emptee Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 Hi, well here is my story. I was with my ex girlfriend for about 5 years. We did almost everything together. The relationship did not end suddenly, it sort of petered out. We both realized that probably we need to move on, although she was the one to say it. Its been almost 8 months now since the break up -- everything was going as well as to be expectedl. We still talked/emailed/imed a little and went to the occasional movie. Seemed like I had everything in hand, although I probably didn't properly deal with the break up. 3 days ago she let me know that she was dating someone. All hell broke loose, all of these feelings that I am not supposed to be feeling 8 months down the line came flooding in. Its like we just broke up. I sent her an email explaining how I felt, so that made me fell a little better. My problem is, I've been working too much and have not had time to make any friends, so its like a double whammy. I am going back to school so hopefully I'll make some new friends. but this sure does suck. I can't stand the idea of her with someone else. Anyways if anyone has any advice I'm all ears, or eyes as it were. Thanks for reading, that in itself should help I guess.....
Merin Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 Damn... Well the problem as far as I can see was that you never got over the relationship BEFORE attempting a Friendship. IMO even if you didn't rationalize it this way is this... when the relationship ended you kept the friendship with her hoping somewhere in your mind that when she was ready again the 2 of you would get back together... so again IMO you never really let go and healed from the loss of the romantic relationship... Now her seeing someone else has hit you like a ton of bricks as the notion that the 2 of you getting back together has all but been crumbled... At this point, you really are going to have to go through the letting go of the romantic relationship that you didn't deal with 8 months ago and I would advise the first step in that letting your EXGF know that you simply cannot offer her friendship at this time. Hang in there and I hope you feel better soon.
johan Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 I know that feeling. I SUUUCCKS. I don't know how to make it go away, but I hope it does soon. If you had started dating someone else first, then she would be feeling like you do you. You didn't know it was a race, did you? Don't be hard on yourself about it. You did the right thing with her.
Author emptee Posted September 9, 2005 Author Posted September 9, 2005 Yeah, this feeling does suck. I must say that just writing about it seems to help. Thanks for the good advice! Merin I think you nailed it on the head. Although I probably wouldn't admit it at the time, I was hoping for us to get back together. Well, I guess, at least now I know where I stand. Also, thank god, we can still be nice to each other. After all we spent a good part of our years together. (we've known each other for 8 years). I just wish whoever invented this horrible feeling should be shot. and if I knew it was a race I would have still lost, I would not whish this feeling on anyone. Thanks again!!!
helena abadi Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 I agree that if you had been the first one to date, your intense feelings of loss, grief, anger and betrayal would not have come up so strongly. It does appear you had been hanging out for a reconcilitation. She is past worrying about. Make yourself Number One, and put some serious distance between the two of you. If she thinks you are a friend, she may be genuinely puzzled at why you don't want to see her. Good. A little bit of pain on her part is not a bad thing. It takes two to dance.
Candy Cane Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 How did she respond to your email? Well, maybe if you can't stand the thought of her being with someone else, you should start to pursue her again. Read the book Love Tactics for some help in that area (not affiliated in any way). It's all about being diligent (not stalking diligent) and caring and emotionally there for someone. Also, you have show that you are still interested too. Why does everyone give up so easily? Maybe your heart is trying to tell you something. Huh???
Author emptee Posted September 9, 2005 Author Posted September 9, 2005 Candy Cane: Thanks for the reply. Well she just told me that I am her oldest firend (not in age, in years), and that we are better as friends. I don't think that she really wants a romantic relationship, she'd rather be my friend. I think I would just drive myself crazy if I tried to persue her again. I mean there was a reason why we broke up, I am sure it will just happen again. I just need to get over this and move on with my life, it is just hard feeling like this every day. But, you guys have been a great help!!! Mike
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