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...so I went to the club/bar alone last night and it was hella awkward.

Dodgersfan11

By Dodgersfan11
in General Relationship Discussion

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Dodgersfan11 Established Member

Dodgersfan11

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This was probably the last time I'm going out to this club that I thought was packing, I got there at 11:30pm and its an area where its an entertainment district, any way, I went to the club only to see that it was dead, I only saw like 10 people actually out on the dancefloor, I was hoping it would be shoulder to shoulder packed I guess for easy interaction with guys, but nope, and there were literally NO guys there. Now, across the hallway there was a karaoke bar, it wasn't packed at all, I wanted to sit somewhere, but everyone were in groups and I think I might've looked weird to sit alone. But there were no guys there for me to interact, so thank goodness I ruled that place out for good.

snowboy91 Established Member

snowboy91

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It might have just been a particularly dead night for that club - the other week a friend and I went to a place that is normally packed, but that night it was dead. We think it was because of a football game that was supposedly important. We went back this weekend and it was packed as it should be.

 

Even so, we still end up writing off places at which we never have a good time. If this place is always dead it's not going to last long in an entertainment district, it will probably be replaced in a few months.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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looking to meet people at bars and nightclubs is a waste of time

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Dodgersfan11 Established Member

Dodgersfan11

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looking to meet people at bars and nightclubs is a waste of time

 

Bars are my only option these days. I know of ALL the suggestions people have made to meet someone, volunteer, activities, classes, fitness, I've tried ALL of those and nothing. No guy has ever approached me and striked up a convo. What am I suppose to do? Join an art class and hope that there's a single guy who I find attractive. That only works in movies. At least at bars I know there are single young guys there on Saturday nights.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Bars are my only option these days. I know of ALL the suggestions people have made to meet someone, volunteer, activities, classes, fitness, I've tried ALL of those and nothing. No guy has ever approached me and striked up a convo. What am I suppose to do? Join an art class and hope that there's a single guy who I find attractive. That only works in movies. At least at bars I know there are single young guys there on Saturday nights.

 

Do you have friends? Meeting people at parties or when out with a group is a really good way to go.

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Dodgersfan11 Established Member

Dodgersfan11

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Do you have friends? Meeting people at parties or when out with a group is a really good way to go.

 

At this time, I don't have friends that I hang out with anymore. My sister in law and bro would invite me to their parties/social gatherings a few years back, so I went to every single one of them in hopes that maybe there would be a single guy there that would be interested and NOTHING. I mean, their friends are just a few years older than I am, but all of them were married, but I'm sure they know someone who happens to be single. No such luck.

Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

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At least at bars I know there are single young guys there on Saturday nights.

 

The vast majority of the women I've dated, I met at a bar, local pub, etc.

 

You are correct, if you are looking for single guys, this is your best bet. People ebb and flow into bars, if one is slow, go to the next and then circle around back to the first at the end of the night.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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At this time, I don't have friends that I hang out with anymore. My sister in law and bro would invite me to their parties/social gatherings a few years back, so I went to every single one of them in hopes that maybe there would be a single guy there that would be interested and NOTHING. I mean, their friends are just a few years older than I am, but all of them were married, but I'm sure they know someone who happens to be single. No such luck.

 

I think the bolded is partly where you went wrong. You go to a party to meet people and socialise. If you meet someone there, it's just a bonus. But if meeting someone is the sole reason you're attending, then it doesn't say much positive for you.

 

Why don't you have friends now? Do you enjoy hanging out with people, or are they just a means to meeting a guy?

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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No guy has ever approached me and striked up a convo. What am I suppose to do?

Strike up a convo with them.

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sabaton Established Member

sabaton

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This was probably the last time I'm going out to this club that I thought was packing, I got there at 11:30pm and its an area where its an entertainment district, any way, I went to the club only to see that it was dead, I only saw like 10 people actually out on the dancefloor, I was hoping it would be shoulder to shoulder packed I guess for easy interaction with guys, but nope, and there were literally NO guys there. Now, across the hallway there was a karaoke bar, it wasn't packed at all, I wanted to sit somewhere, but everyone were in groups and I think I might've looked weird to sit alone. But there were no guys there for me to interact, so thank goodness I ruled that place out for good.

