Author whyamisounlucky Posted October 2, 2018 Author Posted October 2, 2018 Unless you are a small kid, birthdays are nothing to celebrate, and the older I get the stronger I feel about this. Why on this earth, where there are so many truly legitimate holidays to celebrate, like Christmas for example, would I want to celebrate my being a year closer to my grave? Young folks think time is their friend, or at least a disinterested partner. The older you get the more you realize this isn't true... That is a completely different question. I kind of agree with you, it still doesnt’t justify the actions of my ex
Malin889 Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 I don't think he is stupid, but I do think he made a mistake. He didn't realize how important your birthday was to you. Rookie-error... Being an older wiser dater, I've learned that lesson. I screwed up and was told to fix it, which I did. I never made that mistake again. You are not forcing him to do anything, you are providing a "teachable moment". Be direct, give him some ideas, make a list, show him on ebay some things you like. Men need to be told, (directly) what the malfunction is and how to fix it. Stewing away... being angry with him and him not figuring it out, isn't going to get you anywhere, but frustrated. So true! A friend of mine who I was flirting with/on the edge of dating years ago said to me once “tell me what to do”, which I found so odd, but then I realized, he wanted me to tell him what I like. And from then on, every time I see him, he opens the door for me, walks me to my car, it’s actually rather sweet. :-) You should show/tell him what you want. And if he doesn’t satisfy your needs, then it’s time to move on. How is he on days that aren’t your birthday?
Happy Lemming Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 ...he wanted me to tell him what I like. Of course, we have to be told what you like... We don't have a crystal ball, and we may need to be told more than once. Men are not good at picking up on subtle hints... TELL US!!
Author whyamisounlucky Posted October 2, 2018 Author Posted October 2, 2018 So true! A friend of mine who I was flirting with/on the edge of dating years ago said to me once “tell me what to do”, which I found so odd, but then I realized, he wanted me to tell him what I like. And from then on, every time I see him, he opens the door for me, walks me to my car, it’s actually rather sweet. :-) You should show/tell him what you want. And if he doesn’t satisfy your needs, then it’s time to move on. How is he on days that aren’t your birthday? On the days that are not my bday, I still get frustrated. For example, everytime he picks me up he will be “oh lets just get drinks at the same place.” Now, if I get upset about him just being lazy, he will come up with something better next time (like an activity to do on a date, plus drinks). That tells me that he maybe forgot that he promised he would do something for my bday to make up for messing up. I understand that he may not know what exactly to do, but why did he try to downplay it? Like did he forget again? Did he think I will be ok with just watching a movie? Did he hope I forgot about the entire thing? Or he just hoped he can get away with no effort?
Happy Lemming Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 On the days that are not my bday, I still get frustrated. For example, everytime he picks me up he will be “oh lets just get drinks at the same place.” Now, if I get upset about him just being lazy, he will come up with something better next time (like an activity to do on a date, plus drinks). What is stopping you from "date planning"?? Why is it up to him to come up with new & fresh ideas?? I'm not saying you have to pay for the date, but you could plan it and present the plan to him. I got tired of my long term girlfriend complaining about my date planning, so I put it in her lap. I tell here is the "Entertainment Budget" for the month, you plan the dates/activities. Is there a reason you couldn't plan some dates?? 1
Author whyamisounlucky Posted October 2, 2018 Author Posted October 2, 2018 What is stopping you from "date planning"?? Why is it up to him to come up with new & fresh ideas?? I'm not saying you have to pay for the date, but you could plan it and present the plan to him. I got tired of my long term girlfriend complaining about my date planning, so I put it in her lap. I tell here is the "Entertainment Budget" for the month, you plan the dates/activities. Is there a reason you couldn't plan some dates?? It is not about date planning. Of course I can plan dates as well. What bothers me is that he will always try to go with something simple, he will come up with “lets just Netflix and chill or have drinks at the local bar.” Actually, it doesn’t bother me, because when I get upset, he is willing to put some effort. I mention this just to give you a picture of how he is on regular days. Again, I just want to know why he didnt put any effort for my bday when he said he would. It is not about the gift. He could have said “so about tonight, what do you wanna do? It is your bday. You want to go downtown, walk by the river, maybe we can get drinks and dinner.” Basically, I just wanted him to follow through with his promise and “somehow acknowledge “ my bday (even if it is days after the actual bday)
MaleIntuition Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 Sounds like you are looking for excuses to why you should dump him. If you don’t like him; go ahead. Everything you have complained about boils down to your failures to communicate your needs and expectations. 1
Mrin Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 Dude here. "My lady so appreciates that I don't even aknowledge her birthday," said very very few men ever. Truth is - he's lazy. Celebrating your relationship partner's birthday doesn't have to be a huge thing. It doesn't have to be expensive. It doesn't have to be elaborate. And it doesn't have to involve gifts. All it has to be is genuine and some sort of effort to recognize that it's his or her birthday. If you can even do that, you shouldn't be dating. Good riddance.
