Something missing but Unsure

[Peas'n'Carrots]

Hey folks,

 

So...my girlfriend and I have been together now for 1 year, 5 months and despite my happiness being at a great level and feeling the closest I have ever been to someone.

 

There seems to be something wrong afoot however.

 

Throughout our relationship there have been arguments. Nothing ever too serious and alot of the time steming from me being over sensitive and acting childish.

 

I honestly feel that I'm too immature for her and this is one of the reasons for the titled "Something missing but Unsure"

 

After a recent argument, during a tearful post-argument discussion she has said "...there is something missing but I don't know what" which has me focusing on my fears and asking "...is it my immaturity...do you want to be somewhere else or with anyone else?". Second reason for the above mentioned title.

 

It has also been mentioned that I seem more like a "best friend" rather than a boyfriend. - Do I shall give her butterflies or Is she still attracted to me? I don't know...is that what is missing?

 

As these revelations are only a couple days old I'm not sure how to respond.

 

Do I run away from the problems and hope that time heals these wounds and the comments just disappear?

 

Do I let things settle abit more and in a couple more days try and do something fun and relaxing with possibly squeezing in a needed discussion about things?

 

Or is it better to nip this kind of thing in the bud, having a serious discussion and figuring out if our Love (we both still do love each other) is enough to soilder on through and sort things out.

 

Any advice and similar experiences would be appreciated.

 

 

Thanks,

 

Peas'n'Carrots

[Happy Lemming]

In my opinion, maturity comes with responsibility. Do you work?? Are you paying rent/mortgage?? Can you give me some examples of your "immature" behavior??

 

As for something missing, maybe you are just settling into this relationship and feeling relaxed and comfortable. What do you argue about?? Is it the same old arguments over and over again??

 

I do agree with your one suggestion... Go do something fun & relaxing with her, but don't bring up the old argument or discussion. Let it go. If she brings it up, just listen. Don't look for a problem. You say your happiness is at great level, then just roll with it.

 

Life can sometimes be routine, nothing is missing... its just life.

[Peas'n'Carrots]

I certainly agree with that Happy Lemming.

 

My maturity and responsibilities do have a correlation but it has less to do with the stuff like paying rents and working, I do both and have for at least 6/7 years now with no real issue. I would like to add that i'm 32 years of age and only having less than a decade of this may have stunted my maturity most definitely.

 

The major issues with my maturity are more likely steming from my relationship history or lack thereof. As I have said I'm a 32 year old and I have only had 2 semi long relationship under my belt (one lasting 3 + years with a horrible end and this current relationship). I was a late bloomer, and had to wait until 25 to lose my virginity.

 

I get far too giddy and act more like a teenager. Certain touchy feely, tickling and kinda groping behaviour - this truly childish and hasn't had the greatest responses from my partner. It's also embarrassing and disappointing myself and her.

 

Our arguments differ but the main culprit is our different behaviours in regards to drinking. I'm not the biggest of drinkers. I can socially drink, maybe at a work night out or a special event or maybe even a pub quiz night - I feel there has to be a reason to drink alcohol.

 

My partner relaxes with a few glasses of wine. That's her way to relax and mellow. I find it slightly off putting, I don't hate her while drunk and I honestly don't mind her drinking, I'm just not sure how to deal with her behaviour when she is. It's hard to explain... Her behaviour isn't uncontrollable it just not how I am attracted to her. The usual positives and negatives of anyone drinking add that with my sensitive and paranoid nature combine that with being sober while someone else is drunk.

 

My girlfriend has said that my behaviour during or the morning after her drinking is different. She is made to feel stupid and that because my attitude seems different she feel she can't really be herself - Which is what I truly hate hearing. Not feeling 100% yourself in any relationship is horrible and damning. She says I make her feel this way and that recently I'm not elevating her stress. She feels more like the Mother/Adult. What can I do to show her that I'm more mature and I'll support rather than hinder her and the relationship?

 

I also feel that life is indeed routine and always trying new and exciting things are paramount but with the recent knowledge of "something missing" or more "Best-Friend" than "Boyfriend" is terrifying me and making me second guess mostly ever thing I do. Can it still be exciting and new while addressing my immaturity and addressing the issues caused by it?

 

Thanks again!