Floof Posted October 12, 2018 Posted October 12, 2018 So, recently this girl that I was interested in became distant. We used to text and talk a good bit about a week ago. The past few days she stopped texting. She seemed really interested in me as she said that I looked really handsome and said I was "above average". She also gave me a little handmade gift and she replaced my broken headphones by giving me one of her owns. She used to always say good morning and seemed overall interested in me. We also flirted a good bit, even talking about more intimate subjects. Anytime I would ask if she was free to speak she would reply saying that she always has time for me. She would always comment on my good traits saying that I was considerate, supportive, kind, etc. After a good week of that stuff started to go down hill. She started to get depressed about real life issues and suddenly stopped texting me as much which I tried to keep level headed and be there for her. A few days after this I broke and let my emotions get the better of me and I expressed how I felt about her. She gave me a kind of iffy response saying that my feelings for her are clearly strong and that she just has problems expressing her emotions. I took that with a grain of salt seeing as she was depressed still. She kept putting herself down so I wrote a huge message cheering her up. I described how I myself used to struggle with depression and had the mindset of "I'm not good enough." I'm of course better now and no longer struggle from depression, just a heads up. She said she loved that I typed all that for her and that if I ever needed anything I could contact her. After that contact got iffier and iffier. Keep in mind I never pushed, I can't even recall contacting first, I only contacted when she contacted me but now that I think about it I made myself TOO available. The day everything came crashing down is when she went to homecoming. I didn't offer to go with her as she already had everything planned before I was even in the picture. The guy she went with she wasn't too fond of she told me, but once they got there the guy she went with didn't want to dance with her and ended leaving her to go with another girl which left her upset. Then the biggest news hit me... her ex came and danced with her. She told me that he saw that she was upset. Their relationship ended in July and according to her he just left with just the excuse of "I have depression" and that was literally it. She even said it herself that she thinks it was just an excuse. Now, I didn't go to homecoming, this is all the information she told me, but if i was there I would've done the same. She texted me this all after homecoming. This is when I found out that she's still crazy for her ex. She told me everything good about him and each comment made my heart sink more and more but I didn't express any signs of distress. She made it clear that she was still attached to him, even going as far as to say that if he were to tell her to kill herself she would. I knew her emotions were doing all the talking as she wasn't thinking logically. Every comment she made put herself down and made him seem like a god. I continued to comfort her, I even tried helping by telling her to ask her ex back and express her feelings for him. She told me she couldn't do it and that he'd hate her. I told her that if he was really the guy you make him out to be why would he hate you but nothing I said changed her mind. I gave her options of what she could do; Wait for him; Tell him her feelings or; Move on. She then said she'll just try to act like he doesn't exist. I then gave her a huge text saying I know how she feels to be left with no closure. She then replied saying "Thank you for understanding" and some other caveat to it at the end. After that I simply said, "Not a problem" and left it at that. Some hours would pass in a day and she would text me out of the blue with a stale, "Hey." She did initiate contact first so I took it as a good sign. I kept the conversation short, simply asking her how she was and the conversation would end in a few text. Now, I've backed away for the past 4 days. Our communication went down drastically though she still kind of keeps in touch over social media such as instagram but I haven't contacted her at all other than replying to her comments on my photos. When I would post a picture of myself on social media she would like it (I'm probably over thinking this bit lol). She clearly doesn't know that I'm not trying to be just a friend, I'm not interested in that kind of relationship, I want to be more than a friend. She already knows how I feel about her which I DEEPLY regret as I threw my mystery card right out the window. On top of that, now I know there's in ex in the picture and I don't know what my chances are now, it annoys me that such a wonderful girl is stuck up on a guy that left her for literally no reason. You'd think the guy being with her would calm his depression but I guess not. I know it's a possibility that I could end up a rebound, I'm aware. Our last exchange was me cracking a joke and her laughing at it if that's relevant at all. I don't see her in public unless I were to actively search for her which I do not. I've been going about my life, texting other girls and hanging out with friends but I'm not going to kid myself, my end goal is to be with her. So far I haven't found another girl that sparks my interest like she did and it's annoying. I'm so picky with the girls I want which makes it even harder for me. I just want to know if I should even bother, I'm not going to waste time if there's no chance to begin with. She used to seem so interested in me and I ****ed it up by caring too much. I want to know if It's possible to even get her interest back. Thinking logically, If there's an ex boyfriend still in the picture I might as well pack my bags but I don't like that option. (Sorry if there is some grammar errors, really can't be asked to re-read what I typed. lol) (Also reposted this thread to space out paragraphs)
d0nnivain Posted October 12, 2018 Posted October 12, 2018 She isn't over her EX & you are friendzoned in part because you never initiated. She dropped all sorts of hints but you never did anything including call her first. Did you really think she'd wait forever?
