lindt1111 Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 I have been seeing a guy for two months now and we meet up on average about 1-3 times per week. I stayed over at his Tuesday night and before I left Wednesday morning I asked if he was going drinking with mates this weekend. He said no and asked me I said no. He then said if his mates were doing something non alcohol related he would join them but didn’t want to do anything alcohol related. One of these mates is recently single after a bad break up. I asked if he wanted to do something with me if he wasn’t with them and he said yea and i told him to let me know he said he would. But I haven’t heard from him since. Should I take it he doesn’t want to meet or he would have text? I don’t want to text him first as I have text him first and asked him to meet the last two times and I want to see if he’s interested in his own. But I’m worried he may be ghosting me which I am terrified of as I have been ghosted twice before and It hurt me a lot. I also feel he is being a d*** and really mean not texting me to at least let me know so I could make other plans or even just texting to see how I am. Does it appear as if he’s loosing interest and starting to "ghost"? What should I do now? Text him or just leave him ?
MidwestUSA Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 Do not text him. You've done enough initiating. If he was truly interested, he'd have asked you by now. He's leaving his options with the boys open. If he texts you last minute, it's because his other ideas fell through. You're free to make other plans right now, and if he texts, say 'didn't hear from you, so made other plans. Later.' End of convo, do not offer an alternative plan, that's on him. I'm sorry, but he's either low interest, or extremely lazy. Might be a good riddance. 3
Zahara Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 I also feel he is being a d*** and really mean not texting me to at least let me know so I could make other plans or even just texting to see how I am. Does it appear as if he’s loosing interest and starting to "ghost"? What should I do now? Text him or just leave him ? Don't text him again. Just make your other plans and stop waiting for him to dictate. If he comes back asking about the weekend, just respond by saying that since you did not hear from him, you went ahead and planned your weekend with friends. And stop initiating with him. Sit back and observe and see how he moves forward. You teach people how to treat you.
damni Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 How often is your communication between dates usually? has he not contacted you at all since Wednesday? I definitely agree to not initiate contact and let him come to you.
hippychick3 Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 Do not text him. You've done enough initiating. If he was truly interested, he'd have asked you by now. He's leaving his options with the boys open. If he texts you last minute, it's because his other ideas fell through. You're free to make other plans right now, and if he texts, say 'didn't hear from you, so made other plans. Later.' End of convo, do not offer an alternative plan, that's on him. I'm sorry, but he's either low interest, or extremely lazy. Might be a good riddance. This. No more initiating on your part. His interest is too low, and you texting him will not increase his interest. Guys who are really into you will make plans ahead of time to see you. They don't want to free you up to date other guys. Make your own plans now for the weekend with friends/family and start putting yourself out there again to date others. 2
kendahke Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 (edited) I also feel he is being a d*** and really mean not texting me Then why are you even dealing with him at all if he's like this? Have you expressed to him in the two months you've been seeing him 1-3x/week that you require timely responses to your texts? You won't get what you don't open up your mouth, own your voice and speak up for if it's something that you need. Edited September 28, 2018 by kendahke
Author lindt1111 Posted September 28, 2018 Author Posted September 28, 2018 he never leaves it this long to get in touch after a date he always texts a day after. Even if he chose to go with his friends that’s ok. What’s bothering me is he 1) hasn’t made any effort to contact me since Wednesday and 2) out of respect he could have just said yay or nay. I did ask him to tell me what he was doing. I’m afraid he’s beginning to start ghosting me which is bothering me hugely as I have been ghosted before and it’s a horrible place. This is the longest he’s left without texting me after a date
