Fiance's friend hates me and disrespects me

October 7, 2018

(I will not use real names but fake ones so I do not have to say "my fiance" or "my fiance's friend. My fiance's name will be Bob and his friend will be Larry)

I have been dating Bob for a year and a half now, since July 4, 2017. We have had major road blocks steer us off of each other's paths and we have successfully got over them. The only problem I have with him is the kind of friends he makes and how he handles them. He found a new friend about a year ago and totally enjoys him. But just recently Larry has started to get on my nerves. Like enough is enough.

I have a twelve sometimes fourteen hour shifts that I have every day and I enjoy coming home to Bob every night. But for three weeks straight I started coming home to Bob and Larry both always playing the game systems in our bedroom or screaming at the tv. The house is a mess and there was no food ready. I usually come home with food on the dining room table or on TV stands in the bedroom, but not anymore. I know that some people may get tired of doing that but Bob just recently started getting the hang of it.

I greet everyone and usually head to the bedroom to freshen up and shower ignoring that I had more cleaning to do and food to make. Finally after the second week I had enough. I come back out to the living room and asked them to shut off the tv so I could talk to them. Larry tells me that I should wait until they are done(usually they get done at eleven pm) and then I can talk to them. Bob tries to shut off the tv but Larry says, "No, me and Bob haven't had enough time together and he's my friend. Stop trying to take that way a from me. Sounds like someone is just jealous. " He would go on and on. Wouldn't let me explain anything.

And while Larry is telling me that I'm jealous and rude for trying to talk Bob says nothing. Can't even look at me. I have tried so hard to be nice to Bob's friend but it's so hard. If I say one wrong thing to Larry he will give me an hour of pep talk about jealousy and that he might as well be lonely like he always is. The self pitty stuff that works on Bob. When I finally get time with Bob it's already one and I would have to leave in the morning at six. When I try to ask Bob about Larry and ask him why he didn't say anything Bob would do what Larry did and tell me ",

Well, maybe you shouldn't have inturupted our guy time. He's right. You do sound like a jealous girlfriend. " After, that I had enough and stopped trying and let them have their time. Please, how do I handle this better?

Edited October 10, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

October 7, 2018

It's your fiancé who needs to set boundaries with his buddy.

Rather than focus on Larry as the problem, think long and hard about marrying a guy who can put video games ahead of taking care of you. He's a spineless manchild. You said there were earlier roadblocks - what were they?

October 7, 2018

It seems like Bob and Larry are in agreement. Does Bob work?

October 7, 2018

You work 12-14 hour shifts? Sounds to me like Bob got lonely and needed someone to fill the gap when you weren't there. And he found that he liked the way the gap got filled. At least he found a buddy and not an affair partner.

If you want this to change, you both have to change. At your end of this, start with working reasonable hours so that you can be part of his life. And yes, he has to lift his game as well. But don't be misled into thinking that 100% of the solution falls on Bob.

October 7, 2018

If you want this to change, you both have to change. At your end of this, start with working reasonable hours so that you can be part of his life. And yes, he has to lift his game as well. But don't be misled into thinking that 100% of the solution falls on Bob.

Really? She has to change her career? I think that is a bit unfair. She is who she is and Bob has chosen to be engaged to a shift worker. It's not that hard. He doesn't have to fill up his AND their time with this awf Larry into the early hours of the morning. I blame Bob 100 %, time to grow up little Bobby.

Did your hours get longer recently or was it always that way?

October 7, 2018

I don't know!

How about you play with them and be involved in their games! Sometimes, you are really just the boring adult here, and they are in a different world, you keep resisting but you keep on being shoved away because you belong to a different world!

I mean, if he is a gamer, he'll always be a gamer, the only options you have are

:

1) leave!

2) join them in their gaming world!

3) fight all the time about it until either you or Larry win's Bob over!

I think there is also the option of deciding that Larry can only come on certain times and days, not all the times, and certainly not every day!

October 7, 2018

Video games are awesome.

