Rock Chick Posted October 11, 2018 Posted October 11, 2018 I wasn't' sure if this should go in in Dating, or Business and Professional, so forgive me if I posted in the wrong forum. I have been seeing a man at my job (my bad I know better) for about 6 months now. Without going into a whole tl;dr, basically I have decided the overall issue is that I am bored with him, he's not boyfriend material, he's dishonest, appears to be a little emotionally immature, and plays head games a bit, and a host of things that have killed my attraction to him recently. I have 2 questions to see if the LoveShack community can help me work out please: #1 - My disposition towards him moving forward So we work on the same floor but in different departments. We only see each other passing in the halls or in the breakroom. I will never work with him, so there is really very little contact. If we weren't coworkers, we would likely go our separate ways and never speak again as most breakups happen. I have no interested in being his friend, although I do plan to stay on my white horse and never be nasty or confrontational about our personal business at work, do I owe it to him to be "nice" as in smile and say hi? I don't want to. I want to put as much space between us as possible so I can move on from my mistake. There is no requirement on the job to talk. I don't care what he thinks of my behavior as much as I care about how I feel about my own character regarding how to handle this. Is it ok to be a little aloof and cold so long as its not so overt that others notice (believe me, he will avoid me in the breakroom so people likely won't notice the tension anyways as he is a manager and has expressed he knows how that could get him into trouble). #2 - My explanation to break off what has evolved into (or i guess always was) our fling Right now the ball is in his court, the last communication was a text sunday after playing phone tag for 3 days (his vm is not configured, and he never left me a message), asking me to lunch. I said I was busy, and I got no further response. I saw him in the hall yesterday (wednesday) as I walked past while reading my cell phone and didn't notice him till I passed him, but I do think he tried to bring attention to himself by clearing his throat. I saw him later that day with his employee, (btw she likes me A LOT as we are from the same home town but she doesn't know about him and me). If he follows his past patterns, he will be contacting me shortly to ask why I am "ignoring him" (even though the ball is in his court to contact me outside of work, as we agreed not to bring drama to work) and so I have formulated this response to send wither in a text reply, or to recite to him on the phone if he calls. How is this, I wanted to give him a basic explanation, is this ok and not too nasty while still letting him know why I don't want to play along with his games anymore? "I've grown bored and unsatisfied with whatever this is between us. I want a committed boyfriend who is fully into me. You are not him, thus I've moved on." Thanks for your insight ahead of time!
smackie9 Posted October 11, 2018 Posted October 11, 2018 How about this.....I think it's best that we stop what we are doing and move on. You don't want to engage him into a conversation...keep it simple and don't add your expectations. It looks like a ditch effort to see if he would be interested in something more serious. 2
kendahke Posted October 11, 2018 Posted October 11, 2018 do I owe it to him to be "nice" as in smile and say hi? the only people you owe are your coworkers who don't want to be drawn all into this mess. Be professional at all times. No exceptions. No one wants to get wind of you and him not being able to contain this. "I've grown bored and unsatisfied with whatever this is between us. I want a committed boyfriend who is fully into me. You are not him, thus I've moved on." DO NOT SEND THAT. It's completely unnecessary unless you want him to know just how impacted you seem to be by his rejection. If you don't care, as your post seems to allude, then act like it. Quit letting him know how much he hurt you--he doesn't care. People treat you the way they feel about you. All you need to say to him if he does approach you is that things are not going to work out and that you two should just remain professional work colleagues and end the conversation there. The rest of that drama is unnecessary. 1
Art_Critic Posted October 11, 2018 Posted October 11, 2018 Why explain anything ? I'm not one for ghosting but it seems you are both already pulling back.. pull back some more and then maybe if you have the talk it will go easier and not cause any issues. You don't really know the guy so he may take breakups hard and causes issues at work.. who knows but you cannot be too careful. So I vote for the ease out way till it forms a head then pop it rather than trying to pop it before it's ready.
lurker74 Posted October 11, 2018 Posted October 11, 2018 I agree with the camp that says send him a text saying you want to end it. But you should examine your feelings closer first. You say you want to stay on your white horse but the message you propose is clearly meant to indicate to him that he done you wrong. The truth is short of a LTR or a marriage, you don't need to explain it. You may WANT to...you may want him to understand what a jerk he is but that is about your viewpoint of yourself more than "helping" him understand. And when you do that, you allow others to dictate your feelings. So send him a text that says, "So after thinking about it, I've decided to end our relationship. I wish you the best of luck finding the person with whom you belong. And, while I don't expect you to, please don't try to talk to me about this. Let's not make the workplace awkward."
elaine567 Posted October 11, 2018 Posted October 11, 2018 So send him a text that says, "So after thinking about it, I've decided to end our relationship. I wish you the best of luck finding the person with whom you belong. And, while I don't expect you to, please don't try to talk to me about this. Let's not make the workplace awkward." "So after thinking about it, I've decided to end our relationship. I wish you the best of luck finding the person with whom you belong." Yes "And, while I don't expect you to, please don't try to talk to me about this. Let's not make the workplace awkward." NO. Patronising and unnecessary. 1
stillafool Posted October 11, 2018 Posted October 11, 2018 "I've grown bored and unsatisfied with whatever this is between us. I want a committed boyfriend who is fully into me. You are not him, thus I've moved on." OMG no don't send that text! You sound as if you are bitter that he doesn't want you as his gf and wanting him to respond to you. I'm sure you didn't mean it that way so it is best to give a response the way Smackie explained. Quick, nice and to the point. 2
lurker74 Posted October 11, 2018 Posted October 11, 2018 "So after thinking about it, I've decided to end our relationship. I wish you the best of luck finding the person with whom you belong." Yes "And, while I don't expect you to, please don't try to talk to me about this. Let's not make the workplace awkward." NO. Patronising and unnecessary. I dunno. I think it's very necessary to make it clear that you don't want a guy making a scene...that over is over. Maybe he wouldn't anyway but I wouldn't chance it.
elaine567 Posted October 11, 2018 Posted October 11, 2018 I dunno. I think it's very necessary to make it clear that you don't want a guy making a scene...that over is over. Maybe he wouldn't anyway but I wouldn't chance it. But is that text going to stop him? That text may infuriate him enough to make a scene or continue making scenes... Some people do not like being TOLD what to do especially by someone who has just dumped them.
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