Pretty sure I'm being ghosted

[LenaBean94]

Okay, I'll admit I was the cause of this issue, BUT, how he's handling this is making me really sad and angry at the same time.

 

Let me preface this by saying I have extremely bad anxiety. I haven't had bad anxiety in a very long time and when it rears its ugly head I tend to question everything, clam up, and then shut down. I was extremely stressed with work and my ram said some stupid things and it all started to build up. I started my cycle with anxiety and told him I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this anymore (not because I didn't want to I was just scared). He asked me whatever it is that you want to do just tell him, then I got silent. He said isn't that hard to tell him what it is that I want and asked me again if I wanted to do this or not. Eventually, he said f*ck this, I'm done and hung up the phone.

 

I called my mom upset and she said I let my anxiety get in the way of my happiness because I'm afraid something bad is going to happen that I ruin things (which is true). I sent him a message the next day apologizing and explaining I haven't been emotionally invested in someone in years and I just got afraid, but I do want to work on things and still be with him. I ended the message by saying I want to talk about this on the phone if he was up for it. He said he needs to decide on things as well but he'd call me tomorrow.

 

Later that night I was asleep and I thought was someone was trying to break into my apartment (I live by myself) in around but it turned out to be a really drunk guy who lives on the floor above me. I was still freaked out so I texted him and asked if he could just stay on the phone with me until I fell back asleep. He called and asked me how my day ways, we made jokes, said something sexual for the next time I saw him, etc., so he seemed engaged. He continued to call me baby. I asked if he wanted things to be done and he said no, so I said let's just talk about things now and he said no he hadn't thought about things at all that day because he's been busy but said there were some glaring issues. I agreed and he asked when it was a good time to give me a call tomorrow to talk about things. Then he said well I'm going to bed and said good night baby.

 

I texted him after I got home from work around 6 and said I was home if he wanted to give me a call. Crickets, crickets, crickets,....he texted me the next morning at 6 AM saying sorry he went to sleep at around 7 because he was so tired. Yea okay. I said do you just want to talk now? He responded hours later and said, "Later today". Just like the day before I texted him when I got home and said I'm home if you want to talk and I said I know we had planned to see each other tomorrow so how about 7 or 8? Again, crickets. But this mofo had the nerve to look at my insta story. What really has pissed me off and hurt me is that he blocked me from seeing his insta story. Since so much time had passed I went to go check to see if he was on Instagram. I knew he had posted something earlier that day and suddenly it was gone so I knew something was up. I asked my friend to check and sure enough, he blocked me from seeing his story. He didn't post anything suspicious or him even out. It was a stupid meme and a selfie.

 

I just don't understand, why ASK ME when he could call and talk, say he didn't want things to be done, say we'd talk later that day just do this? smh. If you don't want this anymore then just say it smh.

 

It just amazes me how we went from him "joking" about wanting me to have his kids and how he'd be a good dad to him blocking me from seeing his dumb ass Instagram story. WTF. I know I screwed up and have things I need to work on with or without him, but I was vulnerable with him and even told him I was just afraid I was going to get screwed over and then he does this. Just hurts and makes me pissed. I just didn't expect for him to handle it like this-like a child.

 

My mother is convinced that he's just pulling a power move because I hurt him and it's an "I'll get to her when I get to her" kind of thing, but I just feel lead on and that he's ghosting me

[Mardelis]

Sounds like he's put off by whatever you said when you were anxious and stressed out and rather than being comforting, supportive and understanding he's giving it right back to you.

[Leojax]

Sounds like he's put off by whatever you said when you were anxious and stressed out and rather than being comforting, supportive and understanding he's giving it right back to you.

 

So all in all, OP's Mom is right?

[Mardelis]

So all in all, OP's Mom is right?

 

 

Sure sounds like it.

[LenaBean94]

Sounds like he's put off by whatever you said when you were anxious and stressed out and rather than being comforting, supportive and understanding he's giving it right back to you.

 

 

Then why not just say he doesn't want this anymore instead of doing the slow fade/ghosting?

[Mardelis]

Then why not just say he doesn't want this anymore instead of doing the slow fade/ghosting?

 

 

It's too awkward, painful, difficult, etc to reject a person and tell them you're done. Or the dumper just doesn't care enough to go through the trouble because the person isn't important enough to get the courtesy of an explanation. Sometimes they don't even know what they want so they just sort of focus on something or someone else.

[Mrin]

Ya I think you're being ghosted. Or at least the slow fade. Before your anxiety flip out, you were probabbly a high priority for him. The flip out sent up some big red drama flags and he's either done with you or is backing away slowly.

 

I'm sorry but when a woman does this to a man early on it kinda puts you in the "cray cray" bucket. Some men are attracted to that but a lot aren't.

 

Not sure how or if you can get out of the cray cray bucket. Best to probably move on.

[LenaBean94]

Ya I think you're being ghosted. Or at least the slow fade. Before your anxiety flip out, you were probabbly a high priority for him. The flip out sent up some big red drama flags and he's either done with you or is backing away slowly.

 

I'm sorry but when a woman does this to a man early on it kinda puts you in the "cray cray" bucket. Some men are attracted to that but a lot aren't.

 

Not sure how or if you can get out of the cray cray bucket. Best to probably move on.

 

I didn't flip out on him. He approached me and asked me what was going on. I called him to tell him I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this. I couldn't give him an answer, HE flipped out and got upset.

 

I don't understand what was the point in calling me baby or to ask me when it was a good time to call. He didn't have to ask that question. That was his out but took it upon himself to ask. He also didn't have to call me that night to make sure I was okay and then called me baby.

[stillafool]

When he wasn't getting back to you after multiple texts and the blocking he was hoping that you would get the message that he's no longer interested. He doesn't want a confrontation with someone who has anxiety problems. He doesn't want to deal with that. I hope you will get over this soon.

[stillafool]

I didn't flip out on him. He approached me and asked me what was going on. I called him to tell him I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this. I couldn't give him an answer, HE flipped out and got upset.

 

I don't understand what was the point in calling me baby or to ask me when it was a good time to call. He didn't have to ask that question. That was his out but took it upon himself to ask. He also didn't have to call me that night to make sure I was okay and then called me baby.

 

He probably calls all of you baby because that way he doesn't have to mix up names. I think he only called you the next morning to make sure you were ok after you asked him to stay on the phone with you until you fell asleep. Why didn't you call the police if you thought someone was breaking into your place.

[InlandEmpire]

I think you lost him for good when you did the How To Cling 101 For Dummies play of trying to get him to unghost because a drunk might be breaking in. I used to make up similar emergencies and guys see right through it and get majorly turned off. Had you just waited it out 3 days, he may have come bouncing back, but now you know what you need to work on for future relationships. I think he's done and had the decency to let go so you can move to greener pastures rather than stay with you out of pity. He was just trying to be sure you were safe and not a suicide risk.