jjb117 Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 Basic rundown. I’ve only been “dating” this one girl for a couple of weeks. Tomorrow will be the third time I’m seeing her. I speak to her everyday. She’s great. I’m very happy when I’m with her. Second girl is someone I haven’t gone out on a date with, but we have plans for Friday to meet up. I feel guilty because I’ve always dated one girl at a time, so this is all new to me. Though we haven’t had a discussion of exclusivity, I still feel bad.
mortensorchid Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 You aren't exactly "going steady" with either of them at this point. Are you internet dating? Because it's not uncommon to multidate with internet dating - it doesn't make you promiscuous to meet one one day, another the next, another the next, etc. Chances are that will be a one time encounter and that will be that if so. If you make a habit of this - as in get into an LTR with one woman and have another on the side who either does or does not know about that other woman, that's bad. Had a former friend of mine who constantly did that from the time she started dating in junior high school, but that showed me who she really was - she was a user. She wasn't friends with you unless there was something in it for her, she was a horrible shrew to everyone around her until you put a guy she was interested in before her and she was sweet as honey, she only dated guys who gave her things, etc. I'm not calling you a user, but if you are getting serious with one then don't see the other anymore. 2
Logo Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 (edited) A lot of posters on here will tell you that as long as you haven't had the talk about exclusivity then it's all good. The question you need to ask yourself is, if you're happy with the first one, why are you going on a date with the second one? But people here will tell you it's ok to have a backup plan. It's ok to treat people like objects. It's ok to look at the people you are dating the same way you look at two pairs of pants at a clothing store. And if you are not sure, then you can always return the other pair. I say, treat people with the dignity they deserve. Also, if you are dating more than one person, you are going to end up comparing one to the other instead of considering each woman on her own. I know someone who is dating three women at once and he doesn't know what to do, so much so, that he's depressed and stressed out. Go figure. Don't go down that slippery slope of treating people as a commodity, something you can easily replace as though you're shopping around at the mall. Just because a lot of people do it, doesn't mean it's right or respectful. Some of the men on here will tell you, she's probably doing the same thing, she's probably seeing more than one man. So you should do the same. It's a downward spiral. And then people wonder why the dating scene is the **** bowl it is. I have never treated a person as a backup to another person. The distance between that and monkey-branching is very short. Edited October 3, 2018 by Logo 5
preraph Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 It's hard to put a time limit, but I'm saying if you have been dating less than a month, maybe just 3 or 4 times and you're not talking about exclusivity, then it's fair game. But once someone catches feelings, you need to let them know where you stand and if you want to keep her, go for exclusivity. You don't have to tell the person what you're doing early on, but you don't want to keep playing both of them if one is falling for you. Either cut her loose or cut the other one loose. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 Three days and you're speaking to the first woman every day? That's an awful lot of contact for "not dating" exclusively. 1
BaileyB Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 It’s only “bad” if you have are have not been honest - if you have lead one of those women to believe that she is the only person you are dating. Also, I am a firm believer that you need to be honest if you are having sex with these women. She has the right to make an informed decision - by dating a man who is having sex with other women, her health is at risk and she has a right to know that information. 2
BC1980 Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 I think this kind of stuff is asking for trouble. Would you tell either woman that you are going on dates with another woman? 2
Author jjb117 Posted October 3, 2018 Author Posted October 3, 2018 You aren't exactly "going steady" with either of them at this point. Are you internet dating? Because it's not uncommon to multidate with internet dating - it doesn't make you promiscuous to meet one one day, another the next, another the next, etc. Chances are that will be a one time encounter and that will be that if so. If you make a habit of this - as in get into an LTR with one woman and have another on the side who either does or does not know about that other woman, that's bad. Had a former friend of mine who constantly did that from the time she started dating in junior high school, but that showed me who she really was - she was a user. She wasn't friends with you unless there was something in it for her, she was a horrible shrew to everyone around her until you put a guy she was interested in before her and she was sweet as honey, she only dated guys who gave her things, etc. I'm not calling you a user, but if you are getting serious with one then don't see the other anymore. Yeah I could never do that. Like if she told me she’d like to be exclusive I’d honor that. I wouldn’t want to be a user, or turn into one.
