planb1973 Posted September 30, 2018 Posted September 30, 2018 I wrote a letter to my ex who broke up with me suddenly 3 weeks ago. I told her that I understood the reasons why, told her I would miss her and how much the relationship meant to me, and that I was sad that it ended and thanked her for the experience. We had just days before had a call and finally discussed what happened that caused the end. We also sorted out the financial details of a trip to NY we had planned. I was to send her a check for her half which is when I wrote the letter. The final note of my letter I told her that I was going to leave the reservations as is, they are nonrefundable anyway, and just go by myself. And added that I was leaving her ticket available if she chose to patch the relationship back together. I know writing a letter to someone who dumped you is not necessarily a good idea and I did not expect much if any response. To my surprise she sent me this response. "Good morning, I got your check and letter. Thank you very much for that. It makes me incredibly sad the way this ended. I appreciate you acknowledging the depth of emotions we are both feeling. I accept blame as well. I should have done a better job creating an environment in which you felt safe to share with me, to trust and be vulnerable. I thought I had, but in hindsight I realize I didn't. I will be doing much self reflection to determine how I could have loved you better and given you the space to share all aspects of your life with me. Please know that I absolutely loved every second of our time together. I had so much hope for us and wanted nothing more than to be your Stacy (inside joke) Again, thank you, I wish you well going forward and hope that you find all the goodness and joy you deserve." I'm not sure what to take of this. It was only a two month relationship, but it meant a lot to me. And I still have not received the tickets that she was supposed to send via email a week ago, nor any response about leaving the flight reservations the same. And just to make things sting a bit more I decided to look at her FB for the first time since the breakup, I had unfollowed her but not unfriended, and noticed that she is gone from my FB.
Zahara Posted September 30, 2018 Posted September 30, 2018 She’s wishing you well and all the best in your future. She’s being polite and ending it amicably. Time to move on. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted September 30, 2018 Posted September 30, 2018 (edited) Well ... OK, I think I know why you're confused. You're confused because she is mature and not petty. She is owning up to her hopes with you, her imperfections and her disappointment and sadness. People can own up to all of that (in fact it's BEST to own up to all of that), and still be clear that the relationship wasn't good for them. I was similarly confused when a woman broke up with me in this way ... she cried, expressed sadness ... didn't attack me ... But looking back, she was mature. Edited September 30, 2018 by Lotsgoingon 2
ExpatInItaly Posted September 30, 2018 Posted September 30, 2018 The response to you was her goodbye. You won't be going on holiday together, so try to plan for either someone else to take her spot or for a nice solo vacation. It could be a good opportunity to help take your mind off her.
Marc878 Posted September 30, 2018 Posted September 30, 2018 (edited) To my surprise she sent me this response. "Good morning, I got your check and letter. Thank you very much for that. You chased and she's blocked you. Better cancel that check if she hasn't already cashed it!!!!!!! Edited October 1, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author planb1973 Posted October 1, 2018 Author Posted October 1, 2018 You chased and she's blocked you. Better cancel that check if she hasn't already cashed it!!!!!!! Cancel the check??? I got the plane tickets, she got the airbnb and tickets to a show. We sorted out the financials and I am reimbursing her share. She was supposed to email me the show tickets over a week ago. I'm holding ukp my end of the bargain.
Mardelis Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 (edited) She's done and gone, that much is clear. As others have said I would not have given her the check. She broke up with you a few weeks before the pending vacation that is now ruined. Sure you might go alone and try to make it work but it's not the same. As you can see, she isn't giving you the same courtesy- she hasn't bothered to send you the tickets she promised. As far as she's concerned, out of sight, out of mind. I doubt you'll ever see those tickets. I would cancel the check as the other poster suggested. I think we both know that sending her a check was a sort of olive branch, you were hoping it might trigger something and she'd reconsider her decision to leave, but as you now know, or will know when you open your eyes the rest of the way, contacting a dumper is NEVER a good idea for a whole bunch of reasons. Also the "relationship" was only 8 weeks long. That's nothing. Your response to the whole thing is somewhat overblown, you might want to try to figure out why you are reacting this strongly to a woman you hardly knew. Edited October 1, 2018 by Mardelis
d0nnivain Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 If you paid her for the tickets she needs to send them to you. 1
Mardelis Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 If you paid her for the tickets she needs to send them to you. Right. All he needs to do is remind her of that and there as good as being in his mailbox.
