Dating a travel girl with a lot of history

[confused83]

Im finding it hard coming to terms with this girls past and i no its horrible to judge someone on it but i cant get past it. Shes wonderful and we get on so well but she recently told me about her past. She left her ex and travelled for 3 years. In that time she stayed in hostels and had 30+ sexual partners, foursomes, threesomes... the works.

 

Whenever we are together now i cant get tbe images out of my head. At first it was ok as there wasnt many feelings involved but now i like this girl i feel constantly like i wont be enough andive never felt like that with anyone before. When we do anything i stupidly assume shes thinking of those times. She alao wants to go travelling again but with me and it's really not my scene. I love travel but hostels with a bunch of teenagers playing guitars isnt for me as im 32. Shes 28. If i dont go she'll go alone and i have a horrible feeling i know what that would involve. Has anybody experienced this before as ive never dated anyone like this before.

 

Her facebook is just albums of different holidays and in every album shes with a different man. Shes said she wants to do it all with a boyfriend now, i love how honest shea been but its hard to swallow all that information.

Edited September 30, 2018 by confused83

[Highndry]

I certainly wouldn't pursue a relationship with a woman like that, and it appears you're uncomfortable with it, too. She sounds like the type of gal who would do porn. Her morals need to match yours, or it's not a good match.

[preraph]

She's just had a fun explorative life. She is reaching ate or it's possible she is tired of all that and wants a serious relationship, but you just need to sit down with her and talk to her about it at length. Tell her that type of trip does not appeal to you, that you wouldn't be comfortable staying in hostels. Ask her if she goes alone, is she planning on acting single. If you can't afford it, maybe you come up with an alternate trip for just the two of you and fly that past her.

 

double digit numbers doesn't mean someone can't be faithful if they're in a committed relationship. But you need to really talk to her and find out where her head is at. Ask her if she would consider a more traditional vacation. she's with you so obviously she would rather be with you than those other guys. She's a free spirit so if she didn't want to be with you she would have flown away already.

[todreaminblue]

if you cant leave her past behind and are constantly thinking of her being with others then she isnt the one for you...it isnt your fault and its not hers either it is in her past for a reason.....people change...it is possible to grow up and out from pasts wiser and more sure of who they are and what they want....if you dont have a past...you arent actually living...

 

as far as numbers go and sexual activity....i dont know if this is fact but going on personal assumption ...a person who experienced much of what casual sex has to offer and chooses to settle down is more likely to stay that way......a person who is honest about their history is like to be honest in the present and future with you.....in saying that

 

why dont you explain to her how you really feel ....a woman who gives you honesty should appreciate your honesty in return...and if you still feel uncomfortable after talking to her you, you will know for sure you guys just arent compatible to be together.........and end it clean and quick....

 

speaking from experience as an ex hooker with a large mystery never to be known number and experience that covers a lot of sex.

 

i tell a guy my history early to give him the choice to leave or stay....it needs to be disclosed...i refuse to be outed...i control the choice to disclose..........i appreciate honesty and i would rather a guy walk than be uncomfortable staying with me ...making love with me.......my past is pretty terrible......but it is past.....and always will be past....

 

my past ...makes me unsuitable for most men...i understand that.....it does hurt to disclose my past though....but i deal with it..,...and get my strength in truth.....

 

.....i would suggest std checks.....for both of you regardless of the outcome..stay or leave...........its the right thing to do.....i wish you well.....deb

[Sunlight72]

I'm going to be completely honest with you. It's okay to leave a relationship when you don't feel comfortable with your partner. From what I've read you seem kinda disgusted by her past and it's understandable because it goes against what you expect from a partner and your own values.

 

What it's not okay is to think she is less valuable because she has that past.

 

There are women that would not ever date/marry a guy that has had lot of sexual partners. This kind of women are the ones you want.

 

My advice is: If you find it too hard coming to terms she had a past, leave her and find someone you feel comfortable with. You're human after all. Both of you will eventually find their longlasting partner.

I second this.

 

I had an 18 month trainwreck with a 2-to-3-wine-bottles-a-night alcoholic. Towards the end, a friend told me, "You can't see her as a great person except when she drinks. Drinking is an essential part of who she is. You are kidding yourself if you see her as someone different than that. The whole person she is includes being drunk every night."

 

You know this woman, and I obviously don't. Please realize she may be fulfilled to be with one man only from now on. That would change my advice completely.

 

Having said that - if she is really the free spirit you describe, then you don't love all of her. You are picking the particular highlights you would prefer in a different woman, and trying to pretend the rest of her is not real. It is real. You do not like the whole person she is.

 

 

Do not tie yourself to her any longer. Respectfully and graciously bow out of her life, and enjoy the sweet times you have had with her up to now - there were some good times, weren't there

 

Best Wishes,

Sunlight