Just found out I’m pregnant. He’s ignoring me.

[Leojax]

YOUR reproductive health is YOUR responsibility

 

Why didn't you tell him to use a condom?

 

I suggest you stop the blame game. It's not about you anymore. It's about the choice you need to make for the well being of your child or your health should you chose to terminate.

 

OP isn't playing the blame game. That was me. Yes, it's her body, but she didn't make the baby alone. The moment both of them decided to have sex that was the moment both parties should have responsibility. That's why I said to not blame the woman. She isn't alone in this.

[Dis]

Scattered thoughts. Have you peed on a stick lately?

 

Hahahaha! I never miss a pill so I better not need to pee on a stick!

 

It's the 12 hour shifts....

[Dis]

OP isn't playing the blame game. That was me. Yes, it's her body, but she didn't make the baby alone. The moment both of them decided to have sex that was the moment both parties should have responsibility. That's why I said to not blame the woman. She isn't alone in this.

 

Of course that's true but let's be realistic, young guys aren't future focused and if OP does chose to have the kid, everything will fall on her, as the woman, the child bearer, the food source, the mom. Even taking him to court for child support will be a hassle for her.

 

Our health and our futures are our responsibilities. We always need to advocate for ourselves, if we don't, we can't expect a favorable outcome.

 

So because he didn't think to use a condom, she didn't have think of it either?

 

It's her life that will be changed. His, not so much. Spend a day or two working for DCF and CPS....Dad's are like, "I'm out!" And they very much are.

[Dis]

How old are you both? 16? Such childish behaviour. If you are willing to carry on with the pregnancy, remember he can't just ignore you. He has a legal obligation to maintain his son/daughter

 

I agree with you for the most part, Daniel

 

Although, (at least in the US) all a man has to do is pay child support and even that can be an up hill battle for the woman to receive

 

Hence my point, which individual should've stressed practicing safe sex more than the other?

[Purrrfect]

Im a woman who has had 2 kids. At the end of the day it’s the woman’s responsibility to make sure a pregnancy doesn’t happen. Women who have totally unprotected sex want to get pregnant.

 

op- you’ve informed him you are pregnant. Give him some space. Perhaps he will come around after the shock wears off.

 

 

 

 

OP isn't playing the blame game. That was me. Yes, it's her body, but she didn't make the baby alone. The moment both of them decided to have sex that was the moment both parties should have responsibility. That's why I said to not blame the woman. She isn't alone in this.

[SouthernIslander]

So we hit a rough patch. A few days before I said I wanted to breakup but wasn’t sure, h what got upset and just ended things altogether. I tried to fix things and that’s when he said he wanted to decide what he wanted to do with our relationship. That was two weeks ago. During that time I expressed how I was worried I was pregnant and he asked why I was worried. Um because you came in me a handful of times, the hell? I told him my body had been feeling off.

 

Fast forward he was pulling power plays with his decision. “Oh I’ll let you know in a few days”. Would call but then do the same thing again. I put my foot down and said I was tired of the game playing. He said okay I’ll dedinjtelu let you know on Monday (this past Monday). Over the weekend my best friend kept pushing me to take the test, but I was too afraid. Finally did it on on Monday and it was positive. I wanted to tell him when he called.

I didn’t hear from him. Tuesday I still hadn’t heard so I took that as my answer.

 

I said to myself whatever I decide to do about my pregnancy I can’t sit here and wallow that he’s not around since I had something really important to think about. Seeing him on social media constantly posting just hurt, so I unfollowed him. Of course later on at 10 PM he texted me saying he was sorry he hadn’t reached out he had just been in pain and was in a weird space and that he would give me a call after work tomorrow. Then about 10 minutes later he sent me this long text. He said , “oh you unfollowed me? Scratched what I said you’re just childish and I can’t do this” and that I put the nail in the coffin. Then a whole bunch or other stuff in between and then ended it with I swear on everything I’m going to ignore any text or call so don’t even try and this wished me luck with my life.

 

I started calling and texting him and telling him I wasn’t being childish self preservation kicked in. There’s a lot more to my messages but you all get the gist. I figured he just thought I was pulling the pregnancy card. So yesterday I sent him the picture of the positive test with the background of my bathroom countertop so he didn’t think I just pulled a picture off the internet or did something crazy. Nothing.

 

I thought maybe he just blocked me, so I sent it to his DM on instagram. Didn’t even open it.

 

I’m just beyond hurt and scared. I can’t believe he’s doing this. This hurts a lot more than I imagined.

 

Two issues here.

 

One: You broke up with him and put the relationship in limbo. So you should give him space to figure out if he wants to continue the relationship or not. That part he isn't wrong for.

 

Two: The status of your relationship has nothing to do with his responsibility to be a father to his child. Ignoring your text messages isn't going to change that.

