notyouraveragebabe Posted October 7, 2018 Posted October 7, 2018 I been single and independent doing my thing for 5 years since my last heart break. Finally, I met a guy on Bumble last October, he instantly liked me on the first date, and I was honest with him and told him I am just casually dating not looking for anything and brushed him off. He was extremely hurt, told me I broke his heart. I went to date someone else. We kept in touch as friends via instagram. He knew I dated someone else, he saw photos. 4 months ago I reached out for a date, he was hesitant, but finally said ok. We instantly connected again, we kept in touch via instagram so we were up to date with each others lives. Things were great up until 2 weeks ago, a drunken fight at his friend's wedding. WE BOTH said some mean things to each other, I forgave him, he took a while longer. I told him "whatever, I could replace by tomorrow" I didn't mean it. HE WAS UPSET. For an entire week he works as a firemen, so I couldn't see him, he picked up 6 days of OT straight work. He didn't call me much, was flakey with returning my calls, said he would and told me he was too busy at work to call, which is different since he use call my every day while he was working. He use to call/text all day. I noticed a change, addressed it and he assured me things were ok, he was upset, but moved on. Then he text me to say he was forced to work on my bday weekend, never once made the effort to reschedule our date, I asked and he never responded with a date. I became more and more frustrated waiting on him to call/text me. I should have backed off and gave this man time to calm down, but instead I kept asking him, when are you off, but he never gives me a date. I even asked why can't you give me a date, never got an answer. He told me he's busy working, that was excuse. I was sick of it, I told him he was stressing me out, not calling/ texting me and I wanted a break from him. He replied, im busy working at one of the busiest fire station in the NATION. Yeah, I get that, but when can we meet to talk? He didn't like my response, told me If I want to leave, do it. Come back when Im ready. So finally i asked again when he was off, he replied "tomorrow, but I don't want to deal with you and I on my day off". Now its been 12 days and he didn't want to see me, I leave for vacation and so does he- this week, we won't see each other for 3 weeks, so I reacted way too fast, I told him i was done via text, and he didn't care. Did I make a mistake? Or was he already pushing me away? I already told him how i felt and he didn't change.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 7, 2018 Posted October 7, 2018 What was this big drunken fight about? And I think that was already dying out even before your latest texting argument. He's busy, of course, but I think he sees that you two are not a good match and wants to move on, too. You also have to understand that he has likely been hesitant about you since you bailed the first time and came back only when you were single again. That doesn't look very sincere on your part. Add in some conflict and the arrogant comment that you could replace him tomorrow, and he's got little reason to believe this is worth pursuing anymore.
basil67 Posted October 7, 2018 Posted October 7, 2018 I told him "whatever, I could replace by tomorrow" I didn't mean it. Sorry. This ^^ should be a dealbreaker to anyone with an ounce of self esteem.
Zahara Posted October 7, 2018 Posted October 7, 2018 You sound hot headed and impulsive. You should have just let him be and given him his own time and space to get over that fight. You kept pushing and then you hammered it down with that arrogant and egotistical comment. Personally, that would be the end for me. Did you apologize? What was the fight about? I can’t imagine being in such a young relationship and tarnishing it with a drunken fight at someone’s wedding. Huge red flag. You rejected him once, and then the second time around, you throw it in his face that he’s disposable. It would be a done deal for me. In the meantime, leave him alone. Maybe the three weeks apart will help sort things out but this is also a learning lesson for you. Hopefully you’re able to introspect and figure out what needs changing on your part. 1
Marc878 Posted October 7, 2018 Posted October 7, 2018 If I were him I wouldn't come back for a third time. Things said cannot be unsaid. Leave him alone, learn and apply to your next relationship. You chase they move farther away
BaileyB Posted October 7, 2018 Posted October 7, 2018 Sorry. This ^^ should be a dealbreaker to anyone with an ounce of self esteem. Exactly. This was the very moment that sealed your fate. There is no going back after a statement like that.
HumanMachine Posted October 7, 2018 Posted October 7, 2018 No offence OP but you sound like hardwork. He’s ran for the hills.
AT15 Posted October 8, 2018 Posted October 8, 2018 Wow. "You can be replaced." Man, that's like saying... You're nothing special buddy. If someone said that to me . I would be so hurt. Question: Did you apologize to him for saying that?
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted October 8, 2018 Author Posted October 8, 2018 You sound hot headed and impulsive. You should have just let him be and given him his own time and space to get over that fight. You kept pushing and then you hammered it down with that arrogant and egotistical comment. Personally, that would be the end for me. Did you apologize? What was the fight about? I can’t imagine being in such a young relationship and tarnishing it with a drunken fight at someone’s wedding. Huge red flag. You rejected him once, and then the second time around, you throw it in his face that he’s disposable. It would be a done deal for me. In the meantime, leave him alone. Maybe the three weeks apart will help sort things out but this is also a learning lesson for you. Hopefully you’re able to introspect and figure out what needs changing on your part. "you sound hot headed and impulsive". yes, I need to work on that. I shoulda given him space to cool off. I apologized so hard, I did.
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted October 8, 2018 Author Posted October 8, 2018 I know I sound like an ASS. Let me tell you what the fight was about. He took me to his friends wedding 6 hours away. I didn't know anyone, he left me for an hour and i sat alone, when he came back, I just asked where was he. He became angry and yelle at me then walked away. He threw the room key at me, and told me to get home however, I wanted to get home. I got back to our hotel room, his bags were packed and he left me with no ride home. I ubered back $700 back home. So yes, I texted him " I can replace you" we both were drunk, but he was an D**K for leaving me there. He should have said "sorry" for leaving me at the wedding, instead he yelled at me.