October 7, 2018

I don't know!
How about you play with them and be involved in their games! Sometimes, you are really just the boring adult here, and they are in a different world, you keep resisting but you keep on being shoved away because you belong to a different world!

I mean, if he is a gamer, he'll always be a gamer, the only options you have are
:

1) leave!
2) join them in their gaming world!
3) fight all the time about it until either you or Larry win's Bob over!

I think there is also the option of deciding that Larry can only come on certain times and days, not all the times, and certainly not every day!

If I come home from a 12-14 hour shift, and my H is playing games with a friend and doesn't kick him out, **** will hit the fan. And I am NOT joining them when I need to eat, and sleep, to be ready to go back to work the next day. It doesn't make me a 'boring adult', it makes me a responsible fiancée, homeowner, potential mother.

Sure, limiting their time is an option. Three weeks straight? It should have never gotten that far.

OP, you never replied - does Bob work?

October 7, 2018

If I come home from a 12-14 hour shift, and my H is playing games with a friend and doesn't kick him out, **** will hit the fan. And I am NOT joining them when I need to eat, and sleep, to be ready to go back to work the next day. It doesn't make me a 'boring adult', it makes me a responsible fiancée, homeowner, potential mother.

Sure, limiting their time is an option. Three weeks straight? It should have never gotten that far.

OP, you never replied - does Bob work?

Exactly. People who work for 12-14 hours do not have time to play video games and really need their own time and space to relax on their own or with a loved one. Coming home after a long day to a fiance and his male friend both sitting on your bed slobbing it up, is so inappropriate.

Cooking, housework, pets, children.. that will all fall on OP.

October 8, 2018

If I come home from a 12-14 hour shift, and my H is playing games with a friend and doesn't kick him out, **** will hit the fan. And I am NOT joining them when I need to eat, and sleep, to be ready to go back to work the next day. It doesn't make me a 'boring adult', it makes me a responsible fiancée, homeowner, potential mother.

Sure, limiting their time is an option. Three weeks straight? It should have never gotten that far.

OP, you never replied - does Bob work?

Well, life is not always about being serious! she wants to be a mother? Does he want to be a father though? Doesn't seem like it!

Obviously, they have a different outlook on life!

Why would she kick someone out? Is it her right to kick her fiancee's friend?

The husband should ask his friend to leave, but if the husband does not do that, that means he doesn't enjoy her company that much.

So the answer is clear, she either join them or leave them.

If he is like this after 1 year, he'll be more distant after 3-5 years.

If she is doing all the work, and he is not working, then she has the right to be pissed and angry.

but if he is doing his share of work, and this is his apartment as much as it is her apartment, then it's a different story,

Clearly, he is a gamer, she either accept his manner or not.

Can you really change someone? If he is like that, Larry or no Larry will not make a difference, as there will always be some kind of Larry in their life.

He also seems to be influenced by Larry attitude and words, that means he has a weak personality and is easily influenced by his friend's words, this could be a major problem in the future.

I am curious about their age, I feel they are too young, but I could be wrong!

October 8, 2018

Larry tells me ...

Waymint!!!!!!

In your house, Larry is opening up his mouth and saying what to you?

He'd have been out of that house right then and there and Bob would have been read the riot act since he didn't check his little friend in the moment.

No--you are NOT going to sit up in MY house and tell ME when I can talk to the other person who my income is going to help support. No--that's not happening here. And if Larry is that damb grown, he needs to go home and set up the Xbox there and play his stupid games there.

And if Bob is that cucked by his friend that he allows him to speak to you that way in your own home? He needs to go, too.

Unless Larry is going to drop down and provide Bob with his sexual needs, his behind needs to be banned from your home and Bob needs to be the one to step to his new little friend and tell him where to get go and quick how to get there.

That takes some nerve to tell you what you may or may not do in your own home. I'm pissed off for you.

