Tiggerlove Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 In a previous thread, I mentioned that I might have the opportunity to work for a contract company over to Afghanistan. Well, now chances are I could go to Iraq instead. Either way, I've spoken with my boyfriend of 4 years about it, and he at first just said "Do what you gotta do.I don't like it, but I will support you." IF I were to get this job, I'd get 3 vacations in one year. The longest one, I told him he and I should meet somewhere in Asia like Thailand or something. He loved the idea. Then, I suggested one of the other vacations, I"d come home, and the last one, maybe I'd meet my friend Agnes in Germany and we'd travel together to a few countries. He freaked out and told me if I really loved him, I"d come home or meet him somewhere else on the last vacation. That if we're going to be apart from eachother for a year, that I should take every opportunity I have to see him. Am I in the wrong here by wanting to take a trip to see a friend and travel parts of the world that he said he'd never want to go to?
jhurtinct Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 can you ask him to join you and your friend on the last trip so he doesn't feel left out?
betterwife Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 It seems like to me that someone is holding back of what you want to do in life. You guys been dating for 4 years. Don't you think you guys should be married right now. If he supports you travelling to all of these places he should at least be consider to meet you at your future vacation spot. But, it will be you missing out in life of what you want to do because of pleasing someone else besides you.
Author Tiggerlove Posted September 9, 2005 Author Posted September 9, 2005 It seems like to me that someone is holding back of what you want to do in life. You guys been dating for 4 years. Don't you think you guys should be married right now. If he supports you travelling to all of these places he should at least be consider to meet you at your future vacation spot. But, it will be you missing out in life of what you want to do because of pleasing someone else besides you. I suppose you're right. 4 years is a long time and I expected to be married to him 2 years ago. But he's never even popped the question. We met when I was 20 and he was 25. Now we're 24 and 29. If we were married by now, I probably wouldn't think about this job overseas. But, even though we're dating...I'm still free to make my decisions. I've always done everything to please him and to make his goals. I don't think i've made a single goal since I've met him. hmm..I'm coming to my senses as I type! I suggested he and I meet in Thailand because thats one of his dream vacations. I want to make him happy and if I have the money and the opportunity to make that come true for him, then I will. I'm sure I'd have tons of fun there too. I'd invite him to go to Europe with me if I went, but I doubt he'd want to. He has said he has no desire to go to Europe. I've been there once, and have many more places I want to see..and would like to see my friend while doing so. She and I would have a blast travelling Europe. I don't think he would, especially with someone else there. Maybe I have let him make my decisions, but I've always felt that if I'm in a commited relationship, that I need to talk things over with him and if we don't agree, I don't do something or he doesn't do something. I guess if I do happen to land the job overseas, I'd just have to deal with it all then.
betterwife Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 I've spoken with my boyfriend of 4 years about it, and he at first just said "Do what you gotta do.I don't like it, but I will support you." REMEMBER: He said he will support you going overseas. That's all you need to know. Do what you feel that is best for you.
Barby Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 Not insensitive so much, I can understand you wanting to do these things....does the thought of only seeing him twice -vs- three times (the max you stated you could) out of a whole year not bother you? If the answer to that is no........then do what you feel is best. If you feel he is holding you back then maybe you should consider ending it before you leave.....if you both are at different places in life and seeking different things from the relationship, do you think it can with stand the distance and lack of seeing one another and do you think he'd be able to handle not seeing you on the third vacation w/out resenting you throughout the rest of your relationship?
littlekitty Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 I suppose you're right. 4 years is a long time and I expected to be married to him 2 years ago. But he's never even popped the question. We met when I was 20 and he was 25. Now we're 24 and 29. If we were married by now, I probably wouldn't think about this job overseas. But, even though we're dating...I'm still free to make my decisions. You waited for him to give you the security you wanted and he didn't offer it. I would suggest it's now time to stop putting him first and achieve some of your own goals. If he does love you, he will support you and you will survive this. I think he ought to try to understand that you have friends as well as him in your life, and he ought to be ok with you taking one of your three holidays with a friend if that's what you want to do. In some ways I would advise on achieving some of your own goals before settling down and getting married. Good luck whatever you decide!
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