BC1980 Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 Remind her of the tickets one more time, and, if she doesn't respond, chalk it up as a loss. But otherwise, the letter was her goodbye.
preraph Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 Write: "I'll come pick up the tickets if mailing them is too much of a bother." Probably this will make her rush to put them in the mail. 2
Gretchen12 Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 The show tickets are print at home, right? You just need her to forward you the email so you can print. Unless she never bought them...?? Some tickets can be exchanged and most of them you can sell.
jjb117 Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 Yeah, though there was some emotion drawn into her message, she seemed to be very clear that this was her way of saying goodbye. She tried being as nice as possible, basically giving you the rundown that you deserve better, yadah yadah yadah. Take it as it is, and accept that it is over. I’m sure you enjoyed your 2 months together. Not the longest of time, but still enough to leave an impression on anybody. Be glad you shared an experience with someone and know that you are now one step closer to finding someone better for you. Though it may not seem like it now (since you like her), those feelings will subside eventually. I loved my ex, and do (but not in a romantic way) and I’ve been able to move on to other women who I also have cared deeply for. There are other people out there for you, and I’m sure in a month or so you’ll be back on your feet better than ever. Cut your losses, keep your head high and march on. 1
Author planb1973 Posted October 2, 2018 Author Posted October 2, 2018 She emailed me the tickets with a "Enjoy your trip and the show." and a heartface. Ironically the tickets are not together, seats 1 and 3. I know it was a brief relationship. But this one is having a big effect on me. In my years of dating this one was different. The first time I really let my guard down and felt more secure than I ever had in a relationship. Maybe it was just classic love bombing. I don't know. But it hurts. I'm taking this next month for just me. Anyone in NY want to see Book of Mormon? 1
elaine567 Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 She emailed me the tickets with a "Enjoy your trip and the show." and a heartface. Ironically the tickets are not together, seats 1 and 3. How did that happen?
Author planb1973 Posted October 3, 2018 Author Posted October 3, 2018 How did that happen? I don't know, I was right there with her when she purchased them. Doesn't matter now though as I wont have to sit next to the person I sell them to.
helloladies21 Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 I sent my ex a letter last week as well. Similar relationship to yours, short, but very intense. I essentially let her go. I do not expect a response.
Mardelis Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 Doesn't matter now though as I wont have to sit next to the person I sell them to. Whats the difference if you sit next to the person you sell her ticket to versus a total stranger who purchased their own ticket from someone else?
ThreeRainbows Posted October 4, 2018 Posted October 4, 2018 You know, I don't want to raise hopes, but she doesn't sound like she's in the wall of reactance phase with you (youtube Clay Andrews). Keep cool. You might be able to salvage it (hard to tell, it was only 2 months!). I would respond politely to any texts she sends you, work on your relationship skills in the mean time, and process any leftover emotions. Go NC for 30 days just to make sure you've processed all feelings. If you don't bug her a lot right now, and respect her, you might have a shot still. I wouldn't throw in the towel yet - but don't get attached, either. You have to be 100% cool with the possibility of rejection. Give it a few weeks, then reach out with a friendly text to test the waters. I am saying this because I reconciled with my ex boyfriend. He dumped me after a 5 month relationship.. We are going strong now. Anyways... whatever you decide to do, GL!