October 8, 2018

The husband should ask his friend to leave, but if the husband does not do that

Bob is no one's husband yet

Even still, if his woman has come home from a 12-14 hour day, Larry should have been long gone before OP got home, that Xbox should have been cold to the touch, dinner and a drink should have been on the table.

If Bob has been home long enough to play video games, he's been home long enough to cook/order-deliver dinner.

OP--when both Bob and Larry are gone, throw the gaming console out or lock it up somewhere until you and Bob have had a talk about how you're not going to come home to this mess anymore---and if he wants to let Larry try to run roughshod over you again, he can turn to Larry for all of his sexual needs and make him his girlfriend.

I would not even be bending my mind towards marriage with Bob until he figures out his friends' place in his girlfriend's home.

October 8, 2018

I blame Bob 100 %, time to grow up little Bobby.

^^^^This. All. Day. Long.

Bob is intimidated by Larry.

I wouldn't put it past Larry to suggest to Bob that he offers OP up for a threesome.... just something slimy about that name...

October 8, 2018

Really? She has to change her career? I think that is a bit unfair. She is who she is and Bob has chosen to be engaged to a shift worker. It's not that hard. He doesn't have to fill up his AND their time with this awf Larry into the early hours of the morning. I blame Bob 100 %, time to grow up little Bobby.

Did your hours get longer recently or was it always that way?

No, she doesn't have to give up her career. But she needs to be aware that working 12-14hr days is hardly conducive to a solid relationship. Sure, it may happen on occasion with a deadline, but it's not sustainable if the relationship is to be nurtured and the domestic chores evenly shared.

What about Bob? I'm assuming he's working and quite reasonably needs to chill when he gets home. Why should he work full time AND take on all the cooking and cleaning because she wants to work extraordinarily long hours?

Of course, the OP could quite reasonably choose to be single and committed to her job. There are always choices. And yes, I would say the same thing if the OP was male.

October 8, 2018

But she needs to be aware that working 12-14hr days is hardly conducive to a solid relationship.

Having your man's rude grown friend up in your bedroom playing videos games when you roll in from working however many hours and telling you what you may and may not say in your own home is also not conducive to a solid relationship.

Why should he work full time AND take on all the cooking and cleaning because she wants to work extraordinarily long hours?

Is it a matter of want or are you just spitting on OP?

Has OP said anywhere that she wants to give up her job or that she's got a huge choice of jobs where she lives which will give her the benefits she now enjoys where she works and won't have to take a hit, financially?

If not, then it's unreasonable to even think or proffer that she should chuck her employment to take another job that may pay less just to work less hours instead of Bob growing a pair and not allowing Larry to disrespect his woman in her own home.

October 8, 2018

What about Bob? I'm assuming he's working and quite reasonably needs to chill when he gets home. Why should he work full time AND take on all the cooking and cleaning because she wants to work extraordinarily long hours?

That's kind of the big unknown here. I've asked, but OP hasn't been back.

If he's not working, or underworking, it certainly influences responses. As for OP's shifts, an a nurse, I can attest to the fact that sometimes you have to do extraordinarily long hours and weird shifts before you move up and can start choosing jobs that are more compatible with a normal home life.

In any case, I still say three weeks straight of her coming home to this is out of line. There's more bromance than romance in the house!

October 8, 2018

That's kind of the big unknown here. I've asked, but OP hasn't been back.

If he's not working, or underworking, it certainly influences responses. As for OP's shifts, an a nurse, I can attest to the fact that sometimes you have to do extraordinarily long hours and weird shifts before you move up and can start choosing jobs that are more compatible with a normal home life.

In any case, I still say three weeks straight of her coming home to this is out of line. There's more bromance than romance in the house!

Yes, it will be interesting to see if she comes back and if there's more info.

Good on you for nursing. Such an undervalued profession.

October 8, 2018

Your man is not a keeper. He's a little boy. If you insist on continuing to have sex with him even after the way he's treating you, then please take birth control. This is no one capable of looking after a child. He will just be another child for you to take care of, well, he and Larry. Why don't you just move out?

