luvflower Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 Hello all. I’ll try hard to be brief and concise as possible. This topic stems from a previous thread where I was seeing a guy who turned out to be really weird and potentially dangerous. I’m not judging people, but he seems to potentially be into the whole s&m type stuff and he gradually hints at it like outright asking when I’m ready to be his “sub”. He also does and says a few sadistic things that tell me he wants control no matter how he gets it. I don’t want that in my life because he’s proven to be borderline stalkerish and potentially physically dangerous if I keep dealing with him. Thus far he’s texted me on 3 occasions when I was with this other guy. He d ask me “who is that guy you’re with?” He’s also asked to see me in person and via pic like 2 or 3 times, where I declined. He brought it up several times after the incidents as if he were mad about me “rejecting” him. Just FYI, I initially met him near my old neighborhood where he had been waiting quite sometime outside of a store, to meet and speak to me . This was about a year ago. Since then when I told him if I got fed up dealing with him I’d just leave him alone. He literally said in this weird tone, “oh please, you’re not going nowhere...I know where you work and the people you work with, including the one (————- ) guy that works there. My job has a website with all our employees on the site(so stupid in my opinion)... I’ve even asked our social media person to avoid putting me on the site, Twitter, etc. it’s just too much and just dumb. Our business isn’t even marketing or sales... smh. After several bizarre incidents, including weird calls, text messages and possible proximity and possible phone monitoring, I basically told him I’m not the one for him & to stop contacting me. He kept texting me several minutes after I told him he should stop, as if he was mad and still had things to say to try and engage me in conversation. Plus, he called me names further telling me he’s either just immature or just really angry. He’s an older man though... which makes all this more difficult to believe in my eyes. QUESTIONS: *what are the chances my phone is hacked? Yes I’ve been at his place overnight before(months ago). How would I find out? I know iPhones are supposedly so much safer than androids, so does that mean I have nothing to worry about? *Also what are the chances I have a tracking device on my vehicle? He has a business where he works with cars and has access to lots of high end devices. His son is also an IT guru... Thanks in advance...
Orokotikki Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 You are in the US right? You need to explicitly tell him no further contact and that this is harassment. Also tell trusted friends or family members you have done so. Go to the county courthouse and get an HRO (Harassment Restraining Order) and ask if its time to file, otherwise next time he makes contact do so. This guy sounds like a creep, who could very well turn dangerous. Get pictures and records of your explicit texts telling him to have no further contact and any replies he might make. Take your iphone the mac store, have it backed up and factory reset - tell them you think your exbf put spyware on it, they should be able to fix it and likely for free. Yes, iphones can be hacked with spyware. It actually could be done really fast, especially if they have the phones unlock PIN and the person practiced it a few times.
Art_Critic Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 At this point you document it all and take it to the police... Yes... Don't worry about if something is hacked or not.. file a complaint and get a TPO.. you have enough evidence to believe your life is in danger... A normal guy wouldn't be following you and then texting you in essence showing he has power over you and those are also threats.. Go to the police.. if at the very least they call him and speak to him or at the most you get a TPO...
Author luvflower Posted September 28, 2018 Author Posted September 28, 2018 Thanks. Both pieces of advice are helpful, really! So far there’s no more contact from him in almost a week.
Els Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 You need to file a police report and show them the texts. A proclivity for S&M doesn't necessarily make someone dangerous, but his actions most certainly make him a potential danger. As for your question, on an iPhone it's not impossible, but much more difficult, to install shady tracking software, as iPhones do not allow sideloading.
Author luvflower Posted September 28, 2018 Author Posted September 28, 2018 (edited) You need to file a police report and show them the texts. A proclivity for S&M doesn't necessarily make someone dangerous, but his actions most certainly make him a potential danger. As for your question, on an iPhone it's not impossible, but much more difficult, to install shady tracking software, as iPhones do not allow sideloading. Ok thanks. I don’t even know what sideloading is. I’m assuming it means loading of software outside of the apple store...ie , approved by apple, etc? The reason I may seem so adamant about a possible hack or whatever, is I think because I know his son is a software engineer and the last time I was with both of them his so was busy with his phone as if it were something secretive. This was the most time I’d ever spent with he and his son (together) and it was something this ex of mine initiated and i was on their time, money, transportation, territory, etc. In retrospect it just seems like I should’ve realized something was off then and probably shouldn’t have even agreed to be with them for these few days. We had a nice time but the intent just seemed weird. I could be paranoid... Edited September 28, 2018 by luvflower
stillafool Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 Why haven't you blocked him from contacting you? What in the world are you waiting for?
