pinkgold22 Posted October 14, 2018 Posted October 14, 2018 So last night I decided to call out the guy that I'm dating (probably in the past now) for his weirdly distant/ghosting vibe. Here's how it went down! So, what are your thoughts on this? The link takes you to the screenshot of the convo https://imgur.com/a/WQO0MBD *Every excuse he mentioned in the convo was a lie* I'm blue, he's white. Quick information -Dating since June -Met his mom, met my mom -He attended a family event -Communication has been okay until a week ago when I noticed him getting weird.
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2018 Posted October 14, 2018 You got pretty apprehensive, painted him a corner and he couldn't satisfy you with any answer so he's feeling uncomfortable and backing off. If this is the way you two are talking to each other after 4 months of dating...I'd say there isn't that much interest invested...might be a good idea to call it quits.
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2018 Posted October 14, 2018 I didn't even read the convo. The medium alone makes it problematic. Sensitive emotional relationship issues require face to face communication. You need to be able to read the other person's body language. Never discuss stuff like this via text. The medium alone causes problems & misunderstandings. 2
RedHead5 Posted October 14, 2018 Posted October 14, 2018 Very confrontational. Idk all the backstory here but if someone texted me the way you did him I would probably be a little annoyed. Above poster is also correct, this was not a conversation for texting either. This should have been face to face. 4 months and haven't heard from him in 2 days is a little sketchy but did you text him either? Did something happen before he went distant? He mentioned your mother?
Author pinkgold22 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Posted October 14, 2018 You got pretty apprehensive, painted him a corner and he couldn't satisfy you with any answer so he's feeling uncomfortable and backing off. I really don't think I was! He said four different excuses as to why he was being distant and contradicted the lies of him reaching out when he didn't.
Author pinkgold22 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Posted October 14, 2018 Very confrontational. Idk all the backstory here but if someone texted me the way you did him I would probably be a little annoyed. Above poster is also correct, this was not a conversation for texting either. This should have been face to face. 4 months and haven't heard from him in 2 days is a little sketchy but did you text him either? Did something happen before he went distant? He mentioned your mother? I agree it should have been face to face but I reached out to him and he didn't respond to my messages! Which is why I didn't initiate contact in the two days and I didn't hear from him. Yes, maybe I was a bit confrontational but I only got like that because HE LIED! First he was busy then he called me 2x which he didn't. It was excuses after another. As for my mom, I mentioned to him that I was worried since she is going through some health problems. No way or shape did I indicate that I needed space as he claimed.
j402 Posted October 14, 2018 Posted October 14, 2018 To be honest and we are being honest here because that's WHY we are all here asking questions... Men should be the ones coming to us. We need to learn to let it be and if it's meant to be, they will make sure we know that they want us. No man will let a woman wonder if he truly wants her. If you are wondering if he does, he probably doesn't.
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2018 Posted October 14, 2018 If you want answers you don't do the ,stand there with your arms folded tapping your foot approach. Your conversation should have gone like this : Hey how are you? haven't heard from you in a few days so I will update you with going on. blah blah blah. Don't worry you are not imposing on my space....I like hearing from you even if it's nothing too exciting. With what has been going on, I could use some distraction to give myself a break. So how's work? Going out of town huh, sound like you are busy so I won't keep you. I know I have stuff going on, and it hasn't been idea situation right now, but I just want you to know I appreciate your patience, and hope we can get together soon. Take care and we shall catch up more later when you get back. Miss you <3 2
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2018 Posted October 14, 2018 I agree it should have been face to face but I reached out to him and he didn't respond to my messages! Which is why I didn't initiate contact in the two days and I didn't hear from him. Yes, maybe I was a bit confrontational but I only got like that because HE LIED! First he was busy then he called me 2x which he didn't. It was excuses after another. As for my mom, I mentioned to him that I was worried since she is going through some health problems. No way or shape did I indicate that I needed space as he claimed. If you think he's being a d-bag then just simply kick him to the curb...you want outside confirmation? you go my vote. Don't wast your time with him.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 14, 2018 Posted October 14, 2018 I agree it should have been face to face but I reached out to him and he didn't respond to my messages! Which is why I didn't initiate contact in the two days and I didn't hear from him. Yes, maybe I was a bit confrontational but I only got like that because HE LIED! First he was busy then he called me 2x which he didn't. It was excuses after another.. So if you believe you were correct and justified in your approach, what do you need our input for? 1
coolheadal Posted October 14, 2018 Posted October 14, 2018 So last night I decided to call out the guy that I'm dating (probably in the past now) for his weirdly distant/ghosting vibe. Here's how it went down! So, what are your thoughts on this? The link takes you to the screenshot of the convo https://imgur.com/a/WQO0MBD *Every excuse he mentioned in the convo was a lie* I'm blue, he's white. Quick information -Dating since June -Met his mom, met my mom -He attended a family event -Communication has been okay until a week ago when I noticed him getting weird. That link gave me error... Describe to what is weird?