kendahke Posted October 12, 2018 Posted October 12, 2018 This girl that I was talking to lost interest, what now??? Don't need to read this to answer you: Move on. Find someone who is interested--makes all the difference in the world. Never waste your time behind someone who isn't interested. That will do more damage to your self esteem than anything else.
lurker74 Posted October 12, 2018 Posted October 12, 2018 Dude, you're young, that's ok, it's not your fault. People in general and teenage girls in particular struggle immensely with emotions and social issues. These are those years you're supposed to spend figuring out what you want and don't want in a partner but try not to get too tied up in any one thing. You've identified some issues to remember later. Don't be TOO available. Don't be TOO passive (this is not a license to be boorish or trying to use pathetic pick-up artist methods, just a reminder that women generally want to be pursued). But don't get tied up on this. If you want a chance with her - and really, you probably shouldn't even try - move on. Really move on. Not to try to make her jealous but actually move on and talk to others. When and if she sees you pulling away, she will likely try to pull you back, like she did her ex. I'd advise you to move on if she does but if I am being perfectly honest, I'm in my 40s and not rules (as much) by my libido as I was when I was your age, so you may decide otherwise.
Author Floof Posted October 12, 2018 Author Posted October 12, 2018 She isn't over her EX & you are friendzoned in part because you never initiated. She dropped all sorts of hints but you never did anything including call her first. Did you really think she'd wait forever? To clarify, I was the one who called first, I just didn't text first. I did offer to hang out with her a few times to which she seemed opened to but she said she was busy all October. Whether that was an excuse or not I'm not sure but I took her word for it.
kendahke Posted October 12, 2018 Posted October 12, 2018 she said she was busy all October. October has 31 days She just shot down all of your hopes with that.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 12, 2018 Posted October 12, 2018 No, you shouldn't bother. For several reasons: 1) You didn't screw it up by caring too much. This girl is hooked on her ex, which isn't something you can change. Her heart is with him. 2) She isn't in any emotional place to be dating if she claims she'd kill herself if her ex told her to. I realize she likely didn't literally mean it, but it speaks to a very juvenile mindset that isn't really great for dating. 3) You don't want to just be her friend, yet you were encouraging her to try to work it out with her ex. This was a very misguided attempt at being supportive. However, for reason 1 above, it probably didn't make much difference here. 4) She is "busy" all month. She doesn't know how to just come out and tell you she doesn't like you the same way you like her, but that's the subtext. The little points of contact here and there are just her doing what a lot of immature folks do, which is seeing if you'll still be around in case she wants some attention. You are going to be better off not pursuing this, as you will probably wind up disappointed if you do.
