Is This GIGS? My Gut Is Telling Me She Will Come Back But I’m Trying To Give Up Hope

October 1, 2018

Hey guys, I was wondering if someone can give me their take on my situation. My ex left me 3 months ago. We’re both 19 and dated for 3 years. We were best friends, and our personalities are exactly the same. We met in high school and had the best 3 years of our lives together. Everything was going great and we often talked about marrige because we were so compatable and happy with each other. Everytime an occasional fight came up, we always communicated great and always talked our problems out. Our friends always takes about how we were the perfect relationship and everyone should model their relationship after ours Her parents always told me how they thought of me as a son and were so glad that I was dating their daughter (even her hard ass dad lol) as I have been successful in school and in following my business career path.

Everything started to change two months before the breakup after our freshman year at uni (we commute to the same uni). She started to distance herself and would often be cold to me and not show me affection. I tried to work things out with her like always but it seemed like she no longer wanted to. She began to turn into someone I know longer recognized and the funny sweet “perfect” girl I once fell in love with (we were each other’s first loves) turned into something unrecognizable. It seemed like she would provoke fights to find a reason to walk away.

The night we broke up I surprised her by taking her out to her favorite resturant and planned to go out drinking and dancing after because she had been so stressed out with finals and they were now over. During dinner, she was cold and mocked me for working so hard while I’m so young.

When we got in the car after dinner she told me she loved me but wasn’t in love with me and didn’t see a future with me. She said she wanted to take a break to which I replied “if you aren’t sure how you feel about me after three years then we probably shouldn’t be together.” I drove her home without begging or pleading, mostly out of shock as I didn’t see it coming. She was crying uncontrollably saying how she didn’t want to loose me in her life and how much she loved me. I told her I wanted to work things out but if she didn’t I would respect her decision. Her tone flipped after this though, as she didn’t contact me for 3 months after this day.

Fast forward 3 months, I have been in strict NC as I found out that she started talking to a new guy a few days after we broke up (she probably lined him up while we were together.). I don’t want to come off as jealous, but this guy is butt ugly, dropped out of high school, and is a complete stoner, which is completely opposite from me. All of my mutual friends tell me he’s a complete loser, and she hasn’t brought him home yet because she doesn’t know how her parents will react after dating me (I heard through the grapevine). I’m not arrogant, but I do view myself as a funny attractive guy who blows this guy out of the water.

I began working out immediately after the breakup, lost 20 pounds, got a 6 pack, and have been hooking up with a lot of girls, but I still can’t get her out of my head. I called her last week while she was dating this guy. She answered and we talked as if nothing had happened at all. We hung up after 5 minutes of catching up but... 15 minutes later she called me back because she wanted to talk more. She laughed at all my jokes and was very sweet with me. She told me that she gained 30 pounds and that she now drinks and smokes weed everyday and she would like to meet up with me soon.

The next day I texted her asking to meet up and her tone completely flipped. She told me she was 100% moved on and she doesn’t want to see me and she is happy with her new guy. I blocked her on all SM and she began blowing it up with pictures of them together showing how happy they are.

So my question is, would this situation constitute GIGS? What are the odds she comes to her senses and wants to reconcile? I did nothing wrong and I was the best boyfriend to her but she left me without closure or a real reason why. She says she has moved on but didn’t even give herself time to grieve her first love. I’ve been struggling daily despite getting ripped and hooking up with new girls. Something in my gut tells me she will come back after the hm phase ends with this guy but waiting around hoping is absolute agony. Thank you if you made it all the way through this, maybe the older folks on LS (ex. Anyone above 20 lol) can impart their wisdom on me when it comes to this kind of stuff.

October 1, 2018

She might come back someday, when her new relationship fizzles out, but the odds that she will stay back and that your relationship will last forever are slim. You are both very young, and she won't be ready to really settle down for several years. Your relationship was good, but it ran its course.

