Guess everyone was right- he is a flake

[dancingintherain12]

Totally agree. This is what I was saying as well. It might be one wasted evening on your part, op, but you will save yourself so much more time in the future by finding out how he handles it.

 

I hope you don't cancel and give him and out before you give him a chance to show you the type of guy he really is. If you do, you are going to waste more of your time.

 

 

 

This just confirms what I suspected. I hope you don't keep putting up with this nonsense.

 

 

 

I watched and observed! And he actually pulled through, and bailed on his friends/took me out for the night. Thank u

[guest569]

Alright im gonna close this thread because its the end of the night.

 

he bailed on his friends, took me out to a fancy bar and a resturant and we had a great time.

 

thank you all for the advice!

 

he came to me and set plans, and i observed.

im glad i didnt say anything and i'm glad we had a great night. he seems like a great guy... lets see where this goes

 

That's great news that he prioritised you this time. I think you should keep the thread open and update us on how things progress. I would be interested to hear about it. Hope that he prioritises you more from here on in, a date/potential girlfriend should be high on the list, along with career, friends and family. I wouldn't settle for less.

[Lotsgoingon]

One change does not break a pattern.

 

Or put it like this ... now you're giving this guy huge credit for not going out with his friends.

 

No, his friends should have never entered the picture in the first place.

 

You're giving him huge credit for doing a basic thing in relationships--just get together with your partner as a priority.

 

I don't get why you would not bring up this issue. Guarantees that he will not appreciate your feelings or understand what you've been feeling.

 

I totally hope I'm wrong, but I doubt it.

[Dis]

One change does not break a pattern.

 

Or put it like this ... now you're giving this guy huge credit for not going out with his friends.

 

No, his friends should have never entered the picture in the first place.

 

You're giving him huge credit for doing a basic thing in relationships--just get together with your partner as a priority.

 

I don't get why you would not bring up this issue. Guarantees that he will not appreciate your feelings or understand what you've been feeling.

 

I totally hope I'm wrong, but I doubt it.

 

Exactly

 

This guy is still digging himself out of a deep hole

 

Not sure why OP is having a celebration about it

 

I think she needs to raise her standards, they too are beneath the ground

[coolheadal]

Guy I'm dating is a PEOPLE PLEASER.

 

This is the third time around Ive been seeing this trait of his.. its early stages into dating so he's prioritizing his friends, which is expected.

 

First time I noticed this was when his friend and I wanted to leave a place we were at, at an earlier time. He was the one driving but his friends were pressuring him to stay so he didn't want to feel like an ass so he did and I tried to go with the flow and not raise a problem out of it.

 

Second time was when he was trying to make plans with me. I told him I was free the day he was texting me trying to arrange plans. He said he would be too tired. Then we kept chatting that night and he told me he ended up going to a cousins dinner and his friends were pressuring him to go. I called him out on it nicely in a joking way and said "I'm beginning to think you can't just say no :)" He said I know, I'm a people pleaser.

 

Now hes arranging plans, and told me he really wants to see me on the day I suggested but he has something to do with his friends and hes going to try to push it around.

 

I asked him today

Did you figure out if you can move your plans around?

I have other things I’d like to do if not

 

He said his friends are making him feel bad, and that he really wants to see me, so he thinks he will just show up an hour to "show face" and then we can do our own thing afterwards.

 

Keep in mind, I'm not really the one asking to hang out. He wanted to see me yesterday also but it couldn't work out with my schedule.

 

Anywho, I said it could possibly work, depending on when he sees his friends (I refuse to see him so late in the night, I have standards)

 

He said II think on the earlier side, I'll find out. I didn't text back yet and he proceeded to say I'll figure it out

 

This is plans for tomorrow..

Thoughts? Is this a red flag or something I'm reading into? And I haven't seen him in two weeks and I really do want to see him but I don't want to lower my standards and see him later on in the night and I think he knows where my standards are..

 

 

 

So hard to juggle prioritizing your own agenda when all you wanna do is see the guy you really like! :/

 

He doesn't put you first he's putting other people first. You need to say listen this is not going to work out with me and you. Leave like that and move on. Nonsense to go further. Well it's your life but you haven't seem him in two weeks since you posted this post. I haven't seen what else you said. But if things have changed then continue on if not they drop and leave. You don't want to waste your time on a pleaser.

[coolheadal]

I watched and observed! And he actually pulled through, and bailed on his friends/took me out for the night. Thank u

 

Your making progress now I see good luck..

[dancingintherain12]

Woah.. first of all guys:

I AM NOT HAVING A CELEBRATION ABOUT IT. It is relief because I like the guy and for a second I thought it was going to be cut off because i DO have standards and I def would have...

 

I see a lot of people on this forum have very black and white thinking.

