Doglover1120 Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 I’m a second year college student. My girlfriend and I have been together for over 3 years, and though it has been a rollercoaster, it’s been an amazing 3 years. We both agreed that we were perfect for each other; extremely compatible and same morals and we just understood each other so well. We really thought we would marry each other and be end-game. Recently, we mutually decided to take a break to do our own thing and make time for ourselves. Meaning there are no bad feelings, we both agreed on this, and we are still friends even during the break. (We even “hooked up” and kissed sometimes during our break) The result was good; we were more involved with stuff we’ve been wanting to do and met a whole bunch of other people. Since we were high school sweethearts, we wanted to take this break so that we don’t have any lingering “what if’s” or regrets in the future. This includes people of the other gender. We both agreed that we could take interests in other people. I started getting interested in a couple other girls and she did the same, although her results are better than mine. I’m an overweight, insecure guy who isn’t exactly ugly, but isn’t that great. Meanwhile, she is an amazing, beautiful skinny girl who would get a lot more guys if she was more secure, like she’s literally about to join a sorority, something neither of us thought was possible while we were together. Now she is into this frat guy and shes been updating me on their progress. He’s a taller, skinnier, good looking guy who dances but isn’t a ****boy; he actually seems really nice and he hasn’t been with any girl yet. They’ve hung out, gotten closer, flirted, hung out some more, and talked a lot over the span of a week and a half. Suddenly, they managed to kiss / hold hands, which kinda makes them a thing. This was 2 weeks after our break. She just told me this now, and although we’re still friends, she’ll be talking to me less and less. It hasn’t hit me yet, but I pretty much lost the love of my life over.... no reason. We both mutually agreed that this would be good for us to expand and have the college experience we wanted. But I feel like I am having regrets. Originally, she was the one who said that she wouldn’t be okay without me (it was true, don’t try to say she was lying or anything) she depended me for a lot of things, which contributed to why we wanted to have a break. But now she’s much , much better off than I am. I’m having fun, but ultimately I wanted to end up with her. We definitely both loved each other, and we would’ve been perfectly fine if we hadn’t decided to take a break. What do I do?
ExpatInItaly Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 (edited) I'm sorry, OP. Whose idea was this break? I'm guessing it was her who initially suggested it? I think you're realizing this break was not just to pursue your own interests, but because she was losing interest in your relationship. You two are both quite young and she was not ready to commit to just you forever. Relationships that are amazing and heading toward marriage generally should not require a break, so I think what really happened is that she was having doubts about you, unfortunately, and wants to date other people. You didn't lose your love for no reason; she left because she's just not in the same emotional place as you any longer, and too young and inexperienced to want to settle down. I have to disagree that you would have been perfectly fine without a break. The fact that she is now dating someone else strongly suggests she was emotionally detaching from you even if she hadn't come out and said it, so this probably would have happened at some point regardless. I realize she told you she didn't know if she would be okay without you, and she was probably speaking from a place of fear since you two were so familiar to each other, but she's learning that she can get by and wants to pursue someone else. There really is nothing you can do if she's decided to date another guy. She knows how you feel and that you want to be with her, but sadly, she doesn't feel the same way. The wisest thing here (though painful) will be to recognize that this isn't a break but a break-up, and proceed accordingly. That will mean not staying in communication with her, as you don't want a front-row seat to her new romance. Edited October 4, 2018 by ExpatInItaly
PegNosePete Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 What do I do? You have to accept what has happened. And learn from your experience. You weren't exactly a victim in all of this: your own actions and decisions were a major contributing factor to your current situation. What on earth made you think that taking a break and dating other people would ever lead to anything good? That is just crazy. The only thing that is going to lead to is a permanent break up. And indeed, that's exactly what happened. Like Expat I would guess it was her initial idea to have a "break" to expand and have the college experience you wanted - whatever that means??? Presumably it means being free to do whatever she likes with whomever she likes? So back to what to do now. You clearly still have feelings for her, and hearing all about what she's up to with her new guy is going to hurt you. I'd suggest you tell her openly and honestly how you feel, and explain that staying in contact with her is going to hurt you, and therefore you'd like to do a period of no contact in order to get over the relationship. 1
elaine567 Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 Originally, she was the one who said that she wouldn’t be okay without me (it was true, don’t try to say she was lying or anything) she depended me for a lot of things, which contributed to why we wanted to have a break. Sounds like it was you who pushed for the break, but she is the one who got more out of it in that it allowed her to break the ties with you and accept this other guy into her life. I get it you wanted to be in college without the clingy gf around for a while, but a break is always a bad idea if your plans are to ultimately be together. A relationship is built on bonding, if you go on a break, that usually impedes and damages pair bonding often irreparably. A break is a serious thing, it is not just something you decide to do and expect to go back to normal afterwards. A "break" where the agreement is to see other people, is doomed to lead to a permanent break up. Very few people will be able to come back from that and be able to pick up as they did before. GFs are not family, where the expectation is to have a life long relationship, gfs are usually in your life when you are a couple and once you are not a couple everyone moves on. She has moved on and you have just got to get on with your life without her. College romances rarely lead to anything; if it hadn't been the break it would have been something else, so do not be too hard on yourself..
d0nnivain Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 What you do is stop talking to each other about the other people you are seeing. You are only rubbing salt in your wounds. Cut it out. She's smart to want to reduce your interactions. It will be less painful that way. Live your life at college. Since you are concerned about your weight, hit the gym. All that exercise is a great way to get over somebody. Cut out the carbs, including beer too. The Freshman 15 & bad college eat habits aren't helping your situation. You can talk to your EX when you are both home on break but not in between. Right now knowing about her exploits with other guys is simply a pain you don't need. Although you can't see it, as this door to high school shuts, the windows to college are just opening. Go, explore. Have fun. Learn lots.
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