It's not fun to experience, but first loves are almost never our last. It's part of growing up, really. This is especially true when you start dating as teens. You're both going to change and grow a lot in the years ahead and life will probably naturally lead you in different directions. I am 37 now, and can name only one couple I know who dated in high-school who are still together today. Every one else grew up, broke up, and moved on to other people.

I would stop trying to contact her and see her. On second thought, she doesn't want to meet up and you would be wise to heed that. Nothing good will come of that when she's in a relationship, anyway. It's time for you to block her so you can move towards acceptance that this chapter has closed. You're only 19, so I can just about promise you that the best is yet to come for you.

October 1, 2018

It doesn't matter if it's GIGS or PTSD or RSI or NASA. The fact is she left you for another guy. And she has told you to your face that she is never going to revisit your relationship! Why don't you believe her, do you think she is lying?

If you're such a funny attractive guy then why are you so desperate to get back with someone who treated you like dirt on the bottom her shoe? There are plenty of other women out there who will not dump you for another guy! You're a great catch - don't accept people who treat you badly.

The best thing you can do is to go back to NC and move on.

October 1, 2018

It doesn't matter if it's GIGS or PTSD or RSI or NASA. The fact is she left you for another guy. And she has told you to your face that she is never going to revisit your relationship! Why don't you believe her, do you think she is lying?

If you're such a funny attractive guy then why are you so desperate to get back with someone who treated you like dirt on the bottom her shoe? There are plenty of other women out there who will not dump you for another guy! You're a great catch - don't accept people who treat you badly.

The best thing you can do is to go back to NC and move on.

On the phone she was addament in meeting up to catch up but the next day over text she said she wanted to meet up in the future just not now. I know I shouldn’t even want to see her, and I don’t even know if I would take her back, but she’s checking every box for GIGS and in these cases from what I’ve read on LS the dumper usually ends up trying to reconcile after 6 months. I’m not holding my breath, idk maybe I just want an apology for how badly she treated me after 3 years together.

October 1, 2018

She's not coming back. She may have been your 1st love. It's so wonderful that you had 3 great years together. But now that college has started, even though you go to the same school the world is opening up for you both & she no longer wants to be confined to the small box that was high school. Alas growing up means change & you are experiencing something that is happening on college campuses all over the world, the end of your HS romance.

October 1, 2018

Not the typical GIGs scenario.

She left you for another guy, so what that you think he isn't the man you are, she prefers him over you and that's ALL that matters.

Her inconsistency after you recently made contact is just typical human emotion at play, you have a history, the contact felt good, then she thought about it after the rush of feelings subsided and it was back to business.

Nothing about what you posted gives any indication whatsoever that she's interested in coming back.

For what it's worth, this is why so many marriages fail. People like you and her meet when they're young and have no clue what they want even though they think they have it figured out- and look what happens, 3 years later she's not interested anymore. Just be glad it happened now rather than 3 children and a mortgage later.

October 1, 2018

Sorry, she ain't coming back.

Few HS romances survive college/university.

People grow up, they want different things, the world opens up. new experiences, new exciting places, new people...

The world is now her oyster.

BUT the world is also now your oyster so don't waste much time grieving over a HS sweetheart relationship that didn't have a hope in hell of surviving long term anyway.

October 1, 2018

Sorry, she ain't coming back.
Few HS romances survive college/university.
People grow up, they want different things, the world opens up. new experiences, new exciting places, new people...
The world is now her oyster.

BUT the world is also now your oyster so don't waste much time grieving over a HS sweetheart relationship that didn't have a hope in hell of surviving long term anyway.

Thank you to everyone who replied. Our relationship did carry over into the first full year of college. I guess I’m scratching my head because I legitemetly think that I am her best option and am an amazing catch. I think this new guy is a rebound because he just doesn’t compete with me on any level. I am only assuming that they were talking while we were dating, but I have no proof. I have heard many stories from girls that they went through the same thing as my ex (lost feelings, became curious about someone else, stone walled ex, etc.) only to come back and reconnect stronger than ever. I am probably just grasping at straws and need to realize that she is not coming back. I just don’t see myself being committed to anyone else because we were such a “perfect” match. Hooking up with new girls every weekend at bars/parties is actually making me feel worse despite the props I get from my guy friends.