Author pinkgold22 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Posted October 14, 2018 That link gave me error... Describe to what is weird? https://imgur.com/a/pBo2IxF . <- Try this one. Weird as in disappearing and not answering messages but active on social media. It started out the blue, I know everyone is busy but not that busy to send out a quick message especially when communication was constant beforehand.
elaine567 Posted October 14, 2018 Posted October 14, 2018 For some reason he is not that interested any more. You painted him into a corner and he spouted BS. Time to put him back into the water.
MidwestUSA Posted October 14, 2018 Posted October 14, 2018 You realize of the four 'lies' he gave you, it could easily be a combination of all of them, right? You backed him into a corner, called him a liar, and he said 'I don't need this'. I completely understand his reaction. This was all over just TWO DAYS of no contact? 1
guest569 Posted October 14, 2018 Posted October 14, 2018 Cringe! You could have contacted him during that time, no? Yikes.. sometimes people forget to respond or just don't text back for whatever reason. You have come across as quite aggressive and extremely needy. Also, sometimes people lose interest or back off. You don't need to 'call them' on it. Just speak up like an adult and ask where you stand.
Author pinkgold22 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Posted October 14, 2018 Cringe! You could have contacted him during that time, no? Yikes.. sometimes people forget to respond or just don't text back for whatever reason. You have come across as quite aggressive and extremely needy. Also, sometimes people lose interest or back off. You don't need to 'call them' on it. Just speak up like an adult and ask where you stand. If you read what I posted I DID CONTACT him numerous times and he didn't respond. Also, I called him out on LIES so yes it was appropriate to do so. Don't come at me with that nonsense.
Dodgersfan11 Posted October 15, 2018 Posted October 15, 2018 There really isn't no excuse as to why he wouldn't respond back, yes, he was doing the ghosting/fade on you. And seemed like doing some gaslighting also like blaming it on you. And the whole "focus" line, that is the biggest lie a guy could ever use on a girl, I know at least 2 guys that I use to date that told me that BS, when clearly I realized they just didn't want to see me anymore. Once you feel those vibes of weird/ghosting from a guy you know that is not going to end well. I've gotten those vibes too and my intuition was always right
Logo Posted October 15, 2018 Posted October 15, 2018 To be honest and we are being honest here because that's WHY we are all here asking questions... Men should be the ones coming to us. We need to learn to let it be and if it's meant to be, they will make sure we know that they want us. No man will let a woman wonder if he truly wants her. If you are wondering if he does, he probably doesn't. I think both genders think that this approach is the best approach. We are under the impression that the only way to be sure the other is interested is to let them come to us. As a man, I have often felt that way, especially after meeting someone who's flaky. But the truth is that it creates a problem if it's used all the time. Either man or woman are going to get to the point where they will feel that the relationship is one-sided. Relationships, in my opinion, should be a partnership where both sides are working toward a common goal. So if the man is initiating 50% of the time, the woman should initiate 50% of the time. When that balance is off, one side is bound to get used to the other initiating. That's how people get taken for granted in relationships, that's how resentment builds, that's how people emotionally end up checking out of relationships.
guest569 Posted October 15, 2018 Posted October 15, 2018 If you read what I posted I DID CONTACT him numerous times and he didn't respond. Also, I called him out on LIES so yes it was appropriate to do so. Don't come at me with that nonsense. Yes you said that you sent a message and he did not respond. You're very aggressive and I would be terrified to contact you too. What are you hoping to achieve from this thread? 2
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