Pikapoka Posted October 8, 2018 Posted October 8, 2018 Hi! PLEASE ADVICE- I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE AND Im LOST!! I started dating a guy a year ago. We both came to this city to study and the only friend he has here is his female friend from country he comes that studies in the city and hour away. They used to spend every weekend together before we met for 2 years but apparently with no closer relationship history. After we started dating he was continuing partying with her and staying at her place during the weekends - After she met me she started talking **** about me to him - how I will be jealous and I will not leave them to be friends which I never did. And howw I don’t speak spanish so I cannot be part of their group...etc. And she didn’t want to hear good things he was telling her about me, she just reproached him how he is ****y friend for hanging out with me too much instead being with her. he kept going to her every weekend. Until one day.... She wanted to spend her birthday in another city inviting him, her mother and brother (she had a boyfriend at that time but didn’t invite him because she had him only so they two can make fun of him). He asked me to join and I was uncomfortable but because I love him I said yes. When he told her she was very angry at him that she wanted only him and I cannot come because I can’t speak Spanish and they will not be able to communicate. I told him I don’t allow him to go. He went anyway saying he did wrong asking me to go with them becaUse afterall is her birthday and she decides who to invite. He even said I let him down by not allowing him to go and he doesn’t want to stay with me anymore. After drama we still stayed together- he still goes and visit her every now and then but this story still hurts me and I don’t know how to let it go. Is it really my fault? Please advice!! P
snowboy91 Posted October 8, 2018 Posted October 8, 2018 For a start, she is one heck of a possessive friend. There are a whole range of reasons why she's behaving like this. She might be interested in him as more than a friend (but if she's left it 2 years she's really missed her chance there). She might get some bad vibe off you for whatever reason. She might be scared of losing one of her only friends to a relationship (I think this is most likely). On the other hand, it was a bad move for you to stop him from going to her birthday - that comes across as possessive and controlling. People that stop their partners from seeing friends on their own will end up creating resentment very quickly - you would consider it unfair as well if he stopped you from seeing any of your friends. I'd like to ask you - would you be comfortable with your BF having her as a friend if she was nice to you rather than nasty?
Author Pikapoka Posted October 9, 2018 Author Posted October 9, 2018 Yes and that is how it was at the beginning. I liked her - i wanted us to hang out together- he has other women friends - actua He has only women friends except one guy, and Im fine with them. But she is obviously the most important one - and she despises me for no reason. And that what hurts me. I tried really hard to fit in and she pushed me away as well as trying to convince him he is in unhealthy and boring relationship and he would be much better off if he went out partying with her as they used to do..
hippychick3 Posted October 9, 2018 Posted October 9, 2018 There is probably nothing you can do to make her like you. She may not have any romantic interest in him, but she is very jealous. She considers him to belong to her and is very threatened by anyone who won't allow that. Your bf needs to take a side here and set boundaries. He should never allow anyone to disrespect you or talk negatively about you. I would have a huge issue with my bf (who has many female friends) going on a trip with a female friend without inviting me along, especially one who is rude to me. He wouldn't be my bf anymore.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted October 9, 2018 Posted October 9, 2018 There is probably nothing you can do to make her like you. She may not have any romantic interest in him, but she is very jealous. She considers him to belong to her and is very threatened by anyone who won't allow that. Your bf needs to take a side here and set boundaries. He should never allow anyone to disrespect you or talk negatively about you. I would have a huge issue with my bf (who has many female friends) going on a trip with a female friend without inviting me along, especially one who is rude to me. He wouldn't be my bf anymore. I concur. Sadly this may reach a point where you have to make him choose. I would never let any of my friends to disrespect my bf or talk crap about him. I find it strange that he is choosing her feelings over yours. I may the only one, but there may be something going on between them.
guest569 Posted October 9, 2018 Posted October 9, 2018 I've been there too and would have reacted the same way that you did. Your boyfriend is not cool and needs to prioritise you and your feelings. For me it was a deal breaker and I eventually left. He wasn't going to change. I hate to say but it doesn't look like this guy will change either. How can he stand by and let her treat you so poorly and stomp all over your relationship and lives?
elaine567 Posted October 9, 2018 Posted October 9, 2018 It is a deal breaker, you don't put up with that kind of behaviour from anyone. He is choosing this girl who hates you and is determined to sabotage your relationship, over you, his actual gf. He (and she) tested your boundary, your boundary is weak and he will hurt you again and again - do not let him, set him loose. He is not bf material.
Gretchen12 Posted October 9, 2018 Posted October 9, 2018 A guy who chooses to see someone else (man or woman) every weekend, is not your boyfriend.
kendahke Posted October 9, 2018 Posted October 9, 2018 You are the other woman in their relationship, my dear. Despite what he is telling you--if he makes this kind of space in his life for her--every weekend--and he's supposed to be with you? No, honey--he's marking time with you. No man who truly loves you is going to let an,y.one. in his sphere disrespect you; certainly not the way he's let her disrespect you. He lets her do it with impunity and you've let him know that's ok with you because you stay and dismiss his disrespect by saying "but I love him..." A guy like this isn't someone to be proud of being with, OP.
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