ar1489 Posted October 10, 2018 Posted October 10, 2018 Hey all, I'm in my late 20s and in a serious relationship. I have been dating this man (he is 30) for almost 5 years. We are solid. We have a good time together, we trust each other, he makes me laugh more than anyone, and we are extremely comfortable together. However, sometimes we argue, as any couple does. The way that he argues is very frustrating to me because he can be quite stubborn regardless of how I delicately I try to handle him. We hit kind of a bumpy area last month, and got into multiple small fights that seriously escalated because of our inability to disagree maturely with one another, and I started thinking (to myself) maybe we needed a break from each each other. We talked it out and have been good since, but I don't think that we have genuinely resolved our lack of positive healthy disagreement strategies. Now- lately, I feel myself developing kind of a wandering eye. I'm beginning to wonder, am I bored, or do I just under appreciate the stability in our relationship? Are these underlying issues expressing themselves in other ways? My boyfriend has been there for me through everything - I hit a period where I was unwell and he never left my side and was so extremely patient with me. I am so grateful for these things, and I'm not sure that I really would ever find someone like him again. But sometimes I feel like I'm just so YOUNG and I've grown up so much throughout my 20's/our relationship and now I'm just committed to him and will never experience anyone else? And the final piece - the other day someone at my gym (very attractive and has shown interest in me on multiple occasions) asked me on a date. I said no, and told him honestly that I was seeing someone. I am loyal to my boyfriend, so knew that this was the right thing to do, but I think it sparked all these feelings in me of what else is out there that I could be missing? Are these normal feelings, does it show that I'm bored in my relationship, or am I just a shallow bitch who should really see what I have right in front of me? Last thought, could I be bored of where I'm AT in my relationship, as opposed to my relationship itself? (we have yet to move in together because we were both in graduate school, so in 4 years we haven't really ever taken things to the "next level") Sorry for the length. I'm just so confused and don't want to make rash decisions over one hot guy showing interest in me.
alphamale Posted October 10, 2018 Posted October 10, 2018 concentrate on your education. chance are that once you two are done with your degrees you'll go separate ways. marriage doesn't sound like its in the cards... 1
coolheadal Posted October 10, 2018 Posted October 10, 2018 Hey all, I'm in my late 20s and in a serious relationship. I have been dating this man (he is 30) for almost 5 years. We are solid. We have a good time together, we trust each other, he makes me laugh more than anyone, and we are extremely comfortable together. However, sometimes we argue, as any couple does. The way that he argues is very frustrating to me because he can be quite stubborn regardless of how I delicately I try to handle him. We hit kind of a bumpy area last month, and got into multiple small fights that seriously escalated because of our inability to disagree maturely with one another, and I started thinking (to myself) maybe we needed a break from each each other. We talked it out and have been good since, but I don't think that we have genuinely resolved our lack of positive healthy disagreement strategies. Now- lately, I feel myself developing kind of a wandering eye. I'm beginning to wonder, am I bored, or do I just under appreciate the stability in our relationship? Are these underlying issues expressing themselves in other ways? My boyfriend has been there for me through everything - I hit a period where I was unwell and he never left my side and was so extremely patient with me. I am so grateful for these things, and I'm not sure that I really would ever find someone like him again. But sometimes I feel like I'm just so YOUNG and I've grown up so much throughout my 20's/our relationship and now I'm just committed to him and will never experience anyone else? And the final piece - the other day someone at my gym (very attractive and has shown interest in me on multiple occasions) asked me on a date. I said no, and told him honestly that I was seeing someone. I am loyal to my boyfriend, so knew that this was the right thing to do, but I think it sparked all these feelings in me of what else is out there that I could be missing? Are these normal feelings, does it show that I'm bored in my relationship, or am I just a shallow bitch who should really see what I have right in front of me? Last thought, could I be bored of where I'm AT in my relationship, as opposed to my relationship itself? (we have yet to move in together because we were both in graduate school, so in 4 years we haven't really ever taken things to the "next level") Sorry for the length. I'm just so confused and don't want to make rash decisions over one hot guy showing interest in me. Your still learning about yourself and he's trying to do his best to keep you and him together. Your still in 20's still developing into a woman even if your in your later 20's your still learning. Yes you did the right thing to say no that guy at the gym you would always think about your current BF and not fair for this guy at the gym. You stand-by your man the one you been with for 5 years. Sure everyone argues, and that's the way of life. He's stubborn and you don't agree, but think was it something so important to start a fight over. Learn not to fight and be at one but be at peace. Think of the wonder BF you have there 5 year and still together. You should marry when your 35 and he'll be in his mid 40's. By that time you can start having babies. This guy is a keeper.
smackie9 Posted October 10, 2018 Posted October 10, 2018 Couples in healthy relationships don't argue/fight, they have civil discussions. These arguments have you on disconnect and you have become so dissatisfied. Your relationship has fallen in decay/neglect, that's why you wonder if there is better than this...probably is. Time invested is no excuse to stay. You are in your late 20's you know yourself enough what's right for YOU. IMO if this is what you are feeling, this relationship don't stand a chance for the long haul.
coolheadal Posted October 10, 2018 Posted October 10, 2018 Couples in healthy relationships don't argue/fight, they have civil discussions. These arguments have you on disconnect and you have become so dissatisfied. Your relationship has fallen in decay/neglect, that's why you wonder if there is better than this...probably is. Time invested is no excuse to stay. You are in your late 20's you know yourself enough what's right for YOU. IMO if this is what you are feeling, this relationship don't stand a chance for the long haul. I have disagree because people open up a different way and they feel they have to express themselves in argument to get their point heard. If get's the the second level of violence abuse than your right. Couples who get drunk or turn to drugs tend to fight more.
Hopeful30 Posted October 14, 2018 Posted October 14, 2018 Honestly, it can go both ways. On one hand, all relationships hit bumps from time to time, this is normal and I don't think people realize how difficult commitments really are. We aren't even scientifically sure that long-term monogamy is natural, so it's not surprising that people have doubts and second thoughts during the development and growth of the relationship. On the other hand, progress cannot be achieved when arguments aren't healthy. Healthy arguments conclude with a solution or resolution, while unhealthy arguments just lead to more tension. You need to evaluate how your personalities will accommodate each other in the future. Do you foresee that unhealthy arguing will make it difficult to stay together? Will you hold each other back? Most importantly, we cannot expect that people will change (or want to). The biggest question you need to ask yourself is: can you accept this relationship as is? If yes, then you must choose the relationship over dates with hot guys and sex with others (and not feel bad about it). Your relationship will become your priority over what you are feeling -- but this needs to be a conscious *choice*. If no, then you need to start moving forward from this relationship and onto new experiences. Your gut never lies, even when your heart is confused. Follow your gut.
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