1st date ideas to prevent friendzone

[JuneL]

Can you go a little early and find a cozy couch in the coffee place? You can go to one with a bookstore and can chat about various topics (e.g., when you pass by the travel guides/cookbooks section, share your fun traveling/cooking experience).

 

But I agree that the overall vibe you give out (not necessarily those superficial things Larry wrote about) is much more important than the place you go or the activity you do. Of course, going to an expensive dinner right away is a fatal mistake, unless you really want to try out the food there and the woman is splitting the bill with you.

[SouthernIslander]

Just be yourself and if the two of you are meant to be together romantically, it will happen. Trying to "trick her" into seeing you romantically will not work. Women are not Pavlov's dog.

 

Agree with this. Women are not stupid and we know when a man is trying to be something that he isn’t..which is a turn off and won’t work long term.

 

OP- Just be yourself, so you’ll find someone who is a good fit for you.

[SouthernIslander]

Max, listen to your boy Larry here. All the commentators here are tripping you up by saying you need to do something 'exciting' because coffee is boring.

 

They are wrong. As usual. Listen to the playboys here as we know something they don't.

 

First of all..this isn't what you'd call a date. It's a meeting. That's not a date so don't treat it like a date. Coffee is totally fine. Make it 30 - 60 mins max and do it somewhere where there is a good atmosphere. That's totally acceptable.

 

1). Dress properly, Don't smell bad, don't use heavy cologne.

 

2). Don't talk about serious stuff. Tell stories..talk about events..stuff that she can relate to but it's something she has no idea about but has a funny edge to it.

 

3). Do NOT talk about your past, your past relationships, Don't ask the girl "what she's attracted to", Don't talk about your failed relationships, don't be negative.

 

Okay - Cool?

 

Now here is the kicker and why it's gonna hurt some feelings.

 

The difference between a first and a second date is all dependent on...

 

Who YOU are and not necessarily what you do.

 

It's about How you look, how you dress, how tall you are, how you sound, what kind of job you have, etc and etc....

 

It is NOT about what's on the INSIDE of you...or your feelings, or how you treat a girl. It's all about who YOU are.

 

So you can't 100% protect yourself from the friendzone. It's somewhat predetermined...but you can protect yourself from the game women play.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Self-proclaimed “playboys” normally come off lame and awkward with all their silly “rules” to pull a woman. That’s a quick way to get friend zoned too.

[max3732]

I think what a coffee date and an expensive restaurant date have in common and why they are not good is that the environment is stagnant. Just sitting across from each other interviewing.

 

I think it's better that you are going to a hidden gem of a coffee shop but I agree with smackie that the environment and mood of a place seeps into what a date thinks of you. It's an expression of who you are and what you like to do. So even a "cool" coffee house can backfire on you. Unless you are a beat poet or boho urban coffee drinking deep hipster which i get the feeling you are not.

 

You keep talking about a second date but what if f*cking up the first one does not get you that chance to have one? Just something to think about if this does not go well. I've done my best to influence your decision lol which i can hear you are going to stick with. I would just advise you to inject some spontaneity and a lot of laughter into it when you go forward with the coffee place. I find it a little odd too that you are concerned with what physical touch you do/get on this kind of date as this type of place does not lend itself much to physical touch. The place itself is more stiff. If you were meeting at a bar for a drink in the evening, a hug or kiss on cheek when arriving seems totally normal (and have done) whereas I can't see that happening at a coffee shop during the day (more remote possibility). To me, a drink in the evening requires the same "low" amount of investment of time and money as coffee but is more conducive to what you want to happen. Ok, I think I've said enough. Good luck, Max.

 

You're absolutely right about the commonalities of a coffee shop and expensive restaurant. One thing I didn't like at restaurants is sitting across from her and trying to come up with conversations and I'd vastly prefer to be doing something active. The only reason I'm not doing something active is when I invited her I didn't know if she was into sports or any kind of activities. It was only after we were all set on it that she mentioned she was into my favorite sport. With the other woman I was messaging my asking for bowling stopped us from having a first date so I didn't want that to happen with this woman because I've been even more excited about meeting her based on her profile and our conversation so far.