Plus he's gaslighting you to try to flip it to where it's your fault! Look up gaslighting in google and then you'll be more prepared to shoot him down or throw him out.

October 8, 2018

I work 12 hour shifts and if my bf had some man-child friend over playing video games when I got home I'd lose my s**t. I'd consider throwing a video game controller right at Larry's head if he spoke to me like that in my own home and Bob's too if he didn't buck up and tell Larry to hit the road so I can have my glass of wine in peace

OP, you're not being unreasonable here, in fact you're being slighted in your own home. As others have said, Larry isn't the problem, Bob is. He's your fiance, he's supposed to have your back.

Does Bob work? Why is he sitting around playing video games until 1am? He sounds like a child. They both do, but again, it's Bob who is responsible for all this.

How old are both of you?

October 8, 2018

I have been dating Bob for a year and a half now, since July 4, 2017. We have had major road blocks steer us off of each other's paths and we have successfully got over them. The only problem I have with him is the kind of friends he makes and how he handles them. He found a new friend about a year ago and totally enjoys him. But just recently Larry has started to get on my nerves. Like enough is enough. <SNIP>

Sounds like 3's Company to me saga.. You got your hands full with the guy friend running that household. I would get out the fire and get into the water. Meaning leave them to do what they want but you'll have something better to do but not with those two acting like jerks and saying the wrong things to you. This will give you idea what's to come if you marry BOB. BOB needs to be on your side and tell his friend Larry to back off or leave his house. But Bob doesn't put you first he putting Larry first. Of course he knows Larry longer than you, which you can come and go without a notice. My dear not everyone gets along. Your not there for Larry and Larry is not there for you. It's you and BOB but, Mr. BOB not thinking like he should respect you and your needs to be sharing your time. Like I say tell BOB blank off otherwise you leave his derriere behind. Pardon my french. This gets me like this I just don't like how women are treated by there Jerks of BF. Sorry but this is not right behavior!

Edited October 10, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

October 9, 2018

. Of course he knows Larry longer than you

Wrong.

I have been dating Bob for a year and a half now, since July 4, 2017. He found a new friend about a year ago

She's been dating Bob longer than Bob has known Larry.

October 9, 2018

Wrong.

She's been dating Bob longer than Bob has known Larry.

You don't get it! Even if so Bob still favors Larry friendship over the OP. Where as the OP have to take a back seat and let the men have their way why she sites on the side lines. You can't take the guys side. I feel the OP should be the want Bob needs to focus his attention on. Let's don't go there okay Kendahke.

October 9, 2018

You don't get it! Even if so Bob still favors Larry friendship over the OP. Where as the OP have to take a back seat and let the men have their way why she sites on the side lines. You can't take the guys side. I feel the OP should be the want Bob needs to focus his attention on. Let's don't go there okay Kendahke.

WAT?

Where is K taking the guys' side?

She gets it just fine, and isn't 'going there'. How did you misread what a very rational, articulate and reliable poster offered as her advice? She's plain as day to me (as always).

October 9, 2018

What is your fiancé - 12? This is a childish relationship. It’s not the friend whose disrespect you need to worry about - it’s your fiancé’s. I’d suggest moving out and finding a grown up to marry.

October 9, 2018

You don't get it! Even if so Bob still favors Larry friendship over the OP. Where as the OP have to take a back seat and let the men have their way why she sites on the side lines. You can't take the guys side. I feel the OP should be the want Bob needs to focus his attention on. Let's don't go there okay Kendahke.

What? I can't understand this.

Sign In

Fiance's friend hates me and disrespects me

Recommended Posts

Nashier

MidwestUSA

guest569

basil67

guest569

Noproblem

Larry56

MidwestUSA

guest569

Noproblem

kendahke

kendahke

kendahke

basil67

kendahke

MidwestUSA

basil67

preraph

Dis

coolheadal

kendahke

coolheadal

MidwestUSA

bathtub-row

kendahke

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...