 

If the two of you start talking again, keep communication extremely business like and about the baby only. This is a lot to process in a short amount of time, so I wouldn't bombard him with both the baby and the relationship. Make the baby a priority right now, unless he brings up getting back together.

 

I honestly don't think that he doesn't go 9 months ignoring you. He may just be freaked out with all the changes. But if he does, its best to just go through the courts to establish paternity to determine visitation and child support.

 

If you are sure he knows about the baby, don't contact him for a few days and give him some space to think.

[Leojax]

Two issues here.

 

One: You broke up with him and put the relationship in limbo. So you should give him space to figure out if he wants to continue the relationship or not. That part he isn't wrong for.

 

Two: The status of your relationship has nothing to do with his responsibility to be a father to his child. Ignoring your text messages isn't going to change that.

 

If the two of you start talking again, keep communication extremely business like and about the baby only. This is a lot to process in a short amount of time, so I wouldn't bombard him with both the baby and the relationship. Make the baby a priority right now, unless he brings up getting back together.

 

I honestly don't think that he doesn't go 9 months ignoring you. He may just be freaked out with all the changes. But if he does, its best to just go through the courts to establish paternity to determine visitation and child support.

 

If you are sure he knows about the baby, don't contact him for a few days and give him some space to think.

 

Yea she put the relationship in limbo, but he clearly has control issues.

When he doesn’t get what he wants he throws a tantrum. Who gets upset and breaks up because they were unfollowed?

 

He is being passive aggressive and punishing her for something. This "I will decide" and non-communication is a control tactic on his part. And when he cut her off when she set a boundary was meant to change her behavior. It is him telling her that she isn't allowed to set boundaries. Only he can for her.

 

OP needs to seriously consider this behavior in regards to the pregnancy.

[Emmafive]

How is he controlling? Telling me he’ll never respond so don’t try doesn’t sound like control. It sounds like he genuinely wants me to leave him alone.

[stillafool]

Emma, forget this man child you are married to. Decide what you want to do about your pregnancy by yourself. If you decide to keep your baby start taking care of yourself and stop trying to contact your husband as he doesn't sound interested. Have your baby, file for child support and live a good life. Just leave him alone (let the courts do the talking) stop spying on him on social media, as this is keeping you upset and relax.

[MidwestUSA]

Emma, forget this man child you are married to. Decide what you want to do about your pregnancy by yourself. If you decide to keep your baby start taking care of yourself and stop trying to contact your husband as he doesn't sound interested.

 

I don't think she's married to him. They don't even live in the same state.

 

But yes, she does need to make plans without him.

[Kelliousme]

No offense but I don't get why you keep going to him and waiting on him as if he's going to really do something about the pregnancy? From the sounds of it, he's not going to be a good father or husband anyways. The only person you can blame is yourself in this situation. You allowed him to come inside you. You got pregnant because you allowed it to happen. He didn't point a gun to your head. So, at this very moment you shouldn't worry about him ignoring you or behaving this way.. you should be worried about yourself.. about your baby. Do you want the baby? Are you going to be a good mother? Are you going to be able to raise a kid right and make sure the kid won't do harm to the society?

 

As for your EX boyfriend, tell him you don't need anything from him and just get rid of him. I can't believe you went out with someone who behaves like that... sad..

[kendahke]

How is he controlling? Telling me he’ll never respond so don’t try doesn’t sound like control. It sounds like he genuinely wants me to leave him alone.

 

How? You wrote it out:

 

he wanted to decide what he wanted to do with our relationship.

 

That was two weeks ago.

 

he was pulling power plays with his decision. “Oh I’ll let you know in a few days”.

 

Seeing him on social media constantly posting

 

he would give me a call after work tomorrow.

 

“oh you unfollowed me? Scratched what I said you’re just childish and I can’t do this” and that I put the nail in the coffin.

 

****Then (he) ended it with I swear on everything I’m going to ignore any text or call so don’t even try and this wished me luck with my life.

 

I started calling and texting him and telling him****

 

I thought maybe he just blocked me, so I sent it to his DM on instagram. Didn’t even open it.

 

Power plays are control mechanisms. What he does is he does or says something dismissive to you or he tries to blame you 100% for something he's 50% responsible for and that then causes you to hook into what he is doing instead of you not even feeding into his mess. So, if he told you your actions put a nail in the coffin, the response to that should have been a wall of silence--because he's counting on you hooking in to keep this going.

 

That is how he is controlling you--and you're not even aware of it as you type it all out.

 

He's had you clocking him for some time now.

 

If, as you say, he genuinely wants you to leave him alone, then give him that in spades. There is no further need for you to deal with him. As far as your pregnancy and child support is concerned, gather your tribe around you to help you with the baby if you choose to keep it. Let the state deal with him on that. Talk to a lawyer to make sure the baby's interests are looked after legally.

