Flozfz Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 I got friend zone by my coworker in a previous post i posted, i explain to her that i had to distant myself from her and hope she understands because she has a new boyfriend. Now she is very rude, i came in this morning to get a coffee at the cafe, and i saw her there, i told her Hi, how was your weekend, shes like what do you care... I said na thats just asking, got a coffee and told her bye, she look piss. Hours went by at work and just focusing on projects, lunch came my boss saw me to tell her about something she had to do, so i told her and went straight to lunch, she went to do what the boss told her, 30 minutes later i saw her walking in and said hey, shes like dont address a single word to me, i cant stand you.. im like what did i do? I was clear with you about distances. Shes like just tell me about work I said ok thats fine. I used to put this women on a golden plate but once i backed off and keep distant but not being an *******, she more mean and rude its been a 3 weeks like this. Shes acting like this because she misses the benefits of having me around?
d0nnivain Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 Although she didn't want to date you she did want you to continue showering her with affection. Now that she can't have her cake & eat it too she's showing you her true colors. Take that rudeness as yet another sign you dodged a bullet. Because it's work continue to be professional & let the bosses see her as acting inappropriately 1
mortensorchid Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 Unfortunately for you (as in the two of you) I think you should just walk away from one another. You can't as you see each other everyday at the same job which is very bad for both of you. I was in something similar - I had a thing for a coworker and he rejected me, but since we didn't have to see each other anymore at the job because I was ousted at the school where we were both teaching, I walked away and haven't spoken a word to him since. I still hurt from that but that's another story … You don't have the luxury I did of being able to walk away and never speak to them again like I did. Maintain a business relationship with them, just hello and follow through with work tasks, but that's that. You have no choice but to work together so you have to make things work between the two of you and others. You also sound like you have not learned a cardinal rule of working - which is that coworkers are not friends. It's easy for you to think that coworkers are friends because you spend more time with them than you will with anyone else, but they are not. People take things about you, even trivial things, and use them against you.
Gretchen12 Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 Where is the distance if you ask her about her weekend? 1
Author Flozfz Posted October 1, 2018 Author Posted October 1, 2018 Unfortunately for you (as in the two of you) I think you should just walk away from one another. You can't as you see each other everyday at the same job which is very bad for both of you. I was in something similar - I had a thing for a coworker and he rejected me, but since we didn't have to see each other anymore at the job because I was ousted at the school where we were both teaching, I walked away and haven't spoken a word to him since. I still hurt from that but that's another story … You don't have the luxury I did of being able to walk away and never speak to them again like I did. Maintain a business relationship with them, just hello and follow through with work tasks, but that's that. You have no choice but to work together so you have to make things work between the two of you and others. You also sound like you have not learned a cardinal rule of working - which is that coworkers are not friends. It's easy for you to think that coworkers are friends because you spend more time with them than you will with anyone else, but they are not. People take things about you, even trivial things, and use them against you. Well since we work together, I'm just giving her distant, I rarely see her some days to be honest just usually during lunch or breakfast. Ya we got alone very well, she would always say that we make a great couple, and would flirt, but Its my fault for developing feelings it happens I guess when you spend a while with a person of the opposite sex..
Author Flozfz Posted October 1, 2018 Author Posted October 1, 2018 Where is the distance if you ask her about her weekend? Well i'm not going to be an ahole and say nothing and look at her like a post..
preraph Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 You basically dumped her as a friend, and even though she friend-zoned you, she's insulted by that. Too bad. So all you have to do is take care of your own image at work around her. When others are around, be visibly polite to her so even though she'd probably gossiping about you saying bad things, this will contradict whatever she puts out there. Look genuinely polite and professional, and anyone she cries to will quickly assume she's the one not being professional and not you. But that's just when people are looking. Even then, don't ask her anything like "How was your weekend." Just "Good morning!" or "Hi." When no one's looking, don't even talk to her. Walk on by. If you have to give her something: Here you go, from Helen. Don't focus on her at all. Don't be caught looking at her at all. Stay out of her space as much as possible. But always be professional and polite when others may be looking. It's all you can do.
dispatch3d Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 Her attitude would drive me nuts at work but at any rate it will probably peter off over time as she gets more into the boyfriend and doesn't need your validation as much....