Happy Lemming Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 Everything you have complained about boils down to your failures to communicate your needs and expectations. I think they are stuck in the proverbial "error loop"... He doesn't know and she won't tell him. 2
Happy Lemming Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 Celebrating your relationship partner's birthday doesn't have to be a huge thing. But your expectations should be communicated to your partner... When my birthday came up a couple of months ago, my girlfriend asked me what I wanted. I told her, same as last year... Steak, Guinness & Sex (baked potato - optional) I communicated what I wanted and received same. This guy just hasn't learned what his partner expects for her birthday. Some women want a small dinner party with her friends... Some want "gift cards" so they can pick out their own present from their favorite store... Some want flowers and candy... Some want jewelry... Some might want a cookout with family... each woman is different. To OP: You can beat a dead horse over and over again, or you can communicate your expectations and let him try a "do-over" or you can dump him and move on. If you communicate to him that you are still very upset about the birthday situation, make suggestions for him to follow, allow him a "do-over" and if he still drops the ball, then move on as you will not be treated the way you want.
elaine567 Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 Maybe, he just needs some advice... Maybe he hasn't learned the "birthstone" trick I picked up years ago. Does he know the things you like or dislike?? Many years ago, I was dating a woman who took me to a Gem & Jewelry Show, she ooed and ahhed over the sapphires the vendors had. I learned she liked anything with sapphires, so I geared her presents towards them. Does he know what you like?? If he is inexperienced, do you want to teach him how its supposed to be done?? Or do you want to move on?? If you don't want to "throw in the towel" on this relationship, sit down and tell him what you like, show him on ebay, give him a do-over on your birthday. He seemed to have figured it out last year though "Last year he took me out to a steakhouse and spent about 300$ for two dinners." ...and he was quite happy to accept her gift for hi birthday "I did something similar for his bday as well, spending about 300$ " So unless he has developed some rare form of Alzheimers at 30...
Happy Lemming Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 He seemed to have figured it out last year though ...and he was quite happy to accept her gift for hi birthday "I did something similar for his bday as well, spending about 300$ " They were probably still in that "newness" of the relationship, where the guy has to throw money around. Its been a year, he shouldn't be expected to duplicate a $300 dinner. And she shouldn't be expected to duplicate her $300 effort, either. 1
Author whyamisounlucky Posted October 2, 2018 Author Posted October 2, 2018 He seemed to have figured it out last year though "Last year he took me out to a steakhouse and spent about 300$ for two dinners." ...and he was quite happy to accept her gift for hi birthday "I did something similar for his bday as well, spending about 300$ " So unless he has developed some rare form of Alzheimers at 30... Thank you, exactly my point. If he had no idea what to do this year, dinner was still an option. And, I highly doubt any guy ever said: “have no idea what to do to make up for messing up my gf’s bday this year. Watching a movie at my place sounds like something she might like” That is something I cant justify. I didn’t want to dump him, but there is absolutely no excuse in my head to be ok with the whole situation.
Zahara Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 They were probably still in that "newness" of the relationship, where the guy has to throw money around. Its been a year, he shouldn't be expected to duplicate a $300 dinner. And she shouldn't be expected to duplicate her $300 effort, either. I don't think she is expecting that level of extravagance but some level of thought into simply acknowledging her birthday. He was able to acknowledge it then, he should be able to do so now, even on a smaller scale. OP, it really is very simple. When someone cares, they just do. If you had to go through all that just for a simple gesture, then this is not the relationship for you. I had an ex give me dead flowers for my birthday once. He went to the grocery store days before and got the flowers and his beer, his steaks, his chips, etc. He made sure to take care of himself and get the best. I got there, gave me the wilted flowers and he played his video games. The relationship I'm in now is a complete 180. The right person will be intuned to your needs and wants. It won't be this hard to figure out. 1
Happy Lemming Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 (edited) I had an ex give me dead flowers for my birthday once... I got there, gave me the wilted flowers and he played his video games. That is the saddest thing I've read in quite a while. You win... I'm tapping out. Edited October 2, 2018 by Happy Lemming spelling
Malin889 Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 Men are not good at picking up on subtle hints... TELL US!! I wish I knew this 2 years ago lol!
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