BaileyB Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 (edited) Therapists actually see it as an opportunity to delve into your issues on a deeper level if they find out you have a crush on them. OP, this is most definitely not true. It would be taking advantage of a vulnerable person and crossing professional boundaries. Completely unethical. He could loose his license to practice. Edited October 5, 2018 by BaileyB
d0nnivain Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 You recognize the transference issues so all is not lost. With my last 2 therapists I wished I had met them under other circumstances because they were interesting people & I would like to be friends with them. One was a huge travel buff who would show me some scenery photos after some of his trips. the last just seemed like somebody you would want for a BFF. With her I often had to remind myself that she was paid to be nice to me. If you have disclosed your feelings to the therapist & he still thinks it's appropriate to treat you so that you can learn that all male attention does not have to culminate in sex or romance, he's the professional. However, if he even starts to cross any lines you need to report him & run. If you haven't told him, you have to disclose your feelings & work together to do what is needed for your healing & growth. 1
JuneL Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 I'm super concerned. Now that's it's been a few days I do feel like my brain is getting back to normal. What did he say about your concern that your therapy may be compromised, because you can no longer feel comfortable telling him all the vulnerable stuff?
ExpatInItaly Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 Therapists actually see it as an opportunity to delve into your issues on a deeper level if they find out you have a crush on them. My therapist told me he would never tell me anything insincere and that he wants to build a positive PROFESSIONAL relationship with me that I could then apply into the real world. If that makes sense lol. Which therapist told you that?
Author SweetCharity Posted October 5, 2018 Author Posted October 5, 2018 What did he say about your concern that your therapy may be compromised, because you can no longer feel comfortable telling him all the vulnerable stuff? Though I can't recall because I was a bit flustered he said something along the lines of that we could really do great work in here but he understands if I want to get another therapist. And he really is a good therapist. He offered insight into something I usually don't talk about.
Author SweetCharity Posted October 5, 2018 Author Posted October 5, 2018 You recognize the transference issues so all is not lost. With my last 2 therapists I wished I had met them under other circumstances because they were interesting people & I would like to be friends with them. One was a huge travel buff who would show me some scenery photos after some of his trips. the last just seemed like somebody you would want for a BFF. With her I often had to remind myself that she was paid to be nice to me. If you have disclosed your feelings to the therapist & he still thinks it's appropriate to treat you so that you can learn that all male attention does not have to culminate in sex or romance, he's the professional. However, if he even starts to cross any lines you need to report him & run. If you haven't told him, you have to disclose your feelings & work together to do what is needed for your healing & growth. Yeah I told him myself that I understand it's transference and that I would actually be disappointed in him if he had crossed that line. He assured me he would never cross it.
Author SweetCharity Posted October 5, 2018 Author Posted October 5, 2018 Which therapist told you that? Well it's more on an article on Psychology Today. Lol.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 Well it's more on an article on Psychology Today. Lol. So in other words, no actual therapist has indicated this to you. I can't imagine any good therapist worth their salt would imply to their patients that a crush actually helps them do their jobs better.
BaileyB Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 Well it's more on an article on Psychology Today. Lol. Otherwise known as the "People magazine" of medical/psychological journals... Lol.
brigit87 Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 Though I can't recall because I was a bit flustered he said something along the lines of that we could really do great work in here but he understands if I want to get another therapist. And he really is a good therapist. He offered insight into something I usually don't talk about. IDK. He didn't really handle it well IMHO. He really should have redirected you to another therapist.It sounds like his ego was making the decision.
stillafool Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 Block your ex bf and hire a female therapist. You need help not further involvement with men at this point. 1
Author SweetCharity Posted October 5, 2018 Author Posted October 5, 2018 So in other words, no actual therapist has indicated this to you. I can't imagine any good therapist worth their salt would imply to their patients that a crush actually helps them do their jobs better. That's not what I said. I can't say if it helps a therapist do their job better but if a patient is experiencing transferrance it might be helpful to figure out why first before throwing the baby out with the bath water.
Author SweetCharity Posted October 5, 2018 Author Posted October 5, 2018 Otherwise known as the "People magazine" of medical/psychological journals... Lol. Lmao! Ok you got me there.
BaileyB Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 If a patient is experiencing transferrance it might be helpful to figure out why first before throwing the baby out with the bath water. Sure - but this is a topic of discussion to share, with a different therapist.
Author SweetCharity Posted October 5, 2018 Author Posted October 5, 2018 IDK. He didn't really handle it well IMHO. He really should have redirected you to another therapist.It sounds like his ego was making the decision. Hmm. I did think of this. He's a young guy working on his PhD. Maybe he thinks he can handle this kind of thing. Maybe he'll even write a dissertation on it. I don't know. I did sense some overconfidence so who knows?
brigit87 Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 Hmm. I did think of this. He's a young guy working on his PhD. Maybe he thinks he can handle this kind of thing. Maybe he'll even write a dissertation on it. I don't know. I did sense some overconfidence so who knows? Be careful you might very well be an interesting paper for him to write. This WONT help you at all.
