My gf of 2 years lied to me and left me for a girl

[4evermissingher]

I(26) dated my ex gf (20) for 2+ years. The first year and a half were truly amazing. I was her world, made her the happiest she'd ever been (she's had a truly rough life), and she repeatedly told me that she hoped our relationship never ended. She'd make any excuse in the world to see me, wrote me amazing poems and would write in her journal about how happy she was with me. She told me her most redeeming quality was her loyalty.

 

Then about a year and a half into our relationship, she got a new job and her first week there, a lesbian girl asked out. My ex, who told me she was bisexual when we first started dating, told this girl that she had a boyfriend but they can be friends. So over the next few months, they'd work together 5 days a week and see each other occasionally. This girl would sleep over at her place and I didn't think anything of it because I trusted my gf and believed she would never do anything to hurt me. Then my gf started changing. She'd hide her phone around me, changed her passcode, got piercings with this girl, dyed her hair with this girl, cut her hair shorter, and became a vegan (her coworker convinced her to become vegan).

 

On the day of our 2 year anniversary, I picked my gf up and took her to the nicest steakhouse around (the day before she gave up meat for good). After that, I took her back to her place and noticed that all the pictures she had of us up were nowhere to be seen. I went to initiate sex and she refused. She didn't want to have sex on our two year anniversary because she said she was tired. The sex became next to never.

 

Fast forward a week, this girl moves in with her because their work shifts were cut and they couldn't afford rent. I tell her I'm not okay with that as she wouldn't be okay with a girl in my bed yet they continued to do it. I'd see her less and less, the last month we were together we saw each other a total of 9 hours, she cancelled 4 dates in a row. I found her tumblr and it was filled with lesbians kissing and having sex. I don't tell her I know but I confronted her and asked if anything was going on with this girl and she denied it and said that she could never do that. But we broke up that night because she said she couldn't give me the love that I deserved.

 

Found out a week after that through family that she's confused and she likes women. I contacted her that night and she denied it. Went no contact. On my birthday she texted me and said a bunch of stuff about how she thinks of me everyday and how she'll always be there for me and how I was her world.

 

It's been 3 months now since any contact, 4 months since the break up. Every day I can't accept that she'd hurt me in this way. I found out that they moved into a new place together. Their instagrams, which I haven't looked at in 2 months, had pictures of them happily together.

 

I'm so hurt by this and just want to know if she has even any ounce of remorse or regret for lying or hurting me... and I KNOW how much I truly meant to her, and I'm very hurt and surprised she hasn't even reached out to check up on me

 

Just need some help.

Edited October 4, 2018 by 4evermissingher

[babysacay]

I am so sorry that you're going through this. I'm 27F and my 25 yo boyfriend was bisexual. I often wondered about his attraction to me because we had sex only 2 days the 3.5 months we were together but told me 1.5 months in he wanted to take things slow sexually.

 

We broke up last week, I'm on the 5th day NC and last night got a message from a guy who is not a mutual friend, who I've never heard of, asking if I was my ex's girlfriend. I replied that my ex broke up with me out of the blue last week and asked why he was asking. Random guy saw it but never responded. Makes me think he found my ex on a dating app, even though my ex said he was breaking up to try to improve his depression and wouldn't date anyone. He threw our relationship away like it was nothing, even though it was the best one I've had so far.

 

I'm here for you if you need or want to talk. And if you have any tips for moving on and healing, let me know since you're farther along in your breakup. You're not alone!

[4evermissingher]

I'm still in the process of healing, but I'm sad every day. I wake up every night with dreams of her, the mornings are the worst. I know I can't reach out and let her know how much I'm hurting. Just hoping time takes it course.

[babysacay]

I'm still in the process of healing, but I'm sad every day. I wake up every night with dreams of her, the mornings are the worst. I know I can't reach out and let her know how much I'm hurting. Just hoping time takes it course.

 

That makes sense, I try to tell myself only time will tell and time is my friend lol

[4evermissingher]

I just can't seem to accept that she would cheat or lie to me, and I don't even think she knows that I know.

 

Please can anyone offer advice

[Chassit]

My common law wife of 5 years lied and cheated on me before moving in with the POS that stole her. I feel your pain, but I really don't have any good advice to offer other than give it time (which just sucks, I know). I do have sympathy and I can relate for whatever that is worth.

[rudeb]

I just can't seem to accept that she would cheat or lie to me, and I don't even think she knows that I know.

 

Please can anyone offer advice

Hey there! Strong of you to keep no contact for a solid 3 months. Sad to hear about your breakup. I know it must feel really ****ty right now but with time it gets better. You'll eventually realize it's very much possible to find new "soulmates" in life, who you also connect with on a deeper level. It's not like there're only a few of them out there: they are everywhere. You just need to be open and keep meeting new people.

 

My personal opinion is that it's very hard to "fix" people who are somehow broken/make a relationship work with them long term, wether it's about sexuality or anything else. If she's sexually confused there's not much you can do right now. You need to move on, meet new friends (both male and female), focus on yourself, before you know it you've forgotten about her and you've met someone new even better.