Author planb1973 Posted October 4, 2018 Author Posted October 4, 2018 You know, I don't want to raise hopes, but she doesn't sound like she's in the wall of reactance phase with you (youtube Clay Andrews). Keep cool. You might be able to salvage it (hard to tell, it was only 2 months!). I would respond politely to any texts she sends you, work on your relationship skills in the mean time, and process any leftover emotions. Go NC for 30 days just to make sure you've processed all feelings. If you don't bug her a lot right now, and respect her, you might have a shot still. I wouldn't throw in the towel yet - but don't get attached, either. You have to be 100% cool with the possibility of rejection. Give it a few weeks, then reach out with a friendly text to test the waters. I am saying this because I reconciled with my ex boyfriend. He dumped me after a 5 month relationship.. We are going strong now. Anyways... whatever you decide to do, GL! Thanks Rainbows, Giving up hope is hard for me. I am trying hard to detach from this one and not hold on to what could have been. Frankly reaching out to her in a couple weeks... I wouldn't even know what to say. And one issue she had with me was that she thought I held on to some of my ex's. True I am friends with a few. I tried to explain that the only women I dated and remain friends with were the ones where neither party got serious or attached, just casual dating that ended on good terms. So I feel that reaching out to her would only validate to her that I hold on to ex's. Most others here state that she is 100% done. This may be true but I don't agree with that. We both admit that what happened between us was unlike anything else that had happened, it was special and beautiful. In my letter I let her know that I was leaving the door open. She never has stated that it is will never happen. I did not beg, plead, or try to justify why we should be together. My trip to NY is a month away. I am using that as a bench mark. I will not reach out to her or date till that trip. This will be my NC period. And I do know it is for me not to try and get her back.
ThreeRainbows Posted October 5, 2018 Posted October 5, 2018 It sounds to me like you may be afraid of potentially getting rejected again. Do you think that may be happening? It is very understandable, considering what you have been through. Give yourself a good month of NC to process everything. Make sure you go into your feelings. Almost like a meditation where you concentrate on the pain while lying down. It will speed up the process! When you've done your NC, you might be in a better frame of mind to decide what you want to do next. But from your posts, I believe you may still have a chance with this one. Good luck. And don't forget - what do you really have to lose?
Author planb1973 Posted October 10, 2018 Author Posted October 10, 2018 That was a ruff one today! When we first started dating she invited me to be in a commercial that her friend was shooting. One of the funnest things I have done. And today I happened to randomly see it... It was a commercial for a new type of kayak, the two of us playing in the water, I remember that day well. It made me smile right before it made me cry. I miss her. Part of me thinks I should reach out and tell her I saw the commercial and to just say hello, like the universe put that there for me to reach out. Most of me is still so hurt I don't want to feel rejection if it goes unanswered. f*** my emotions are just raw today.
Marc878 Posted October 10, 2018 Posted October 10, 2018 You chase they move farther away. Looking for any excuse to contact won't get you a thing. Better wake up
Chassit Posted October 11, 2018 Posted October 11, 2018 Don't reach out! If she is ready, she will reach out to you. After reading your last post I just realized today is the first day in over two months I haven't cried. Sadly, it is only because I am sick as a dog and don't have the energy to cry...
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11, 2018 Posted October 11, 2018 Part of me thinks I should reach out and tell her I saw the commercial and to just say hello, like the universe put that there for me to reach out. Most of me is still so hurt I don't want to feel rejection if it goes unanswered. f*** my emotions are just raw today. Don't fall into this line of thinking. Sadly, dumpees often read into innocuous situations and try justify reaching out or asking for another chance, only to have the door closed in their faces once again. If the universe wanted you two to be together, you'd be hearing from her. What is perceived by unique and special and amazing by the dumpee is just that - the dumpee's perception. The dumper is usually not on that page anymore, or the relationship wouldn't have ended. As a woman, I can't say I have ever broken up with a guy whom I thought was an awesome match for me and like no other. If I'd believed that, I wouldn't have ended those relationships. It's impossible to say what will happen here, but I think you need to consider this over so you can begin healing. She might resurface again one day, but you'd want that to be on her own volition without much nudging from you. 1
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