jeff77waltrip Posted October 6, 2018 Posted October 6, 2018 I have been on a few dates with this girl, and she really is not the affectionate type. It doesn't bother me at all but she really comes off as a girl who isn't big on being touched/physical contact all the time. We have kissed good night, 3 or 4 times, i've rubbed her back while we watched a movie, but when we are in public I really just put my hand on the small of her back She has made no physical moves towards me though. Sometimes I have wondered if maybe she's not physically into me but then I think well why would she be going on dates with me OR inviting me to do things Is it true some women just aren't affectionate?
ExpatInItaly Posted October 6, 2018 Posted October 6, 2018 It's true that some people are not affectionate, yes. I have known men like this, too. And it could be down to a number of things: shyness, uncomfortable with public displays of affection, a past trauma, lack of attraction, a lack of experience. If she's still accepting dates and inviting you out, I don't think it's a lack of attraction though. I would give it a few more dates, take any physical contact slowly, and see if she begins to reciprocate a little more. It could simply be a matter of her needing more time to open up.
central Posted October 6, 2018 Posted October 6, 2018 Some people aren't affectionate, some aren't affectionate with some people. Of course, if it's early days, she may just be shy or wanting to know you better first, but usually, truly affectionate people are that way with almost everyone from the start. If this is important to you, then she may be a poor match. I want someone who is very affectionate, and would not settle for less.
Ami1uwant Posted October 6, 2018 Posted October 6, 2018 It's true that some people are not affectionate, yes. I have known men like this, too. And it could be down to a number of things: shyness, uncomfortable with public displays of affection, a past trauma, lack of attraction, a lack of experience. If she's still accepting dates and inviting you out, I don't think it's a lack of attraction though. I would give it a few more dates, take any physical contact slowly, and see if she begins to reciprocate a little more. It could simply be a matter of her needing more time to open up. Folks dating in their 20s tend to be more distant and unsure how they feel and not god in expressing it. Many think it has to do with social media and this group just not having relationships. Sure there are shy people but they would start to open up and express how they feel.
smackie9 Posted October 6, 2018 Posted October 6, 2018 I would give it a little more time and see what happens. If she won't initiate or reciprocate then I agree it's not a match.
coolheadal Posted October 6, 2018 Posted October 6, 2018 I have been on a few dates with this girl, and she really is not the affectionate type. It doesn't bother me at all but she really comes off as a girl who isn't big on being touched/physical contact all the time. We have kissed good night, 3 or 4 times, i've rubbed her back while we watched a movie, but when we are in public I really just put my hand on the small of her back She has made no physical moves towards me though. Sometimes I have wondered if maybe she's not physically into me but then I think well why would she be going on dates with me OR inviting me to do things Is it true some women just aren't affectionate? That's correct my friend some are and some are not. 1. How as she raised? Was there a lot of love given by both parents to her if not that would explain a few things. Affectionate women or men know what love is all about and romance. But there are some who have never had this. So you the type of man that can dish it out. She's the type can't express it by touch and feel. She's never going to learn how too if she doesn't really care. In public or private I am very affectionate man. I have been on dates too where the woman just sat there. I feel sorry for most because they'll never experience true love as it was meant to be.
Veronica73 Posted October 6, 2018 Posted October 6, 2018 Yes, some women are definitely not affectionate. Personally, I don’t think it’s healthy. Especially if you are looking for a long term relationship and want to have kids. But I’d give this woman a little more time. She might just be shy. But if it really doesn’t bother you... then I guess it’s fine.
preraph Posted October 6, 2018 Posted October 6, 2018 You're touching her enough that there is no doubt in her mind that you are dating, so I'm saying that she's one of those women who just wants the guy to make all the moves and will probably go along with it.
carhill Posted October 6, 2018 Posted October 6, 2018 Welcome to LS.... If she's not into you IME she'll avoid physical interaction, including that you initiate. This presumes she's otherwise healthy emotionally. When you kiss goodnight, do you find that she likes the embrace to linger, or not?
preraph Posted October 6, 2018 Posted October 6, 2018 Just a little side note. What I noticed with friends is the ones who were touchy were also touchy with everyone else, not just the boyfriend. So I think you're aiming for moderation there. You don't want someone who can't talk to you without touching you because they'll be constantly attracting other men who take it as them wanting them.