October 1, 2018

Stop with the hookups if they aren't improving the situation. Take some time to grieve.

October 1, 2018

OP, my gf left me a few months ago and started seeing someone else very soon after who im pretty sure she was lining up. 3 weeks before breaking up she told me how she was the happiest girl in the world and could not wait to spend her life with me. Then she started acting distant and causing arguments. Looking back i think she was stirring up sh*t deliberately. I did nothing really wrong we seemed perfect together. Shes 20 im 10 years older.

She told me she needed to find herself. She told me she loved me so much and said i hope we get back together some day.

FF a few months i had to contact her about something. She told me she still had all her feelings for me. She said i love you. She said i miss you but im not ready to be with you. She said if she figures things out she will tell me and will understand if i dont take her back.

So i posted a thread here pretending to be the new bf. I said id found out my gf had told her ex she loved him and missed him but didnt want to be with him right now. People told me there was a huge chance she was going back to the ex and that this was a rebound.

So i posted another thread on a different forum as myself. With the same info. I was told there was no chance she was coming back and it was just lies.

No one knows what the future holds. My ex is obviously not commited to her new bf after what she said to me. He doesnt know what she told me a few weeks back. Whether yours comes back who knows. I doubt she will be with the new guy very long. But do we really want them back after this?

October 1, 2018

OP, my gf left me a few months ago and started seeing someone else very soon after who im pretty sure she was lining up. 3 weeks before breaking up she told me how she was the happiest girl in the world and could not wait to spend her life with me. Then she started acting distant and causing arguments. Looking back i think she was stirring up sh*t deliberately. I did nothing really wrong we seemed perfect together. Shes 20 im 10 years older.

She told me she needed to find herself. She told me she loved me so much and said i hope we get back together some day.

FF a few months i had to contact her about something. She told me she still had all her feelings for me. She said i love you. She said i miss you but im not ready to be with you. She said if she figures things out she will tell me and will understand if i dont take her back.

So i posted a thread here pretending to be the new bf. I said id found out my gf had told her ex she loved him and missed him but didnt want to be with him right now. People told me there was a huge chance she was going back to the ex and that this was a rebound.

So i posted another thread on a different forum as myself. With the same info. I was told there was no chance she was coming back and it was just lies.

No one knows what the future holds. My ex is obviously not commited to her new bf after what she said to me. He doesnt know what she told me a few weeks back. Whether yours comes back who knows. I doubt she will be with the new guy very long. But do we really want them back after this?

This sounds exactly like my ex. A week before the breakup we went to a concert where she was clinging onto me the whole time and kissing me and grinding on me. She kept telling me how much she loved me and at a point we snuck away from our friend group to go hookup outside of the venu lol. A week later she suddenly “has moved on” and is deeply in love with someone else. Do I really want her back? Idk man not as things are right now maybe in a few months down the road. she says she’s confused. do you want your ex back?

October 1, 2018

I cant answer that question untill i see her. The problem is trust is gone. And i dont know if it can be rebuilt. I dont want to sleep with one eye open wondering who she is lining up next.

Yeah i showed her a week before our breakup where we could build a house on my farm. She was so happy. So much space for us to raise a family in a beautiful part of the world. She wanted to keep horses and everything. She threw the whole lot away!

October 1, 2018

You are trying to make "wives" out of women their late teens/early twenties, that is NOT going to work, hence why they dumped you.

Very few women want to be "tied down" at that age, especially college women.

Try again in 10 years time.

October 1, 2018

You are trying to make "wives" out of women their late teens/early twenties, that is NOT going to work, hence why they dumped you.
Very few women want to be "tied down" at that age, especially college women.
Try again in 10 years time.

