Jane3322 Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 Hi guys, I have been with my boyfriend for a year , and he is a really nice guy to me , takes me out and treats me well. I live 30 minutes from him and with traffic it can feel like a long drive. That being said, my boyfriend will ask me beforehand if my parents are home prior to visiting me. The issue I have is that my boyfriend tends to ask me if I’m going to “give him some” or if my parents are home. If I tell him we don’t really have the chance to “do it” he no longer wants to visit me. He will change his mind and say that he’s tired or that it’s not worth driving for so long if we are not going to do anything. This hurts me because I feel like if my boyfriend loved me he would visit me regardless if we can “sleep” together or not......another concern I have is that whenever we talk about moving together he tells me the more i can put on the mortgage, the more he is willing to get a house with me. I feel like a real man should not put that pressure on his woman.....these are just my concerns .
olivetree Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 You are right. If he loved you, he'd want to see you whether or not you two are going to get down. He is clearly in it for sex, not love. Plus he wants you to pay for the house... um no. Actions speak louder than words. Dump this guy. 1
Ami1uwant Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 How old are you guys? It seems like he always has to go to you? Why can’t you go to his pkace or you meet half way? I’d get sick and tired of driving a half hour each way just to be with you a few hours. It says you want him on your own terms. It goes both ways. As fir the house....you are expecting him to take care of you..,get real. Now you need a two income household to afford a house. The max house cost you can afford is 3 times your combined income
LoverOfDance Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 No, I don't think he loves you. I'm not sure how you guys have been together for a whole year though. It seems you are on different pages. Believe me, a man who really likes or loves you will want to see you whether sex is on the table or not. Concerning the mortgage, if he is asking you to put in more money than he is putting in, I think this is a very bad sign.
USMCHokie Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 His "love" for you is irrelevant. This is just not a good situation for anyone to be in, both in terms of the relationship and for the practical implications, i.e., financial. Eject.
d0nnivain Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 No he doesn't really love you. He enjoys having sex with you. He probably thinks you are a nice person. He probably finds you attractive but his priority is getting laid not building a emotional or spiritual connection. 1
smackie9 Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 You date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. He dodges you when sex is off the table...figure it out. 1
elaine567 Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 Hi guys, I have been with my boyfriend for a year , and he is a really nice guy to me , takes me out and treats me well. I live 30 minutes from him and with traffic it can feel like a long drive. That being said, my boyfriend will ask me beforehand if my parents are home prior to visiting me. The issue I have is that my boyfriend tends to ask me if I’m going to “give him some” or if my parents are home. If I tell him we don’t really have the chance to “do it” he no longer wants to visit me. He will change his mind and say that he’s tired or that it’s not worth driving for so long if we are not going to do anything. This hurts me because I feel like if my boyfriend loved me he would visit me regardless if we can “sleep” together or not......another concern I have is that whenever we talk about moving together he tells me the more i can put on the mortgage, the more he is willing to get a house with me. I feel like a real man should not put that pressure on his woman.....these are just my concerns . What made you think this guy loves you?
kendahke Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 I feel like if my boyfriend loved me perhaps your boyfriend doesn't really love you, but tells you that to get sex from you... the fact that he won't arse himself when getting laid isn't on the horizon should be screaming to you exactly what role you serve with him. It isn't one where he shares his emotional vulnerabilities and thoughts and dreams with you and wants to build something solid with you in a way that doesn't require you putting out. In the meantime, I refer you to my tag line below: | | V V
Kelliousme Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 I assume this is the same guy you talked about in your other thread, in which you claimed you broke up with. So you guys are back together? My question is.. why? From your other thread along with what you're saying now, I don't think he loves you. He doesn't love you at all. If he does love you he would visit you regardless if you guys have sex. So my advice is.. break up with him again and stay that way. If you choose to stay with him, then stop complaining.
Author Jane3322 Posted October 4, 2018 Author Posted October 4, 2018 I just feel like he loves me because he does a lot for me and is always there for me. Another concern I have,,, so he has an apartment under his name and his tenants are asked in a few months “if they want to renew”. He mentioned that he would wait on his tenants so see if they aren’t going to renew, if not he said we would move in there but that I would have to pay half. I’m just wondering,,,do most guys ask their girlfriend to give a certain amount? I feel like a real man would say that I can help him with what I can help him with. Also,,, if he was serious about me wouldn’t he tell his tenants straight up “look I am moving there in the next few months with my gf”....why is he waiting to see if they move if he is the homeowner?....
d0nnivain Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 He has tenants for the income. Taking the lease over loses him the income. I'm not saying he doesn't care about you but that he cares about sex more. Most people who live together split the rent. If you can't afford one half of the rent or if you earn significantly less then your BF so that it would be inequitable for you to pay 1/2 you 2 need to have a real conversation about finances. However if you are already questioning how much you mean to him, you two have many serious conversations ahead of you.
coolheadal Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 I just feel like he loves me because he does a lot for me and is always there for me. Another concern I have,,, so he has an apartment under his name and his tenants are asked in a few months “if they want to renew”. He mentioned that he would wait on his tenants so see if they aren’t going to renew, if not he said we would move in there but that I would have to pay half. I’m just wondering,,,do most guys ask their girlfriend to give a certain amount? I feel like a real man would say that I can help him with what I can help him with. Also,,, if he was serious about me wouldn’t he tell his tenants straight up “look I am moving there in the next few months with my gf”....why is he waiting to see if they move if he is the homeowner?.... Who owns the property? Does he or you both are just going to be room mates? To me it sound like you have to pay 1/2 the rent? The other thing you said it's not worth his time to come to see you if you don't give him some. So what he ready said that only he wants is sex from you, doesn't care about you the way you want to be. It's all about his needs. Now if you move in with him he's going to want sex from you plus you still have to give him 1/2 the rent and the bills too. If he wants you to move in then he needs to be pay the rent. Is your name going on the contract lease for the apartment again if not don't pay 1/2 the rent, it's in his name only.