Noproblem Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 (edited) I am pretty sure she is sad and upset because you decided to end the friendship because you could not get her as a girlfriend. She considered you a friend and now you confessed and wanted a distance, so what is the "Hi" for? Just leave her be. That's what I dislike in this society. People will leave you if they can't sleep with you and you are supposed to be Ok with it because you know, you should have either accepted their love or didn't even bother talking to them A very progressed society indeed! Male and females are together, but they can't be real friends. Either lovers or Not! Edited October 2, 2018 by Noproblem
Author Flozfz Posted October 2, 2018 Author Posted October 2, 2018 (edited) I am pretty sure she is sad and upset because you decided to end the friendship because you could not get her as a girlfriend. She considered you a friend and now you confessed and wanted a distance, so what is the "Hi" for? Just leave her be. That's what I dislike in this society. People will leave you if they can't sleep with you and you are supposed to be Ok with it because you know, you should have either accepted their love or didn't even bother talking to them A very progressed society indeed! Male and females are together, but they can't be real friends. Either lovers or Not! Well...Shes sad because she benefit from my friendship....I would do a lot for her and she knows it... I would be her friend in the future but not now, I just can't be there listening to her about her adventures with her new boyfriend it would be torment for me. So at the moment i can't but future yes. Guys can't be friend with attractive girls.. thats crazy. Edited October 2, 2018 by Flozfz
Scarlett.O'hara Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 Honestly, I don't think she misses the attention. It sounds like she suspects you have a hidden agenda by being friendly, and she wants to make it very clear that she is having none of it. Looking at it from her perspective. She made it clear that she wasn't interested in you that way and you said that you needed to distance yourself, only to go right back to being friendly again. It probably comes across as insincere and a ploy to get her to change her mind. Although it must be upsetting for you, I think she is actually trying to help you get over her by being cold. The last thing most people want is this kind of drama at work. She can't even have any space because you work together, so this is literally the only way she can assert some sort of boundaries between you. At this point all you can do is try to respect her new boundaries and hope that in time things get easier. For your own sake, I would caution you against trying to rekindle a friendship with her again. It isn't worth it.
Author Flozfz Posted October 2, 2018 Author Posted October 2, 2018 Honestly, I don't think she misses the attention. It sounds like she suspects you have a hidden agenda by being friendly, and she wants to make it very clear that she is having none of it. Looking at it from her perspective. She made it clear that she wasn't interested in you that way and you said that you needed to distance yourself, only to go right back to being friendly again. It probably comes across as insincere and a ploy to get her to change her mind. Although it must be upsetting for you, I think she is actually trying to help you get over her by being cold. The last thing most people want is this kind of drama at work. She can't even have any space because you work together, so this is literally the only way she can assert some sort of boundaries between you. At this point all you can do is try to respect her new boundaries and hope that in time things get easier. For your own sake, I would caution you against trying to rekindle a friendship with her again. It isn't worth it. Pretty sure she does miss it. I honestly think she never thought i would act this way, but i dont blame her for anything, i blame myself she would also do some mess up things “supposely” friendship...we clicked very well but its my fault for liking her more than a friend i should have never gotten there.
Shining One Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 I've been in similar situations with a few women over the years: We become friendly, I express interest, they reject me, I back off and stop doing them favors, they become upset. Just as they do not owe me sex just because I want it, I do not owe them friendship and favors just because they want it. OP, I recommend you reserve your favors for women you're sleeping with. 1
ChatroomHero Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. It's bad on her part that she can't be mildly friendly and exchange pleasantries, but I would just keep saying hi as you normally would and leave it at that. I wouldn't engage in small talk even if she started it.
kendahke Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 (edited) I got friend zone by my coworker in a previous post i posted, i explain to her that i had to distant myself from her and hope she understands because she has a new boyfriend. Now she is very rude, i came in this morning to get a coffee at the cafe, and i saw her there, i told her Hi, how was your weekend, shes like what do you care... I said na thats just asking, got a coffee and told her bye, she look piss. Hours went by at work and just focusing on projects, lunch came my boss saw me to tell her about something she had to do, so i told her and went straight to lunch, she went to do what the boss told her This is exactly why I say "don't poop where you eat". I used to put this women on a golden plate Never put any human being on a golden plate or pedestal. , 30 minutes later i saw her walking in and said hey, shes like dont address a single word to me, i cant stand you.. im like what did i do? I was clear with you about distances. Shes like just tell me about work I said ok thats fine. once i backed off and keep distant but not being an *******, she more mean and rude She's mad because you won't let her be your focus for 8 hours. Here's what's up, though: she is creating a hostile work environment for you and that is actionable. She needs to chill t.f. out before she wrecks herself. its been a 3 weeks like this. Shes acting like this because she misses the benefits of having me around? She is throwing a tantrum because you won't be her work boyfriend/emotional tampon to whom she complains about her boyfriend and she can't have your intimate attention. That is all this is. Be professional, but don't goad her with it. Deal with her only when you absolutely have to deal with her and when you do, be professional about it. Don't get into any sort of personal talk--you've already said that door is locked, so let it stay locked. Don't be the one sending out mixed signals by trying to be her friend on your terms--she doesn't want that from you. If she did, none of how her's acting would be happening. Edited October 2, 2018 by kendahke 1
kendahke Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 Well i'm not going to be an ahole and say nothing and look at her like a post.. You pretty much can say nothing and look past her--you do it with other people in your office. You choose not to with her---own the consequences of that.
carhill Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 Yup, back to the billions. We don't owe anyone anything.
Gretchen12 Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 I honestly think she never thought i would act this way, ... There you go. You have some ideas why she's upset. "Hi" is being civil, "How was your Weekend" is chatting up. And do you really want to hear what she did on the weekend with her boyfriend?
smackie9 Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 She's pissed because she found out the only reason you were nice to her was to get with her. Now you are kicking her to the curb because she didn't feel the same way.....she's feeling deceived not ripped off like everyone is portraying here. You pretty much told her, that you can't have anything to do with her anymore because she won't date you. You were buttering her up over months, then you turned around and figured it's time to cash in. That's not fair. It's a backhanded way to get a GF.
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