LaLa18 Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 Hi everyone! I am a NEWWBIE to this site! I guess I have a few things to share myself.. My friend is my age (18) and she's been seeing this man who is about 40 years old.. they have been talking for the past 3-4 years... which meant she was only 15 or 16.. dating an older man isn't the worst part.. the worst part is.. he's married AND has two kids... I don't understand how she could do that to the man she "loves" and his family. its soo morally wrong. It seem had ruined our friendship.. is it just me and my morals? or is it really her wrong-doing?
betterwife Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 Your parents taught you well. You were right about not socializing with her anymore. You don't want to surround yourself with people that are doing unethical things because you will ending up losing you values and morals. I say be bold what you stand for. I will tell her parents about the situation before you so called friend gets hurt. I will be praying for you.
erika2610 Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 Your parents taught you well. You were right about not socializing with her anymore. You don't want to surround yourself with people that are doing unethical things because you will ending up losing you values and morals. I say be bold what you stand for. I will tell her parents about the situation before you so called friend gets hurt. I will be praying for you. You would drop a friend because she was seeing a MM? What about being there for her?
Author LaLa18 Posted September 9, 2005 Author Posted September 9, 2005 the weiird thing is... there are about.. 4 people who know her secret and ARE still friends with her.. I thought I would put her "secret" life aside.. and TRiED to still be friends with her... but everytime I see her face... it just flashes back to me.. how she tried to hide such a BIG thing from me.. (me and my other friend, actually had to put all the clues together and find out for ourselves..)... my "friend" a HOMEWRECKER.. AM i the ONLY one our of these people who HAVE STRONG MORALS? Why can't homewreckers like her.. GET CAUGHT?! i just wanna see how things end... I want to see HOW she ends up..
Author LaLa18 Posted September 9, 2005 Author Posted September 9, 2005 Being there for her... as a friend.. is a totaly different story.. I always thought i was close to her... and I've always been truthful to her.. and for her to "hide" such a deep secret, thinking I wouldn't find out... should I still BE there for her? thinking about it now.. i don't think she was ever a good friend to me..
betterwife Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 I actly said, "Stop socializing with her." Let her know what she is doing is wrong and it's hurting you that she is getting played like that. I may have said dump her but just be there when she needs you. Just don't associate or support her actions
erika2610 Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 the weiird thing is... there are about.. 4 people who know her secret and ARE still friends with her.. I thought I would put her "secret" life aside.. and TRiED to still be friends with her... but everytime I see her face... it just flashes back to me.. how she tried to hide such a BIG thing from me.. (me and my other friend, actually had to put all the clues together and find out for ourselves..)... my "friend" a HOMEWRECKER.. AM i the ONLY one our of these people who HAVE STRONG MORALS? Why can't homewreckers like her.. GET CAUGHT?! i just wanna see how things end... I want to see HOW she ends up.. Honestly though, it has nothing to do with you. Unless she's asking you to lie to people for her or something along those lines. When I was dating a MM, sure my friends didn't agree with it, but they didn't drop me and stop talking to me. They knew it had nothing to do with them. They weren't involved in it. They let me live my life.. we were all adults. Sounds to me like you look down on your friend. There's no reason for you to. She most likely just has low self esteem.. and she liked the attention, got caught up in it. She's not a bad person I'm sure. And as far as how it'll end up.. she's gonna end up getting hurt more likely than not. She's gonna end up needing someody to talk to, a shoulder to lean on.. and friends sure do help. I suggest you be there for her..
Barby Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 My friend is my age (18) and she's been seeing this man who is about 40 years old.. they have been talking for the past 3-4 years... which meant she was only 15 or 16.. :eek: Okay isn't this like illegal??? Not only that but what in the world would a 36 y/o MM want with a 15 y/o girl??? I would be less concerned with her lack of morals and more concerned about his possible victimization of her. She was very young and even if a willing participant in the affair....he was far wiser and in all likelyhood did the coaching and leading of the affair (unless she had experience by that age?) Anyway, despite you agreeing or disagreeing with her choices, it seems like you are hurt worse by the fact that she didn't confide in you, like maybe you're hurt because you feel like she didn't trust you 100% or something. If you care about her still (which I'm sure you do)...try sitting her down and hearing things from her side. Explain to her your views on it and if you will/won't be there for her let her know your reasoning....
erika2610 Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 I would sit her down, tell her you don't agree with what she's doing, you don't wanna be involved, and you don't really wanna hear about it, but when she needs somebody, you'll be there for her. That's what my girlfriends did.
