walterhod Posted September 10, 2005 Posted September 10, 2005 my wife walked out on me almost a month ago and im really devistated. she took my kids with her and they moved out of state. she says that she still love me but is not in love with me and that she is not sure whether she wants to work things out or not. there is no other men or women in our lives she is just confused about what she wants. i miss her with all my heart and i miss my kids desperatly. i plan on moving up to where she is so we can try to work things out but im scared that im setting myself up for a major fall. she did say that she is willing to go to counsiling with me and that she is willing to date me once a week just for dinner or maybe a movie no heavy talk just keeping everything lite. can someone please tell me if they have been in a similar spot and if it is a good idea for me to make this move??? do we have a shot at making things work???
Outcast Posted September 10, 2005 Posted September 10, 2005 I haven't been in that situation and I know a couple of couples that have and got back together. It's a very good sign that she wants to go to counseling and that she wants to date you. Take it slow, do the work the counselor gives you, and don't give up hope.
Author walterhod Posted September 10, 2005 Author Posted September 10, 2005 i am trying to cope with everything but its just so hard and im now on meds for depression and cant work because of it until i get it in writing that im ok to do so. i was trying to work while this was going on but i had a couple of crying fits and they said they didnt want me there until my head was clear so now i dont even have that to keep me busy.
Outcast Posted September 10, 2005 Posted September 10, 2005 Can you find some volunteer work to do? The worst thing to do is stay alone in your home. You need to get out and do things and be with people.
Author walterhod Posted September 10, 2005 Author Posted September 10, 2005 i am starting to get out more but i still have alot to do here as far as packing and cleaning stuff up so i can move its just very depressing being here but right now i dont have much of a choice.
Author walterhod Posted September 12, 2005 Author Posted September 12, 2005 my wife spent the weekend with me to hepl sort out some of our belongings and we hung out together and even went to dinner and watched a movie together. we didnt sleep together but we did have a great time just hanging out. i just dont know what to make of this whole situation and really driving me nuts. does this happen alot or is my situation a little weird???
Jayhawks Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 It sounds like she loves you but not like a wife should love her H. She is probably confused but so are you. She made the move and left you high and dry. The fact that she will go to counseling is a good sign but I would prepare for the worst and hope for the best. If she has her mind made up there is nothing you can do to change it. All of the dating and hanging out will only give you hope but she may see you now as her best friend and not a lover. She has been thinking about this for awhile as she would not just pull your children away unless she thought things through. She should have came to you and wanted counseling before she made the move. I'm sorry to tell you this but I don't see a lot of hope for your relationship. I think she is just trying to make it easier on you by pulling away slowly and it eases her guilt. I hope I am wrong for your sake as you seem like a good man who loves his wife and children. Were there any signs of problems in the marriage before she moved?
Author walterhod Posted September 12, 2005 Author Posted September 12, 2005 there were some signs from her a couple of months ago but i thought we worked through them. she did say then that she wanted to go to counciling but we couldny afford it or so i thought. but we were talking about what was wrong with us for months and i thought things were getting better but i was wrong. i would ask her sometimes to much but i was scared so i pressed and would say over and over are we ok are things getting better and things like that. i think i overwhelmed her with the constant questions almost everyday. when she finally left she said she was not sure what she wants anymore and she needs space to try to figure things out. when we are together since this has happened things are great between us hugging kissing holding caressing all the things a couple should be doing so im very confused by all this.
DesertDweller Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 Wow! This almost sounds like me and my husband! We've been separated for almost six months. (He left me.) And, by the way, he also takes antidepressants (As do I.) Now I'm moving out of state, and he's moving back home to the midwest. He has been over here helping me pack and we, too, have become friendly--friendlier than we have in a long time, if you know what I mean . It makes me happy when he helps me. It seems he got to the point in our marriage where he was just so self-absorbed. He drank too much and didn't help me with much of anything. (For most women, a lazy man is a huge turnoff. ) He told me he still loves me and he may end up moving near me. If he could quit drinking, I would be hapy to take him back. So, what happened with you guys? Do you drink? Do you take her for granted? Why not ask her?
Author walterhod Posted September 14, 2005 Author Posted September 14, 2005 i dont drink at all and i did ask her what happened and she says she is not sure what she wants anymore. i did take her for granted but she had brought this up to me back in march(2005) and from that point on i changed towards her and started to do some of the little things like iron her clothes the night before so she could take a little more time for herself in the morning. she loves to drink tea so i would make sure it was ready for her when she came home from work late at night. also i really started to talk to her more and share things with her about our daily going ons. she said thats the reason she didnt leave sooner because she saw my efforts but unfortanatly i was to late i guess. also i think she is afraid because she'll be 30 in 2 years and i guess her life isnt what she expected at this point. i also think she is looking for the same things from our marriage that her parents have but not everyone has that. her parents have been married for almost 30 years and yet they act like they've been together only a couple of months. i think its unfair of her to compare us to them but she is. and i think she is very selfish for taking my kids from me like that.
DesertDweller Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 Why did your wife move out of state?
Author walterhod Posted September 14, 2005 Author Posted September 14, 2005 she moved out of state because thats where her parents live. that has always been an issue for her as well in that she wanted to live near them but i didnt want to. she says that it wasnt that big and issue but i think its bigger than she is letting on. i hated living up there so thats why i moved back to my home state and i said to her in the beginning i wasnt happy there so im moving home but i would like you to go with me and she did. she didnt offer me the same option now she could have said listen im not happy here im going home i want you to come with me but if you dont im still going i would have went. i would and still will do whatever it takes for us to be a family again. thats why i am moving up to where they are even though i'll be miserable i need to do whatever i can for her and my kids. im just so scared that things wont work out then i'm stuck there alone.
Author walterhod Posted September 17, 2005 Author Posted September 17, 2005 my wife keeps stringing me along she says she will call me and then she doesnt. i miss her and my kids alot and its killing me that they are so far away my daughters birthday was on monday sept 12 and i couldnt be there for her and both my kids had their open house at school and i missed those as well. i talked to the kids almost every night but its just not the same and my son told me he just lost his first tooth and i missed that as well. i dont know how to cope with this anymore and its killing me to miss all these wonderful things in my kids lives. i asked my wife if she could bring the kids to me for the weekend to visit but she said that she didnt have enough money to travel as far as the gas prices go and i only have a little money my self right now as i've been out of work on disability since this has happened and i'm still waiting to get paid. i am really hurting and dont know what to do.
Author walterhod Posted October 29, 2005 Author Posted October 29, 2005 helo everyone its been a little over a month since i last posted but alot has happened since the last one so here go's i moved to upstate ny to be close to her and the kids i started working again but i hate here.we have spent some time together and its been good and bad. good because there is still affection and things like that. bad because i keep pushing her to talk to me about us instead of just letting the time we do spend together be what it is. i have noticed that sometimes when i see here i go out of my way to attack her and thats not my intension but sometimes i'm just really angry about the whole situation. its also ben good though because i see mykids very often and we have sleepovers and all kinds of fun stuff so thats been cool. the way i figure it i can try this for a year and if it doesnt work out i can always move back home this wont kill me for a year although sometimes i think it will.
debilou Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 Have you heard of http://www.marriagebuilders.com ? That might be a good web site for you. I understand your pain and confusion. I'm sorry that you have to go through this terrible mess. Nothing seems to make sense. I hope things get better for you. Keep posting. Debilou
Recommended Posts