 

And bend your mind towards being a single mother for the foreseeable future. You don't have the luxury of time waiting on him to open up a can of "act right".

[Leojax]

How? You wrote it out:

 

 

 

Power plays are control mechanisms. What he does is he does or says something dismissive to you or he tries to blame you 100% for something he's 50% responsible for and that then causes you to hook into what he is doing instead of you not even feeding into his mess. So, if he told you your actions put a nail in the coffin, the response to that should have been a wall of silence--because he's counting on you hooking in to keep this going.

 

That is how he is controlling you--and you're not even aware of it as you type it all out.

 

He's had you clocking him for some time now.

 

If, as you say, he genuinely wants you to leave him alone, then give him that in spades. There is no further need for you to deal with him. As far as your pregnancy and child support is concerned, gather your tribe around you to help you with the baby if you choose to keep it. Let the state deal with him on that. Talk to a lawyer to make sure the baby's interests are looked after legally.

 

And bend your mind towards being a single mother for the foreseeable future. You don't have the luxury of time waiting on him to open up a can of "act right".

 

Thank you! I'm not sure if this what you're trying to say here/if you will agree,

 

but him saying "I guarantee that I won't respond to your text and calls so don't even try" was him expecting and wanting a response from you OP. If he genuinely wanted out of the relationship he would've been relieved that you unfollowed him, not angry and controlling about it. He wants you doing what he wants and that's to blow up his phone and stroke his ego.

 

Again, I'm not sure if kendahke would agree but I'm fairly certain he'll return. He didn't want out; he wanted to punish you for 'being bad' so he snatched the relationship from you. Right now he wants you to sit in the corner and think about what you did, then he'll return when he feels as though he's punished you enough.

 

People who genuinely want out of a relationship don't send a long angry message with a dramatic ending like that. He's manipulating you. Think about what you're going to do when he returns.

[Dis]

 

OP needs to seriously consider this behavior in regards to the pregnancy.

 

 

OP should've considered this behavior BEFORE she put herself at risk for getting pregnant

 

Leo, you seem to place all the blame on the guy. Why is that? He sounds like kind of a jerk, right? Right. He doesn't seem to care, right? Right. So why would OP chose to have unprotected sex with him = having his kid? Why have a kid with someone who's a jerk and doesn't care about being a father?

 

If someone willingly chooses to swim in shark infested waters and gets bit..... Do they blame the shark for following it's natural instincts, or do they blame themselves for making a bad decision? I vote for the latter

 

It's her body, her future, she should've protected it

[Leojax]

OP should've considered this behavior BEFORE she put herself at risk for getting pregnant

 

Leo, you seem to place all the blame on the guy. Why is that? He sounds like kind of a jerk, right? Right. He doesn't seem to care, right? Right. So why would OP chose to have unprotected sex with him = having his kid? Why have a kid with someone who's a jerk and doesn't care about being a father?

 

If someone willingly chooses to swim in shark infested waters and gets bit..... Do they blame the shark for following it's natural instincts, or do they blame themselves for making a bad decision? I vote for the latter

 

It's her body, her future, she should've protected it

 

As I said before i'm 99% sure he didn't act like this before crap hit the fan. True character comes out when it does.

 

Just because she had sex with him does NOT mean he should be allowed to treat her this way. No woman, person, should be treated this way. I don't care if he c*me in her a million times his behavior is uncalled for. Ignoring the mother of your child is uncalled for. Being manipulative can never be excused. Treating someone poorly will never be justified.

 

There are people who handle situations poorly and there are just bad people. This guy is just a bad man. Anyone man who is fine with ignoring someone they got pregnant is trash and anyone who suggest otherwise (you) has serious issues. What OP did was stupid. What he is doing is bad. Being a bad person is never excusable.

[Dis]

As I said before i'm 99% sure he didn't act like this before crap hit the fan. True character comes out when it does.

 

Just because she had sex with him does NOT mean he should be allowed to treat her this way. No woman, person, should be treated this way. I don't care if he c*me in her a million times his behavior is uncalled for. Ignoring the mother of your child is uncalled for. Being manipulative can never be excused. Treating someone poorly will never be justified.

 

There are people who handle situations poorly and there are just bad people. This guy is just a bad man. Anyone man who is fine with ignoring someone they got pregnant is trash and anyone who suggest otherwise (you) has serious issues. What OP did was stupid. What he is doing is bad. Being a bad person is never excusable.

