1st date ideas to prevent friendzone

[alphamale]

You must be young. I used to get that excited about random girls on the internet if they were cute or had good profiles or especially if it was both. Now I'm so jaded I just don't care. Enjoy it while it lasts I think.

 

this is so true d3d

[Garcon1986]

Here's one rule I would suggest you memorize for conversation starters - if you have no clue about what to say, say something about the environment you are in. Or even take it more basic than that, comment about the weather like the Brits do. Nobody will bite you or punch you for talking - only a dog will do that. You can't be accused of impropriety by talking about celery to the woman in the grocery line. The most terrible thing somebody can do to you in that situation is to tell you can't you see I'm busy? Your ego needs to be at least strong enough to brush off something like that.

 

Take for example - I saw a random lady outside in the hall sitting in a chair. She was a morbidly obese black woman, who works at the same hospital I work at. No romantic attraction. I looked at my watch. I noticed it was 12:25. I asked her if she was taking lunch. She said alright, I was just waiting till lunch break is over, then I be getting back to da grind. I said alright what you do? She be like awww I work in maintenance, and I got a nice Southern smile.

 

 

Another day I decided I would chat up a random bloke even though I am a bloke. I asked him about his bicycle - I realized somebody had left their bicycle at the Student Union a long time, and finally am meeting the wanker who left his bike there. I asked him, how's the repair going? He said all right, I've got to do a bit more since the tire is punctured. He talked with me for about 15 secs and I got a good conversation.

 

 

Easy peasy.

[Versacehottie]

Here's one rule I would suggest you memorize for conversation starters - if you have no clue about what to say, say something about the environment you are in. Or even take it more basic than that, comment about the weather like the Brits do. Nobody will bite you or punch you for talking - only a dog will do that. You can't be accused of impropriety by talking about celery to the woman in the grocery line. The most terrible thing somebody can do to you in that situation is to tell you can't you see I'm busy? Your ego needs to be at least strong enough to brush off something like that.

 

Take for example - I saw a random lady outside in the hall sitting in a chair. She was a morbidly obese black woman, who works at the same hospital I work at. No romantic attraction. I looked at my watch. I noticed it was 12:25. I asked her if she was taking lunch. She said alright, I was just waiting till lunch break is over, then I be getting back to da grind. I said alright what you do? She be like awww I work in maintenance, and I got a nice Southern smile.

 

 

Another day I decided I would chat up a random bloke even though I am a bloke. I asked him about his bicycle - I realized somebody had left their bicycle at the Student Union a long time, and finally am meeting the wanker who left his bike there. I asked him, how's the repair going? He said all right, I've got to do a bit more since the tire is punctured. He talked with me for about 15 secs and I got a good conversation.

 

 

Easy peasy.

 

This is exactly it!!! If you are just curious about people or stating the obviously, looking for friendly/community connection with humans, it's pretty natural. It's easier to ramp up from this "something" and comfort level of talking to strangers and practice starting random conversations vs ramping up from "nothing" to 100mph with a good-looking girl. It will also definitely help you conversationally on real dates.

 

*I literally just had a conversation with a pretty girl (probably the kind you would be scared of) at Starbucks and it is only before 7:30am!! I liked her sweater, and then she proceeded to tell me her mom bought it for her, how that came about like her mom's comments and proceed to talk about where she was from and then travel. There's this thing good conversationalists do that helps a conversation along and helps the other person feel really good about having it. I forgot what it is called (probably because I do it naturally) but basically within each sentence someone says there is a nugget of what they really care about, what makes them them and where they would like the conversation to go. They will usually emphasize or subtly direct the conversation that way but most people don't pick up on it. So in my conversation, rather than continuing to talk about the sweater or fashion, I picked up on the fact that she mentioned her mom, ran with that which led to 3 other subjects, which gives you the opportunity to bond or have things in common. It makes any interaction have more layers to it and ramps up your familiarity with one another.

 

I challenge you to do one a day and report back. Start slow--people you have no romantic interest in and talking about the environment you are both in or something obvious (like their bike, band shirt).

[Dis]

You know what? In hindsight you're absolutely right. At the time I was upset with myself for how acted and that I had such anxiety, but looking back all of her actions from the beginning to the end weren't very pleasant. Everything was very abrupt and her tone wasn't even nice from the 1st words out of her mouth. I think that contributed to my anxiety as I was taken back by her demeanor.

 

She really didn't seem easy to talk to and seemed a little rude from your description of her

 

Remember that although your dates are evaluating if they like you or not, you're also doing the same thing. You don't have to like a woman just because you go on a date with her. Most dates don't go anywhere for many reasons but the biggest reason is because one person didn't like the other or both people didn't like each other. That's normal.

