Jchav123 Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 Been a while since I have posted. But here's the story: The History: Met this girl (lets call her Susan) in a meet up group. At the time I was dating someone else. My gf at the time and Susan exchanged numbers and I was happy the gf made a friend as she was new to the group as well. I dated my gf for about 4 months. To my knowledge her and Susan texted but never actually hung out. They talked about it but never pulled the trigger. As I am more frequent to meet up groups I would actually see Susan off and on. She would ask how things were with the gf and I would be honest with her. I wasn't 100 percent into the relationship so she mentioned I should just tell my gf how I feel. Ultimately the gf and I parted ways but it was a clean breakup. She still hangs out with the group off and on, not so much me but other people. But when we see each other its 0 drama for everyone else. They even tell me she is dating others. From what I can see and what people in the group tell me she is doing well. At a meetup one night Susan shows up and I tell her. Her response is remorseful but she already knew how I felt about my gf..or didn't feel so she agrees it was better to break it off than hurt her more. Later that night the group moves to a pub where live music is and there is dancing. I pull her and another friend of mine to the floor and dance as I usually do. Susan and I dance and she seems to have a good time. Though she seems to be careful about how close she gets to me. This is a common occurrence throughout the night. This happens at least at one other meetup where we go dancing. We dance together and she seems comfortable with me..but not TOO comfortable. Other people notice us together and it's obvious to them I like her. She keeps her distance, but never truly pulls away. The Now: Fast forward about a month and a half. Last week she sends me a text along with 2 other peoples numbers I don't recognize. She asks if anyone wants to go to the fair. I reply I can go and one other person never replies, the last simply says no. So Susan and I end up going to the fair alone. We have an amazing time, we ride the rides, eat the food, watch the shows and bands, and talk the whole time. She and I have practically everything in common. At one point while talking I even tell her of an awesome place I want to take her I KNOW she would love but I won't tell her what it is, only she would have to trust me. She say's she'd absolutely go with me. I make it clear I like her and physically touch her when appropriate, she doesn't pull away but doesn't reciprocate. I ask her to dance to slow songs while listening to the bands and she dances, albeit rigidly and doesn't look at me while she does so. But still dances. Multiple times. Even after the fair we go to a group meetup where our friends are. And she dances with me again. Again, slightly awkwardly and not fully comfortably. again, she keeps her distance, but never truly pulls away. The Problem: I do like this girl. Shes in her 30s same as me and has a doctorate. She's not exactly dull. From what I can tell she likes me as well but is holding back. And according to another person who is a mutual friend who talked to her about "us", shes on the fence because of the ex gf. I am not sure if Susan and the ex are hanging out or are friends, I have no evidence of that but the ex is what seems to be holding Susan back...I think. I am going to ask Susan out again but I am not sure what to say if she mentions "I don't want to upset anyone" anyone being the ex. I know the ex is moving on and dating others but not sure if that would matter to Susan. So has anyone been in this situation where they could lend some insight?
d0nnivain Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 Susan is a people pleaser who thinks she owes some sort of loyalty to your EX because they know each other. All you can do is take the bull by the horns. Point out that she & you EX are not lifelong BFFs; remind her of how short lived your relationship with your EX was & try to convince her not to worry about your EXs feelings because your EX is not really gonna care that you are dating Susan 1
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