 

 

Maybe that club was just having a slow night. Have you ever been to that place before, or was it a first time? Did you randomly picked the club because it was near your place, or did someone recommend that joint to you?

 

 

Bars are my only option these days.

Why are bars your only option? There's always tinder. OKcupid, or Plenty Of Fish, and then you have your friends. Just tell them that you are single and looking and I'm sure they'll come up with eligible bachelors for you to meet.

 

 

I know of ALL the suggestions people have made to meet someone, volunteer, activities, classes, fitness, I've tried ALL of those and nothing.

There were no men of marrieagable age who were physically acceptable taking part in those activities? At all? I find that appaling to believe, that there are no men ANYWHERE that participate in those activities. Are you living in a city with far more women than men in it?

 

 

No guy has ever approached me and striked up a convo.

Those guys are probably intimidated by your looks and figure that it would be a waste of time to approach you, because they're lacking.

 

 

Have you considered approaching the man/men who catches your eye, that way increasing your chances of getting a date from him? Just go up there and strike a conversation, like. Say, ''can you tell me the time?'' or '' can you give me directions to x '' and you make something up, or you just make a random remark about something, whatever it is.

 

 

What am I suppose to do?

Become proactive about pursuing what you want. Start approaching the men you find attractive in venues like coffee shops, restaurants, bookstores, the grocery store, the gas station, the dentist's. It doesn't matter where it is or how you start it. What matters is that you do become active in your pursuit of a partner instead of being passive, and increasing your chances of finding a boyfriend.

 

 

Join an art class and hope that there's a single guy who I find attractive.

What's a physically attractive guy to you? In your own words, what is it about a man in terms of physical characteristics that makes him hot to you?

Edited by sabaton
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Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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When I was dating bars were like the worst place to find a date, drunks and ONS's are about the only thing there and finding someone who is decent at a bar just isn't going to happen, not that good people don't visit bars but overall they go other places.

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sabaton Established Member

sabaton

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QUOTE]single one of them in hopes that maybe there would be a single guy there that would be interested and NOTHING. I mean, their friends are just a few years older than I am, but all of them were married, but I'm sure they know someone who happens to be single. No such luck.

 

How old are you? If you are in your mid to late 20s, yeah, most people are usually partnered up by then and going to look into getting married soon enough, but if you are young (18-22) there should be plenty of sexually attractive young guys looking for a girlfriend.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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How old are you? If you are in your mid to late 20s, yeah, most people are usually partnered up by then and going to look into getting married soon enough, but if you are young (18-22) there should be plenty of sexually attractive young guys looking for a girlfriend.

 

Dodgersfan is 36.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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I am in the UK, so not sure exactly what a chill bar is but here in the UK there are similar type bars where locals hang out - pool, snooker, darts, live music and simple food.

Going to a few regularly and getting herself known would be more productive and safer I guess than showing up at a night club alone.

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Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

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If OP is 36 I really don't think trolling the local clubs is gonna be a productive way for her to find a compatible guy.

 

There are guys of all ages at bars and pubs... I was trolling bars/pubs from 21-47. I only stopped because I became involved in a long term relationship.

 

The OP just needs to try all different types of bars, including sports bars & local small pubs.

 

And I totally agree with "PegNosePete", if she says someone interesting, strike up a conversation with them. Say "hello"... Ask them what they are drinking?? She can say anything and if the guy is the slightest bit interested, he'll keep the conversation going.

Edited by Happy Lemming
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alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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When I was dating bars were like the worst place to find a date, drunks and ONS's are about the only thing there and finding someone who is decent at a bar just isn't going to happen, not that good people don't visit bars but overall they go other places.

 

a relationship that starts in a bar/pub usually ends in a bar/pub

nospam99 Established Member

nospam99

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Bars are my only option these days. I know of ALL the suggestions people have made to meet someone, volunteer, activities, classes, fitness, I've tried ALL of those and nothing. No guy has ever approached me and striked up a convo. What am I suppose to do? Join an art class and hope that there's a single guy who I find attractive. That only works in movies. At least at bars I know there are single young guys there on Saturday nights.

