Aquarius9 Posted October 6, 2018 Posted October 6, 2018 (edited) Hi, just joined, and I wouldn't usually post in a forum about this kind of thing, but I want to vent more than anything, and maybe see opinions on the big question; why? I'll just start at the start. A few years ago, I went through some psychological trauma of depression and stress while a relationship **** up happened at the same time and another a year later, and only dated sporadically after I left college until the last year or so. It's taken me a long time to work through things. Fast forward to last year, I was with a few girls but it wasn't anything serious. But this year, I met this girl on Tinder about three months ago, there's a fair bit of distance between us, not a massive amount though, maybe fifty miles or so. We both had to travel to a kind of halfway point to actually meet. Anyway, we chatted for a while and after maybe a week we went on a first date. It went really well, we hit it off and clicked really well, I was pleasantly surprised at how well it went. She was talking about meeting up again before the date was even over. Afterwards, while chatting online again, it was more flirty than our previous online chats, and you could sense the romantic vibe to it. Due to her work commitments, we couldn't meet up again within a few days. After those few days, it started to fizzle out from her end, she became more distant and we didn't meet up. That was gutting. After surrendering to it and accepting that it's not going to happen, I just gradually stopped speaking to her. I was quite upset that we didn't meet up, though. Yes, we only met once and obviously you can't get too hopeful after one date. But I was quite taken by her. A good way to explain it is this; have you ever met someone who you felt a great connection with and you'd look back and think 'out of everyone, she/he was my favourite'? That's how I feel. However, a few weeks ago I started chatting to her again and asked if she'd want to meet up again. After a bit of hesitancy because it's been a few months since we saw each other, she said she'd be up for that when she can get some time off. A couple of times in the last week or so though, I accidentally saw on her snapchat story that she's been on a date with someone else. I feel so deflated. After everything, all the **** ups and hopelessness, I meet someone that I really like and this happens. I know most responses I'd get would be to move on. It's what I keep mentally telling myself. I just keep holding out a hope that maybe it won't work out between her and whoever it is. Sigh. Do you think the distance thing killed our second date prospects? Edited October 6, 2018 by Aquarius9 repeated corrections
IntBrowser Posted October 7, 2018 Posted October 7, 2018 Hi, just joined, and I wouldn't usually post in a forum about this kind of thing, but I want to vent more than anything, and maybe see opinions on the big question; why? I'll just start at the start. A few years ago, I went through some psychological trauma of depression and stress while a relationship **** up happened at the same time and another a year later, and only dated sporadically after I left college until the last year or so. It's taken me a long time to work through things. Fast forward to last year, I was with a few girls but it wasn't anything serious. But this year, I met this girl on Tinder about three months ago, there's a fair bit of distance between us, not a massive amount though, maybe fifty miles or so. We both had to travel to a kind of halfway point to actually meet. Anyway, we chatted for a while and after maybe a week we went on a first date. It went really well, we hit it off and clicked really well, I was pleasantly surprised at how well it went. She was talking about meeting up again before the date was even over. Afterwards, while chatting online again, it was more flirty than our previous online chats, and you could sense the romantic vibe to it. Due to her work commitments, we couldn't meet up again within a few days. After those few days, it started to fizzle out from her end, she became more distant and we didn't meet up. That was gutting. After surrendering to it and accepting that it's not going to happen, I just gradually stopped speaking to her. I was quite upset that we didn't meet up, though. Yes, we only met once and obviously you can't get too hopeful after one date. But I was quite taken by her. A good way to explain it is this; have you ever met someone who you felt a great connection with and you'd look back and think 'out of everyone, she/he was my favourite'? That's how I feel. However, a few weeks ago I started chatting to her again and asked if she'd want to meet up again. After a bit of hesitancy because it's been a few months since we saw each other, she said she'd be up for that when she can get some time off. A couple of times in the last week or so though, I accidentally saw on her snapchat story that she's been on a date with someone else. I feel so deflated. After everything, all the **** ups and hopelessness, I meet someone that I really like and this happens. I know most responses I'd get would be to move on. It's what I keep mentally telling myself. I just keep holding out a hope that maybe it won't work out between her and whoever it is. Sigh. Do you think the distance thing killed our second date prospects? In the future try to suggest another going out activity instead of asking if she wants to meet up again. Suggesting an outing comes off as you being more confident. I would just try to send a funny text and then lead with suggesting a new restuarant for a second date
Author Aquarius9 Posted October 7, 2018 Author Posted October 7, 2018 In the future try to suggest another going out activity instead of asking if she wants to meet up again. Suggesting an outing comes off as you being more confident. I would just try to send a funny text and then lead with suggesting a new restuarant for a second date Well we did actually discuss things, a meal or something else etc
Highndry Posted October 11, 2018 Posted October 11, 2018 This is the painful part of dating - you feel a connection to somebody but they don't feel the same. You should definitely go on dates with other women. You'll forget about this one in no time. While it may feel painful right now, it was only one date and the feeling of disappointment and rejection will not last. It's by no means the same as breaking up after a long term relationship or something. You can easily move on from this.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted October 11, 2018 Posted October 11, 2018 This is the painful part of dating - you feel a connection to somebody but they don't feel the same. You should definitely go on dates with other women. You'll forget about this one in no time. While it may feel painful right now, it was only one date and the feeling of disappointment and rejection will not last. It's by no means the same as breaking up after a long term relationship or something. You can easily move on from this. This is something I learned in dating. Until someone commits or shows they care about you, its never a sure thing. Doesn't matter how well the 1st dates go. I used to date one guy at a time, after getting played and abandoned, I changed my methods. I was talking to at least 2 guys at one time, so if one flaked out on me, I would easily move to the next. This worked well for me. When I met my bf, I could see he wanted to be serious, so I stopped talking/dating other guys. Also do not get attached after the 1st date/dates, that is a bad idea and can really mess w/you.
DontBreakEven Posted October 11, 2018 Posted October 11, 2018 Ugh. That is difficult. I'm sorry. All I can say is that, I've been there a few times, so I get it ... the feeling of having to get over someone you haven't even really dated. Sometimes it's just as gut wrenching as a normal breakup. I would definitely not look at her SnapChat. Take some time to recover, and then try meeting more people.
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