Other Woman Acting Weird

[Theside]

I've been seeing my OW for over a year. In that year I have been pretty mean because I have low self esteem ans jealousy issues. She's put up with a lot. But she also told my wife on me and almost got me fired from my job.

 

Still, I do love her. She's the best sex ever and I am a whole lot older so I have this attraction almost like I want to protect her. She's 35 and I am 52.

 

She stopped talking and I was sure it was over. After my wife found out she went MIA. But she's back. She's cancelled two times, once to meet for coffee and once to come over.

 

She said I had to treat her more like a girlfriend. I tell her I love her and she's mine so she said I have to have date nights and she's refusing to text me. She said she will only talk on the phone. When she finally came over (I live with my wife but she comes over when I'm alone and we usually have great sex) she sat on the couch and watched TV, didn't touch me, and asked me for food and soda. Then said she had to go and left.

 

If I ask she's going to get a temper. But I think she's either breaking it off or trying to force me to do what she wants. She told me if I ever wanted to sleep with her again I should treat her the way I tell her I feel about her.

 

The problem is my wife watches and looks at the bank account. I'd love to go out and do something but she's not budging.

 

What should I do? Other than not have a side. Or divorce my wife. Does this seem lik she's being petty?

[MidwestUSA]

You're not treating her the way she feels a mistress should be treated.

 

You can't take her out. She has to ask for snacks and soda. You've been 'pretty mean' and have jealousy issues? How about your wife? How do you think she'd feel if she knew you're having this girl over, into your marital home?

 

You say the sex is the best. Maybe for you it is, for her, not so much. She wants more, only god knows why she's wasting her time. She doesn't want to be 'a side' as you call her, like mashed potatoes at KFC.

 

I'm not sure why she's hanging around, tbh, when she's at prime age herself. She must be pretty desperate.

[Amethyst68]

Really? This girl almost cost you your job as well as your marriage and you so casually disrespect your wife by bringing the OW to her home, to what should be HER safe haven for sex?

 

Well done to your wife for monitoring your finances although that's no way to live. But it is joint money do why should she suffer financially while you wine and dine OW just so you can have sex with her?

 

Why don't you just grow a pair and let your wife go, let her meet someone who'll treat her with the love and respect age deserves.

[BaileyB]

I've been seeing my OW for over a year. In that year I have been pretty mean because I have low self esteem ans jealousy issues. She's put up with a lot. But she also told my wife on me and almost got me fired from my job.

<SNIP>

 

It's difficult to tell from your post who is the more unhealthy partner in this relationship. Because let's be honest here, this is messed up...

 

She treats you terribly - she's demanding, she told your wife, and almost got you fired from your job but... Yet, you are willing to put up with it because she is "the best sex ever" and you have some kind of "white knight" thinking that you are somehow protecting her - from what exactly?

 

While she, has to put up with your mean behavior and jealousy issues - all while demanding that she is treated like a wife or girlfriend and manipulating you by withholding sex until she gets what she wants.

 

And yet, you are most worried about the fact that your wife watches the bank account, thus limiting your ability to appease your "girlfriend" and earning the opportunity to have sex with her again...

 

Somebody is being petty here, I'm not just sure who...

Edited October 13, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[misspalmy]

treat her well or she will find another guy. what does she have to lose

[Prudence V]

 

She treats you terribly - she's demanding, she told your wife, and almost got you fired from your job but... Yet, you are willing to put up with it because she is "the best sex ever" and you have some kind of "white knight" thinking that you are somehow protecting her - from what exactly?

 

 

She is not treating him “terribly”. She is demanding to be treated better than he has been treating her. Which is her right. Why should she - or any other woman - settle for being treated poorly by a man? If he wants to be in a R with her, he should treat her as she expects.

 

When I was OW I expected to be treated well, and with respect. If he hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been in a R with him, I would not have stayed in a R with him, and we would not still be M. Why encourage OW to settle for scraps?

[BaileyB]

She is not treating him “terribly”. She is demanding to be treated better than he has been treating her. Which is her right. Why should she - or any other woman - settle for being treated poorly by a man? If he wants to be in a R with her, he should treat her as she expects.

 

When I was OW I expected to be treated well, and with respect.

 

Don't disagree. However, when she tells his wife, threatens his job, and uses sex as a manipulation tactic I would say - that's treating him badly.

 

It's certainly not wrong to expect to be treated with respect. However, many on this board would say that as the other woman, she is wrong to demand things that she is not entitled to - in that role - ie. his time, his money, his future...

[sandylee1]

When I read this I wasn't sure and still arent sure you're serious OP.

 

You're wondering why your mistress is behaving off with you?

 

She told my wife on me

 

That sounds so childish... and you're 52.

 

Get divorced and you can spend as much (or as little) money on her as you wish.

 

The great sex must be a motivation to cut your wife loose and be with the OW surely?

 

Then you can treat her like a GF properly.

 

Or ... you can ask your wife about an open marriage...she can see other men and have some really great sex too...just like you are.

 

That'll be a win/win.

[preraph]

She's putting up with a LOT, both of them are. She should just clear out. Right now, she's asking you to show her some respect. I'm sure she wishes you'd leave your wife and at some point, she probably thought you would, but now she's standing her ground to see if this relationship has any legs, and it doesn't.

[Corazon de Leon]

Grow a set.

 

Divorce your wife.

 

Go have "great sex".

 

You've got overblown entitlement issues.

[misspalmy]

maybe shes move on? thats like my age gap with mm. im 33 and hes 51