 

Maybe start fresh and date someone who you click with instead

[max3732]

This is exactly it!!! If you are just curious about people or stating the obviously, looking for friendly/community connection with humans, it's pretty natural. It's easier to ramp up from this "something" and comfort level of talking to strangers and practice starting random conversations vs ramping up from "nothing" to 100mph with a good-looking girl. It will also definitely help you conversationally on real dates.

 

*I literally just had a conversation with a pretty girl (probably the kind you would be scared of) at Starbucks and it is only before 7:30am!! I liked her sweater, and then she proceeded to tell me her mom bought it for her, how that came about like her mom's comments and proceed to talk about where she was from and then travel. There's this thing good conversationalists do that helps a conversation along and helps the other person feel really good about having it. I forgot what it is called (probably because I do it naturally) but basically within each sentence someone says there is a nugget of what they really care about, what makes them them and where they would like the conversation to go. They will usually emphasize or subtly direct the conversation that way but most people don't pick up on it. So in my conversation, rather than continuing to talk about the sweater or fashion, I picked up on the fact that she mentioned her mom, ran with that which led to 3 other subjects, which gives you the opportunity to bond or have things in common. It makes any interaction have more layers to it and ramps up your familiarity with one another.

 

I challenge you to do one a day and report back. Start slow--people you have no romantic interest in and talking about the environment you are both in or something obvious (like their bike, band shirt).

 

If she has an interesting sweater, item in her cart, or something unusual that you'd normally be interested in talking about I'm able to strike up a conversation. For example I saw a cute girl waiting at the deli with a shirt that had a name of a city and I asked if she traveled there recently.

 

Where I get frozen is if I see someone at the grocery store buying regular items (milk, apples, or whatever) with nothing especially interesting about what she's wearing. I can't tell her the truth ("I think you're attractive and I'm looking for someone to date") so what do I say?

[ChatroomHero]

Where I get frozen is if I see someone at the grocery store buying regular items (milk, apples, or whatever) with nothing especially interesting about what she's wearing. I can't tell her the truth ("I think you're attractive and I'm looking for someone to date") so what do I say?

 

 

I have struck up conversations before when I have like a loaf of bread, lunch meat and beer in my cart and a girl had a full cart. I asked her to trade carts because she did a better job shopping than me. There was another time where a woman had steaks, corn, potatoes and a bunch of party stuff and I said that looks like a party I should be at. Both of those times we had a decent conversation waiting in line.

 

 

I have opened with women before when they are behind me in line by telling them that they are probably in the wrong line because every line I get in always has some major hold up. It works for me because it is uncanny how often it is true when I say it. It's a good laugh when I say it and almost like clock work 30 seconds later whoever is in front of the line starts arguing a coupon and the cashier calls for an override or something.

 

 

Just starting a convo based on what you observe is more authentic than a pre-planned or trying to plan an "In". It's not that hard once you start doing it because you find you can pretty much say anything and people like to engage and respond. If she's picking out gum, just say something out loud like, "Oh, Juicy Fruit, they still make that?". You'll get her attention and probably get into a discussion about how the flavor last for 3 intense seconds.

 

 

Just don't plan much into it.

[Garcon1986]

If you think there isn't anything to say at all about a person you aren't looking hard enough. Even if she had red delicious apples, you could ask her about what she's gonna do with those apples. She may be feeding them to her pet donkey who has a camel roommate, who in turn smokes Camel cigars.

[Versacehottie]

What Chatroom Hero & Garcon said is exactly right. At the grocery store a couple of weeks ago, I was lingering too long in the nice cheese area and some guy just commented "can't find what you are looking for". Technically who is to say what is "too long" or what was going on with me. But he took a chance and it led to him helping me find a dinner party-friendly cheese and much longer conversation-- Platonic on my end but I didn't mind, plus he was good about just talking in a friendly manner to see if i was interested "like that"; it wasn't super forward & I think that's the point--it all had the basis of what we were actually talking about genuinely.

 

If you get better at picking up the clues that I talked about in one of my posts, you start with a GENUINE observation and pick up on the clues that someone gives you within their reply. Just in the description of what cheese I was looking for, I mentioned that i was trying to get something that would please the friends I had coming over. Thus there are at least 4 things you could continue with something about 1)cheese types 2)dinner parties 3)friends 4)occasion--which is exactly what this guy did. BTW, continuing to talk about cheese would probably be the least "bonding" type of path, unless you are a foodie or gourmet cook or traveled somewhere all about cheese, which would then be another part of how good conversations spiderweb out.

