Don't want to meddle, but baby bros new gf is bad news. How to handle situation?

[Hopeful30]

What would you do if your family member's new romance was bad news (you see things they don't) and want to offer advice/heads up without meddling?

[basil67]

Yes, it's a difficult situation. My best advice is to say nothing unless they come to you with complaints. Sometimes, the more we interfere, the more it can cause our loved on to dig their heels in.

[d0nnivain]

Ask him pointed Qs but don't offer any opinions of your own about her. You need to get him to realize what is going on, not cram it down his throat

[smackie9]

Let him figure it out for himself. How else is he going to learn about life and relationships?? From his mistakes.

[Camillus]

I have learned over the years that most people already see what you see. If you're too direct that will be a problem. You need to get him to think it through so you have to ask him questions that will get him talking.

 

 

example: she seems like a nice girl/woman/person how are things going?

what do you like about her?

if she did XXXXXX does that bother you?

 

you have to look for a crack, then get them to open it, take no side and have no opinion until you are 100% certain it is shared

 

 

 

If you go direct the odds are you will fail. My best example about this is try using reason when someone is for or against Trump, take the opposite position and be direct with the facts, you will almost certainly go down in flames

[guest569]

What do you see that he doesn't?

[kendahke]

What would you do if your family member's new romance was bad news (you see things they don't) and want to offer advice/heads up without meddling?

 

I don't offer any advice/heads up or anything unless I am directly asked for it.

 

That's their life they have to live, not me or mine. Clearly she must do something for him that he's not willing to cut loose if he's cool with overlooking her ways.

 

If he's getting regular sex from her, then most likely he's not going to take kindly to you getting between him and her with your interpretations, so stay out of it. He's grown and has to make his own mistakes.

 

If you don't want to meddle--don't meddle.