Please Help Me Get My Boyfriend Back!!!

[Amulet]

My boyfriend of one and a half years just broke up with me one week ago. We are truly great together mostly all of the time, but were routinely plagued by arguments caused by miscommunications regarding our own personal insecurities. He/our relationship was also affected by my anxiety disorder that erupted due to external circumstances from time to time in our relationship. He said that he felt that I took stuff out on him that was unrelated to him personally or to our relationship.

 

He has attempted to break up with me a couple times before based on these same reasons but has always decided to come back to me because he thought that we were worth working on. This last time he broke up with me after a night of heavy drinking at the bar. He stated that it is due to personality differences and frequent arguing that he believes can not be changed. My initial reaction was to cry and beg and call a lot only pushing him to dig his heals further into his decision even though I know that he was not certain it was the right one.

 

I reacted by telling him that I couldnt take the pain here and was going to move back home with my parents for a while to get on my feet. He called me crying the next day saying that he was sad, and that he didnt expect me to move away. When I told him that we could still fix things he responded by saying that he couldnt see things going back to the way they were. I told him that they could be different and he just kept repeating that he had made up his mind.

 

He came over just two days after breaking up with me with a small bag of my things. When he came over he told me that the bag of things was just an excuse for me to answer the door, and that he needed to hold me. That he couldnt think of the idea of never holding me again. We held eachother and cried. I asked him why we couldnt just work things out and he kept saying no.

 

We agreed to get together to talk and hang out a couple days after that. I decided that pushing him to get back together was just pushing him away, but somewhere in my inner most heart I know he wants to believe that we could work things out. So that night I told him how I had discussed relationships with my friends and we had discussed common problems caused by various factors including personal insecurities, societal pressures, gender roles etc. and presented ideas of how we could effectively change our relationship for the better if given the oopportunity to try again. I refrained from crying or begging, as much as I wanted to, I just acted casual. He kept hugging me and telling me that he misses me, and that he loved (past tense) me more than anyone he has ever loved. He said he didnt know, but that he didnt think he wanted to get back together. I was upset by his statement but realized that it was a bit better than the time before when he said that he was absolutely sure.

 

He stayed over that night. We cuddled all night. No sexual interactions, just cuddling. The next morning I asked him if he would think about the things that we had talked about the night before, and to keep in mind how happy we are when we are together cuddling and when things do not involve arguments. He told me that he promised to think about it. He also left all of his stuff here saying that he didnt want to take any of it. Asked if it was ok to still leave it here. I asked him if he had taken down our pictures and stuff (I made him a lot of stuff) from his apartment and he said no. So that means that he still has our stuff up all over and has not dismantled anything.

 

He has called me every night since then. He has told me that he is thinking about the possibility of working on things, but feels like he needs to talk to some people for advice. I am afraid that he may get the wrong advice though.

 

He called me last night and said that we could get togther this weekend to talk about "things", and so we have a date for Sunday night after supper. In that same conversation he also asked if he could still take me to Toronto. I told him that I would like to have our chat first.

 

I am feeling a little hopeful that things seem to looking more positive and he is not seeming so firm with his decision to not work things out. I am also afraid that he is just doing this because he just wants to be friends. I am so lost in emotion, heart break and depression right now that it is hard for me to think straight. I am trying to remain calm and not push him in attempt to show him that patterns are already changing.

 

Please anyone out there, I really need help!!! What does this sound like to you? Is there anything that I can do to help persuade him to give our relationship another chance?

 

[DesertDweller]

You said your boyfriend attempted to break up with you a couple of times before due to your behavior.

 

What have you done to improve your behavior?

[Amulet]

I have starting taking medication to help my anxiety attacks. I see cousellors twice a week. Talk to friends, go to the gym.

 

Here is an update though, he came over last night and we talked about all the great things that we had together and how we could fix things, and he said that he didnt want to get back together right now. That if he saw changes in the patterns that he felt were problems that he may change his mind but that he may not. He says that he wants to try to be good friends, and see if there is the possibility of falling in love again. But he said not to count on it!?!?!

 

I just need help over coming these odds to get him back! I need a miricle HELP!

[sundrop]

I just need help over coming these odds to get him back! I need a miricle HELP!

 

Sounds like you need to work on yourself first. Take this time to do that.

Even if it does work out with your ex boyfriend, you will not take those mistakes into your next relationship. Work on you for now. Keep going to the gym and get counseling and continue your med, for you and nobody else.

 

 

Best of luck.