confused..... Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 I began seeing "sally" after meeting her at a convention. She approached me. I tracked down her email and we were off to the races, after weeks of exchanging emails we went out. We had a wonderful time, nice dinner etc. A kiss goodnight and she was gone. In the past I had always called the girl, but this time was different I didn't want nor need to. I felt confident and comfortable. Well she called and a few nights later we went out again. This went on for some time, the initial stages of dating. It was fun and happy, she called almost everynight and in 3-4 months we never missed a day speaking to eachother, saying goodnight. Most days we would talk 2 or 3 times. 1 night she called and told me she almost had an anxiety attack, that she had written me a letter but couldn't send it. That her emotions were taking control and she needed to be in control. She had told me previously she was scared, she didn't know what was happening to her and what I was doing. That every relationship she had been in was terrible she would always get hurt and that she never had any expectations. But I had done something to her. But she wanted to slow it down, to continue talking and hanging out. By this time she knew I had developed feelings, I had told her. I think that is what begun to scare her. Well some 4 months later after this talk, we still talk...almost every night she calls me. We see eachother once if not twice a week (we live in seperate towns). She has told me we are just friends, and that is how we go about things. We do "couple" things though. We buy each other gifts and dinner, and as I have said she always calls me to say goodnight. Knowing full well my feelings are deeper and that i do want to date her. She calls me when she travels to let me know she got there safely and we have both been to our siblings weddings together. She went on a dinner date and felt she should tell me, but didn't want to because it was only dinner. She still called me afterwards. I have done many nice things. Sometimes she gets mad that i do them. the last one was a gesture from the heart....she always complained her parents never visited her and how excited she would be. so I did something about it. I got them train tickets and a hotel and they surprised her. but rather than a smile and a hug she just gave me the cold shoulder. that was 2 days ago. the girl who calls everynight hasn't called. she has only text msged me, i haven't responded. i feel she has feelings, otherwise she wouldn't keep coming around. and i want to call her, friends (if that is what we are) air their differences. but i think she likes me, and she doesn't or isn't ready and that i scare her because it is what she wants. I threaten her. Rather than sit and work it out and follow her heart it is easiest to push me away.... I know i need to gain some sense. I wish that this cold shoulder was on my terms rather than hers, because I am the one who deserves to give her the cold shoulder, any friend would have appreciated a nice gesture, especially one that was not about materials but about the hearts. after all i never expected her to say i love you because of this. BUt why would she text message me, if she didn't want to speak with me? I guess I just don't know what to do? will not speaking with her end all that was? even our friendship which we built over 8 months.
alphamale Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 oh boy CONFUSED...you have violated almost every rule in the book about dating women. In essence, you treated her like a friend and that is what she became. Don't be so "nice" with the next female. Women don't respect guys who are too "nice".
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 i feel she has feelings, otherwise she wouldn't keep coming around. She does have feelings for you. Just not the ones you would like for her to have, and not to the extent you would like for her to have them. What you have is likely not much more than you'll ever get from her. It sounds pretty tepid to me. Unless you want to sit chattering your teeth in this lukewarm bath of a 'relationship' you'll pull the plug, get out now and move on.
Author confused..... Posted September 8, 2005 Author Posted September 8, 2005 Do you really believe that she has no "deep" feelings. Why else would she keep coming back to me? Do i think things will move forward at this time, no. But I think when you remove yourself and look into you you realize that feelings were more than you thought. Again, why the text message if she simply doesn't want to talk. I believe she is keeping me interested.
alphamale Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 Do you really believe that she has no "deep" feelings. Why else would she keep coming back to me? she does have deep feelings for you, unfortunately they are friendly feelings and not romantic feelings...as I said above, if you treat her like a friend she becomes one.
Author confused..... Posted September 8, 2005 Author Posted September 8, 2005 I always had my intentions out there. And I disagree with you alphamale. NO friend at our age talks on the phone everynight, and says goodnight every night. I just don't see it that way, at all. Any female perspectives out there?
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 NO friend at our age talks on the phone everynight, and says goodnight every night. I expect once she finds a guy she has stronger 'romantic' feelings for this will probably stop between you. When I was younger, and if I had a 'friend guy' handy and no 'date guy' in sight - I would spend a great deal of time with him, calling him, hanging out, etc (always careful to either say stuff like 'I'm afraid to be involved' or 'I don't want to ruin the friendship' or some other similar line to keep him at a certain distance so that I could keep the field open for guys I wanted to date), until I found a guy I REALLY wanted to be with. Then the 'friend guy' would hear considerably less from me. Right now you are the 'friend guy'. The placeholder for the guy she wants to meet, fall in love with and have crazy sex with. She enjoys your attention (except if it goes outside of what she's comfortable with in a 'friend guy'), I expect her ego gets a boost, she doesn't have to be lonely, you do things 100% her way, etc. Right now, this works for her and I expect she is grateful to have a guy like you around. As soon as you push things so that they aren't working 100% for her (ie - you try to push it past where it is) you'll stop hearing from her as often. That doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings for you. Of course she does. Just not the kind you would like for her to have, and certainly not to the degree you'd like to see them.
Author confused..... Posted September 9, 2005 Author Posted September 9, 2005 I am still in denial I guess. The way she acted, looked at me, was more than that of a friend. Deep down I always thought she was just in denial of her own feelings and threatened that she could be treated so well, that she didn't deserve to be (which she has told me). She is the first to call and will call be back almost immeadiately. I don't even do that with her, nor my other friends.
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