She immediately entered a new commited relationship after she ended ours so that line of reasoning doesn’t really make sense in my situation unless she’s just using it to get over me. I agree that most don’t but she’s the kind of girl that does which is why I stayed with her for so long in the first place among other things. I wasn’t trying to make her my “wife” plenty of space etc. That’s why I believe this is GIGS, the guy is the polar opposite of me.

October 1, 2018

"GIGS" is a construct; it's not something someone catches and can be therefore be remedied by doing one specific thing or another.

What usually happens is that person who supposedly is afflicted by this invented "syndrome" is simply just very young, got bored of their relationship and grew out of it before actually ending it. I understand that broken-hearted dumpees like the idea of labeling this painful experience, as it's emotionally easier to process when it's perceived as some affliction that just happened to set its sights on the dumper. Calling it GIGS is easier to digest for some, rather than calling it what is genuinely is: too young to settle down and wants to explore other people.

My experience tells me that she won't be the one you wind up with forever, OP. She is doing what many young people do, which is to end their high-school relationships and see what else is out there. She's too young and inexperienced to have committed to you for her entire life. Whether or not her new boyfriend isn't a good catch isn't the point. The point is that she is not in love with you anymore and she wants to explore her options. Dumpers who dive right into new relationships are usually the ones who were emotionally detached a while before the relationship ended. She isn't rebounding, exactly, because she didn't turn to him to heal her pain of ending your relationship. It's not to say her relationship will last, but she is in a very different emotional place than you are at this time.

You sound like a good catch, and the right girl for you will see and appreciate that.

Edited October 1, 2018 by ExpatInItaly

October 1, 2018

"GIGS" is a construct; it's not something someone catches and can be therefore be remedied by doing one specific thing or another.

What usually happens is that person who supposedly is afflicted by this invented "syndrome" is simply just very young, got bored of their relationship and grew out of it before actually ending it. I understand that broken-hearted dumpees like the idea of labeling this painful experience, as it's emotionally easier to process when it's perceived as some affliction that just happened to set its sights on the dumper. Calling it GIGS is easier to digest for some, rather than calling it what is genuinely is: too young to settle down and wants to explore other people.

My experience tells me that she won't be the one you wind up with forever, OP. She is doing what many young people do, which is to end their high-school relationships and see what else is out there. She's too young and inexperienced to have committed to you for her entire life. Whether or not her new boyfriend isn't a good catch isn't the point. The point is that she is not in love with you anymore and she wants to explore her options. Dumpers who dive right into new relationships are usually the ones who were emotionally detached a while before the relationship ended. She isn't rebounding, exactly, because she didn't turn to him to heal her pain of ending your relationship. It's not to say her relationship will last, but she is in a very different emotional place than you are at this time.

You sound like a good catch, and the right girl for you will see and appreciate that.

Thank you. I do know it’s not a real “syndrome”; More so a classification of this kind of breakup. I think it still hurts because

1. I was given no closure, and I had to find out through a mutual friend she was “out of love”. She just told me she didn’t know what she wanted and confused.

2. I never thought that this girl was capable of doing this to me. In my opinion, this is the worst kind of breakup you can go through as a man. I don’t think I’ll be able to attach to a woman again the way I trusted her because if she can do it, that means anyone can because she was seemingly the sweetest most innocent girl I had ever met until reality hit me in the face.

October 1, 2018

You are trying to make "wives" out of women their late teens/early twenties, that is NOT going to work, hence why they dumped you.
Very few women want to be "tied down" at that age, especially college women.
Try again in 10 years time.

Not sure about the OP by my ex was the one that pushed everything forward. Shes the one who wanted us to get married in 4 years. The night before we split she showed me the church we would get married in! Maybe it was all a fantasy but seemed legit enough at the time.