 

I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I am sure I have signaled a lot of red flags to people I have dated.. but the thing with me is , i like to give people the benefit of the doubt and don't immediately jump the gun. Its not that serious.. I had a great time. If this issue rises again, then thats a different story. You observe guys you date and you see how it ends up.. such is life..

[dancingintherain12]

Your making progress now I see good luck..

 

Jesus, thank you. People are acting like he murdered my dog or something lol. I barely know the dude and he should immediately value me over his friends hes had for how long?

 

I saw a red flag, I watched and I observed and he actually didn't prioritize his friends over me.

 

its called building attraction. life isnt black and white.. this is what I have learned at a young age.

 

For example, people love to say in this forum you can never be friends with your ex, he doesnt want to be friends with you, hes just saying that cause he feels bad, blah blah, trust me..

 

well guess what, one year after the break up and we are still best friends..

 

i just come across too many people who think its their way or the high way. who knows, i could be wrong, maybe this issue will rise again, but why is my standards beneath the ground? its not. just because YOU dont agree with something somebody does doesn't mean YOURE right. thanks for all the advice though, not like i dont appreciate it. but i dont like being attacked.

[dancingintherain12]

One change does not break a pattern.

 

Or put it like this ... now you're giving this guy huge credit for not going out with his friends.

 

No, his friends should have never entered the picture in the first place.

 

You're giving him huge credit for doing a basic thing in relationships--just get together with your partner as a priority.

 

I don't get why you would not bring up this issue. Guarantees that he will not appreciate your feelings or understand what you've been feeling.

 

I totally hope I'm wrong, but I doubt it.

 

He's not my partner..

[dancingintherain12]

Exactly

 

This guy is still digging himself out of a deep hole

 

Not sure why OP is having a celebration about it

 

I think she needs to raise her standards, they too are beneath the ground

 

FYI, I never had sex with him. Maybe try getting the story right because no where in this thread did I say I had sex with him.. that was another guy lol

[Dis]

He's not my partner..

 

He's still a person you have a relationship with on some level. Me personally, I chose not to have relationships with people who blow me off all the time.

 

FYI, I never had sex with him. Maybe try getting the story right because no where in this thread did I say I had sex with him.. that was another guy lol

 

Where do you find all these yucky dudes?

[dancingintherain12]

He's still a person you have a relationship with on some level. Me personally, I chose not to have relationships with people who blow me off all the time.

 

 

 

Where do you find all these yucky dudes?

 

He blew me off once and we ended up going out with a bunch of friends later that night...

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and also don’t talk down to people on these forums. I’ll be the bigger person. Don’t comment on my threads anymore please thanks

[Dis]

He blew me off once and we ended up going out with a bunch of friends later that night...

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and also don’t talk down to people on these forums. I’ll be the bigger person. Don’t comment on my threads anymore please thanks

 

You don't need to be the bigger person with me, a stranger on the internet who's trying to give you a heads up

 

You need to be the bigger person with the guys you date, as in, don't date guys who blow you off. If a guy is going to blow you off in the beginning, he'll be even less of a prize later on

[dancingintherain12]

You don't need to be the bigger person with me, a stranger on the internet who's trying to give you a heads up

 

You need to be the bigger person with the guys you date, as in, don't date guys who blow you off. If a guy is going to blow you off in the beginning, he'll be even less of a prize later on

 

Thanks for your advice. Obviously I see it as a red flag and will act accordingly if it happens in the future. Hopefully not, but time will tell

[Dis]

Thanks for your advice. Obviously I see it as a red flag and will act accordingly if it happens in the future. Hopefully not, but time will tell

 

I used to hang out with this guy, we dated at first but once I realized he wasn't bf material I decided we'd just hang out and grab drinks once in awhile.

 

I thought, in my mind, that because I wasn't dating him, it was ok that he was blowing me off at times. I wish I had more self respect because my own company, alone at home was better than waiting around for him.

 

As you get older, you learn to respect yourself more. You learn to stop tolerating treatment you wouldn't give to another person.

 

I hope you get there one day

[dancingintherain12]

I used to hang out with this guy, we dated at first but once I realized he wasn't bf material I decided we'd just hang out and grab drinks once in awhile.

 

I thought, in my mind, that because I wasn't dating him, it was ok that he was blowing me off at times. I wish I had more self respect because my own company, alone at home was better than waiting around for him.

 

As you get older, you learn to respect yourself more. You learn to stop tolerating treatment you wouldn't give to another person.

 

I hope you get there one day

 

I like this. Thank you.

[spiderowl]

I don't get the impression he is a people pleaser. He doesn't have to do what his friends want, he is choosing to. He is also making you feel as if it is difficult to fit you in. The message he is sending you is that he hasn't decided to prioritise you as yet. There is no reason why he should so early in a relationship but at the same time, he does not need to make it sound as if it's his friend's fault that he is having problems finding the time to see you.