 

Unlike a restaurant the area around it has some history and I'm very comfortable/familiar with it so I figured I could talk about the things around us as we're walking.

 

Definitely I'm going to try and smile and inject some laughter into the conversation. We're going to be sitting next to each other (as opposed to across at a restaurant) so I'm hoping to be able to touch her a bit as we're talking. Just about every other first date I've been on I've been extremely nervous, cautious, stiff, and in hindsight boring. Even if things don't work out with her if I can at least be myself I'll consider the date a success.

 

My problem with a drink in the evening is I don't drink so that usually leads to an awkward conversation about why that I'm frankly tired of having and may set us off on the wrong foot.

[smackie9]

Being a non drinker can be a incompatibility thing, and limiting yourself. So I can see where dating can be challenging for you. The best way to handle this situation is to crack a joke, and just be positive about it.

[MaleIntuition]

Be yourself is a useless advice because it simply doesn’t mean anything. Besides the conversation is not about who you are but how you behave and what you do.

 

For example; greeting someone with a hug instead of a handshake doesn’t change who you are - that’s silly to even think. Neither would, for example, kissing a girl at the end of a great date. Yet both these things helps to change the tone from platonic towards romantic.

[JuneL]

Sounds like a fine plan for a first meet to me.

 

I think you’re overthinking about how not to “displease” a woman. While it’s important to be respectful, guys who do well tend to be confident about their ability to lead.

 

You're absolutely right about the commonalities of a coffee shop and expensive restaurant. One thing I didn't like at restaurants is sitting across from her and trying to come up with conversations and I'd vastly prefer to be doing something active. The only reason I'm not doing something active is when I invited her I didn't know if she was into sports or any kind of activities. It was only after we were all set on it that she mentioned she was into my favorite sport. With the other woman I was messaging my asking for bowling stopped us from having a first date so I didn't want that to happen with this woman because I've been even more excited about meeting her based on her profile and our conversation so far.

 

Unlike a restaurant the area around it has some history and I'm very comfortable/familiar with it so I figured I could talk about the things around us as we're walking.

 

Definitely I'm going to try and smile and inject some laughter into the conversation. We're going to be sitting next to each other (as opposed to across at a restaurant) so I'm hoping to be able to touch her a bit as we're talking. Just about every other first date I've been on I've been extremely nervous, cautious, stiff, and in hindsight boring. Even if things don't work out with her if I can at least be myself I'll consider the date a success.

 

My problem with a drink in the evening is I don't drink so that usually leads to an awkward conversation about why that I'm frankly tired of having and may set us off on the wrong foot.

[elaine567]

It is not the date that prevents the friendzone it is YOU who prevents the friendzone.

She either likes what you have to offer or not.

You could both eat a cheap sandwich at the side of the road and she could still think you are wonderful...

Relax.

[guest569]

I don't know why people are so angry towards coffee dates.

 

You can sit and relax

Look them in the eye

Talk to them

Asked questions

Get to know them

Not spend a lot of money

Get away quickly and easily if it doesn't go well

It's public and safe

Active dates like walking and tennis make it hard to get words in and talk.

 

If you don't know what activity to do or wt to talk about.. Ask a few qs online first to get some ideas. And Google "interesting qs to ask people". Review her profile and your conversation and think about what to talk about. What do you want to know? What is important to you in a partner that you need to learn on a first date? Google interesting questions to ask people. What are some of your interests?

 

Coffee dates are awesome. If you like them then no need to change yourself just to please a few love shack strangers who can't sit still.

 

Tennis date is cool but maybe not a first date. I want to look pretty and not red and sweaty for the first impression. I would also find it super awkward to just delve straight into a sport or activity without talking.

[Larry56]

Self-proclaimed “playboys” normally come off lame and awkward with all their silly “rules” to pull a woman. That’s a quick way to get friend zoned too.

 

Playboys don't get friendzoned because we see what's going on all the time. We know if this chick ain't doing what I want her to do. We chuck her. Unless their is something in it for ME. I'm out. That's how we operate. Is it mean? Yes. But it ain't wrong.