 

Bad/unkind people are everywhere Leo, unfortunately

 

The world isn't always fair

 

I get the feeling OP didn't know this guy for that long...which is why she can't expect him to ride in on a white horse, happy to be the father of her kid

 

Some people aren't nice so we all need to protect ourselves by not placing ourselves at the mercy of others

 

If we expect everyone to treat us the way we would treat others...we'd be deeply disappointed much of the time

 

I would've advised OP to just move on from this guy but now that she's pregnant with his kid it's not so easy to do that. Like you said, bad move on OP's part. Never tie yourself for life to a douche.

[kendahke]

Thank you! I'm not sure if this what you're trying to say here/if you will agree,

 

but him saying "I guarantee that I won't respond to your text and calls so don't even try" was him expecting and wanting a response from you OP. If he genuinely wanted out of the relationship he would've been relieved that you unfollowed him, not angry and controlling about it. He wants you doing what he wants and that's to blow up his phone and stroke his ego.

 

Again, I'm not sure if kendahke would agree but I'm fairly certain he'll return. He didn't want out; he wanted to punish you for 'being bad' so he snatched the relationship from you. Right now he wants you to sit in the corner and think about what you did, then he'll return when he feels as though he's punished you enough.

 

People who genuinely want out of a relationship don't send a long angry message with a dramatic ending like that. He's manipulating you. Think about what you're going to do when he returns.

 

 

Totally co-sign

[Emmafive]

Even though I haven't tried contacting since. He blocked me....

[Whodatdog]

Theres always the choice of adoption, if the OP doesnt want an abortion or think she's ready to raise a child on her own.

[Purrrfect]

At the end of the day it’s the woman’s responsibility. The baby is 100% hers and only hers until a court says otherwise.

 

There is no reason for anyone to be careless about sex anymore.

 

 

I agree with you for the most part, Daniel

 

Although, (at least in the US) all a man has to do is pay child support and even that can be an up hill battle for the woman to receive

 

Hence my point, which individual should've stressed practicing safe sex more than the other?

[Dis]

At the end of the day it’s the woman’s responsibility. The baby is 100% hers and only hers until a court says otherwise.

 

There is no reason for anyone to be careless about sex anymore.

 

Love it Purrrfect!

[stillafool]

At the end of the day it’s the woman’s responsibility. The baby is 100% hers and only hers until a court says otherwise.

 

There is no reason for anyone to be careless about sex anymore.

 

Amen to that. What are there now about 300 or so forms of birth control and the morning after pill? No more excuses.

[stillafool]

Even though I haven't tried contacting since. He blocked me....

 

Just forget him and start making plans for you and your baby. He will have to pay child support.

[Highndry]

So we hit a rough patch. A few days before I said I wanted to breakup but wasn’t sure, h what got upset and just ended things altogether. I tried to fix things and that’s when he said he wanted to decide what he wanted to do with our relationship. That was two weeks ago. During that time I expressed how I was worried I was pregnant and he asked why I was worried. Um because you came in me a handful of times, the hell? I told him my body had been feeling off.

 

Fast forward he was pulling power plays with his decision. “Oh I’ll let you know in a few days”. Would call but then do the same thing again. I put my foot down and said I was tired of the game playing. He said okay I’ll dedinjtelu let you know on Monday (this past Monday). Over the weekend my best friend kept pushing me to take the test, but I was too afraid. Finally did it on on Monday and it was positive. I wanted to tell him when he called.

I didn’t hear from him. Tuesday I still hadn’t heard so I took that as my answer.

 

I said to myself whatever I decide to do about my pregnancy I can’t sit here and wallow that he’s not around since I had something really important to think about. Seeing him on social media constantly posting just hurt, so I unfollowed him. Of course later on at 10 PM he texted me saying he was sorry he hadn’t reached out he had just been in pain and was in a weird space and that he would give me a call after work tomorrow. Then about 10 minutes later he sent me this long text. He said , “oh you unfollowed me? Scratched what I said you’re just childish and I can’t do this” and that I put the nail in the coffin. Then a whole bunch or other stuff in between and then ended it with I swear on everything I’m going to ignore any text or call so don’t even try and this wished me luck with my life.

 

I started calling and texting him and telling him I wasn’t being childish self preservation kicked in. There’s a lot more to my messages but you all get the gist. I figured he just thought I was pulling the pregnancy card. So yesterday I sent him the picture of the positive test with the background of my bathroom countertop so he didn’t think I just pulled a picture off the internet or did something crazy. Nothing.

 

I thought maybe he just blocked me, so I sent it to his DM on instagram. Didn’t even open it.

 

I’m just beyond hurt and scared. I can’t believe he’s doing this. This hurts a lot more than I imagined.

 

 

You reap what you sow. Let this be a lesson that you never, EVER talk about breaking up or break up with somebody unless you really mean it. If a women ever says or hints at that, she's gone, I'm done. That fast.

[Simple Logic]

This pretty much sums up the definition of a totally dysfunctional marriage.