only half as good looking as you claim. But before you jump into the dating pool, it’s probably a good idea to spend some time as single. Find some hobbies and practice being happy with yourself.

And no. You are not a gold digger.

October 16, 2018

Honestly it’s worrying that you are even asking this question. It seems like you have some major self esteem issues and insecurities.

Even your rational for going back to this man (?) follows the same pattern: you believed that he was in love with you. That’s a terrible reason for choosing to be with someone, but - again - it’s probably a common reason among those with self esteem issues whom are looking for validation.

Now I’m just guessing; but maybe some of your insecurities comes from fear of being alone? Have you ever spent significant time as single? It’s not all bad! And to be perfectly honest with you; today’s dating is, initially, a lot about appearance. Finding dates will be super easy if you are only half as good looking as you claim. But before you jump into the dating pool, it’s probably a good idea to spend some time as single. Find some hobbies and practice being happy with yourself.

And no. You are not a gold digger.

I have huge validation issues. I've been doing pageants since I was 2. I honestly feel as though I should leave him. But I know I won't. I've convinced myself that he is the one for me. And I love him. He's literally the most handsome man in the world to me. It's like a spell on me. I'm just praying he treats me better. I don't know why I love him so much. I guess I just want to find a way to make it work. And I want to know if maybe I'm being paranoid about the porn? He has stopped looking at it now for a while.

October 16, 2018

is he good looking?

he must be to get all thes hot women!

October 16, 2018

This is going to sound crazy. But I'm convinced no other white guy would want me because I've been reading so many things about white guys not liking white girls and only liking Asian women now? And it's like my mind is warped. Every time I see a white guy I just assume he has a secret Asian woman fetish and he'll hurt me. So it's like I have this "The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know" mentality. I've been on so many forums reading posts from women going through this. My friend from my hometown is actually going through this with her now husband. She keeps catching him looking at Asian porn. Her situation is worse though. It's ONLY Asian porn her husband looks at. I feel inferior to Asian women now. And whenever I see a beautiful Asian woman, I find somewhere to be alone and I cry. It's horrible I know. But I just feel no one else will love me like he loves me. Because he pursued me for 4 years while I rejected him.

October 16, 2018

is he good looking?

he must be to get all thes hot women!

I find him to be very attractive. Not all women do. But I would say he's a pretty attractive man. I don't care about a man's height. I usually find attraction in anyone my height or taller. But he is tall and I know many women see that as a plus

October 16, 2018

He did pay me back half of the money.

It's not the money that is the issue, is the emotional violence he has exerted on you over a time period of 10 years, putting you down, making you feel unattractive, making you feel that you are not good enough for him even though you are a beauty queen, and treating you like you are beneath him. Not during one month. Not during one year. But for half a generation!

And he's been trying really hard lately to not be quick to anger.

Don't make excuses for his behavior.

I'm not the easiest woman to deal with. As I get sad often and it can take a toll on him because I always call him telling him I'm sad and that I shouldn't be in this relationship.

Because you know you shouldn't be in that relationship.

And I think it's stressing him out. And that's why he's unsure about bringing me home to his family.

In ten years he has never introduced you to his family...?

I just get sad you know? And I don't know anyone in Iowa so I feel so lonely all the time.

Fly back to your home state.

I

just go to work and come home most days. I know that he has to provide for his siblings and his mother. He says I should just be patient and hold on because he's going to be getting a raise this January, and he says after he gets the raise everything will be different. I just don't want to make a brash decision and leave him.

It's okay, if you leave him you can always come back to him. He's not going anywhere.

When he chased me for so long when I kept pushing him away. When I kept rejecting him and he kept on insisting that we are meant to be every time I rejected him.

I have a feeling you'd love Brazilian soap operas.

I even threatened to call the police on him once and got his parents to tell him to leave me alone. And STILL he insisted that he loves me and he's the one for me. I do love him. He's my best friend.

No, he's not your best friend. You have an unhealthy obsession with this guy, and I have no idea why.

Maybe you lost your virginity to him, I dunno, maybe you are the savior type and you want to fix him and the more messed up he is, the more attracted you are to him, and if he was a mentally stable dude you might not want him at all.

I've never met a man that I connected with like this before.

maybe you should try meeting more men.

We have the same sense of humor and we've known each other for so long. My main concern is that since I'm blonde, I'm not enough for him?

Dye your hair black, there you go.

I know that he knows I'm beautiful. Because he always comments about how guys are always checking me out when I'm with him. And he loves showing my photos off on his social media platforms.

Yes, he treats you as a trophy wife.

Do you think I'm overreacting about the instagram thing honestly? Is a body just a body? Or was he looking at her because she was Asian? He says that there were so many blonde women there but for some reason I chose to focus on the Asian woman and that I'm being irrational. What do you think?

Why don't you just go ahead and dye your hair black? There you go, you aren't a blonde anymore.

October 16, 2018

I did lose my virginity to him. He's the only man I've ever slept with.