Author luvflower Posted September 28, 2018 Author Posted September 28, 2018 I have blocked him before. Then he called me from another number. So he called me from another number and I answered of course. I eventually unblocked him . I feel like I don’t wanna be caught off guard he might be cocky enough to contact me before making his next move. He doesn’t nag like on a constant basis . Thing is when he does contact me it’s either something insane telling me what he might do , wants to do or has in his mind. He’s kind of cocky. I’ve had a guy nag and send contact messages and calls... those were harmless. This guy though is different and I feel like I he would contact me before doing anything else... weird but that’s wat I feel.
muse08 Posted September 30, 2018 Posted September 30, 2018 OP, sorry that you have this issue going on... I would encourage you to keep your eyes and ears open to anything unusual or weird feeling. Your gut will tell you certain things as you move about life. Still pay attention to things that are presented to you right before your eyes. I agree that blocking him only stops him from nagging you via phone. Since he obviously is intrigued or obsessed with your whereabouts, blocking him really serves no greater purpose. If you ever needed evidence of him continuing to contact you, he would need to NOT be blocked so that you could actually see this... furthermore, you have a point about him contacting prior to him making another move. If he gets frustrated from your lack of responding, he could very well show up somewhere you are or make a threat prior to doing so. You wouldn’t know if he’s blocked. Him knowing you were with another man and right in the moment, is pretty much stalking whether he does it or has someone else to do it. He sounds like he thinks he’s smarter than most people so please be careful. His mentality does not sound very sane. Have you mentioned this to the guy in your other threaded issue?
Author luvflower Posted September 30, 2018 Author Posted September 30, 2018 Thanks @muse08. Na, I haven’t told other dude about this. It hasn’t really presented a direct problem yet. If things get anymore intense, then I will. Right now though, it hasn’t come up in conversation and he(other dude) hasn’t made me feel as though we’re “tight” enough to share this... especially during this simi-rift. Ijs
Els Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 Ok thanks. I don’t even know what sideloading is. I’m assuming it means loading of software outside of the apple store...ie , approved by apple, etc? The reason I may seem so adamant about a possible hack or whatever, is I think because I know his son is a software engineer and the last time I was with both of them his so was busy with his phone as if it were something secretive. This was the most time I’d ever spent with he and his son (together) and it was something this ex of mine initiated and i was on their time, money, transportation, territory, etc. In retrospect it just seems like I should’ve realized something was off then and probably shouldn’t have even agreed to be with them for these few days. We had a nice time but the intent just seemed weird. I could be paranoid... I assure you that the vast majority of software engineers are just humans working a day job, like you and me. Knowing how to code doesn't automatically give someone magical powers that allow them to bypass all sorts of security with the tap of a button. "Hacking" is a whole different skillset, and really isn't as straightforward as movies make it out to be. Did you set a pass code for your phone? Do they know the code, or is it something easy to guess?
Author luvflower Posted October 1, 2018 Author Posted October 1, 2018 Is anyone aware of a website or app that men use to compare phone numbers or see if their girlfriend or wife’s number appears in a frequently used list /database,etc.? A few months before this post, the guy in this post mentioned something about knowing how many guys I’m seeing via some website... is he just trying to make me “wonder” or is there any truth to it?
Author luvflower Posted October 2, 2018 Author Posted October 2, 2018 I assure you that the vast majority of software engineers are just humans working a day job, like you and me. Knowing how to code doesn't automatically give someone magical powers that allow them to bypass all sorts of security with the tap of a button. "Hacking" is a whole different skillset, and really isn't as straightforward as movies make it out to be. Did you set a pass code for your phone? Do they know the code, or is it something easy to guess? Thanks. Yea I did set a pass code. I haven’t shown them the code but like my exfiance did years ago, he simply watched when I wasn’t paying attention and got into my phone. Another person I knew was a hacker and got into that phone without my code by pressing a combination of buttons. I know this stuff isn’t as hard to do as you make this out to be. I just don’t know how to do it because I’m not interested in getting into anyone’s phone ,plus I’m not technical like some of these guys. My exfiance he looked at the swipe pattern on my phone screen (at the time)and would come to my side of the bed each morning to seemingly kiss me before he left for work. One day though he looked me in the eyes and repeated the exact text( about him), that I texted to a friend a few days prior. When he later showed me that he could figure out my code, his reason was “to let me know he wasn’t stupid...” I know only have a digital passcode, but I’ve changed it since I last saw the current guy in question. I’m not sure who was more determined, him or this current guy.