Author LaLa18 Posted September 9, 2005 Author Posted September 9, 2005 If you thought the MM got to my friend... you are wrong... she was the one who was hitting on him.. writing him notes.. making phone calls etc.etc. if he didn't have any kids i wouldn't be soo mad about it.. but he HAS to think about his kids... doesn't he? One of the stories she told me... was about HIM and his wife.. she told me he only married her because she was PREGNANT and wanted to give her a "TITLE".. so that was the reason who he's married to his wife.. so I questioned my friend... "Did he love her?" my friend had said "no". I said.. "so he can give her a title, but u don't deserve one?" I guess what i meant by that question is.. if he "says" he "loves" my friend as much as he did.. does she NOT deserve a title, too? and she had nothing left to say... I guess that good outcome is that.. we ARE still "friends"... but we BARELY talk.. or hang out anymore... I only hear from her ONCE in a while... (never). She has her "other" friends.. I guess she knows I how strongly I feel about it.. so she doesn't come to me with her "Man-issues".
TXgal Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 I will tell her parents about the situation before you so called friend gets hurt. Umm.... well seeing as how she's an 18y/o "adult" in the laws eyes... parents can't do jack crap legally... If she was still 15 or 16, yes... but at 18, parents have no control legally of what their "adult" child does... including relationship wise... I also think it's pretty low of you to insult the OW, on an "Other woman/man" thread... I'm sorry for what happened to you, but it doesn't give you a right to go around insulting every "other woman", and attacking her personally... Especially on a thread specifically made for the OW to come for support, and help... Not insults and attacks... It's not appreciated. Grow up.
TXgal Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 LaLa, I understand as her friend this hurts and upsets you to see your friend getting into such an obviously wrong and painful relationship... It's okay for you to disagree with her actions, or choices, just as she doesn't have to agree with yours... Just because she's involved in this relationship doesn't mean she doesn't have values or morals either... I'm sure there is a deeper reason behind it... Sometimes thing take a hold of you, and when in love, you just do STUPID, CRAZY, stuff that you know is wrong, but love is blind. The best thing you can do as her friend is to try to be there for her... stand back, and be there for support when she needs you... Try to agree on disagreeing... Don't let a choice in a relationship ruin your friendship... She's probably in war with herself also...
kkat Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 It's OK that you don't agree with her actions, and if you aren't comfortable with the choices she has made then perhaps you'd be better off to not associate with her. But since you are very actively judging her, and her choices, perhaps you'd like to take an honest look at your intentions and motives... You are wishing she'd have some ill consequence for her actions, e.g. when you mention "why can't she get caught".... Maybe she would be better off without your friendship, and you without hers. Good luck!
lynnered Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 A friend is someone who knows everything about U & still loves U , i forget where i heard that , i have kept my secret A with MM for years from all my friends , for fear of what U are doing ,U are judging her, be a friend ,be there 4 her , and i have a friend that it makes me angry that she thinks cause shes my friend shes entiltled to know all my business, its her life to live & if it really bothers U that much maybe U should end the friendship. goodluck
Author LaLa18 Posted September 12, 2005 Author Posted September 12, 2005 I don't think i'm mad at her sooo much... I guess it really IS me and my morals.. I guess seeing things like things like this ACTUALLY happening in real-life struck me.. especially too someone was that was so close to me and i just.. couldn't let go of it.. Its just unfair.. their in "love".. but in the end.. she'd probably be loving the past.. I guess.. i don't want to see her get hurt... but that's the consquences she has to pay or maybe he'll marry her too? I guess I wrote my friend's situation in the wrong forum? sorry if it had offened anyone... I DO want to see my friend happy.. of course.. she HAS been there for me before.. its sad.. how i saw my friendship with her slowly dying but eh, things change and people do too. All i can do is wish her happiness.. and keep on doing what makes her happy. Maybe someday she'll have what she'll really deserve.. (i mean this in the BEST way possible!!).. THE END.
TXgal Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 It's OK that you don't agree with her actions, and if you aren't comfortable with the choices she has made then perhaps you'd be better off to not associate with her. But since you are very actively judging her, and her choices, perhaps you'd like to take an honest look at your intentions and motives... You are wishing she'd have some ill consequence for her actions, e.g. when you mention "why can't she get caught".... Maybe she would be better off without your friendship, and you without hers. Good luck! Kkat, VERY well said! I agree with you completely...
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