 

OLD is not in your list of ALL options. At least on OLD, the people 'claim' they are single and seeking something. LOL because I bet people dinners at a local high-end restaurant and have never had to pay up. If you were local, I'd bet you a week of those dinners that if you tried OLD you'd at least get more than 'nothing'. Sadly I can't offer any guarantee about 'quality'. Just about all the women I've met through OLD complain about the quality of the other guys they've met. (And then they don't continue to date me - maybe a message there :p )

sabaton Established Member

sabaton

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Dodgersfan is 36.

 

 

Well, if she's 36, then the majority of the men she's going to come across in bars, nightclubs and such are going to be men in their early 20s, and I doubt that's what she's looking for, because if she wanted men that young she could just install tinder on her phone.

 

At 36, most eligible men are going to be married, which makes it harder for her but not impossible.

 

 

 

Doctors conventions, those TED conventions, wine tasting events, micro brewing beer events, classic music concerts, sporting activities - there should be enough men there with the qualities she's seeking for her to have a potential date with.

Edited by sabaton
basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Well, if she's 36, then the majority of the men she's going to come across in bars, nightclubs and such are going to be men in their early 20s, and I doubt that's what she's looking for, because if she wanted men that young she could just install tinder on her phone.

 

At 36, most eligible men are going to be married, which makes it harder for her but not impossible.

 

 

 

Doctors conventions, those TED conventions, wine tasting events, micro brewing beer events, classic music concerts, sporting activities - there should be enough men there with the qualities she's seeking for her to have a potential date with.

 

I agree with you in terms of bars and nightclubs, but my experience with local pub supports Elaine's - a mix of ages of people who go to socialise with their friends. And yes, it's entirely possible to meet a partner because the atmosphere is that of friends hanging out - not of randoms trying to score a shag. It's about darts and trivia nights and watching a small live band in the corner. You might also go there when there's a football game on to watch with the crowd.

 

If you find a local which meets this criteria, there could be hope. That said, Dodgersfan would have to go with the intention of making friends and socialising rather than meeting a man.

Edited by basil67
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Yellowteacup Established Member

Yellowteacup

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I have had the best luck in the past with Meet Up groups in my area. It's a great start to find new friends based on your interests/hobbies.

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BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

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I found a short relationship at a meetup at 41, and I met my husband on Match at 42. Despite the bad rap, many people over 35 these days find their SO online. Bars not a good option.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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I have had the best luck in the past with Meet Up groups in my area. It's a great start to find new friends based on your interests/hobbies.

 

as an organizer for a meetup group I totally agree. I see tons of good quality singles

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

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Hey, congrats to you for putting yourself out there.

 

I'm not sure why you're thinking this was a failure. Perhaps you're so focused on finding a man that you're forgetting to have fun in the process?

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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I agree with you in terms of bars and nightclubs, but my experience with local pub supports Elaine's - a mix of ages of people who go to socialise with their friends. And yes, it's entirely possible to meet a partner because the atmosphere is that of friends hanging out - not of randoms trying to score a shag. It's about darts and trivia nights and watching a small live band in the corner. You might also go there when there's a football game on to watch with the crowd.

 

I think that depends on your location. I can't really think of anything like that near my home, or I would visit it more often. In my city, most of the "pubs" are for young people and they centre around alcohol and hooking-up. They would be the last place that I would want to go if I was trying to meet someone...

 

What you describe is certainly the case in other cities and countries though... An entirely different experience, and very enjoyable.

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IndigoNight Established Member

IndigoNight

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When I was dating bars were like the worst place to find a date, drunks and ONS's are about the only thing there and finding someone who is decent at a bar just isn't going to happen, not that good people don't visit bars but overall they go other places.

 

That is true to a point. I tended bar for 11 years, and saw some interesting things. I also met my husband at the bar, 20 years ago. So, it is possible. I know several "bar" couples who have gotten married, had kids etc. I also know a couple who you could watch age while sitting in the bar; same stool, same drink, year after year. Depends on the city and the bar.

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