Love2015 Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 I am not sure how to go about this date. We went out for a month and everything seemed promising. He was into me but for my taste he said I love you within three dates and we have not even had sex. Anyways after that he said his mum got diagnosed with breast cancer...out of the blue ..and then he completely stopped communicating. It went from being so into me to ghosting. A whole month passed and he contacted me this past weekend. I had something of his so he put that as an excuse to pick up. We talked and he said he really liked me but went into his head and shut me off. I told him I have issues (been cheated on etc) Everything seemed promising again yet it's been four days after he spend the night (no sex again) and again he is not communicating. And by communication I even mean a hey my mum is ok or not or good morning...of the sorts. This really is affecting me emotionally...like I am getting depressed....any advice please. I don't even want to go on other dates...
Larry56 Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 Ummm...I think this guys mom is a bit more important than you right now. If you just chill out and go hang with your friends and stop putting pressure on someone who is losing someone who took care of him for more than 20+ years - you'll probably look alot better in his eyes then. 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 I am not sure how to go about this date. We went out for a month and everything seemed promising. He was into me but for my taste he said I love you within three dates and we have not even had sex. Anyways after that he said his mum got diagnosed with breast cancer...out of the blue ..and then he completely stopped communicating. It went from being so into me to ghosting. A whole month passed and he contacted me this past weekend. I had something of his so he put that as an excuse to pick up. We talked and he said he really liked me but went into his head and shut me off. I told him I have issues (been cheated on etc) Everything seemed promising again yet it's been four days after he spend the night (no sex again) and again he is not communicating. And by communication I even mean a hey my mum is ok or not or good morning...of the sorts. This really is affecting me emotionally...like I am getting depressed....any advice please. I don't even want to go on other dates... That sounds like a lie. I have had men use any excuse to ghost me. There is no confusion, he isn't interested and uses you as a backup. You need to drop him completely or else he will screw with your emotions. Any man who is love obsessed w/in the 1st couple of dates will end one of two ways: 1. He love bombs you, makes you feel great then the passion is gone, 2. He is extremely desperate and turns out to be crazy. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 You need to be wary of any guy who claims he loves you after 3 dates. He barley knows you at that point, so please don't claims like that seriously. However, if his mom is sick, he has bigger fish to fry than sending good morning texts. He is not in a place to offer you a relationship and his actions are demonstrating that. If you're looking for a boyfriend, this isn't the guy. Not at this time. I would chalk it up to a fun night and keep moving.
elaine567 Posted September 28, 2018 Posted September 28, 2018 This really is affecting me emotionally...like I am getting depressed....any advice please. I don't even want to go on other dates... Easy. Don't go out with him again. Dating is not about feeling bad and forcing yourself to go out with men. If his mother has cancer and he deals with it by ghosting, he is in no place to date anyone, and if his mother does not have cancer and it was a lie he spun you, then he is not a quality person. Your gut is screaming here "This guy is bad news, stay away". You need to listen to it.
Author Love2015 Posted September 29, 2018 Author Posted September 29, 2018 Thanks everyone for the reply. I agree it was kind of love bombing excellent for my ego which makes me believe...I am still broken...it's been a difficult journey of healing after divorce due to being cheated on. I thought I finally found someone ...but then yes I kept on being this is too fast to soon and then it bursted. I do understand being upset due to cancer of mom but my senses tell me he is not able to open up. He doesn't have to ghost ...he can just say I need time...or not say anything but let me be around. He doesn't even respond to anything which makes me believe it's a lie. Bad lie if it is..the one red flag was a conversation I had with him right before all this ...he said something about he dating a girl who he didn't talk to for two days due to someone sick and she hadn't liked him as much initially yet once he did that ..she suddenly was into him. I still remember I thought that was weird. So signs and people tell u what they are upto...you just have to listen...and it is sad cause we all want to pursue our dreams and find the right one for each one of us....
Gretchen12 Posted September 29, 2018 Posted September 29, 2018 It's hard right now but you'll get over him in time. Oh yeah, what he said previously about the other girl becoming more interested when he wasn't available, is definitely weird. I can tell you this, that might help you see the bigger picture: Even if he comes back again, this is not something that will succeed. Even if you become bf/gf for a year, you'll find out he has issues, that he plays games, and he'll take you on a roller coaster ride, then one of you will dump the other. Why go through that?
Author Love2015 Posted September 29, 2018 Author Posted September 29, 2018 Ummm...I think this guys mom is a bit more important than you right now. If you just chill out and go hang with your friends and stop putting pressure on someone who is losing someone who took care of him for more than 20+ years - you'll probably look alot better in his eyes then. Thanks for this feedback. I do understand mom is important but it's the way he goes about things. Like ghosting ...coming back to again ignoring? When we talked last time we met he said he would not do that again ..yet he did. I am concerned about his parent so I don't even think I am not empathetic about the situation
Author Love2015 Posted September 29, 2018 Author Posted September 29, 2018 That sounds like a lie. I have had men use any excuse to ghost me. There is no confusion' date=' he isn't interested and uses you as a backup. You need to drop him completely or else he will screw with your emotions. Any man who is love obsessed w/in the 1st couple of dates will end one of two ways: 1. He love bombs you, makes you feel great then the passion is gone, 2. He is extremely desperate and turns out to be crazy.[/quote'] True I am reading more about love bombs. What is clear to me is he is not interested in treating me like a human being. I did tell him we don't have to date but yes be respectful.