 

Someone on this forum said that women don't necessarily care about the "superficial stuff" I mentioned. Well a guys height, face, job, hygiene are not superficial to women. Women also love powerful men. Women who swoon over a guy like Tom Hiddleston are not swooning over him simply because of the way he looks but because of EVERYTHING about that guy. I learnt this the hard way. I'm letting my boy Max know the truth. He'll figure it out.

 

Max. What you want to do baby is date down a bit, go for chicks who are a bit more interested in YOU then you are in THEM. They'll give you energy to chase the girls you really want.

[mortensorchid]

I think you have to have game in order to avoid being friend zoned. As to what that should be? Well … Do some research.

[JuneL]

Playboys don't get friendzoned because we see what's going on all the time. We know if this chick ain't doing what I want her to do. We chuck her. Unless their is something in it for ME. I'm out. That's how we operate. Is it mean? Yes. But it ain't wrong.

 

Someone on this forum said that women don't necessarily care about the "superficial stuff" I mentioned. Well a guys height, face, job, hygiene are not superficial to women. Women also love powerful men. Women who swoon over a guy like Tom Hiddleston are not swooning over him simply because of the way he looks but because of EVERYTHING about that guy. I learnt this the hard way. I'm letting my boy Max know the truth. He'll figure it out.

 

Max. What you want to do baby is date down a bit, go for chicks who are a bit more interested in YOU then you are in THEM. They'll give you energy to chase the girls you really want.

 

I actually don’t disagree with the last paragraph. I might have given him similar advice in another thread. What he needs is a lot more dating experience, especially on the physical front. I think women who are into him wouldn’t mind taking the initiative and he can learn much from there.

[Larry56]

I think the one problem Max is having is...he's having a hard time getting past the first date and not getting proper responses from women online.

 

He wants to employ a strategy to make a women feel stronger feelings for him by changing the atmosphere/place etc. That doesn't work when it comes to first dates/first meetings because essentially what a woman is doing on the first time meeting is simply "Sizing" up a guy. What he is, what he does, how he sounds, what are his overall demenour is like. But I would put the weight of a first meeting more down to physical attraction. Is she physically attracted to the guy. That is the main focus I would say is more important to women these days then it is on the other stuff people are talking about here on getting past a first date. If a woman is not physically attracted to the guy - this is where you're gonna get a lot of negotiation going on, flaky responses...this is where you get women who only want to go out if it's an expensive restaurant. If they aren't into you. It's pay to play baby.

 

When it comes to first dates and online dating. It's ALL about how you present yourself. It is essentially a market place. If people are not shopping for what you are selling, they are gonna go other places for it.

 

The only way you can get better is by improving your product you are selling. If that means improving your clothes, your body, your attitude. Yes do that.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Playboys don't get friendzoned because we see what's going on all the time. We know if this chick ain't doing what I want her to do. We chuck her. Unless their is something in it for ME. I'm out. That's how we operate. Is it mean? Yes. But it ain't wrong.

 

Someone on this forum said that women don't necessarily care about the "superficial stuff" I mentioned. Well a guys height, face, job, hygiene are not superficial to women. Women also love powerful men. Women who swoon over a guy like Tom Hiddleston are not swooning over him simply because of the way he looks but because of EVERYTHING about that guy. I learnt this the hard way. I'm letting my boy Max know the truth. He'll figure it out.

 

Max. What you want to do baby is date down a bit, go for chicks who are a bit more interested in YOU then you are in THEM. They'll give you energy to chase the girls you really want.

 

Good grammar is way more of a turn on to me than all of the "superficial stuff" you mentioned.

 

Just saying.

[Larry56]

Good grammar is way more of a turn on to me than all of the "superficial stuff" you mentioned.

 

Just saying.

 

If you're saying your standards come down to just intelligence, then I'd like to set you up on a date with Danny Devito to see how you react. Intelligence alone is not something women need, it's a factor but everything about the guy matters. But I will say that some things matter more in the beginning then others.

 

What I'm trying to tell the women on this thread is that your tripping up this poor guy by telling him to do things that are 'for the woman'. I'm telling him that he must target women who are in his marketplace for it to work.