 

Just yesterday, a guy started a conversation with a SMILE and then again an observation. I think he used the smile to stall for time to think of what to talk about or see if i was receptive or a brat. oh btw, what he talked about was beyond obvious observation (asked if i was running up a hiking trail again, which of course I was as it was exactly what i was doing, "going up again?"). In both of these examples these things happened while I was going about a normal, routine day and same for them.

 

Like one of the guys said, if you cannot think of anything to "observe" or bond on, you probably not in right headspace to talk to the person. Like I said, in my other post, start smaller then: think of what things you would say or observe PRACTICE thinking of these things until it becomes more natural. Also start with a smile and say hi. You've got to put the end goal of wanting a "date" out of your head or in the far future. It's creating anxiety that's messing you up and with this approach I don't know if you are ready yet.

 

Like several of us have said, change the INTENTION. When I initiate talking to people, I don't often know what i want from them other than to have a nice bonding interaction, not even a conversation. It could end up being for less than a minute, could end up being for a lifetime of friendship or partner but I'm not thinking about that just about having a short interaction. When I respond to someone who initiates talking to me, basically it's the same (though if it's guy who is attracted to me, we can usually tell and let it play out as it goes--not a big deal). You have to stick to what is going on in the moment and let that evolve to asking to stay in touch if that is what seems like the next right step. Otherwise it feels like you are pouncing and awkward usually. A good "bond" is built up over shared things & feeling like your input & her input is what led you to a moment where you are exchanging numbers, going out, dating, becoming bf/gf. It's important to make things more "layered" to work on that bond otherwise you look/feel like a guy just looking for a gf, any gf to fill his life and that is desperate and not attractive. So definitely change your intention. Good luck

[Lotsgoingon]

If she has an interesting sweater, item in her cart, or something unusual that you'd normally be interested in talking about I'm able to strike up a conversation. For example I saw a cute girl waiting at the deli with a shirt that had a name of a city and I asked if she traveled there recently.

 

Where I get frozen is if I see someone at the grocery store buying regular items (milk, apples, or whatever) with nothing especially interesting about what she's wearing. I can't tell her the truth ("I think you're attractive and I'm looking for someone to date") so what do I say?

 

OK, I might glance at this woman, see if she makes any eye contact ... and if nothing comes to mind, then nothing comes to mind. I keep silent.

 

You've been getting great advice here ... but I'll add one little twist. There are many beautiful women I see every day ... who I don't talk to ... I'd be exhausted if I tried to get a conversation started with every attractive woman I encountered.

 

Sometimes I'm in my own world, my own space and I don't necessarily want to talk to anyone. Sometimes there is nothing particular striking that I notice about the person that merits me saying anything.

 

And if nothing jumps at me to say to someone, then that's fine. Don't assume you should be talking to every woman who crosses your path.

 

The comments here about being authentic and saying something that is really on your mind (that's good) are really on the money.

 

I recently spent a night in the hospital after a planned surgery. And I got into the best conversations imaginable with both of the nurses who took care of me. Now, nothing romantic here in that both were married and they were professional. And I was hitting on them ...

 

I started things with simple and legit questions. I asked them how long they'd been working at this particular hospital. How long they'd been in nursing? ... And ... I swear ... by the second question, they were filling in background about themselves ... about their careers and career goals. By the end of their shifts, I had heard about families, children, worries and on and on. This happened with nurse 1 ... who oversaw my care until evening and with nurse 2 ... who oversaw my care overnight.

 

BTW: if you truly learn to listen ... people will pick up on that and talk to you.

 

Now here's the twist. Morning comes and in comes Nurse #3 ... Most guys would think nurse 3 was prettier than nurse 1 and nurse 2 ... But Nurse 3 had NONE of the energy and vitality as nurse 1 and nurse 2--at least not on this day and not with me. Frankly, I think nurse 3 might have been depressed.

 

Point is ... you will encounter the same dynamics in potentially romantic "hellos" ... as I encountered in my platonic but thoroughly enjoyed conversations with my nurses.

[Versacehottie]

In Lotsgoingon's story it is a perfect example of good energy you get from a conversation that uplifts you and makes you feel bolder, more like yourself, even if had with a person you feel platonic energy toward or viceversa can be used when you run into the next person who you may feel attracted toward.

 

If the intention is to "be" yourself, connect with others, you are rarely disappointed by these exchanges or see them for what they are if a person is bleu (like nurse #3) and they serve you either to boost yourself or understand people mored. If you have only the literal intention to get a date off of doing this, you will constantly be disappointed and it will chip away at your self-esteem or willingness to bond with strangers.

 

Here's the thing, the kind of people who will engage with you are typically more open, thus much more likely to be the type of people who would accept exchanging numbers, social media or say yes to a date. Whereas the type of girls to only use apps and OLD and shut you down in person, are probably a big waste of time with OLD/apps as well.