muse08 Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 Both dudes sound shady and jealous as ****... It’s easy to let our guard down once we’re getting closer to our significant other. Sad thing is that sometimes you never know when the “crazy” might pop out of them, using tid bits of info for their selfish crazy reasons. And people wonder why some of us keep our phones shielded with our hands.... I’m just saying...
lana-banana Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 Is anyone aware of a website or app that men use to compare phone numbers or see if their girlfriend or wife’s number appears in a frequently used list /database,etc.? A few months before this post, the guy in this post mentioned something about knowing how many guys I’m seeing via some website... is he just trying to make me “wonder” or is there any truth to it? No, it's not true. There aren't public websites with the entirety of everyone's SMSs uploaded for cross-checking. That would be insanely illegal (and require revealing said illegal activity) and it doesn't even make sense. Who would even bother making that kind of database in the first place? While you can find all kinds of spyware available on hidden service websites and .onions, those won't do much more than give you control over a single person's device---and most of those are junk anyhow. Nothing you have said makes me think this guy is any kind of threat, although he may be in his own mind. If you are still concerned I would recommend: 1) Back up your phone. 2) Do a factory reset. 3) Use Signal as your default messaging app. 4) Get a Yubikey. 5) Tell a few friends, in person and in writing, that this guy creeped you out and might hurt you. It never hurts to have a paper trail in case something goes wrong later.
Author luvflower Posted October 2, 2018 Author Posted October 2, 2018 No, it's not true. There aren't public websites with the entirety of everyone's SMSs uploaded for cross-checking. That would be insanely illegal (and require revealing said illegal activity) and it doesn't even make sense. Thanks... but I didn’t mean everyone phone number is preloaded to the site. I meant a site where people(men) enter a telephone number of for example a woman they’re dating. They enter the number into some “field” and maybe there’s some sort of expert system or just the human eye to see how many other guys have been currently in contact with the same woman’s number.
lana-banana Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 Thanks... but I didn’t mean everyone phone number is preloaded to the site. I meant a site where people(men) enter a telephone number of for example a woman they’re dating. They enter the number into some “field” and maybe there’s some sort of expert system or just the human eye to see how many other guys have been currently in contact with the same woman’s number. No, and anybody who claims this exists is lying.
Author luvflower Posted October 2, 2018 Author Posted October 2, 2018 (edited) No, it's not true. There aren't public websites with the entirety of everyone's SMSs uploaded for cross-checking. That would be insanely illegal (and require revealing said illegal activity) and it doesn't even make sense. Who would even bother making that kind of database in the first place? While you can find all kinds of spyware available on hidden service websites and .onions, those won't do much more than give you control over a single person's device---and most of those are junk anyhow. Nothing you have said makes me think this guy is any kind of threat, although he may be in his own mind. If you are still concerned I would recommend: 1) Back up your phone. 2) Do a factory reset. 3) Use Signal as your default messaging app. 4) Get a Yubikey. 5) Tell a few friends, in person and in writing, that this guy creeped you out and might hurt you. It never hurts to have a paper trail in case something goes wrong later. There are several websites where men already upload photos of females who they may have dated in the past or present to shame them , bully, defame them all because the female may have simply broken up with them. The premise is even worse , it’s to expose her pics and most likely her number to the world... numbers don’t even need to be uploaded , it could just be seen by the human eye and not even saved on the website/chat room.... Even if you don’t see this guy as a complete threat, calling her names and asking her who she’s with when they’re 1) not even dating 2) not physically nearby (to my knowledge). I’ve done factory resets before, etc yada yada and if anything, I probably need to take him more seriously considering other things he’s said and done , that I haven’t even mentioned in the thread. Thanks for your post. Edited October 3, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed rude pokes
