Hurting5098 Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 So, here is the story. This girl I work with. She is beautiful, funny and everything I could hope for. She had been dating this guy I work with. We connected and have had sex a couple times. I have fallen head over heals for her. Well she broke up with the other guy and told me she is seeing another coworker. I am devistated, I thought she would be with me but I guess not. She has told me she loves me. I have bought her several expensive gifts and helped her with bills. I even told her I wanted to marry her which she said she would love that. Now she is seeing this other guy. I am an emotional wreck, can't eat, can't sleep. I don't have anyone to talk to and need advice please. Please someone help me.
todreaminblue Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 Hey ...im sorry you are hurting but you have to let this woman go...she isnt for you...no one tells a guy they would love it if you married her and then be with another guy unless....she want something from you...which she does.....in gifts and bills....dont do it......its her disrespecting you as a person and as a friend.....you dont need that ... get out there and meet someone who cares for you in the truest sense .....not in deceit and manipulation..but with honesty in words and most importantly...actions..dont waste your precious time and thoughtful caring on someone who is loving someone else and leading you on...it isnt right...you deserve better....believe that...maybe she may gain respect for you....as she watches you walk away...she might realize what she was doing to you was wrong...she needs to learn that its wrong...by your actions....and your words.....let her go...and wish her well...never look back.......i wish you peace my friend.....deb 2
Zahara Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 Stop paying her bills and buying her expensive gifts. That in itself sounds like someone who has poor self-worth and is trying everything possible to get a girl to like him. You want to marry her after having sex a couple of times? You need to work on your self-esteem. Your thought process is not healthy. In the meantime, focus on your work and engage her on a professional level. If it's too much for you, then start looking for a new job. 3
PRW Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 So, here is the story. This girl I work with. She is beautiful, funny and everything I could hope for. She had been dating this guy I work with. We connected and have had sex a couple times. I have fallen head over heals for her. Well she broke up with the other guy and told me she is seeing another coworker. I am devistated, I thought she would be with me but I guess not. She has told me she loves me. I have bought her several expensive gifts and helped her with bills. I even told her I wanted to marry her which she said she would love that. Now she is seeing this other guy. I am an emotional wreck, can't eat, can't sleep. I don't have anyone to talk to and need advice please. Please someone help me. You are in the role of the typical Beta Male Orbiter. The only thing different is that you just happen to get laid in the process, while most don't. Let's break the story down. 1. I saw a hot chick at work 2. She has a boyfriend 3. We got horny and screwed behind her boyfriend's back. So she cheated, and I helped. 4. She dumped her current stud for another stud and I got left out. She was probably screwing all three of us at the same time. 5. I want to marry the cheater because she screws at the drop of a hat with anyone, and she is really good at telling me what I want to hear, and is an expert manipulator 2
Zahara Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 And no, she does not love you. She only told you that because she knew that you're weak and she surely knew that feeding you BS would get you buying her gifts and paying her bills. 1
smackie9 Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 (edited) OMG you need help all right....you need to stop putting her up on a pedestal and wake up. She is a player, you got played, used or whatever you can call it. To boot she's a cheater, a liar, not GF material. You got a bad case of being ^&**# whipped. Tip: You cannot buy a girl's true affections with expensive gifts. She will just wipe her feet on you and slam some other dude. Don't be sad, you need to get angry. Edited October 1, 2018 by smackie9 1
Author Hurting5098 Posted October 1, 2018 Author Posted October 1, 2018 Thank you all for the honest answers. Yes I know I put her on a pedastol and got played. I allowed it because I was in love with her. I just talked to her a few minutes ago and she said she didn't know what she wanted. I said OK and walked off. I know she is hurting over her mom being sick but that's no reason to treat me like dirt. I know I have issues but believe she has worse issues. I agree I should just avoid her as much as possible and walk away. Thank you all so much I really mean it. 2
smackie9 Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 Life gives us tough lessons....you will get plenty of benefit out of this one. 3
Author Hurting5098 Posted October 1, 2018 Author Posted October 1, 2018 Any advice on how to get over this? It seems it's worse than when I got divorced. It sucks being a hopeless romantic. Again thank you all.
Zahara Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 Thank you all for the honest answers. Yes I know I put her on a pedastol and got played. I allowed it because I was in love with her. I just talked to her a few minutes ago and she said she didn't know what she wanted. I said OK and walked off. I know she is hurting over her mom being sick but that's no reason to treat me like dirt. I know I have issues but believe she has worse issues. I agree I should just avoid her as much as possible and walk away. Thank you all so much I really mean it. Even if she knew what she wanted, even if she picked you today -- you don't want to be with someone like her. She's a user and a manipulator. And no, hurting over her mother doesn't justify s*** behavior. It doesn't justify using another. You identify that you have issues -- so work on that. It's concerning that you dove head first even when there were red flags. Stop talking to her. She has nothing to give you. Aim higher and have better standards. 2
Author Hurting5098 Posted October 1, 2018 Author Posted October 1, 2018 Life gives us tough lessons....you will get plenty of benefit out of this one. Thank you yes it seems like life isn't fair at all. I know I am being stupid actually quite pathetic but when you love someone deeply and feel they are your soul mate it's hard to walk away. Plus she is the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on.
