Ariesgirly Posted October 8, 2018 Posted October 8, 2018 (edited) Hey everyone, I need some advice or opinions on if I ruined things here... I have been dating a guy a few weeks. He has been great about calling or texting everyday, planning dates with me ahead of time and asking about when he can see me again while we are already on a date. Things have been going great. We have great chemistry, laugh alot and he holds my hand and is affectionate in public. This past week he already invited me to do something with him and his friends but I was unable to attend so I took that as a good sign. Since I couldn't make that he asked if he could have me over and make dinner for me last night which was our fourth date. Things got hot and heavy and we had a conversation about if we should sleep with each other or not. (We've also made it clear we are looking to date someone and not hookup) He was asking if he thinks we should wait a few more dates but wanted to see where my head was at. I let him know I really liked him and planned to keep seeing him and was open to sleeping together if he was not currently sleeping with anyone else which he said he wasn't and so we went ahead and did it. This morning he made me coffee, we hung out for a bit and I left. For some reason I have felt like complete **** all day. I haven't heard from him at all and I went from feeling like this was something that was going down a great path to feeling like I ruined it by sleeping with him. I know it wasn't THAT fast to sleep with him, but was him asking if he thinks we should wait longer a test? Am I over analyzing the fact he hasn't reached out to me? I feel like even if I waited a few more dates I would have felt insecure anyways about giving up my power. Edited October 8, 2018 by Ariesgirly
Scarlett.O'hara Posted October 8, 2018 Posted October 8, 2018 The reality is that waiting to have sex a few more dates was never going to give you more power. There is always an element of risk that the other person will reject you after you become intimate. I think it is a bit soon to start freaking out about getting the silent treatment. He may just need a bit of time to process what happened, like you yourself are doing right now. Sex changes things, especially for those who put a strong value on it. I get the sense that his willingness to wait means that he sees sex as something meaningful to him. If that is the case, he might just need some time and space to assess how he feels. There is no guarantee that things will work out with this guy, but for now I think it is worth giving him the benefit of the doubt for a couple of days. 2
Larry56 Posted October 8, 2018 Posted October 8, 2018 Okay. Let me try to make you understand what happens in a guys mind once he has sex with you. It consolidates everything about you in his mind about you Therefore he takes every bit of information of you and creates a powerpoint in his head and tick boxes of everything you did right and wrong in the past whatever amount of time it was. Every guy has a different set of criteria but it usually revolves around all sorts but here's a list. Does she respect me? Does she make my life easier? Does she make me look good when we are out together? Do I like her face and titties? Do we have anything in common? Do I like the idea of being with this woman for a long time? Does she have a sexy voice? Does she have hobbies? Does she complain all the time? Does she stand her ground in a discussion or pander to everything I say? Is she actually reliable? Did she make me look bad in front of my friends Will she get on with my family? Etc and etc... If you've done more good things then bad during the time you were together...he might wanna be together.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 8, 2018 Posted October 8, 2018 For some reason I have felt like complete **** all day. I haven't heard from him at all and I went from feeling like this was something that was going down a great path to feeling like I ruined it by sleeping with him. I know it wasn't THAT fast to sleep with him, but was him asking if he thinks we should wait longer a test? Am I over analyzing the fact he hasn't reached out to me? I feel like even if I waited a few more dates I would have felt insecure anyways about giving up my power. If it was, you really don't want to date a guy who "tests" you like that. How long has it been since you last heard from him? It sounds like it's only been a few hours. You might just need to chill and not automatically assume that his silence is all about you.