October 1, 2018

Thank you. I do know it’s not a real “syndrome”; More so a classification of this kind of breakup. I think it still hurts because
1. I was given no closure, and I had to find out through a mutual friend she was “out of love”. She just told me she didn’t know what she wanted and confused.
2. I never thought that this girl was capable of doing this to me. In my opinion, this is the worst kind of breakup you can go through as a man. I don’t think I’ll be able to attach to a woman again the way I trusted her because if she can do it, that means anyone can because she was seemingly the sweetest most innocent girl I had ever met until reality hit me in the face.

Ha! I feel exactly the same! Mine was the sweetest person ever you met but she turned in a few day! Little or no warning nothing! Then shes off with one of my best friends!

October 1, 2018

Ha! I feel exactly the same! Mine was the sweetest person ever you met but she turned in a few day! Little or no warning nothing! Then shes off with one of my best friends!

I’m in the same boat as you brother i know how you feel. Looks like we’re building a bachelor ranch! Barn parties every weekend!

October 1, 2018

Since she didn't even have the courtesy to talk to you herself, even if she did come back why would you want someone that rude / cruel?

October 1, 2018

I’m in the same boat as you brother i know how you feel. Looks like we’re building a bachelor ranch! Barn parties every weekend!

Something to be said for it! My ex constantly told me she was terrified id meet someone older when we were together! The best one was a month AFTER breaking up she told me if i met someone else if i could keep it out of her face because it would hurt? This was before i knew she was seeing my friend. Like have you ever heard anything like that haha?

October 1, 2018

Since she didn't even have the courtesy to talk to you herself, even if she did come back why would you want someone that rude / cruel?

I just don’t think she’s acting like herself at all. It is very unlike her and she’s changed drastically for the worse. I think she’s going through some sort of phase. I know she was cruel but maybe she couldn’t come to hurt me like that to my face. She is still very immature. I don’t know why I’m even making excuses for her... I guess I want her back because when it’s good it’s really good, and right now, family and friends have told me they don’t even recognize her anymore. Again, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, weight gain. I am moving on, dating new people... but I think I would be able to look past what happened and try and figure it out with her despite everything because I really do care about her but she would have to earn it. She told me during last contact she loves me and cares about me a great deal. I guess love makes you a f***ing fool lol.

October 2, 2018

She might be going through a phase OP, but again, she's only 19. It's not unusual for people to change and experiment at her age, be it positive or negative. The girl I was at 18, 19 or 20 is quite different from the woman I have settled into today at 37. She is not a mature adult yet and it will be a while before she finds her footing.

In any event, you need to cut contact with her so you can heal.

Edited October 2, 2018 by ExpatInItaly

October 2, 2018

She told me during last contact she loves me and cares about me a great deal.

It is very common. The dumper, unless there is abuse involved, does not hate the dumpee. They often still love and care for the dumpee, but they see no future in the relationship so they know they have to end it.

It may be difficult to do, there may be tears, but their mind is usually well made up before they tell the dumpee.

They are ready to move on, they know it is for the best, even if it does hurt a bit.

No-one normal likes hurting and disappointing other people, it is often hard to do but it needs done.

I guess a lot of dumpers have someone else lined up to take their mind off the split, but sometimes the new person is more akin to what they really want and the split is the result of meeting someone else who they feel is better suited, as opposed to grabbing the first guy/girl who will do, once split.

It depends...

October 2, 2018

I guess a lot of dumpers have someone else lined up to take their mind off the split, but sometimes the new person is more akin to what they really want and the split is the result of meeting someone else who they feel is better suited, as opposed to grabbing the first guy/girl who will do, once split.
It depends...

Well it seems like this guy is mr. “right now” rather than mr. right considering he doesn’t have a high school diploma and no trade etc. we are both from well off families so once the sparks dissipate it is highly unlikely she will want to pursue this long term. Also I forgot to mention she texted me after our call asking how my semester was going etc. I just replied “good take care”. Why reach out if she has a new bf and is “extremely happy”.

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Is This GIGS? My Gut Is Telling Me She Will Come Back But I’m Trying To Give Up Hope

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