 

A personal tip that has worked well for me and friends: start training some kind of martial arts, wether it's kickboxing, thai boxing, western boxing, MMA, brazilian jiu-jitsu, karate, taekwondo, judo, wrestling etc. Any really athletic martial arts that demands focus and disciplin from you.

 

You'll find a kind of inner strength that is hard to explain, and will let you overcome almost any obstacles in life without feeling helpless and weak.

 

Also it keeps you from thinking too much about other stuff. When you're sparring, you're 100 % focused on the training and you forget about anything else. It's such a relief. After training you get a rush of various hormones that make you feel better about yourself. At least try it for a few weeks and compare the difference VS. before.

 

Stay strong!

[4evermissingher]

My common law wife of 5 years lied and cheated on me before moving in with the POS that stole her. I feel your pain, but I really don't have any good advice to offer other than give it time (which just sucks, I know). I do have sympathy and I can relate for whatever that is worth.

 

How long did it take you get over it and did she ever come back and express remorse or regret?

[4evermissingher]

Hey there! Strong of you to keep no contact for a solid 3 months. Sad to hear about your breakup. I know it must feel really ****ty right now but with time it gets better. You'll eventually realize it's very much possible to find new "soulmates" in life, who you also connect with on a deeper level. It's not like there're only a few of them out there: they are everywhere. You just need to be open and keep meeting new people.

 

My personal opinion is that it's very hard to "fix" people who are somehow broken/make a relationship work with them long term, wether it's about sexuality or anything else. If she's sexually confused there's not much you can do right now. You need to move on, meet new friends (both male and female), focus on yourself, before you know it you've forgotten about her and you've met someone new even better.

 

A personal tip that has worked well for me and friends: start training some kind of martial arts, wether it's kickboxing, thai boxing, western boxing, MMA, brazilian jiu-jitsu, karate, taekwondo, judo, wrestling etc. Any really athletic martial arts that demands focus and disciplin from you.

 

You'll find a kind of inner strength that is hard to explain, and will let you overcome almost any obstacles in life without feeling helpless and weak.

 

Also it keeps you from thinking too much about other stuff. When you're sparring, you're 100 % focused on the training and you forget about anything else. It's such a relief. After training you get a rush of various hormones that make you feel better about yourself. At least try it for a few weeks and compare the difference VS. before.

 

Stay strong!

 

 

 

It's a struggle every day not to contact her, and her birthday is coming up too. I've been working out extra hard but have never done any fighting type activities. Might give it a whirl. I'm working on finding a second job that way I'm working every day.

[Chassit]

How long did it take you get over it and did she ever come back and express remorse or regret?

 

I am 2 months out and I am not even close to over it. I have not heard anything whatsoever from her since she got the "last" of her stuff out (she left a bunch of crap that she either does not know or does not care about). She did apologize repeatedly for hurting me at that time but was pretty determined in her decision.

[CantTakeMySmile]

I am sure she does feel bad for hurting you. It is hard to go with your heart, when you know it will hurt someone else. You do what you have to, but it is not easy and it doesn't mean that she doesn't feel sorry for the pain she caused.

[5x5]

Just need some help.

 

Well that sucked, yet looking on the bright side at least it wasn't 3+ years.

 

That said as soon as she took to that girl. You should have dumped her there and then. Rather than waste time with her, for as long as you did.

 

As to finding out they moved yada, yada. Who cares! **** her and whatever she rides.

 

They can do cartwheels butt naked (appropriately censored of course) on Instagram and you really shouldn't care.

 

As to her cheating, some people do scummy things. Life sometimes sux, and it's short as well. So I encourage you to stop wasting your time, pining for someone who doesn't give a toss about you.

 

So pick yourself up, dust yourself off and stop wallowing in self pity. Then get on with your life, like the adult you're supposed to be.

 

Oh and here's a tip for the future, try not be so needy since it's not particularly attractive.

 

Good luck.

[4evermissingher]

Well that sucked, yet looking on the bright side at least it wasn't 3+ years.

 

That said as soon as she took to that girl. You should have dumped her there and then. Rather than waste time with her, for as long as you did.

 

As to finding out they moved yada, yada. Who cares! **** her and whatever she rides.

 

They can do cartwheels butt naked (appropriately censored of course) on Instagram and you really shouldn't care.

 

As to her cheating, some people do scummy things. Life sometimes sux, and it's short as well. So I encourage you to stop wasting your time, pining for someone who doesn't give a toss about you.

 

So pick yourself up, dust yourself off and stop wallowing in self pity. Then get on with your life, like the adult you're supposed to be.

 

Oh and here's a tip for the future, try not be so needy since it's not particularly attractive.

 

Good luck.

 

I didn't know anything was going on with this girl until the week we broke up.

 

And how did I come off across as needy?

[5x5]

I didn't know anything was going on with this girl until the week we broke up.

 

None so blind as those who will not see.

 

 

 

I trusted my gf and believed she would never do anything to hurt me.

 

You would do well to realise that anyone can and might hurt you, presuming otherwise does you no favours. You either know something, or you do not.

