fixandfix Posted October 9, 2018 Posted October 9, 2018 I'm not sure if this is the appropriate place to ask this, please move it if this is not appropriate, thanks! So... my bf is undergoing a stressful period lately. He's been out of job for a while now and is trying to find a job. Last thurs, I thought maybe it'd be nice if I initiate ***. So I did, and I tried to arouse him. But he brushed me off and said he wansn't in the mood. This was the third time in 2 months. The first and second time really affected me because it took me a very long time to pluck up the courage before I initiate. It took me at least 1 hour to mentally plan out what I want to say. He's my first boyfriend whom I was intimate with. After the rejection, he kept saying that it's his fault not mine. He was being nice so I let it slide. After the incident on last Thurs, he tried to pacify me and tell me that it wasn't my fault and that the stress was causing him to have low libido. But I don't know what was wrong with me, I still took it very personally. And for the next 3 days, I didn't felt like replying or talking to him. Although he reached out to me and said that it all wasn't my fault, I still felt embarrassed and dumb for initiating. I also felt like it was cos I wasn't attractive enough so he could not get aroused. He was being nice about it for the past few days. But I just can't seem to get past my feelings, and I was a total bitch to him. I don't know if I'm making a fuss or what, but I really did feel upset over it. Like I really have no mood and I'm thinking is it my body that is not attractive. Thanks for hearing me out.
Garcon1986 Posted October 9, 2018 Posted October 9, 2018 I would personally be thrilled if my future GF did that for me. You are being super caring for wanting to help him destress. If the conclusion is that he is stressed at work, I would ask him what are other ways you can help him destress, that he would be receptive to. You could bring up again that you feel annoyed that he is brushing you off for helping him destress. If you actually think the brushing off is a more chronic issue then you got a more serious problem on your hands. Here’s a chance to see if he is a mature lad willing to use mature communication or a kid susceptible to temper tantrums. Good for you for not being too confrontational.
Author fixandfix Posted October 9, 2018 Author Posted October 9, 2018 Thanks Garcon1986. I was quite "fierce" when I told him about how I feel and some words I used were quite harsh. Like I told him that I regretted taking the initiative cos I ended up looking dumb and stupid. So I didn't know if I was too harsh towards him also, but I really didn't feel like I want to be "kind" to him cos I'm in no mood to do so when I'm still hurt and upset over the rejection.
Garcon1986 Posted October 9, 2018 Posted October 9, 2018 You are right, it could have come off harsh. However, I would find a time when the both of you are in a relatively good mood and talk it through. For such a sensitive topic, it is very easy for it to become ego vs ego, but do your best to have a heart to heart.
PRW Posted October 9, 2018 Posted October 9, 2018 Your "boyfriend" is just that,...a "boy". A whiny little b*tch. He isn't the only person on the planet that ever had to look for a job. Tell him to grow a pair of balls and call you when they are ripe. Then give him about a week "vacation" from you.
kendahke Posted October 9, 2018 Posted October 9, 2018 I think that you need to tell him this, not as a means to manipulate or punish him, but as a means to keep communication open. You need to find out from him exactly what he needs from you at this time--it might not be sex right now--and try to not let your inability to have him exactly how you want him right now take rule over his need to get through whatever it is that's got his stressed out. If you become a stressor, you run the risk of being dumped because it's one more thing he can't handle and is failing at. Apologize for being the t.b.
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