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted October 8, 2018 Author Posted October 8, 2018 Sorry. This ^^ should be a dealbreaker to anyone with an ounce of self esteem. I know, I feel so awful. It is something I need to work on, or ill be single forever. He forgave me and decided to work on our relationship.
Marc878 Posted October 8, 2018 Posted October 8, 2018 He's obviously not relationship material. Let it go.
Cupid's Puppet Posted October 8, 2018 Posted October 8, 2018 I know I sound like an ASS. Let me tell you what the fight was about. He took me to his friends wedding 6 hours away. I didn't know anyone, he left me for an hour and i sat alone, when he came back, I just asked where was he. He became angry and yelle at me then walked away. He threw the room key at me, and told me to get home however, I wanted to get home. I got back to our hotel room, his bags were packed and he left me with no ride home. I ubered back $700 back home. So yes, I texted him " I can replace you" we both were drunk, but he was an D**K for leaving me there. He should have said "sorry" for leaving me at the wedding, instead he yelled at me. Yeah you had to be drunk to Uber back for $700. There wasn't an airport between the wedding and where you lived? $700 will get me a flight to Europe; I can't see putting all that money on an Uber. This was a toxic relationship. I think something else happened that you're leaving out because how does this guy go from great to leaving a woman stranded in some remote location, and the only way she can get home is if she took an Uber back for $700? If you truly paid $700, then don't do that again. Sober up your last night in the hotel. Catch an Uber to the nearest rental car place if there isn't an airport within 2 hours. Drive the rental home. You will come out much lighter than $700. Like I can't even comment on this breakup; I'm too stuck on you dishing out $700 on an Uber.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 8, 2018 Posted October 8, 2018 Sounds like neither of you knows how to be in a relationship, and that you both have a lot of maturing to do. It's better if you stay away from each other, because the chances of this working out well are slim-to-none. Chalk this up to a learning experience so you can make better choices in future relationships.
elaine567 Posted October 8, 2018 Posted October 8, 2018 Finally, I met a guy on Bumble last October, he instantly liked me on the first date, and I was honest with him and told him I am just casually dating not looking for anything and brushed him off. He was extremely hurt, told me I broke his heart. I went to date someone else. We kept in touch as friends via instagram. He knew I dated someone else, he saw photos. ^^^^This is when it all went wrong. Few can truly put rejection aside. His ego and pride took a knocking and no doubt resentment and anger built up, until it surfaced in that drunken fight. Leave him be...
Zahara Posted October 8, 2018 Posted October 8, 2018 I know I sound like an ASS. Let me tell you what the fight was about. He took me to his friends wedding 6 hours away. I didn't know anyone, he left me for an hour and i sat alone, when he came back, I just asked where was he. He became angry and yelle at me then walked away. He threw the room key at me, and told me to get home however, I wanted to get home. I got back to our hotel room, his bags were packed and he left me with no ride home. I ubered back $700 back home. So yes, I texted him " I can replace you" we both were drunk, but he was an D**K for leaving me there. He should have said "sorry" for leaving me at the wedding, instead he yelled at me. For some reason I think there is more to this story. Asking him where he was and his reaction to your question does not match. A guy takes you to a wedding 6 hours away and then suddenly becomes a jerk and leaves you stranded over a simple "where were you." Something is missing. In any case, if he truly did what he did, then it's best that it all ended this way. Both of you are not equipped to be in a mature relationship if your communication skills range from insults to rage. Also, he should have been kissing your feet for leaving you stranded so understand that you deserved an apology yourself. For most people, that kind of behavior would have been it. If you realize you are impulsive and quick to anger, then work on those issues and learn how to manage them. Maybe this is an eye-opener for you and a push towards the right direction. 1
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted October 8, 2018 Author Posted October 8, 2018 I was upset at him for leaving me and his reaction was leaving me at a wedding. He said he went to stay at a friend's room and came back for me in the morning when he cooled off, but I was impulsive and left because i felt alone and scared. Theres nothing more, writing this made me realize that he's not even worth fighting for. He should have apologized when he knew i was upset about him hanging out with his friends instead of me at the wedding. I am his date, he shouldn't have left me to be with his friends.
ThreeRainbows Posted October 8, 2018 Posted October 8, 2018 (edited) It would be helpful for you if you worked on: 1. Awareness of the present moment 2. Once aware of your feelings/patterns of reacting, you have to learn to respond rather than react. 3. Practice the art of applying boundaries with love/humor ("I would love to stay in a relationship with you, I really like you, but I need more communication for this to work for me. Would you be willing to meet/call/text me more often?") 4. Practice the art of empathizing with him first: (as he's coming back during the reception): "I sense you are feeling frustrated right now. Did something happen that upset you?" 5. Communicate by saying your feeling and the underlying need behind it. Instead of yelling, you can say "I felt so angry/disappointed/etc. when you left me alone at the wedding, because I was needing more comfort/love/attention/etc. Important: Don't say I felt ___ because YOU ___... it's always because I. Own your needs. It's not the other person's responsibility to take care of you. It's a gift they can choose to give. 6. Then make a future request: "Next time when we go out, and I don't know anyone, would you be willing to stay by my side for the evening? I would be thankful for it." Practice this, tell him you need some time to go no contact and work on yourself. Go "active" no contact for 30-60 days, then re-initiate. There's NO POINT if you haven't done the communication work, however. Resources for you: Read the book Nonviolent Communication by Rosenberg. YouTube Clay Andrews Read https://exboyfriendinsight.com/what-it-really-takes-to-get-ex-boyfriend-back/ Good luck. PS. Even if you're not interested in him anymore, this stuff will be useful for your next relationship. In fact, more than useful. It's necessary. Edited October 8, 2018 by ThreeRainbows
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