Author jjb117 Posted October 3, 2018 Author Posted October 3, 2018 A lot of posters on here will tell you that as long as you haven't had the talk about exclusivity then it's all good. The question you need to ask yourself is, if you're happy with the first one, why are you going on a date with the second one? But people here will tell you it's ok to have a backup plan. It's ok to treat people like objects. It's ok to look at the people you are dating the same way you look at two pairs of pants at a clothing store. And if you are not sure, then you can always return the other pair. I say, treat people with the dignity they deserve. Also, if you are dating more than one person, you are going to end up comparing one to the other instead of considering each woman on her own. I know someone who is dating three women at once and he doesn't know what to do, so much so, that he's depressed and stressed out. Go figure. Don't go down that slippery slope of treating people as a commodity, something you can easily replace as though you're shopping around at the mall. Just because a lot of people do it, doesn't mean it's right or respectful. Some of the men on here will tell you, she's probably doing the same thing, she's probably seeing more than one man. So you should do the same. It's a downward spiral. And then people wonder why the dating scene is the **** bowl it is. I have never treated a person as a backup to another person. The distance between that and monkey-branching is very short. I really don’t think she’s seeing anyone either. And if she was...it would hurt me to be honest. I really have to do some reflecting. Because I gotta choose. If I may add, the real reason why I even considered going on a date with someone else is because she brings up the distance between us all the time. She actually canceled each of the last two dates because she said she’s needy and wouldn’t be able to handle seeing me once a week. But each of the two times we ended up seeing each other and having a wonderful time. It’s not that it doesn’t feel right, because it does. BUT I just feel like her anxiety is convincing her to give up something that is going well. So yes, it is kind of like a backup plan if things go sour, and that’s why I feel bad. Especially for the other girl because her feelings matter as well. 1
Author jjb117 Posted October 3, 2018 Author Posted October 3, 2018 It's hard to put a time limit, but I'm saying if you have been dating less than a month, maybe just 3 or 4 times and you're not talking about exclusivity, then it's fair game. But once someone catches feelings, you need to let them know where you stand and if you want to keep her, go for exclusivity. You don't have to tell the person what you're doing early on, but you don't want to keep playing both of them if one is falling for you. Either cut her loose or cut the other one loose. After this date with her tomorrow, I’ll then be able to decide 1
BC1980 Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 I really don’t think she’s seeing anyone either. And if she was...it would hurt me to be honest. I really have to do some reflecting. Because I gotta choose. If I may add, the real reason why I even considered going on a date with someone else is because she brings up the distance between us all the time. She actually canceled each of the last two dates because she said she’s needy and wouldn’t be able to handle seeing me once a week. But each of the two times we ended up seeing each other and having a wonderful time. It’s not that it doesn’t feel right, because it does. BUT I just feel like her anxiety is convincing her to give up something that is going well. So yes, it is kind of like a backup plan if things go sour, and that’s why I feel bad. Especially for the other girl because her feelings matter as well. Canceling 2 dates isn't a good sign. When was the last time you saw her? 1
kendahke Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 Basic rundown. I’ve only been “dating” this one girl for a couple of weeks. Tomorrow will be the third time I’m seeing her. I speak to her everyday. She’s great. I’m very happy when I’m with her. Second girl is someone I haven’t gone out on a date with, but we have plans for Friday to meet up. I feel guilty because I’ve always dated one girl at a time, so this is all new to me. Though we haven’t had a discussion of exclusivity, I still feel bad. If you were guy #1 with this girl and she wrote in asking us this, what would you want us to tell her? That's your answer. 3
Mardelis Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 How do you know either or both of those other girls isn't dating other guys? Until the exclusive talk has been had and agreed to, it's fair game all around. 2
preraph Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 One benefit of agreeing to exclusivity early on is that this raises the trust level of the woman, and that just makes her feel better about everything and she will usually be more open. I know once I found out a guy I had fallen for was dating around, I pulled way, way back in every way, as well one should. I think you'll do the right thing. You seem to have thought it all through. 1
alphamale Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 Basic rundown. I’ve only been “dating” this one girl for a couple of weeks. Tomorrow will be the third time I’m seeing her. I speak to her everyday. She’s great. I’m very happy when I’m with her. Second girl is someone I haven’t gone out on a date with, but we have plans for Friday to meet up. I feel guilty because I’ve always dated one girl at a time, so this is all new to me. Though we haven’t had a discussion of exclusivity, I still feel bad. it's ok to date multiple women as long as you aren't sleeping with any of them... 1
Rockdad Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 Depends on the person. Personally back in the day I dated 2 at once but dropped one as it just wasn't me. I have a very good buddy that is a well to do player and often dates 2 at a time. He is very accomplished at it and thinks nothing of it. 1