 

Then my gf started changing. She'd hide her phone around me, changed her passcode, got piercings with this girl, dyed her hair with this girl, cut her hair shorter, and became a vegan (her coworker convinced her to become vegan).

 

That should have been enough, to dump her immediately.

 

After that, I took her back to her place and noticed that all the pictures she had of us up were nowhere to be seen.

 

When confronted with a banner parade of red flags, it's worth your while to do something about it.

 

I went to initiate sex and she refused. She didn't want to have sex on our two year anniversary because she said she was tired.

 

Uh huh,

 

The sex became next to never.

 

When that happened, you would have done well to to dump her immediately.

 

Fast forward a week, this girl moves in with her because their work shifts were cut and they couldn't afford rent. I tell her I'm not okay with that as she wouldn't be okay with a girl in my bed yet they continued to do it.

 

If you can't respect yourself enough, to stand your ground with your own boundaries. How do you think someone else can respect you and your wants, if you yield when someone crosses your lines?

 

I'd see her less and less, the last month we were together we saw each other a total of 9 hours, she cancelled 4 dates in a row.

 

Evidently it was already over before the end date.

 

I found her tumblr and it was filled with lesbians kissing and having sex. I don't tell her I know but I confronted her and asked if anything was going on with this girl and she denied it and said that she could never do that. But we broke up that night because she said she couldn't give me the love that I deserved.

 

Even when faced with knowing she was lying to you. She was the one who had to end it, because you didn't have the testicular fortitude to do it yourself.

 

 

 

And how did I come off across as needy?

 

People who aren't needy give short shrift, to people that behave as your ex did.

 

 

 

It's been 3 months now since any contact, 4 months since the break up. Every day I can't accept that she'd hurt me in this way.

 

The above is pretty needy as well.

 

Reality is what it is. You don't have to like it, yet not accepting it is a fools errand.

 

For your own sake, move on already!!!

[4evermissingher]

 

Evidently it was already over before the end date.

<SNIP>

Reality is what it is. You don't have to like it, yet not accepting it is a fools errand.

 

For your own sake, move on already!!!

 

Damn dude, I knew looking back there was something going on but love blinded me and I honestly trusted her. If I could go back in time and change it I would but unfortunately this is just a lesson I guess I needed to learn.

 

Really makes me feel like sh*t that she's not the person I thought she was and that she would do that. F*ck.

 

Any advice on moving on would be appreciated.

Edited October 6, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[5x5]

Damn dude, I knew looking back there was something going on but love blinded me and I honestly trusted her. If I could go back in time and change it I would but unfortunately this is just a lesson I guess I needed to learn.

 

Really makes me feel like sh*t that she's not the person I thought she was and that she would do that. F*ck.

 

Any advice on moving on would be appreciated.

 

For what it's worth, when I ended my relationship with my ex-wife. I went on a trip on my own, just to clear my head. I then changed direction, and tried some new things. Then after a few months, I made new friends and started enjoying myself with different women.

 

At the end of the day, although the end of my first marriage sucked. It was inevitable that it was going to end, because there was no way I was going to reconcile and retain my own sense of worth. So my ex-wife forfeited her opportunity to be with me.

 

I also came to realise that I can't control what other people think or choose to do. Plus I also came to appreciate that there can be a number of "the one" and it could be terrific with them as well.

 

We're all replaceable and sometimes we end up being, not everything to whoever we are with. Remember the fun times, enjoy them for what they were. Yet be okay about the fact, that some things in life are fleeting.

 

It's okay to feel all sorts of emotions, shock, anger, sadness and all the rest including indifference.

 

Yet dwelling on it interminably is a journey to no end. Since it isn't going to change anything since it's over. So it becomes a choice, you can keep pining for what will never be to no point, or realise that pining is a waste of time, and get on with moving forward without her as you did before her.

[4evermissingher]

For what it's worth, when I ended my relationship with my ex-wife. I went on a trip on my own, just to clear my head. I then changed direction, and tried some new things. Then after a few months, I made new friends and started enjoying myself with different women.

 

At the end of the day, although the end of my first marriage sucked. It was inevitable that it was going to end, because there was no way I was going to reconcile and retain my own sense of worth. So my ex-wife forfeited her opportunity to be with me.

 

I also came to realise that I can't control what other people think or choose to do. Plus I also came to appreciate that there can be a number of "the one" and it could be terrific with them as well.

 

We're all replaceable and sometimes we end up being, not everything to whoever we are with. Remember the fun times, enjoy them for what they were. Yet be okay about the fact, that some things in life are fleeting.

 

It's okay to feel all sorts of emotions, shock, anger, sadness and all the rest including indifference.

 

Yet dwelling on it interminably is a journey to no end. Since it isn't going to change anything since it's over. So it becomes a choice, you can keep pining for what will never be to no point, or realise that pining is a waste of time, and get on with moving forward without her as you did before her.

 

Thanks for sharing and your help. There is no point in dwelling, you're right.

 

On the bright side got a date coming up with a cute girl I just met. We'll see where this goes.