Author Jane3322 Posted October 4, 2018 Author Posted October 4, 2018 He owns the property...not me. It’s just strange....in the beginning when I mentioned to him I was moving next year(which is now),, he was all worried and said I can move in his apartment. Now he’s all like you pay half etc ...for a place under his name...and oh I forgot to mention he has a kid. Yes a kid. I spoke with him and said how do you expect me to pay for a place that’s under your name and your son would live there too...I know you guys are probably like why is she with him but he literally does anything I ask, takes me out, helps me when I need help....the only complaint I have is the ones I’ve mentioned as well as the whole cheapness of the housing and sometimes I just feel like he takes me for granted. I am decent looking but sometimes I feel like maybe if it was a really hot girl maybe then he would pay the whole rent for her. But maybe I’m just being insecure. Sorry y’all It’s that time of the month
preraph Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 He just wants regular convenient sex. Don't move in with him! He won't even come see you unless he knows there will be sex! He just wants you living there so he can always have sex with no time or effort spent, while getting half his bills paid! Plus he's got a kid. How convenient for him to find a roommate who gives him sex and a built-in maid and cook and renter. Wake up. No. And 30 minute drive is nothing.
LoverOfDance Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 So he will only move in with you if you agree to pay rent. He feels that if you both move in together he will be losing the income he would have gotten if he were to rent out his apartment instead. This is my understanding of what you've written. Please correct me if i'm wrong. I think you both need to discuss your financial situation and come to an agreement that is fair for both you. The moving in aside, I think that something isn't right in your relationship. Don't doubt your gut feelings. You are doubting his love for you and the minute we began to confirm your fears, you started defending him. You wrote this thread because you were having doubts and now you are trying to convince us AND YOURSELF that he loves you. Hmm, I hope for your sake that he does because you seem to love him. Definitely discuss the financial situation with him and try to come to some kind of reasonable compromise.
basil67 Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 With respect to the money, you're sounding like a sponge. With the mortgage, my understanding is that he wants you to make a solid and ongoing contribution to a place that's in joint names. This is a perfectly reasonable expectation. Or with the flat, if he relies on it's income to help pay for either the flat or his living expenses, then he can't be expected to give that up. Not even for a beautiful woman. Though if the son was living there *full time* you should't be expected to pay half. As you're fond of talking about how a 'real man' should behave, I would counter that a 'real woman' should understand that she needs to contribute towards expensive endeavours. Out of curiousity, do you pay your parents a decent amount of board?
coolheadal Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 (edited) He owns the property...not me. It’s just strange....in the beginning when I mentioned to him I was moving next year(which is now),, he was all worried and said I can move in his apartment. Now he’s all like you pay half etc ...for a place under his name...and oh I forgot to mention he has a kid. Yes a kid. I spoke with him and said how do you expect me to pay for a place that’s under your name and your son would live there too...I know you guys are probably like why is she with him but he literally does anything I ask, takes me out, helps me when I need help....the only complaint I have is the ones I’ve mentioned as well as the whole cheapness of the housing and sometimes I just feel like he takes me for granted. I am decent looking but sometimes I feel like maybe if it was a really hot girl maybe then he would pay the whole rent for her. But maybe I’m just being insecure. Sorry y’all It’s that time of the month Was he ever married? So he has kid by another woman? If you ever feel like your taken for granted then he's not guy for you. Remember that's his kid not your kid. He has to look after him take care of him buy his food and such. You do not spend money on his kid unless you wanted to buy the kid a treat or something for the kids birthday. But that's about it. Your not kid mom. Does the mother come around for her kid. Odd the dad has the kid where's the kids mother? I feel you could give him some money for the bills you use like electric, water or you heat your place with gas. If I was you don't move in with this guy get your own place. Unless your in love with him and he feels the same way. If you two are just in the like you like or care about you or even love each other not ready for full blown commitment. That kid is not easy to raise either. Think about stay with you folks until you can get your own place. But don't move in with this one. Edited October 5, 2018 by coolheadal
olivetree Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 I find it contradictory that he "does a lot for [you] and is always there for [you]" yet he won't even come over unless you're going to have sex. If you're uncomfortable paying for half the rent/mortgage when he has a son living with him, then you should have a discussion about what you think is fair. If you want the man that wants to provide for you without you contributing at all, this isn't the man for you. Hell, if you want the man that wants to see you even if there is no sex (as it should be in any healthy relationship), this isn't the man for you. 1
preraph Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 Since you can afford rent, get your own place and keep dating him as well as other guys and find one that doesn't just want sex and can't be bothered.
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