 

The women here who say they need excitement on a first date are the same women who 20 years ago were sitting in a dirty filthy flat with a hot guy who never even bought them a french fry.

[alphamale]

I think you have to have game in order to avoid being friend zoned. As to what that should be? Well … Do some research.

 

for me "game" is being able to make a girl feel good and happy thoughts about me

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

If you're saying your standards come down to just intelligence, then I'd like to set you up on a date with Danny Devito to see how you react. Intelligence alone is not something women need, it's a factor but everything about the guy matters. But I will say that some things matter more in the beginning then others.

 

What I'm trying to tell the women on this thread is that your tripping up this poor guy by telling him to do things that are 'for the woman'. I'm telling him that he must target women who are in his marketplace for it to work.

 

The women here who say they need excitement on a first date are the same women who 20 years ago were sitting in a dirty filthy flat with a hot guy who never even bought them a french fry.

 

I haven't read all of the replies, but I don't recall any woman saying they need excitement on a first date.

 

Women need connection, which isn't something that can be forced. Either you gel or you don't. It isn't rocket science.

 

Also, women don't like to be "targeted." Women aren't objects.

[Larry56]

I haven't read all of the replies, but I don't recall any woman saying they need excitement on a first date.

 

Women need connection, which isn't something that can be forced. Either you gel or you don't. It isn't rocket science.

 

Also, women don't like to be "targeted." Women aren't objects.

 

Women objectify men all day every day which is why they compare their old boyfriends to their new boyfriends. It's about everything to do with that man. His looks are just part of the package. Men objectify women on their looks but that doesn't make them bad people because women are objectifying men on everything from their shoes to their hairline to their career. Men don't objectify to the same extent that women do. Men are the real romantics, women are not.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Women objectify men all day every day which is why they compare their old boyfriends to their new boyfriends. It's about everything to do with that man. His looks are just part of the package. Men objectify women on their looks but that doesn't make them bad people because women are objectifying men on everything from their shoes to their hairline to their career. Men don't objectify to the same extent that women do. Men are the real romantics, women are not.

 

All women are like this?

 

Hm.

[guest569]

All women are like this?

 

Hm.

 

Thank goodness we have Larry to tell us what we are like.

 

Does he actually know Danny Devito? He seems really keen to set him up.

[SouthernIslander]

Playboys don't get friendzoned because we see what's going on all the time. We know if this chick ain't doing what I want her to do. We chuck her. Unless their is something in it for ME. I'm out. That's how we operate. Is it mean? Yes. But it ain't wrong.

 

Someone on this forum said that women don't necessarily care about the "superficial stuff" I mentioned. Well a guys height, face, job, hygiene are not superficial to women. Women also love powerful men. Women who swoon over a guy like Tom Hiddleston are not swooning over him simply because of the way he looks but because of EVERYTHING about that guy. I learnt this the hard way. I'm letting my boy Max know the truth. He'll figure it out.

 

Max. What you want to do baby is date down a bit, go for chicks who are a bit more interested in YOU then you are in THEM. They'll give you energy to chase the girls you really want.

 

 

“Playboys” don’t need to brag or convince anyone that they have game or women at their dispense as talk is cheap. It screams “wanna be”. That is how your posts read and it sets a very immature tone for the advice that you’re giving.

 

The stuff that you are mentioning is a bit simplistic. It is not difficult to find a man that has a decent job or knows how to take a dang bath. These are remedial attributes that doesn’t put a man high on the totem pole or put him “ahead of the game”.

 

A man should be able to stand on his own without needing a competitive advantage over a woman or anyone else. Finding a woman that has more interest in you or “dating down” screams weak and contradicts your notion that women love powerful men (whatever that means).

 

 

Chemistry drives a lot of dating decisions women make. That is why OP just needs to be himself, even if he has to date a few women until he finds someone he mutually clicks with. Not trying to be something that he isn’t by ripping pages out some imaginary players manual, unless he wants to come off like a cornball.