MaleIntuition Posted October 8, 2018 Posted October 8, 2018 Hey everyone, I need some advice or opinions on if I ruined things here... I have been dating a guy a few weeks. He has been great about calling or texting everyday, planning dates with me ahead of time and asking about when he can see me again while we are already on a date. Things have been going great. We have great chemistry, laugh alot and he holds my hand and is affectionate in public. This past week he already invited me to do something with him and his friends but I was unable to attend so I took that as a good sign. Since I couldn't make that he asked if he could have me over and make dinner for me last night which was our fourth date. Things got hot and heavy and we had a conversation about if we should sleep with each other or not. (We've also made it clear we are looking to date someone and not hookup) He was asking if he thinks we should wait a few more dates but wanted to see where my head was at. I let him know I really liked him and planned to keep seeing him and was open to sleeping together if he was not currently sleeping with anyone else which he said he wasn't and so we went ahead and did it. This morning he made me coffee, we hung out for a bit and I left. For some reason I have felt like complete **** all day. I haven't heard from him at all and I went from feeling like this was something that was going down a great path to feeling like I ruined it by sleeping with him. I know it wasn't THAT fast to sleep with him, but was him asking if he thinks we should wait longer a test? Am I over analyzing the fact he hasn't reached out to me? I feel like even if I waited a few more dates I would have felt insecure anyways about giving up my power. Yes, you are overanalysing and what “power” are you even referring to? It’s just your insecurities speaking, it’s only been a couple of hours.
Author Ariesgirly Posted October 8, 2018 Author Posted October 8, 2018 Yes, you are overanalysing and what “power” are you even referring to? It’s just your insecurities speaking, it’s only been a couple of hours. Well, I went ahead and texted him last night asking how his day with his son was ( he had his son yesterday) and received no response. I am trying to not look too deeply into it but I can only assume the worst when he's texted and called everyday for weeks and now he is suddenly not communicating. I just felt a sudden shift the moment the deed was done. I felt confident about our decision to sleep together before and then regretted it. I am not sure why. I feel like I have been ghosted so many times I just expect it now.
Author Ariesgirly Posted October 9, 2018 Author Posted October 9, 2018 I texted him Sunday night and didn't get a response until 24 hours later. When I responded back I heard nothing. So as of now he hasn't contacted me at all. I feel like a fool right now. We had a date already set this coming Thursday and as of now I have no idea if its even happening. I don't want to look clingy or desperate so I don't want to text him again
Mardelis Posted October 9, 2018 Posted October 9, 2018 We had a date already set this coming Thursday and as of now I have no idea if its even happening. It's not happening.
Whodatdog Posted October 9, 2018 Posted October 9, 2018 I dont know that you could have done anything differently. Something seems to have turned him off of you, for him to have such a reversal of behavior. I dont think Id text him anymore if I were you. His silence is speaking volumes.
ar1489 Posted October 16, 2018 Posted October 16, 2018 I texted him Sunday night and didn't get a response until 24 hours later. When I responded back I heard nothing. So as of now he hasn't contacted me at all. I feel like a fool right now. We had a date already set this coming Thursday and as of now I have no idea if its even happening. I don't want to look clingy or desperate so I don't want to text him again he seems rude. I am not a huge believer in the fact that guys are ONLY out for sex and will completely stop calling after they get that from a girl, but it seems like he might be one of those guys. I would stop reaching out to him. If he wants to talk to you, he will reach out.
smackie9 Posted October 16, 2018 Posted October 16, 2018 Not every guy is only out for sex, they want sex yes.....Some guys need sex to feel that connection/chemistry.....it's possible he didn't feel it. Remember sex isn't a currency to buy you a relationship. He scampered away like a coward, for whatever reason. Not sure what explanation you would accept if he didn't want to see you again. Honesty? or some BS? If this happens like all the time...timing may not be the reason. Your picker could be off.
Simple Logic Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 Simple explanation is there are men who are deceptive about there true intentions to get sex. Without polygraphing dates I am uncertain how one discovers the truth.
zouz71 Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 I don't think you ruined it ; rather it was an earl;y detection mechanism about your compatibility . Frankly , I don't think he deserves you if he doesn't show his interest. Personally , If I really like a woman and she sleeps with me at early stages ;it will make my love for her grow fonder . “The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman's love without the intention of loving her” 1
Saracena Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 Since you appeared to be anxious very shortly after you two had slept together, sounds to me you sensed something was up very early on. Can you what/why this was? OP, I wouldn't contact this guy ever again. I'm sorry this happened to you but for whatever reason, his interest appears to have waned.
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