MidwestUSA Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 he never leaves it this long to get in touch after a date he always texts a day after. Even if he chose to go with his friends that’s ok. What’s bothering me is he 1) hasn’t made any effort to contact me since Wednesday and 2) out of respect he could have just said yay or nay. I did ask him to tell me what he was doing. I’m afraid he’s beginning to start ghosting me which is bothering me hugely as I have been ghosted before and it’s a horrible place. This is the longest he’s left without texting me after a date Yes, it's horrible being ghosted. Spineless people do that. If he's not interested, he should properly break up with you. I would 1) refrain from texting him 2) when/if you don't hear from him, a simple text from you 'This isn't working for me', then block/delete him. Do not give in to begging and pleading, if he goes that route. You have all the control right now, don't give it up! Better to be the one making the decision than the one left hanging and wondering. 1
MaleIntuition Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 Hey! Woao, hold your horses! Let’s not overreact, shall we? So he has always been the one to text after a date? Perhaps He then feels that it’s your turn? Those unwritten, ambiguous texting rules are garbage, and could lead to a ton of misunderstandings. He hasn’t ghosted you no more than you have ghosted him at his point. Just make plans for the weekend and think about other stuffs. 1
stillafool Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 I asked if he wanted to do something with me if he wasn’t with them and he said yea and i told him to let me know he said he would. But I haven’t heard from him since. Should I take it he doesn’t want to meet or he would have text? See to me your conversation was "If" he wasn't with them to let you know". Therefore I would take it that he is with them so that is why you aren't hearing from him about plans with you. 1
Author lindt1111 Posted September 28, 2018 Author Posted September 28, 2018 See to me your conversation was "If" he wasn't with them to let you know". Therefore I would take it that he is with them so that is why you aren't hearing from him about plans with you. I have made other plans. The plans are not whats bothering me its the fact he hasnt been in touch that worries me
kendahke Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 I have made other plans. The plans are not whats bothering me its the fact he hasnt been in touch that worries me But neither have you---you haven't bothered to get in touch with him, either... what if he's sitting up thinking the exact same thing about you? That you can't arse yourself to text after a date and he's feeling a little taken for granted. Curb your expectations right now---expectations are future resentments under construction. 1
stillafool Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 I have made other plans. The plans are not whats bothering me its the fact he hasnt been in touch that worries me He isn't in touch because he's spending time with his friends.
Author lindt1111 Posted September 28, 2018 Author Posted September 28, 2018 But neither have you---you haven't bothered to get in touch with him, either... what if he's sitting up thinking the exact same thing about you? That you can't arse yourself to text after a date and he's feeling a little taken for granted. Curb your expectations right now---expectations are future resentments under construction. should i text him then? I have no problem doing so its just I did say to him to let me know about tomorrow night which he agreed so i thought he should come to me then to let me know and me texting again would just seem pushy/clingy etc
FMW Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 Seems to be differing opinions here, so I say follow your gut. If you want to text him, text him. If you want to wait him out then do that. Just watch what he does for the next week or whatever period of time you decide is right and see what he does and then figure out where you want to go from there.
stillafool Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 (edited) should i text him then? I have no problem doing so its just I did say to him to let me know about tomorrow night which he agreed so i thought he should come to me then to let me know and me texting again would just seem pushy/clingy etc Where did you say that? I read you asked him to let you know if he wasn't with his friends. If this is the same conversation you are talking about do not text him, leave him alone. He is going to get turned off. You're right it's not a good sign that you have been the only one pursuing these last 3 times. If you act as if you're afraid to lose him he will feel it and back off further. Edited September 28, 2018 by stillafool
Zahara Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 should i text him then? I have no problem doing so its just I did say to him to let me know about tomorrow night which he agreed so i thought he should come to me then to let me know and me texting again would just seem pushy/clingy etc You should not text him. You already told him to let you know if he’d like to hang out with you. It doesn’t take but two seconds to let you know and it’s basic courtesy. Also, you’ve initiated the last two dates. Let him come to you.