smackie9 Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 Thank you yes it seems like life isn't fair at all. I know I am being stupid actually quite pathetic but when you love someone deeply and feel they are your soul mate it's hard to walk away. Plus she is the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. The problem is, she knows this and uses it to manipulate men, suck them dry and toss them aside. To get over her, get past the loss of your love and move onto anger. Think about how horrible of a person she really is and the all the lies she told you. Change the way you see her. 1
Author Hurting5098 Posted October 1, 2018 Author Posted October 1, 2018 She just came by and tried to scare me and was laughing. I said look I'm just going to leave you alone. I am so pathetic and deserve so much more than this. Thank you all for letting me be a piece of crap.
smackie9 Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 Sounds to me it's her way to smooth things over and be all buddy buddy with you. Next time she comes around, tell her you have realized her game and have no more interest in her. Just say it calmly with no emotion. 2
Zahara Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 She just came by and tried to scare me and was laughing. I said look I'm just going to leave you alone. I am so pathetic and deserve so much more than this. Thank you all for letting me be a piece of crap. Don't say I am going to leave you alone. Enforce a strong boundary and tell her that you do not want to have anything to do with her moving forward and that all communication should only be work related. You need to come and show yourself from a position of strength. She's playing around with you to appease her own guilt and to possibly use you as a crutch. In the future, get to know someone first before you dive in head first. Looks aren't everything and don't get caught up with the exterior and when you start to see red flags, walk away. And speaking from experience, never date in the workplace. Stop with the negative self-talk. Putting yourself down only perpetuates and enforces the poor view you have about yourself. Work on your self-esteem. 3
Author Hurting5098 Posted October 1, 2018 Author Posted October 1, 2018 Yes I have always had low self esteem. Thank you all for helping me. I'm starting to feel a little better. I just need to toughen up. I'm not going to call her tonight or text her.
Zahara Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 Yes I have always had low self esteem. Thank you all for helping me. I'm starting to feel a little better. I just need to toughen up. I'm not going to call her tonight or text her. Block her. Erase her number. You need to start taking steps to self-preserve. And not just tonight -- you need to remove her from your life completely. Granted you can't avoid her at work but that's where you set strict boundaries. And you really need to start looking at her for who she really is as a person because it's not attractive nor is it worth your pain. You're clouded by her looks and the potential image of what you both could have had but all that isn't real. Focus on who she truly is. 2
Author Hurting5098 Posted October 1, 2018 Author Posted October 1, 2018 I just saw her talking to her new guy and she came and told me he is moving to fast. I just ignored her. It made me so mad seeing them talking.
Zahara Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 I just saw her talking to her new guy and she came and told me he is moving to fast. I just ignored her. It made me so mad seeing them talking. Again, you need to enforce the boundary and tell her that you do not want to communicate any further unless it is about work. The woman has disrespected you and treated you poorly. It is time you start exhibiting strength and self-respect. She has to think she can completely walk all over you when she has no problems communicating to you like nothing ever happened. 1
Author Hurting5098 Posted October 1, 2018 Author Posted October 1, 2018 Do you all think in some weird kind of way she thinks we are just friends? I mean I can't figure her thought process.
OnlyHonesty Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 Thank you all for the honest answers. Yes I know I put her on a pedastol and got played. I allowed it because I was in love with her. I just talked to her a few minutes ago and she said she didn't know what she wanted. I said OK and walked off. I know she is hurting over her mom being sick but that's no reason to treat me like dirt. I know I have issues but believe she has worse issues. I agree I should just avoid her as much as possible and walk away. Thank you all so much I really mean it. You need to stop confusing infatuation, obsession, lust, and desire for love. It's not the same, it's a fallacy (egoic based). The more lies we tell ourselves, the easier it is to believe the lies that other people tell us... 1
OnlyHonesty Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 Do you all think in some weird kind of way she thinks we are just friends? I mean I can't figure her thought process. Her thought process does not matter. Why she does things does not matter. When you realize this, then you will start making more progress. 1
Zahara Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 Do you all think in some weird kind of way she thinks we are just friends? I mean I can't figure her thought process. It doesn't matter what she thinks. What matters is preserving your self-respect and your emotional/mental sanity. Who can figure out the thought process of a woman that cheats on a boyfriend, sleeps around with men at the workplace, manipulates them for monetary/material gain and then walks around the office like nothing ever happened. You're trying to understand the mental works of someone that sounds toxic. Best to figure out your own thought process and your own choices. If she thinks you both are friends -- you aren't her friend and do not want to be friends. You need to nip that in the bud. 1
Author Hurting5098 Posted October 1, 2018 Author Posted October 1, 2018 I agree with all of you and am trying so hard to get my mind right. I have always wanted someone that would allow me to love them with everything that's in me. That's my biggest problem. I want to hang the moon for someone but keep. Getting kicked down. Another issue with this girl is I am quite a bit older than her but love knows not numbers.
Zahara Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 I agree with all of you and am trying so hard to get my mind right. I have always wanted someone that would allow me to love them with everything that's in me. That's my biggest problem. I want to hang the moon for someone but keep. Getting kicked down. Another issue with this girl is I am quite a bit older than her but love knows not numbers. It's wonderful that you want to hang the moon for someone but you need be smart in your selection process and invest in someone that is able to reciprocate emotionally and mentally. You don't just give blindly because you are infatuated. When you give and give even when you're getting back absolutely nothing, it usually comes from a place of co-dependence. You give because you desire validation. And when your self-esteem is shot, you are likely to cling even when the red flags are flying. You said you are deeply in love with her -- what do you love about her? How long have you known this woman? 1
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