 

I think in your position, I'd be a bit wary. He should own his behaviour and just say I wanted to spend a couple of hours with my friends but I also want to spend time with you this afternoon (or whatever). Then he should propose a way to work things out so he can manage both, or he should prioritise you one day and them the next so you feel that he is making time for you.

[ExpatInItaly]

FYI, I never had sex with him. Maybe try getting the story right because no where in this thread did I say I had sex with him.. that was another guy lol

 

This is why people are confused, OP. You have a couple different threads going and it's not easy to discern which one is about which guy.

 

That's all.

[damni]

There is a trend with OP threads, she is dating men who are not into her. She gets lots of advice she chooses to ignore or gets offended by...why come on here if your just going get offended? If what you think is right then why are you here looking for advice?

 

Lots posters here have been through the mill with dating, they know what their talking about. I been in the dating game and all the men you have posted about sound like duds.

[guest569]

There is a trend with OP threads, she is dating men who are not into her. She gets lots of advice she chooses to ignore or gets offended by...why come on here if your just going get offended? If what you think is right then why are you here looking for advice?

 

Lots posters here have been through the mill with dating, they know what their talking about. I been in the dating game and all the men you have posted about sound like duds.

 

Op has read the advice and engages with us. Certainly not ignoring the advice. The guy finally woke up and took her out which was the initial plan. I suspect he has had trouble balancing friends and girlfriends. I think its a turnoff that he was telling OP that he "must" go out with his friends (get a backbone boy). But he probably sensed that OP was going to walk if he didn't man up. I would be wary and keep an eye on things but see how it pans out.

[MaleIntuition]

For reference, how old are you guys?

 

I’ve noticed in your thread that you’ve used the term date somewhat loosely. To me it sounds like these are guys whom are part of your extended social circle? Otherwise meeting his friends that early would be a bit... well early? But again; that might be because early 20-ish mainly hang out in groups rather than going on “real” dates?

 

I agree with you on this one, doesn’t sound like a big deal to me.

[dancingintherain12]

For reference, how old are you guys?

 

I’ve noticed in your thread that you’ve used the term date somewhat loosely. To me it sounds like these are guys whom are part of your extended social circle? Otherwise meeting his friends that early would be a bit... well early? But again; that might be because early 20-ish mainly hang out in groups rather than going on “real” dates?

 

I agree with you on this one, doesn’t sound like a big deal to me.

 

When i say dating, i mean we go out on dates and were not exclusive and it's casual for now. I am 23 and they are a few years older. I don't know his friends actually! We come from the same community but I don't personally know them. I think now a days its a mix between hanging out with a group and bringing along the person youre dating to have fun and also some real dates.

 

Yeah, it doesn't seem like a big deal to me either. I was getting frustrated and upset with him but I think he sorted out his priorities and is also taking me on a real date this week

[Dis]

For reference, how old are you guys?

 

I’ve noticed in your thread that you’ve used the term date somewhat loosely. To me it sounds like these are guys whom are part of your extended social circle? Otherwise meeting his friends that early would be a bit... well early? But again; that might be because early 20-ish mainly hang out in groups rather than going on “real” dates?

 

I agree with you on this one, doesn’t sound like a big deal to me.

 

So because they're dating loosely it's ok for him to blow off plans?

 

If you tell someone, whether that person is your wife or your FWB that you'll see them on X night, it's not ok to blow them off

 

It's also not ok to keep seeing someone who blows you off. It let's that person know you don't care about yourself enough to set standards

 

The guy in question knows if he wants to stand OP up again, she'll do nothing but b*tch a little then sweep it under the rug

[dancingintherain12]

So because they're dating loosely it's ok for him to blow off plans?

 

If you tell someone, whether that person is your wife or your FWB that you'll see them on X night, it's not ok to blow them off

 

It's also not ok to keep seeing someone who blows you off. It let's that person know you don't care about yourself enough to set standards

 

The guy in question knows if he wants to stand OP up again, she'll do nothing but b*tch a little then sweep it under the rug

 

It’s not like he’s constantly blowing me off... if it’s a usual thing then that’s horrible, but I understand things happen in life and you can’t make whatever you were planning on doing. I’m happy and ok with everything, that’s all that matters. I had enough of you commenting on my posts belittling me.

[dancingintherain12]

Op has read the advice and engages with us. Certainly not ignoring the advice. The guy finally woke up and took her out which was the initial plan. I suspect he has had trouble balancing friends and girlfriends. I think its a turnoff that he was telling OP that he "must" go out with his friends (get a backbone boy). But he probably sensed that OP was going to walk if he didn't man up. I would be wary and keep an eye on things but see how it pans out.

 

That’s what I’m doing. Wary but seeing how it pans out. It’s not a life or death situation, there’s plenty of other guys out there and he’s not the only one I’m talking to