Edited October 8, 2018 by SouthernIslander

[Larry56]

Playboys don’t need to brag or convince anyone that they have game or women at their dispense as talk is cheap. It screams “wanna be”. That is how your posts read and it sets a very immature tone for the advice that you’re giving.

 

The stuff that you are mentioning is a bit simplistic. It is not difficult to find a man that has a decent job or knows how to take a dang bath. These are remedial attributes that doesn’t put a man high on the totem pole or put him “ahead of the game”.

 

A man should be able to stand on his own without needing a competitive advantage over a woman or anyone else. Finding a woman that has more interest in you or “dating down” screams weak and contradicts your notion that women love powerful men.

 

I've never even mentioned game. I've never even mentioned game once in my threads. All I said was that I was a playboy. You have no idea about who I am or what I do or say to women. I don't even have a pickup line. I just chat to women about ordinary things...I just learnt by watching cues and seeing how they respond to me when texting/talking.

 

When did I EVER say the man has to have a competitive advantage over a woman?

 

All I said was that he had to present himself in the best way possible and yes all those things do matter. You're saying he needs to 'be himself'.

Yeah and he's a nervous wreck around women he really likes. Should he still be himself? Do you think he's going to do better by going into a situation where he's nervous all the time. No he's not, obviously.

 

What I'm suggesting is he dates down or just side-ways so at least he can find out who is and who isn't initially attracted to him. Because the reality of the situation is that women who don't like the guy or seem a bit neutral/coy are usually women who make it difficult to be courted but the difference is they don't actually stop the guy from courting outright. They usually let it keep going...why? Because they love the attention. That's what is confusing to guys. You seem to think that men should just *know*. But they don't. I'm trying tell him what to do and you're saying "Just be yourself, it'll all work out blah blah". Well he is being himself and it's not helping him with these beautiful women.

 

So instead of focusing all his energy on chasing these beautiful women, he should look around and see who is actually gonna give him legitimate attention instead of focusing all his energy onto one beautiful woman who may or may not end up breaking his heart again. He needs to find out where he stands in all of this but he keeps trying to bring down the biggest buffalo in the hunting grounds. Instead, he should focus on bringing down smaller ones first so he gets experience to then take on a bigger one.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

So instead of focusing all his energy on chasing these beautiful women, he should look around and see who is actually gonna give him legitimate attention instead of focusing all his energy onto one beautiful woman who may or may not end up breaking his heart again. He needs to find out where he stands in all of this but he keeps trying to bring down the biggest buffalo in the hunting grounds. Instead, he should focus on bringing down smaller ones first so he gets experience to then take on a bigger one.

 

I get the impression that OP is a reasonably moral and ethical man who wants a relationship and not just to score. He probably doesn't want to hurt a "small buffalo" just to "bring down" a larger one.

 

The way you perceive women is really disturbing.

[elaine567]

So instead of focusing all his energy on chasing these beautiful women, he should look around and see who is actually gonna give him legitimate attention instead of focusing all his energy onto one beautiful woman who may or may not end up breaking his heart again. He needs to find out where he stands in all of this but he keeps trying to bring down the biggest buffalo in the hunting grounds. Instead, he should focus on bringing down smaller ones first so he gets experience to then take on a bigger one.

 

I hear this a lot, practice on the small buffalo, and once experienced the bigger buffalo are easy.

BUT women are not buffalo out on the plain, waiting to be shot at. Women think for themselves there are a lot of factors in play, and the small ones may be all a man is capable of ever getting or sadly none at all.

It is a myth propagated that with more experience the hot babes come running and it leads to a lot of discontent amongst some men who can get the impression they are entitled to hot women and everyone else is just filling in, whilst he is waiting for the hot ones to run in his direction...

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I hear this a lot, practice on the small buffalo, and once experienced the bigger buffalo are easy.

BUT women are not buffalo out on the plain, waiting to be shot at. Women think for themselves there are a lot of factors in play, and the small ones may be all a man is capable of ever getting or sadly none at all.

It is a myth propagated that with more experience the hot babes come running and it leads to a lot of discontent amongst some men who can get the impression they are entitled to hot women and everyone else is just filling in, whilst he is waiting for the hot ones to run in his direction...

 

Yes, this.