Author Love2015 Posted September 29, 2018 Author Posted September 29, 2018 You need to be wary of any guy who claims he loves you after 3 dates. He barley knows you at that point, so please don't claims like that seriously. However, if his mom is sick, he has bigger fish to fry than sending good morning texts. He is not in a place to offer you a relationship and his actions are demonstrating that. If you're looking for a boyfriend, this isn't the guy. Not at this time. I would chalk it up to a fun night and keep moving. Yes looking for someone special I am however, I realize what makes me upset is not even given respect and talking to me and leading me on saying he won't ghost then to ghost .....
Author Love2015 Posted September 29, 2018 Author Posted September 29, 2018 Easy. Don't go out with him again. Dating is not about feeling bad and forcing yourself to go out with men. If his mother has cancer and he deals with it by ghosting, he is in no place to date anyone, and if his mother does not have cancer and it was a lie he spun you, then he is not a quality person. Your gut is screaming here "This guy is bad news, stay away". You need to listen to it. I agree I need to listen to my gut. Sometimes it tricks me.
Author Love2015 Posted September 29, 2018 Author Posted September 29, 2018 It's hard right now but you'll get over him in time. Oh yeah, what he said previously about the other girl becoming more interested when he wasn't available, is definitely weird. I can tell you this, that might help you see the bigger picture: Even if he comes back again, this is not something that will succeed. Even if you become bf/gf for a year, you'll find out he has issues, that he plays games, and he'll take you on a roller coaster ride, then one of you will dump the other. Why go through that? I am taking in what you said and self love towards healing and moving on Need to work on myself and not believe all...
I'veseenbetterlol Posted September 29, 2018 Posted September 29, 2018 Thanks everyone for the reply. I agree it was kind of love bombing excellent for my ego which makes me believe...I am still broken...it's been a difficult journey of healing after divorce due to being cheated on. I thought I finally found someone ...but then yes I kept on being this is too fast to soon and then it bursted. I do understand being upset due to cancer of mom but my senses tell me he is not able to open up. He doesn't have to ghost ...he can just say I need time...or not say anything but let me be around. He doesn't even respond to anything which makes me believe it's a lie. Bad lie if it is..the one red flag was a conversation I had with him right before all this ...he said something about he dating a girl who he didn't talk to for two days due to someone sick and she hadn't liked him as much initially yet once he did that ..she suddenly was into him. I still remember I thought that was weird. So signs and people tell u what they are upto...you just have to listen...and it is sad cause we all want to pursue our dreams and find the right one for each one of us.... I've been through that and it can be pretty devastating. Idk what it is, prob an ego boost or even feeling like we are wanted. The type of people who do this are extremely selfish and someone you want avoid at all costs. Even if he contacts you, sat FAR far far away. Think of it this way, he would never be a guy who really cares for you. Take your time, heal the hurt and move on. There are plenty of great men out there who won't do this to you.
Author Love2015 Posted October 2, 2018 Author Posted October 2, 2018 This is so upsetting so this guy after no contact or call it ghosting again ....msgs me in the middle of the night out of the blue with these words: 'Wanna watch me tease and explode' It may me very upset and I asked him is he for real and he is like yes in bed. I gave him my piece of mind. Definitely I doubt his mom has cancer at this point! See he Ghosted and these are his first words? Dating is so scary and to believe I opened myself to hm as a person! Like seriously why do I deserve so little respect? For a month he seemed normal ....and now this? I am so upset. I feel I attract bad guys!
Cupid's Puppet Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 This is so upsetting so this guy after no contact or call it ghosting again ....msgs me in the middle of the night out of the blue with these words: 'Wanna watch me tease and explode' It may me very upset and I asked him is he for real and he is like yes in bed. I gave him my piece of mind. Definitely I doubt his mom has cancer at this point! See he Ghosted and these are his first words? Dating is so scary and to believe I opened myself to hm as a person! Like seriously why do I deserve so little respect? For a month he seemed normal ....and now this? I am so upset. I feel I attract bad guys! Someone said it up top, but you were right to trust your instincts. Are you a woman? If so, hold tight to that intuition. It is right about 98% of the time The guy who ghosted me talked about his grandmother having cancer. I think his grandmother did have cancer, because I often heard family members in the background crying and trying to get his attention. But he also said some inappropriate thing to me at some point. He said things were so bad and he really wish he could get oral (was much more graphic than that). I, too, was thinking are these the words of someone suffering from dealing with a sick loved one? Whatever the case, I don't think it points to him lying about his mom. I think it points to his immaturity. Sex or sexual conversations are probably his gateway of dealing with stressful situations in his life. Ghosting is probably another gateway. Thank goodness he only wasted a month, right? These are the types that abandon spouse and children to run off with a young woman in Greece.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted October 2, 2018 Posted October 2, 2018 This is so upsetting so this guy after no contact or call it ghosting again ....msgs me in the middle of the night out of the blue with these words: 'Wanna watch me tease and explode' It may me very upset and I asked him is he for real and he is like yes in bed. I gave him my piece of mind. Definitely I doubt his mom has cancer at this point! See he Ghosted and these are his first words? Dating is so scary and to believe I opened myself to hm as a person! Like seriously why do I deserve so little respect? For a month he seemed normal ....and now this? I am so upset. I feel I attract bad guys! This is def not a respectful guy, he dumps you and expects you to jump at sexual texts. Don't worry all guys are not like this, just be careful w/the love bombing. That's not a normal relationship.
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