Author jjb117 Posted October 3, 2018 Author Posted October 3, 2018 One benefit of agreeing to exclusivity early on is that this raises the trust level of the woman, and that just makes her feel better about everything and she will usually be more open. I know once I found out a guy I had fallen for was dating around, I pulled way, way back in every way, as well one should. I think you'll do the right thing. You seem to have thought it all through. It’s like the world had decided for me. I spoke to her on the phone before heading out, and she started to imply today wouldn’t be a good day to meet since she has many things to do. I paused, and realized I’m fighting against the tide. It’s almost like an uphill battle that I doubt I’ll ever win. We discussed it through and decided we shouldn’t talk anymore. Though we like each other, we both want something serious in the long run and in her eyes, seeing me once a week just won’t cut it. She wants to see me more often and, as college kids, an hour apart is a ways away. We also both agreed if there ever comes a time in our lives where we live in the same city once we graduate, and we’re both single, to not hesitate to reach out. And to maybe, try it out again. And honestly, I’d be up for that. And just like that, it was over. And to be honest, hearing her say “goodbye sweetheart” made me tear up a bit. It saddens me though that her last relationship (LDR) and her anxiety have convinced her to go in another direction. I can’t make her stay, I just wish she would have. My philosophy has been to always take chances in life, because you never know when that opportunity will ever come again. 1
Logo Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 One benefit of agreeing to exclusivity early on is that this raises the trust level of the woman I tend to think along the same lines, but people are people. So, some women will freak out and think that the relationship is moving too fast, or that the guy is needy or that he's got issues and back away, or consider it a turn off for one reason or another. It could also be a generational thing. But I don't have the stats to back it up. Just a theory. You can't win'em all. 1
preraph Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 ^ True. But being exclusive doesn't mean you have to see each other any more often than is practical or move in or anything. People still need space. jjb117, Aw, well, there's nothing wrong with leaving that door open into the future. It could be a good investment, you never know. Simplifies things anyway. Good luck.
smackie9 Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 I have multi dated...it can get you into trouble.
Happy Lemming Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 I have multi dated...it can get you into trouble. No... its easy. I just called them both "Sunshine"... "There she is, there's my Sunshine"... "Good Morning, Sunshine"...
coolheadal Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 Basic rundown. I’ve only been “dating” this one girl for a couple of weeks. Tomorrow will be the third time I’m seeing her. I speak to her everyday. She’s great. I’m very happy when I’m with her. Second girl is someone I haven’t gone out on a date with, but we have plans for Friday to meet up. I feel guilty because I’ve always dated one girl at a time, so this is all new to me. Though we haven’t had a discussion of exclusivity, I still feel bad. Nope it's not! I've done because I wanted too. Because all of the women I was with had their own agenda. Date one Friday maybe she would spend the night? If not move on to the next one. Call her up and see if she had plans or not. If one didn't show move on to the next one. I had 4 at one time. My phone would go off like crazy. I didn't jump into the sack with all of them though. Some were just female players too. Some wanted to be taken out to eat only and see a movie. Some wanted to go all the way you know.. Some wanted to be loved, hugged and kissed. I was happy because I was busy. Today it's not like that I don't want that life and ended all of that in early 2017. So you do what you think is best for you my friend because in the end you count. If you get serious with one of them you should take that to heart and stop letting go of your herd or flock..
Happy Lemming Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 it's ok to date multiple women as long as you aren't sleeping with any of them... Who says?? I've slept with two different women I was dating at the same time (not in the same night, though). One worked on the weekends so I saw her during the week and the other one on the weekends. They didn't know about each other and I wasn't going to tell them. Just called them both "Sunshine" and I didn't slip up.
coolheadal Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 Basic rundown. I’ve only been “dating” this one girl for a couple of weeks. Tomorrow will be the third time I’m seeing her. I speak to her everyday. She’s great. I’m very happy when I’m with her. Second girl is someone I haven’t gone out on a date with, but we have plans for Friday to meet up. I feel guilty because I’ve always dated one girl at a time, so this is all new to me. Though we haven’t had a discussion of exclusivity, I still feel bad. Nope it's not! I've done it because I wanted too. Because all of the women I was with had their own agenda. Date one Friday maybe she would spend the night? If not move on to the next one. Call her up and see if she had plans or not. If one didn't show move on to the next one. I had 4 at one time. My phone would go off like crazy. I didn't jump into the sack with all of them though. Some were just female players too. Some wanted to be taken out to eat only and see a movie. Some wanted to go all the way you know.. Some wanted to be loved, hugged and kissed. I was happy because I was busy. Today it's not like that I don't want that life and ended all of that in early 2017. So you do what you think is best for you my friend because in the end you count. If you get serious with one of them you should take that to heart and stop letting go of your herd or flock..
Orokotikki Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 Sure I'm in the minority but I feel exactly like Logo (referring to their first post in thread). But probably would think different if doing OLD, never have so I can't say for sure.
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