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My Situation

ragegnst

By ragegnst
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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ragegnst Established Member

ragegnst

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Backstory goes as follows known each other 11 years lovers for 3 or so years, committed relationship for last two years, and is my best friend, just signed on for a house together, I am 15 years older than her BTW. So essentially what happened is I work in IT, what at times can be very boring as you wait for stuff to re-boot or copy over or whatever.

 

To kill time i would goof around on various social media sites just for entertainment nothing more. This one site in particular has a lot of ladies that are in "the business" if you know what i mean, and were on there looking for customers. I would get approached quite often on there but never thought much about it. I though it was more funny than anything. Often they would send nudes to entice i would usually look laugh make some smart ass comment and delete.

 

Well one time i forgot to delete we were doing a bit of partying one night and i went to sleep, she dug thru my phone and found it. i was confronted the next morning and played it off as no big deal as I did not think it was. and she was having none of it, she had came a cross a text that an ex sent me once trying to get back with me, so now to her it is a pattern of behavior or something. I disagreed and it erupted into a huge fight. I was a bit hung so i said heck with it I am leaving, she said if i did we were breaking up, but like an idiot I left anyhow.

 

The fight continued over text the next couple days then she ignored any attempts to talk with her. So I did beg, plead bargain, nothing worked. Said she had been crying every night and I asked why she did not call, nothing. Drove to her (our) (I still have my other house) house a couple times, continued blowing up her phone, finally one night she says I will call you tomorrow, which also happened to be my birthday (great timing), says what I did was unforgivable and she did not want to be my gf anymore.

 

i tried to reason with her but nothing was going anywhere. Now before this i was having a bit of a rough patch with just life stuff, she essentially said give me space and get your **** together. i have to get her back.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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I can understand how she feels. I wouldn't know how and if I could trust my boyfriend moving forward if I found out he was online soliciting "ladies in the business" -- and I am not sure why you would think it isn't a big deal because you can't possibly project your thoughts/motive for perusing those sites on her. She has no inkling as to how far you've gone with this and to what extent. All she sees is someone that has broken her boundaries and disrespected her and the relationship.

 

Also, why did she dig through your phone? Has she done it before? I don't condone snooping but have there been incidences before that have given her cause to check up on you?

 

She's told you that she does not want to be with you anymore. You can't force her to do otherwise. Maybe you should give her some time to let things settle and allow her to process all of this. You can then try to reach out one more time to see if she has a change of heart and is willing to move past this.

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ragegnst Established Member

ragegnst

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not sure why she dug through my phone, but i was not doing the soliciting they were approaching me. not interested anything like that at all but I had met a lot of really cool people on that site, there just happened to be that element to it.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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There is a social media site out there for everyone so I can understand why your GF freaked out that you spend time on one that attracts the oldest profession. To you it's goofing around. I used to read the casual encounters section of Craigslist for the entertainment value so I get it. However, I never clicked on the ads. Do you see the difference? The fact that you are meeting people on that site is a problem. You actively looking for other women even as friends is a kick in the teeth to your GF

 

Send your GF flowers & a huge written apology. Then show her you are blocking yourself from that site. See if that makes her feel better.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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not sure why she dug through my phone, but i was not doing the soliciting they were approaching me. not interested anything like that at all but I had met a lot of really cool people on that site, there just happened to be that element to it.

 

You mentioned that you were goofing off on these sites. They didn't just find you, you allowed them access and you engaged with them. You still keep justifying that there was nothing wrong with what you did. Your motive may have all been innocent but you're in a relationship -- it requires healthy boundaries and a level of respect for your partner and the relationship.

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ragegnst Established Member

ragegnst

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I get it I understand what you guys are saying am not trying to justify it, i just did not think much about it, I understand now that was not cool was just a time suck.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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Show her this thread. Was a letter saying they let her know you understand now you crossed a boundary.

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ragegnst Established Member

ragegnst

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I m really freaked out to try and talk with her I mean really freaked out, maybe flowers is a way to go, I typed up a letter but have yet to send it ( will hand write before I do, if I do) sight this is sucking bad. We talked every day for six years now it is just gone. I feel like a complete moron

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Writing the letter is great. Sending it is asking for trouble. Start with the flowers & a card:

 

Dear {her name}

 

I am so very sorry for hurting you. I realize now how much what I saw as a joke / time waster could feel disrespectful & hurtful to you. I never want to you hurt you. I love you! You mean the world to me. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me for being stupid, I will make it up to you.

 

All my love, ragegnst

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ragegnst Established Member

ragegnst

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Should I send it to her work or leave it on her doorstep? that is actually a really good idea

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Apology flowers are better in private. At work everyone will be up in her business & she'll have to explain why she's pi$$ed at you. That will make her more angry.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Should I send it to her work or leave it on her doorstep? that is actually a really good idea

 

Do not send them to her work. It will humiliate her when people start asking what's up and what this grand gesture is about.

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Mardelis Established Member

Mardelis

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You hang out on hookup sites just for entertainment because you get bored at work?

 

 

She doesn't buy it and it sounds like you're trying to convince us of something that isn't all that believable either.

 

 

Get a different hobby.

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ragegnst Established Member

ragegnst

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to convince anything, the site is not a hookup site I play games on there, chat with folks around the world etc, but I get what you all are saying

 

thanks

Mardelis Established Member

Mardelis

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to convince anything, the site is not a hookup site I play games on there, chat with folks around the world etc, but I get what you all are saying

 

thanks

 

 

First you said the site has a lot of prostitutes looking for business and now you say it's not a hookup site you just play games and chat.

 

 

Did you know there are LOTS of sites on the internet that you can play games and chat with people that don't have lots of ladies looking to prostitute themselves on their fellow gamers and chat friends?

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ragegnst Established Member

ragegnst

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I know that this one I have just been on for years, there are hooker on FB also it is just the way of the internet, but just cause they messaged did not mean I had to respond

 

I got it I was very wrong, but as mentioned at the time I just thought it was harmless entertainment.

Mardelis Established Member

Mardelis

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I know that this one I have just been on for years, there are hooker on FB also it is just the way of the internet, but just cause they messaged did not mean I had to respond

 

I got it I was very wrong, but as mentioned at the time I just thought it was harmless entertainment.

 

 

I hope for your sake you do a much better job of convincing her than you did here.

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ragegnst Established Member

ragegnst

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but I was not trying to cheat

Mardelis Established Member

Mardelis

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but I was not trying to cheat

 

 

Doesn't matter what your intentions were it sure LOOKED that way.

 

 

Think about how you'd feel if you found out your girlfriend was on a site where people hooked up all the time and she was receiving messages from guys and responding to them. You'd be ok with that?

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ragegnst Established Member

ragegnst

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she gets hit on all the time I am very aware of that, she is on FB all the time doing who knows, I play WWF and the ladies on there are very flirty too. I agree with all your sentiments just was not thinking much about it at the time. I have closed that account and am just hoping to hear from here at some point, been rough

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