d0nnivain Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 Oh for pete's sake. This tit for tat nonsense with people playing power games is the cause of most of the problems. I always operated this way with new guys. I made the plans I wanted to make when I wanted to make them. If I wanted to see a guy, I initiated, even if I was the last person to initiate the last date. It's 2018, not 1928. If I wanted to play it cooler, I'd make plans with my friends Then if the new guy popped up with a last minute invite, I could legitimately say, "Sorry I have plans you should have asked earlier". I also had a very busy social & work schedule so even without me trying to play games & appear unavailable, I usually already had other commitments If somebody wanted to be on my schedule, they needed to speak up in advance. Even as I type this, the only weekend I have "off" as in unscheduled between now & the beginning of December is the 1st weekend in November. In the beginning of the relationship, unless you are asked or willing to do the asking, assume you don't have plans & make arrangements accordingly. As you get more serious, for me somewhere around the 6 month mark after discussions about exclusivity & intimacy, you can assume your relationship defaults to we have plans together unless otherwise specified. So if you want to see him this weekend, being that it's already Friday, reach out. Personally, I'd be loathe to give a relatively new guy in my life the impression that I had nothing else to do then wait around for him. I'd be silent at this point & not reach out. I don't want to be anybody's last minute after thought. if I really liked the guy I might reach out on Monday to set up a Wednesday date at the earliest something along the lines of Sorry we missed each other this past weekend. Wanna go for dinner on Wednesday but I wouldn't make it a sleep over. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 I think Bailey's reply is on the money. I sense, though, that you don't have the activities that Bailey had, so this guy is weighing a lot on your mind. Seems to me you made it clear you wanted to go out. You can contact him again if you want. I will say this: if you contact him again and he doesn't reply in a way that reassures you ... then no more contact from you ... Let him make the next move. In the meantime, schedule fun with your own friends or do some fun activity.
Author lindt1111 Posted September 29, 2018 Author Posted September 29, 2018 Out of interest for the guys on here that have ghosted women in the past.. what would you think if the girl hadn’t messaged you since the last time you seen them? Would you feel you were ghosted too? I’m trying to get perspective from his side also. I haven’t text him since I left his house Wednesday morning after staying over the night before. Would you think/ does it look like I’m ghosting him? Or make me look like a s***?
introverted1 Posted September 29, 2018 Posted September 29, 2018 I have been seeing a guy for two months now and we meet up on average about 1-3 times per week. I stayed over at his Tuesday night and before I left Wednesday morning I asked if he was going drinking with mates this weekend. He said no and asked me I said no. He then said if his mates were doing something non alcohol related he would join them but didn’t want to do anything alcohol related. One of these mates is recently single after a bad break up. I asked if he wanted to do something with me if he wasn’t with them and he said yea and i told him to let me know he said he would. But I haven’t heard from him since. Should I take it he doesn’t want to meet or he would have text? I don’t want to text him first as I have text him first and asked him to meet the last two times and I want to see if he’s interested in his own. But I’m worried he may be ghosting me which I am terrified of as I have been ghosted twice before and It hurt me a lot. I also feel he is being a d*** and really mean not texting me to at least let me know so I could make other plans or even just texting to see how I am. Does it appear as if he’s loosing interest and starting to "ghost"? What should I do now? Text him or just leave him ? OP, I agree with the others that you should leave it and not text him. Observe what he does. At the same time, please do not willingly put yourself in the position of "runner up" (as you do above, in bold) if you don't want to be treated as runner up. Value yourself and your time and the man will likely follow suit. Signal that you are willing to wait around to see what he chooses to do only sets the stage for the very predicament you are writing about.
Author lindt1111 Posted September 29, 2018 Author Posted September 29, 2018 OP, I agree with the others that you should leave it and not text him. Observe what he does. At the same time, please do not willingly put yourself in the position of "runner up" (as you do above, in bold) if you don't want to be treated as runner up. Value yourself and your time and the man will likely follow suit. Signal that you are willing to wait around to see what he chooses to do only sets the stage for the very predicament you are writing about. I see what your saying. However now I’m conscious that if I leave him and don’t text him at all over the weekend to check in, that he will see me as the ghosted and see me as a s*** considering I slept with him and made no effort to contact him after that? I’m aware this goes both ways and if I’m thinking this then he may be too. So while I know there’s a good chance he’s ghosting would it look better for me if I contacted him over the weekend to see how his weekend is going and say nothing about meeting? At least I won’t be perceived as the ghoster and at least I can say I tried? Or should I stay well away?
introverted1 Posted September 29, 2018 Posted September 29, 2018 Ball is in his court. I'd leave it there.
Author lindt1111 Posted September 29, 2018 Author Posted September 29, 2018 so should i just leave him them and accept hes not interested and has ghosted me or should I try him one more time and text him over the next few days?
hippychick3 Posted September 29, 2018 Posted September 29, 2018 so should i just leave him them and accept hes not interested and has ghosted me or should I try him one more time and text him over the next few days? Just accept he's not interested and move on with dignity. No texts, no phone calls, no pigeon messages. Starting now. You deserve better and need to tell yourself that. 1
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