Adamjones27 Posted October 6, 2018 Posted October 6, 2018 Hi everyone, So I’ve been dating this girl for 4 months now. I knew her for a year and a half before at our old workplace and we always had great chemistry however she had a boyfriend of five years. The place closed down and they broke up, I was planning on leaving it for a while before asking her out but 2 months after the breakup she asked me out for a drink. During the four months when we were together it was great we really hit it off and had a laugh. After one particular drunken date we both said that we love each other. It was obviously a little awkward the next day and we decided to have our own little in joke of saying “I almost love you” so it didn’t sound as serious. A few weeks went by in which she told me sober that she thinks I’m the one and that she’s thought about a future together but wouldn’t make it official as it was too soon. So I started getting confused about where we were at. One night I asked her were we are currently at she said she’s having fun but not ready to make it boyfriend - girlfriend. So I put it to her this way: “if you were out with your friends drunk and a guy came up flirting to you that you fancied would you get with him” Her response: “I wouldn’t say I’d go out looking for it but yeah maybe” This obviously made me feel rubbish as I was looking for the answer that would mean okay so were not official but we’re not seeing or dating other people. I told her the next day that we should both take a few weeks to clear our heads and see what we both want. She went home and text me the very next morning saying she has spoke to parents and friends and has decided she was self sabotaging herself because she though she shouldn’t be happy. Said that honestly she is so happy and loves spending time with me. There is and won’t be anyone else she wants to be exclusively dating me and that she would tell everyone and there gran if she could! So it was back on track, she introduced me to her parents brother and best friend and we all had a nice meal. She then said she’s been suffering with anxiety and has booked an appointment to get it under control, she started on tablets a few weeks ago. I felt horrible for her so was always asking if she was okay and doing nice things and trying to make her happy, but I’ve overwhelmed her. We had a great Friday night last week where she told me she almost loves me again and that she means everything she’s said and then we were randomly talking about my Halloween party and she said she’s inviting her two friends around to stay the night - I said it was fine. She went home Saturday morning and then for the next two days was very distant and off. We were supposed to meet on the Tuesday after work for food and then she text me later in the day saying “actually I can meet you halfway, we kinda need to talk”. We didn’t end up meeting because I knew what that meant we talked on the phone and her reason was because she needed time to focus on herself and get her anxiety under control and that I was overwhelming her and she just needed space to be on her own. I got upset and wondered if she meant any of it. We’ve ended it like this, she put: “Of course it was real, I meant everything I said and did. I just needed it to end right now. I hope your okay and we’ll catch up soon when we’re both in better head spaces” What do you all make of that? Especially the last message. Do you think she’ll want to try again after she’s in a clearer headspace? Should I want to try again?
ExpatInItaly Posted October 6, 2018 Posted October 6, 2018 She's too fresh out of a long-term relationship. Even if she wanted the relationship to end, there's every chance she isn't ready to commit to any one guy again yet and wants to enjoy singledom for a while. So while I think her struggles with anxiety certainly could factor in, I also believe her recent break-up is more relevant to her current frame of mind. She might come back again, or she might meet someone else. Now isn't the time to try to date her seriously, in any event. Might the ex be sniffing around again?
FMW Posted October 6, 2018 Posted October 6, 2018 I agree with Expat, she's not fully healed from her prior relationship. Until she is she will be hot and cold with you and anyone else she tries to date. I would move on and meet and date other girls. Sure, she might get back in touch with you later and you can decide if you're still interested then. But for now, don't hold on to that possibility. See your relationship with her as over and move on.
Gretchen12 Posted October 6, 2018 Posted October 6, 2018 She started on tablets but mental illness is not like you pop pills and you're cured. She's got a long road to getting it under control, meanwhile romantic relationships will trigger more problems in her. It's difficult even for fully committed spouses to handle. Do you really want to go down that road?
ThreeRainbows Posted October 6, 2018 Posted October 6, 2018 I think this is salvageable. Respect her. Do not take anger out on her. Try to understand she's going through stuff right now. Back off, and let her make up her mind on whether she is ready for a relationship or not. In the mean time, you can see other people, or not. I would use the time wisely to work on communication skills, which would help future interactions with her be very uplifting and positive for her, and you. Show her you respect her, and she may turn around. This is about her deep emotional need for respect, and trust.
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