lurker74 Posted October 13, 2018 Posted October 13, 2018 So I had an impromptu date last night with someone I met online. I happened to have a free Friday night and asked if she wanted to meet for drinks. We've been chatting for 3 or 4 days, talked on the phone a couple times, and had a good rapport. Drinks went very well, with some touching of hands across the table that eventually led to holding of hands across the table. After two or two and a half hours, I paid the bill and escorted her to her car where I kissed her goodnight. The kiss lasted several minutes and was very passionate. I liked her, bid her goodnight, and talked to her until she got home on the phone. Now I should say a couple things. First of all she's only been divorced for about 6 months although from talking to her I think she is reasonably adjusted to the idea and reality of dating and finding someone else. And secondly, it became apparent at some point that although she has been on a few other dates she has not been with another man since the divorce, a man to whom she was married a decade. fast forward to half hour later and she told me that she was going to watch a show because we briefly talked about it and she had not seen it. After the second time she mentioned watching it I asked if she wanted company and she agreed. She texted me her address and I went over. I have a hard and fast rule about not sleeping with someone on the first date. But as you might imagine as we were watching, we began making out and lots of stuff happened. I did not take off my pants at any point because of my hard and fast rule, no pun intended there. However, we were able to do lots of other things that she enjoyed. Several times. Okay, so here's my dilemma and my question. I am reasonably attracted to her but not desperately so and I have no regrets about what we did last night because we're both adults and alcohol was not involved and we both enjoyed ourselves. But I'm wondering how badly I communicated a much greater interest than I felt. It's not that I'm unwilling to see her again, in fact the opposite is quite true, but I'm not at a point where I want to be exclusive with her nor am I at a point where I intend to "fully" sleep with her because I only sleep with someone when we are exclusive. Did I mislead her? How should I communicate this with her? I feel like if I tell her I want to back things down a bit she is likely to take that as a negative and I don't think nor want her to think that anything we did is negative.
FMW Posted October 13, 2018 Posted October 13, 2018 No, I don't think you mislead her. Don't stress about it unless and until she gives you a reason to think she thinks it meant more than it did. She may be having second thoughts herself. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted October 13, 2018 Posted October 13, 2018 Flip it: how does she know that she didn't mislead YOU? She's an adult ... adults know that sexual touch has only the most loose connection to an ongoing relationship. Go out and see how you feel hanging out with her--away from the bedroom. She's hardly expecting you to put a ring on her finger based on one night of touching.
Hopeful30 Posted October 13, 2018 Posted October 13, 2018 No, I don't think you mislead her. Don't stress about it unless and until she gives you a reason to think she thinks it meant more than it did. She may be having second thoughts herself. Agreed. Be careful of your thought patterns, too, for they may manifest. OP, at the very least, you chose each other for a great experience. That sounds awesome to me. See where the flow goes and drift with it. If I may ask, what is your age? You seem like an older gentleman, 50s?
Author lurker74 Posted October 13, 2018 Author Posted October 13, 2018 If I may ask, what is your age? You seem like an older gentleman, 50s? Early 40s, actually
Hopeful30 Posted October 13, 2018 Posted October 13, 2018 Early 40s, actually If she feels mislead or hurt, you will have the opportunity to clarify things. You seem like an honest man, so you will do the honest thing. Until then, try not to hold yourself responsible for how things go. Just do you, everything else will reveal itself to you.
thefooloftheyear Posted October 13, 2018 Posted October 13, 2018 I wouldn't worry about it....If she had any sense or didn't want to go too fast too soon, then she wouldn't have asked you to come over...Period... She's not that naive or stupid to know...She's a big girl, she'll deal with it..Or she may not even care either way and you are worrying about nothing.. TFY 1
KatCha Posted October 13, 2018 Posted October 13, 2018 Moved wayyy to fast in my opinion. This should be a strictly physical relationship from the sounds of it. I learned that from the last guy who hung around and got hot and heavy on first date. She may dig it. She may not. More importantly, is this really how people form serious, mature relationships? Not judging, wish you the best. Not my style though and I'd have a difficult time taking a man seriously after disrespecting myself so early on and trying to call it a relationship...last guy taught me that lesson real good.
Hopeful30 Posted October 13, 2018 Posted October 13, 2018 Moved wayyy to fast in my opinion. This should be a strictly physical relationship from the sounds of it. I learned that from the last guy who hung around and got hot and heavy on first date. She may dig it. She may not. More importantly, is this really how people form serious, mature relationships? Not judging, wish you the best. Not my style though and I'd have a difficult time taking a man seriously after disrespecting myself so early on and trying to call it a relationship...last guy taught me that lesson real good. I dont think its disrespectful for a woman to have sex on her terms, even if that means early for some.
greymatter Posted October 14, 2018 Posted October 14, 2018 It sounds like she decided that you met her standard to be the first person she would be sexual with with post divorce. She may want nothing more than what happened or she might be very interested in more, or somewhere in between. See where it goes and don't overthink it after one date.
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