kamani Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 I am much older than you, haven't dated many, in a long term marriage. But I just wanted to point out a possibility that others didn't. OP this break up can be the lack of good sex from your end. Many women cannot voice it, will just wait and see if the man will improve. Men think she had good sex, because the sex was good for the man. Many men would reply "No. Sex was good. She was very wet". But a woman being wet is because she was horny for you at that time and good sex is how you treated her at that time. I am not blaming you or telling that how she ended things are right. Lack of connection coupled with not good enough sex can be a strong enough reason to end a short relationship.
Author Swan89 Posted April 1, 2019 Author Posted April 1, 2019 I am much older than you, haven't dated many, in a long term marriage. But I just wanted to point out a possibility that others didn't. OP this break up can be the lack of good sex from your end. Many women cannot voice it, will just wait and see if the man will improve. Men think she had good sex, because the sex was good for the man. Many men would reply "No. Sex was good. She was very wet". But a woman being wet is because she was horny for you at that time and good sex is how you treated her at that time. I am not blaming you or telling that how she ended things are right. Lack of connection coupled with not good enough sex can be a strong enough reason to end a short relationship. I always made sure I "got her off" either orally or with my hand, always made an effort and lots of kissing and caressing. I always thought I did a decent job.
Nic86 Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 (edited) I went through a very similar experience as you did, back in 2005, and things ended very badly between us, because neither of us could or would communicate. It is better to be honest and upfront when an issue arises, no matter how uncomfortable it may make one of you feel. Their response will tell you everything. I was a lot like this girl with the guy I was seeing back then, I was 19, he was 26, but maybe this girl was your gf and not just a fwb? I did ask questions and such, but he 'defined' our relationship very early on as "no-strings attached", and I asked him once if he wanted a gf, just out of general curiosity, and he said "I don't want to feel tied down", so I knew not to get emotionally invested in this guy, and being anything more never crossed my mind,as he defined us early on. He told me a few times that he loved me, but I didn't think it was anything more than as a platonic friend. I never told him I loved him, because for me, actions speak louder than words, and I needed to protect myself, so I never said it in return, even though I know I cared about him a lot. We went out to clubs, a water park, the beach, overnight road trip, held hands etc, but we were not defined and never had 1 on 1 time. We never argued, and I never had anything to complain about, because well, he never did anything that provoked me, we respected each other and so on. Things ended very badly between us, after he saw I met up with another man (my ex) but hey, he defined us very early on, and it was my right to move on to someone who was sure what they wanted, and here we are, 2019 and I cannot, and still have not forgotten, what he said and did to me that night. I'm sure he deeply regrets what he did too, as I could see so much hurt in his eyes when I walked past him a few weeks later. I ignored him of course, because he deserved it after what he did to me. Maybe he was secretly in love with me or something and did it to protect himself, but so much heartache could've been avoided if both parties communicated and were clear on what we were. Don't feel bad, you did the right thing, although would've been better in person. I have changed a lot over the years, and been with my husband for 12 years, no communication problems, I speak up when needed, and happy to have learned a serious lesson from this guy back in 2005. Edited April 1, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed quote
Author Swan89 Posted April 1, 2019 Author Posted April 1, 2019 (edited) We were actually in relationship as I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend after 2 months. I made sure we did activities together on a regular basis so that things didn't get too predictable and boring. I made an effort in this relationship but there's only so much one person can do in a long distance situation. I had a busy life and she didn't, she was bored and unfulfilled in hers. This girl once told me that "you're everything I've ever wanted". She even told me she "kinda loved me" one time on a night out. I did return it at one point a couple of weeks later. However, during the break up over the phone, when I told her I loved her, she didn't say it back, only "I'm really sorry" Ouch! Right? I suspect she was infatuated but the honeymoon period wore off, and that this depression/anxiety/feeling lost in her life is an excuse. Sometimes that's all people need to bail. Edited April 1, 2019 by Swan89
Nic86 Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 I understand how you feel, as I said, I was a lot like this girl, except I did actually like the guy, I just had a barrier up to protect myself in a fwb situation. In your case, it's different. This girl on the other hand, was your girlfriend. It does sound like she was not that into you, either because she didn't know how to say no when you asked her to be your gf, or she was only using you to pass the time. You'll feel much better knowing that it happened this early on in the relationship. With my guy, we were seeing each other once a week for 7-8 months and it really hurt to have ended the way it did. You did the right thing by bringing it up. Take this as a lesson learned. Never ignore those red flags because she will never change, unless she wants to. I've certainly matured a lot over the 14 years since my fwb ended, but now it's too late. People can change, but they need to go through some storms of their own before they can change and mature. For me, I don't like to say "I love you", I'd rather show it, and I don't say it unless I mean it. I don't say it to my husband, but I sure do express it. Don't take it personally if someone doesn't say it in return. There could be a number of reasons, just follow your gut instincts by judging their actions.
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