lana-banana Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 (edited) There a several website where men already upload photos of females who they may have dated in the past or present. The premise is even worse , it’s to expose her pics and most likely her number to the world... Yes, of course revenge websites exist. That's not what you asked. You asked if someone could enter someone's phone number and magically see all the phone numbers they communicate with, particularly the ones that belong to other men. Unless someone has real-time access to your device, either physically or via a persistent piece of malware, that is 100% not possible. Just because someone has your phone number doesn't mean they can discover who you're communicating with. That requires at least two other data points, such as call data from your carrier or application-level information from your device, which almost no one is going to have. Even if you don’t see this guy as a complete threat, calling her names and asking her who she’s with when they’re 1) not even dating 2) not physically nearby (to my knowledge).That is why I said to tell friends, use secure apps, and put it in writing. There's literally nothing else you can do beyond that. Until he escalates to threatening physical violence there's nothing you can do. I was stalked once. (He's currently institutionalized so I don't worry about him.) There is nothing you can do other than protect yourself and communicate your fears until or unless he makes a move against you. When my stalker briefly moved to my neighborhood, I called the police and they documented my concerns in writing, but there's nothing they could do. I’ve done factory resets before, etc yada yada and if anything, I probably need to take him more seriously considering other things he’s said and done , that I haven’t even mentioned in the thread. If you haven't even mentioned your other concerns, how would anyone know what they are? All I can say is it sounds like this guy thinks he's some super spooky big shot but he clearly has no idea what he's talking about. Of course he could still pose a threat, I just don't think he's a danger to any of your personal devices or accounts. Edited October 3, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
lana-banana Posted October 3, 2018 Posted October 3, 2018 (edited) The amount of work it requires to gain the kind of access you're talking about for a single device is incredible. Actual hackers work by targeting billions of accounts at once and swiping the few lucky hits they get. If you are targeting a single device and you don't have persistent physical access, you are all but SOL unless you're an intelligence agency or you have a warrant from law enforcement to get the data from the telecommunications company. So we're already talking about something that would be massively illegal, hugely time-consuming and incredibly difficult---and for what, to annoy an ex? He'd be much better off just stealing your phone out of your purse and flashing it. I blame CSI for making people think anyone can just spend a couple minutes browsing Tor and magically hack the planet. Edited October 3, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Author luvflower Posted October 3, 2018 Author Posted October 3, 2018 Yes, of course revenge websites exist. That's not what you asked. You asked if someone could enter someone's phone number and magically see all the phone numbers they communicate with, particularly the ones that belong to other men. Noooo, that’s not what I meant. Nor what I said verbatim. I said , a person/man who might be angry or suspicious can go on the site/ chat room and type eg, 123-456-7890. Any dude in Florida dealing with this number. If so , she’s trash! Ya da ya da ya da.
Author luvflower Posted October 3, 2018 Author Posted October 3, 2018 (edited) Yes, of course revenge websites exist. That's not what you asked. You asked if someone could enter someone's phone number and magically see all the phone numbers they communicate with, particularly the ones that belong to other men. Unless someone has real-time access to your device, either physically or via a persistent piece of malware, that is 100% not possible. Just because someone has your phone number doesn't mean they can discover who you're communicating with. That requires at least two other data points, such as call data from your carrier or application-level information from your device, which almost no one is going to have. That is why I said to tell friends, use secure apps, and put it in writing. There's literally nothing else you can do beyond that. Until he escalates to threatening physical violence there's nothing you can do. I was stalked once. (He's currently institutionalized so I don't worry about him.) There is nothing you can do other than protect yourself and communicate your fears until or unless he makes a move against you. When my stalker briefly moved to my neighborhood, I called the police and they documented my concerns in writing, but there's nothing they could do. If you haven't even mentioned your other concerns, how would anyone know what they are? All I can say is it sounds like this guy thinks he's some super spooky big shot but he clearly has no idea what he's talking about. Of course he could still pose a threat, I just don't think he's a danger to any of your personal devices or accounts. I too was stalked almost twice before. I took one of them to court and actually got a protective order. He was dumb enough to physically show up persistently. The guy in this thread though is much more clever and older than my former stalker. Cyber stalking is a different ball game and so is stalking by using other people and other vehicles other than the one people know you to drive. The day after of the protective order ENDED.....I received a few hang up phone calls and a wet condom on my vehicle door handle. Edited October 3, 2018 by luvflower
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