danhats Posted October 16, 2018 Posted October 16, 2018 Hi all, So this is an odd one but I'll try and keep it brief. So about 5 months ago, I left the UK to work and travel around South East Asia... a nomad if you will. My first stop was Chiang Mai and within a week of being there I met a girl who was also staying there long term as her Australian visa had expired. This was cool as it's difficult to maintain friendships with the people you meet with this lifestyle as people are always moving onto the next country. Anyone, we became close friends, often meeting up for dinner and going for the occasional drink. I made a point of trying to keep some distance as I knew nothing could really come of it but inevitably, there was too strong an attraction there and we hooked up. For the next 3-4 weeks, things were great. She would spend most nights at my apartment and there was a lot of affection displayed. Then suddenly she became distant and we would only meet for dinner and then she'd go back to her room to work. As she was still kissing me goodbye after, I didn't think much of it other than she was just really busy/stressed with work. Now it's worth pointing out at this point we had decided to both head to Malaysia for a change of scenery (her idea) and there was talk of traveling around together before she was due to move to Canada. During this week where she became distant, we booked our flights to Malaysia and were looking forward to chilling on the beach. At the end of that week, the lease on her apartment ended and she stayed with me as we only had a few days before we left. That's when I really noticed how distant she was. When I confronted her about it, she just said that we wanted different things (which came from a conversation we had had where I mentioned that due to being cheated on in my last 2 relationships, I'm quite guarded and automatically feel any relationship I have will ultimately fail. Not wise I know haha) and that as she was heading to Canada (although at that point, not for another 4-5 months) it was probably a bad idea to get into anything. Which is fair enough. I told her that I would have rather she had been honest with me about it when she first felt that way rather than hope I would psychicly pick up on it. She then asked what I wanted to do about Malaysia to which I said I had no choice but to go as my flight was booked. She said that I didn't have to but I am not in a position to just throw money away. I explained that I was annoyed that because she had felt like this and didn't say anything prior to booking the flights, I was annoyed that I felt this decision had been made for me. Had I known I could have gone somewhere else. I asked how she didn't find it difficult to adjust to going from being affectionate and cuddling in bed every morning and night to completely no contact at all but she said it's fine and we'd just go back to how we were before any of that started. Anyway, after a couple of days of awkwardness, I extended the olive branch as the situation was what it was and I didn't want the whole thing to be marred by the awkwardness. So we've now been in Malaysia for a week now and the awkwardness is overbearing. She is a completely different person to the one I knew only a couple of weeks ago. She is withdrawn most days and sometimes snaps at me when I ask if she's ok, asking me to leave her alone and give her some space. The way she's acting makes me feel completely unwelcome here and that I'm in the way. Not exactly going back to how things were before we hooked up. She is heading to Canada now at the beginning of next month but I can't live like this for the next few weeks as it's making me like ****. Anyone have any ideas why she's become like this? I honestly don't recognise this person. It's gone from laughing, joking and generally enjoying each others company to where I feel like she has complete disdain for me without any reason that I can see.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted October 16, 2018 Posted October 16, 2018 She sounds like she lost interest, its not normal to be w/drawn from a relationship just like that. I would consider moving on and not dealing w/an emotional roller coaster. Talking to her may improve the situation temporarily, but I think she will continue w/drawing until she makes some excuse to break up w/you (I'm not ready, I want to be single, I need space etc).
Author danhats Posted October 16, 2018 Author Posted October 16, 2018 Well this is the thing, we're not seeing each other anymore as she has already broken it off. The problem I have now is that we have still gone through with the plan to come to Malaysia, currently sharing a one bed apartment cos she was happy to still do that (I wasn't but had catered my budget for this trip and couldn't afford to rent somewhere on my own). I just don't understand why she doesn't even act like we're friends like before we hooked up. It just seems like she's constantly pissed off with me and that I'm in the way.
Author danhats Posted October 16, 2018 Author Posted October 16, 2018 I dragged her out the other day to venture out and have some fun cos I needed to get out and was fed up with the atmosphere. After some initial frostiness, we had fun and even she said she had a fun day. Then last night she got all frosty again.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 16, 2018 Posted October 16, 2018 Stop dragging her out to do or see anything, first and foremost. She really doesn't want to and you pushing t isn't going to help. It will only increase her frustration and annoyance later. I think you are going to have to accept that she doesn't want to be friends, either. It's disappointing, but things aren't going to go back to the way they were before you two started hooking up. She's got something or someone else on her mind and is putting up all kinds of barriers towards you to keep you away. You wold be best to heed that and let her be. It's awkward, but you need to spend as little time together as possible now. Go off and do your own things during the day, but don't attempt to plan activities together. Unfortunately, this is why it is not a great idea to make plans like this with people you don't know very well. When it goes sour, it really goes sour.
olivetree Posted October 16, 2018 Posted October 16, 2018 She lost interest in you romantically. She booked the trip to Malaysia with you probably hoping the feelings would go away. After you got upset at her for booking the trip with you while knowing she wanted out, she continued with it out of guilt. Now she resents you for making her feel like she should be there with you (her view) when she really doesn't want to be there at all. At this point your presence disgusts her. She is super annoyed and wants to get away but isn't telling you. Sorry to be blunt but that is my take on what is happening here. A switch flipped in her and now she can't stand you. Best to cut your losses and part ways. Wouldn't you rather lose some money than 3 weeks being miserable together?
Author danhats Posted October 16, 2018 Author Posted October 16, 2018 There seems to be mixed signals though as last night and tonight she's suggested going out for a beer on the beach. It's not that I'm looking for it to go back to the way it was, just for things to be chilled as the situation is what it is and it doesn't make sense to make it worse.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 16, 2018 Posted October 16, 2018 There seems to be mixed signals though as last night and tonight she's suggested going out for a beer on the beach. It's not that I'm looking for it to go back to the way it was, just for things to be chilled as the situation is what it is and it doesn't make sense to make it worse. Only do this if you're okay being iced out again afterwards. Any chance this girl already has a boyfriend somewhere and pushes you away when he starts wondering what's up with her?
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