October 16, 2018

I did lose my virginity to him. He's the only man I've ever slept with.

Yeah, some people become mentally unhealthy attached to the person they lose their virginity with.

Wait, I thought you said you spent 4 years dating other men? And you never once had sex of any sort with those men?

October 16, 2018

I have huge validation issues.

Right.

Ditch this loser and get yourself into therapy, stat.

October 16, 2018

Yeah, some people become mentally unhealthy attached to the person they lose their virginity with.

Wait, I thought you said you spent 4 years dating other men? And you never once had sex of any sort with those men?

No. Even before I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. I waited 4 years. We started dating a couple months before I turned 18, and I didn't sleep with him until I was 22. And he waited for me. I know that he was inconsiderate about the girls he hung out with when we were young. But I'm 100% sure he's never cheated on me before. That's why it's hard for me to let him go. He's such a good guy and I love him. I feel like I just need to be more patient.

October 16, 2018

Right.

Ditch this loser and get yourself into therapy, stat.

I came here to see if my mind is warped. And maybe it is? I just want to know if I'm being delusional here. Because he has is faults but he's faithful to me. And pursued me for so long. A guy like that doesn't come around often.

October 16, 2018

This is going to sound crazy. But I'm convinced no other white guy would want me because I've been reading so many things about white guys not liking white girls and only liking Asian women now? And it's like my mind is warped. Every time I see a white guy I just assume he has a secret Asian woman fetish and he'll hurt me. So it's like I have this "The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know" mentality. I've been on so many forums reading posts from women going through this. My friend from my hometown is actually going through this with her now husband. She keeps catching him looking at Asian porn. Her situation is worse though. It's ONLY Asian porn her husband looks at. I feel inferior to Asian women now. And whenever I see a beautiful Asian woman, I find somewhere to be alone and I cry. It's horrible I know. But I just feel no one else will love me like he loves me. Because he pursued me for 4 years while I rejected him.

It doesn’t sound crazy. It is crazy. I think you need professional therapy.

Your view on love and attraction is way to focused on looks and beauty. Attraction is much more complex than that, and love even more so.

Chasing someone for 4 years is not healthy. It’s not love: It’s obsession. Just think. He doesn’t even spend the night with you? Why is that?

Seriously: therapy. We are just a bunch of random people - and can’t really help you. You’ve already acknowledged the issue: now it’s time to fix it.

October 16, 2018

No. Even before I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. I waited 4 years. We started dating a couple months before I turned 18, and I didn't sleep with him until I was 22. And he waited for me. I know that he was inconsiderate about the girls he hung out with when we were young. But I'm 100% sure he's never cheated on me before. That's why it's hard for me to let him go. He's such a good guy and I love him. I feel like I just need to be more patient.

This is a guy who treats you like you're a physical possession. He is indifferent to your emotional needs, he uses you as a trophy wife, showing off your pictures to his friends, and overall caring as much about you as a rich guy cares about his first wife.

He was having sex with other girls during those 4 years of waiting, believe me.

October 16, 2018

I came here to see if my mind is warped.

I wouldn't say your mind is warped but I would say you have emotional problems and self esteem issues that mean you are allowing some doublebag to treat you like dirt, and somehow think that he's a decent guy.

Because he has is faults but he's faithful to me. And pursued me for so long. A guy like that doesn't come around often.

There are millions of guys who are faithful. They come around all the time. The fact that you seem to think it's so rare says a lot more about your lack of self esteem than it says about his moral fibre, which is merely "normal". Or if you take his other qualities into account, "well below average".

The fact he pursued you for so long is a red flag that he's A NUTTER.. Not a good thing.

But, we're already onto page 3 of this thread and I don't think there's anything to be said that hasn't already been said. We've led you to water. It's up to you if you want to drink or not.

Edited October 16, 2018 by PegNosePete

October 16, 2018

This is a guy who treats you like you're a physical possession. He is indifferent to your emotional needs, he uses you as a trophy wife, showing off your pictures to his friends, and overall caring as much about you as a rich guy cares about his first wife.

He was having sex with other girls during those 4 years of waiting, believe me.

He wasn't. Trust me.

October 16, 2018

You are not a gold digger & you are not selfish. However you have HUGE self esteem issues which need therapy. You allow yourself to stay in this relationship because you foolishly think you can't do any better then this guy who doesn't give a flying fig about you. Until you realize your own worth, this pattern will continue & you will remain unfulfilled.

The problem isn't your relationship. That is only a symptom. The problem is you lack confidence. Get some therapy. Find out why you don't care about yourself. With help, learn to love yourself. Then you will be able to find a good man who loves & respects you because you are a good woman. You will be able to stop the need for validation based on looks. If you don't, you will be miserable when as you age & your looks fade.

This isn't about your lousy BF. It's not about the money. It's not about the pageants. It's not about Asian women or porn. It's not about social media. It's solely about you & your insecurities. You need to build up your self esteem. Until you do that, your relationships will always flounder & you will remain unhappy.

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