Author ZA Dater Posted October 16, 2018 Author Posted October 16, 2018 OK but selfies are easily edited, there is a raft of selfie apps that can make just about anyone look great or interesting at the touch of a button. It is just a pity K isn't interested. Has she still got the same bf? I'd say I am getting on better with K than ever before, there have been a few late night text conversations, she is sharing more with me and everything is just nice. He comments suggest she pretty much at ease with telling me things, relationship stuff and so on. At the end of the day we either make something nice or we don't and my mistake was to see the worst of "well she isn't going out with me" and sure I'd love to spend more time with her but the time I do spend with her is good time and the banter is good so I choose to focus on that. Whether she is interested at some level I don't know, a close female friend of mine has read her comments and she thinks most of her comments are quite flirty. After spending some time with terminally ill children I now appreciate each day because we don't know how many days were may be gifted.
JuneL Posted October 16, 2018 Posted October 16, 2018 I find parallels between you and ProfessorOptics thread. I'd say I am getting on better with K than ever before, there have been a few late night text conversations, she is sharing more with me and everything is just nice. He comments suggest she pretty much at ease with telling me things, relationship stuff and so on. At the end of the day we either make something nice or we don't and my mistake was to see the worst of "well she isn't going out with me" and sure I'd love to spend more time with her but the time I do spend with her is good time and the banter is good so I choose to focus on that. Whether she is interested at some level I don't know, a close female friend of mine has read her comments and she thinks most of her comments are quite flirty. After spending some time with terminally ill children I now appreciate each day because we don't know how many days were may be gifted.
Mardelis Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 Why does a house for sale stay on the market for years while others in the same community sell almost immediately for close to or at the asking price? Why do most people not get the job they interview for? Why do only a few athletes win medals in the Olympics? Why do some people fail at dating and eventually give up because they can't find someone who interests them? The answers, while varying a bit due to the specificity of the questions all have one thing in common. The person experiencing the failure is not in the right market for the particular resource or asset they are trying to exploit. ZA you are clearly dating out of your range. Sounds like it's due to your looks and lack of social skills but it really doesn't matter because those things are never going to change. The only thing you can change is to aim lower. Much lower. Or be alone forever. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted October 18, 2018 Author Posted October 18, 2018 Why does a house for sale stay on the market for years while others in the same community sell almost immediately for close to or at the asking price? Why do most people not get the job they interview for? Why do only a few athletes win medals in the Olympics? Why do some people fail at dating and eventually give up because they can't find someone who interests them? The answers, while varying a bit due to the specificity of the questions all have one thing in common. The person experiencing the failure is not in the right market for the particular resource or asset they are trying to exploit. ZA you are clearly dating out of your range. Sounds like it's due to your looks and lack of social skills but it really doesn't matter because those things are never going to change. The only thing you can change is to aim lower. Much lower. Or be alone forever. Not interested in that, its goes against every single thing I believe in. For me life is about striving to be better the next day than you were he day before. Constantly trying to improve and yes I can go and lower my standard but then I find people who are not motivated, poorly educated with poor knowledge. Those people aren't for me, I have been on dates with many and frankly most times I would rather have sat at home working. If tall, slim and athletic isn't good enough then so be, so many guys, many on this forum have the self confidence knocked out them because of poor dating experiences, why be beholden to that? The market is a heap of nonsense in my opinion, I am well aware of its superficial workings and accept them. Fact is ladies complain guys are players, well the reality is guys who have the charm to pull that off why not? Its not as if the intelligent guy will ever have an advantage over the macho loud apathetic guy, no the latter will always get more attention, UNLESS the intelligent guy has more "resources". But then I look at people who chase resources and one thing is ALWAYS true in my experience, they have achieved nothing. Its easier to climb on the back of some guy who they think will take them places, rather than try and go places themselves. This great person, she stopped chatting, after getting on so well. I can mope about this or I can simply move on. Really this forum is very helpful for me because I simply actually don't care, if she likes me, great, if not, well then so be it. For years I was desperate for a GF and something like this would have hurt for days. The date probably would have been a disaster anyway. Fill life with good things, life is not assured so why waste time feeling sad about things you cannot control. Yes, the tall slim brunette will always get my attention, that not slim but well spoken intelligent lady will also get my attention, both with captivate but I know deep down, both wont like me so why try, objectively neither is going to be interested in a 35yo virgin anyway so I have nothing to loose and nothing to gain either. Why not just enjoy things for what they are. I'd rather be alone than with someone I don't want or who doesn't wow me at all.