Garcon1986 Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 So top priority for you, OP, is to do what is right for your emotional health. You want to grow out of your breakup and become the built Ford tough woman that you are. You've gotta get over this, and don't tempt him, because he also is bound by professionalism to not get intimate with his patients. We get this a lot in Cardiology between male VA patients and female doctors. They just have to laugh it off. I periodically hear this happening between female patients and male doctors but, that's only with the surgeons or the lads who meet the stereotypical male rockstar with nice physique and charming personality. Docs and psychologists have to uphold the moral code (and their license). I know that he makes you have really nice, warm and fuzzy feelings inside, but there are many more men out there that can fulfill you. Don't make this into a scandal. There are nice guys who are frustrated out there with being constantly rejected, but who are willing to show their caring and sharing side to a pleasant and peaceful woman. They just are hardly ever given a chance because they don't immediately come off as the awesome charming cute guy. 2
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 7, 2018 Posted October 7, 2018 So I'm sure some of you have read my posts over the years about the train wreck that is my love life. I recently got out of a two year relationship that was bordering on abusive. All the while I've been going to a low-cost therapy clinic at a university because I clearly have issues I need to work out. Two things. One my ex won't leave me alone and because my heart was recently bruised by a new guy I let him back into my life. Which I have been discussing in therapy which brings me to point #2. I'm ridiculously attracted to my therapist. I'm self aware enough to know that it's projecting and transference. Clearly I have a young, attractive, competent man listening to my problems, not being judgemental, offering healthy advice and safety so of course I'm going to feel something. I'm smart enough to know that even if he felt anything at all for me, that if he acted on it it would be a gross abuse of the power dynamic. Yet, when I'm with my ex I'm thinking about him. After every session I can't stop thinking about him. I was so distraught I even drove in a full circle once. I have discussed it with him and like an excellent therapist he maintained that our relationship will always remain professional. He did make me do some processing though. :/ It's starting to distract me from my original goal which was to get better mentally. Now I find myself looking forward to therapy because I know I'm going to see him. Should I just get a new therapist? Talk about it with my therapist? Never go back to therapy? Lol. Thoughts? In summation (and I think you are at least partially onto this ) : I think that the controlled vulnerability you get to experience while with the therapist is the core attraction. And it is an interesting cycle, where those most likely to need therapy are those also most likely to be drawn a great deal to safe and structured vulnerability. (because the reasons they might tend to be in therapy are so often those which found them previously experiencing non-consensual vulnerability) So you (can) go there, and (can) let your guard down (like so many of the lucky people elsewhere in the world do without tooooooo much worry/fear)... and it feels good! - rightfully so. There may even be a small-ish, still-professional element of a therapist (being drawn to your {possibly rare-for-you} willing vulnerability) (just as he might be to the next woman your age who sits on his therapy couch). SO the interaction entails two people who are considerably self-motivated to have a thriving interaction, and in a scenario that you(r logical mind has) deem(ed) "safe" Regardless of the idea that the therapist has lots of grand traits you might like in a mate... you ultimately can't get around the idea that IF he were to risk it all for you, then he wouldn't BE the *gem* of a man that you (hope him to be). You are NOT wrong for most of those feelings, but the dynamics which created them (are indicative that you still have enough brewing within you to go out and land a more-healthy-than-perhaps-your-norm mate who can bring you to that invigorating place). Hope this makes you contemplate. 1
JuneL Posted October 7, 2018 Posted October 7, 2018 Okay, so if your patient told you explicitly she has romantic feelings for you (like what OP did to her therapist), what would you do? Would you put it down in her medical records, and inform your supervisor? Would you explain to her she has to switch to a new physician, and help her find one and make her transition smooth? Do you think you can still be her physician without things getting awkward? So top priority for you, OP, is to do what is right for your emotional health. You want to grow out of your breakup and become the built Ford tough woman that you are. You've gotta get over this, and don't tempt him, because he also is bound by professionalism to not get intimate with his patients. We get this a lot in Cardiology between male VA patients and female doctors. They just have to laugh it off. I periodically hear this happening between female patients and male doctors but, that's only with the surgeons or the lads who meet the stereotypical male rockstar with nice physique and charming personality. Docs and psychologists have to uphold the moral code (and their license). I know that he makes you have really nice, warm and fuzzy feelings inside, but there are many more men out there that can fulfill you. Don't make this into a scandal. There are nice guys who are frustrated out there with being constantly rejected, but who are willing to show their caring and sharing side to a pleasant and peaceful woman. They just are hardly ever given a chance because they don't immediately come off as the awesome charming cute guy.
Garcon1986 Posted October 7, 2018 Posted October 7, 2018 JuneL that interaction would certainly be awkward, but I would do the things you said. I would explain that a new doc is needed and I would be willing to help the lady transition to the new doc. It's a well accepted tradition to document things she said in the medical record as evidence to tell other people how you came to the conclusion that a new doc is needed. The supervisor can also be told but it doesn't have to be immediately. 2
Author SweetCharity Posted October 12, 2018 Author Posted October 12, 2018 I went to another session with him and he did mention that maybe next session we should talk about me switching my therapist. It's odd. Despite my attraction to him we do get through some of the issues I had pertaining to my childhood trauma (which is why I'm in therapy). He told me that despite my feelings for him I was still very brave for coming in to therapy every week. I really respect him as my therapist. So I do have a choice to make next week.
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