Author Floof Posted October 12, 2018 Author Posted October 12, 2018 No, you shouldn't bother. For several reasons: 1) You didn't screw it up by caring too much. This girl is hooked on her ex, which isn't something you can change. Her heart is with him. 2) She isn't in any emotional place to be dating if she claims she'd kill herself if her ex told her to. I realize she likely didn't literally mean it, but it speaks to a very juvenile mindset that isn't really great for dating. 3) You don't want to just be her friend, yet you were encouraging her to try to work it out with her ex. This was a very misguided attempt at being supportive. However, for reason 1 above, it probably didn't make much difference here. 4) She is "busy" all month. She doesn't know how to just come out and tell you she doesn't like you the same way you like her, but that's the subtext. The little points of contact here and there are just her doing what a lot of immature folks do, which is seeing if you'll still be around in case she wants some attention. You are going to be better off not pursuing this, as you will probably wind up disappointed if you do. So basically I was used for attention, damn. If I knew about the whole ex thing to begin with I would've never bothered but she kept hinting at wanting a boyfriend so it never crossed my mind. Ugh, what a tragic turn of events.
Author Floof Posted October 12, 2018 Author Posted October 12, 2018 October has 31 days She just shot down all of your hopes with that. Ha, basically.
Author Floof Posted October 12, 2018 Author Posted October 12, 2018 No, you shouldn't bother. For several reasons: 1) You didn't screw it up by caring too much. This girl is hooked on her ex, which isn't something you can change. Her heart is with him. 2) She isn't in any emotional place to be dating if she claims she'd kill herself if her ex told her to. I realize she likely didn't literally mean it, but it speaks to a very juvenile mindset that isn't really great for dating. 3) You don't want to just be her friend, yet you were encouraging her to try to work it out with her ex. This was a very misguided attempt at being supportive. However, for reason 1 above, it probably didn't make much difference here. 4) She is "busy" all month. She doesn't know how to just come out and tell you she doesn't like you the same way you like her, but that's the subtext. The little points of contact here and there are just her doing what a lot of immature folks do, which is seeing if you'll still be around in case she wants some attention. You are going to be better off not pursuing this, as you will probably wind up disappointed if you do. So, I'm curious, should I confront her and have her come clean about all this or is that pointless and I should just leave it at that?
Garcon1986 Posted October 12, 2018 Posted October 12, 2018 If she is not emotionally in a place to do it you can’t make her dedicate herself to you faster by confrontation. I recommend you cut your losses and start over. Least painful way to go about this.
kendahke Posted October 12, 2018 Posted October 12, 2018 So, I'm curious, should I confront her and have her come clean about all this or is that pointless and I should just leave it at that? and show her how thirsty you are to have her? You can't make her do anything she hasn't already given herself express permission to do/feel/want/think/act--nothing! Just leave her be
ExpatInItaly Posted October 12, 2018 Posted October 12, 2018 So, I'm curious, should I confront her and have her come clean about all this or is that pointless and I should just leave it at that? Come clean about what, exactly? She's been clear she's still attached to her ex. Confronting someone who otherwise lacks insight into their own behaviour is pointless, yes.
Author Floof Posted October 12, 2018 Author Posted October 12, 2018 Come clean about what, exactly? She's been clear she's still attached to her ex. Confronting someone who otherwise lacks insight into their own behaviour is pointless, yes. Okay, thanks.
Author Floof Posted October 12, 2018 Author Posted October 12, 2018 and show her how thirsty you are to have her? You can't make her do anything she hasn't already given herself express permission to do/feel/want/think/act--nothing! Just leave her be Okay, thanks.
Author Floof Posted October 12, 2018 Author Posted October 12, 2018 If she is not emotionally in a place to do it you can’t make her dedicate herself to you faster by confrontation. I recommend you cut your losses and start over. Least painful way to go about this. Thank you.
Author Floof Posted October 12, 2018 Author Posted October 12, 2018 Have you even met this girl? ...in person??? Yep, how else would she give me stuff unless she was to send it via mail. lol
Occitanie Posted October 13, 2018 Posted October 13, 2018 You overpursed her. I would pull back and wait till she gets in touch with you, and, whatever you do, don’t accept just being friends.
Recommended Posts