brigit87 Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 I'd rather be alone than with someone I don't want or who doesn't wow me at all. You sound like one of my friends. She never had a serious adult relationship and she has been alone a long time and I'm sure is going to stay that way. She's pretty lonely and I feel bad for her but she did it to herself. She had opportunities and she, like you, thought she could do better and didn't want to "lower" herself. 2
Author ZA Dater Posted October 19, 2018 Author Posted October 19, 2018 You sound like one of my friends. She never had a serious adult relationship and she has been alone a long time and I'm sure is going to stay that way. She's pretty lonely and I feel bad for her but she did it to herself. She had opportunities and she, like you, thought she could do better and didn't want to "lower" herself. She has my respect. No she didn't do it to herself at all, you cannot like someone you don't want to like. Again I suspect you haven't had to do that so its easy to dispense that sort of advice. Nobody I know who has dispensed that sort of advice has had to actually implement it themselves. I'd rather have a collection of decent enough experiences with people and be alone than be stuck with someone who doesn't give me anything I actually want. Unfortunately pretty much nobody thinks like me, they all think like the advice you mention, I know people who have settled and when I hear over and over "she is fantastic, our sex life is fantastic, we get along so well" for me that's just the person trying their best to rationalise their partner. On the face of it this date would have probably been a pretty good one but no communication for two days, no response to texts yes I can see what is going on here and its pretty much inevitable. But I got a few days of good conversation from her so it wasn't all a total loss. Question, would you have taken any of the opportunities she had? Again I suspect not, for years a friend tried to set me up, problem was "she is fantastic, she is hot" yes so fantastic and hot he wouldn't give her a second look but she was good enough for me? No thanks to that sort of scenario.
brigit87 Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 Question, would you have taken any of the opportunities she had? Yes. There were guys who were really cute and had decent careers that were interested in her. I would have given them a chance, a better chance than she did. Everyone settles. Even if you marry "the girl of your dreams" you're still with the same dream every night. Or, the dream girl gets nasty at times and doesn't walk around the house in 4 inch heels. People are massively flawed. I don't think you can tolerate peoples flaws. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted October 19, 2018 Author Posted October 19, 2018 Yes. There were guys who were really cute and had decent careers that were interested in her. I would have given them a chance, a better chance than she did. Everyone settles. Even if you marry "the girl of your dreams" you're still with the same dream every night. Or, the dream girl gets nasty at times and doesn't walk around the house in 4 inch heels. People are massively flawed. I don't think you can tolerate peoples flaws. What exactly is a better chance? Did you ever ask her why she didn't find them attractive? Sure, settle for what you want, not someone you don't want. I have met people I consider to be "completely attractive" to me but they are few and far between and it just doesn't ever work for me. Mostly I resent the fact I need to do all the "liking" and get very little back. Yes, I can lower my standards and get swooned over but what the point in that, its just the reverse scenario. Yes, everyone is flawed but someone who speaks poorly is fundamentally flawed in terms of what I find attractive, to someone else it might not matter because she has a hot body. I have pretty much come to terms with the fact I'll be alone forever, the idea used to scare me and keep me awake at night but it doesn't anymore. If I could go back 10 years Id have done things differently but I cant so there not point crying about split milk.
MaleIntuition Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 In today’s OLD world it’s not even about “lowering standards” or whatever. It’s about being open minded towards people you’ve never met. I’m tired of explaining that pictures are 2D and people are 3D. Some simply don’t look good in pictures but might have amazing charisma, cute quirks or something else that you fine attractive...
brigit87 Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 I have pretty much come to terms with the fact I'll be alone forever, the idea used to scare me and keep me awake at night but it doesn't anymore. If I could go back 10 years Id have done things differently but I cant so there not point crying about split milk. That's right no point dwelling on past mistakes and missed opportunities. And if you decide that being alone is for you then thats OK too.
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