spiderowl Posted October 7, 2018 Posted October 7, 2018 (edited) I don't think you can generalise about this by saying 'some girls are not affectionate'. It is going to depend very much on how they feel about the guy they are dating and what their background is. My family background was such that parents were not physically affectionate. My mother had been an orphan, passed around families, and my father was a dominant character. I had not learned what physical affection was. It took a long time before I felt comfortable receiving hugs, cuddles and any other form of affection and even longer before I dared to give it. It was simply an area alien to me. Fortunately, I was with a very affectionate man who had come from a different kind of family. That really helped. So, some women may not be appear to be affectionate but unless they are actually cold and unkind, I would not make any assumptions about them. They may not have had the experience and are afraid of that kind of expression. It's best not to jump to conclusions until you have had chance to find out about the real person. Edited October 7, 2018 by spiderowl
Gretchen12 Posted October 7, 2018 Posted October 7, 2018 So i guess you asked because you are wondering if she's not attracted to you. You are not sure if she's one of those people who's not affectionate, or she's just not affectionate with you. It kind of doesn't matter which, if physical affection is important to you, you're not getting your needs met. But do give it some more time before giving up.
Author jeff77waltrip Posted October 7, 2018 Author Posted October 7, 2018 Welcome to LS.... If she's not into you IME she'll avoid physical interaction, including that you initiate. This presumes she's otherwise healthy emotionally. When you kiss goodnight, do you find that she likes the embrace to linger, or not? Lingers a bit. I mean it'll be multiple kisses, and we have made out once. But like I also rubbed her back during a movie and she didn't say anything bad or try to move away
Marc878 Posted October 7, 2018 Posted October 7, 2018 Dating is a try out so don't waste your time if she's not what you want
carhill Posted October 7, 2018 Posted October 7, 2018 If you like her keep showing up. Do you enjoy the time you spend with her other than the lack of obvious physical affection? There is a balance point of her letting you like her because she's got nothing better to do and it just taking time for proactive affection to take place. If she shows any proactive affection, taking your arm, holding your hand, bumping into you, nesting into you when standing, leaning into you when sitting side by side, etc, etc, then I'd lean towards the latter. Women who are doing the attention grab pending BBD generally just let the man do stuff up to a certain boundary. If you feel it's not worth it, move on. Your life, your choice.
mortensorchid Posted October 8, 2018 Posted October 8, 2018 Some people are not affectionate. It's either their nature or it could be something else that has conditioned them not to be. For example, I am a teacher and I can't touch a student. No one can even touch me in public beyond a handshake. I have learned to be unaffectionate with people even though I am affectionate with a man I am with. There could be reasons behind how and why this is the case with some people.
Art Anderson Posted October 10, 2018 Posted October 10, 2018 Definitely it can be the case. Personally (as a man) I come from a family that wasn't "huggy" at all. We didn't do affection outside of the house. Even on dates I have always been on the gentlemanly side of caution. That's caught a few partners off guard when we are alone because then I am more than comfortable with showing verbal and physical affection. I saw it caught them off guard not because I was aggressive but because they supposed they were connecting with a cool customer and they'd have to pull more weight in the passion department. All that said, I was in a 3 year relationship with a woman who was just about prickly in her idea of affection, even when totally alone and it carried to her almost entire lack of passion in the bedroom. Sometimes I wonder how she stayed married long enough to have 3 children. I was doing 95% of the activity, no joke. If I stopped, everything stopped. Time stood still. Totally clueless. We broke up for other reasons but yes, consider your future. I don't know if even a prior face to face, heart to heart discussion would reveal that level of repression.
lavenderandvelvet Posted October 10, 2018 Posted October 10, 2018 Just a little side note. What I noticed with friends is the ones who were touchy were also touchy with everyone else, not just the boyfriend. So I think you're aiming for moderation there. You don't want someone who can't talk to you without touching you because they'll be constantly attracting other men who take it as them wanting them. This can be true. I tend to be affectionate and quite private. This translates into, for me, I touch everyone - but try to repress that impulse in certain situations. AKA at work, when I am in a relationship and with guys I don’t know. Or with guys where the relationship is undefined. I also don’t like to go further than hugging and handholding in most situations. Don’t like making out in a visible place. So I’ll give you the brush-off if there isn’t enough privacy. On the flipside, I am not uncomfortable when people I don’t know well get in my personal space. To a point.
Chilli Posted October 10, 2018 Posted October 10, 2018 (edited) l know for fact bc some have told me , they're just cold fishes when it comes to affection , not about me or for me , just in some convos . But that doesn't mean in bed just in life in general. Less common in women than in men though l think. But personally if she was not affectionate with me in general , never come across it that's usually me l don't like too touchy wouchy but l think l'd be a be a bit concerned about her real feelings. Edited October 10, 2018 by Chilli
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