Wait Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 There's a girl I've talked to multiple times over the last year or so. She has always showed indicators of interest, but I was in a LTR until recently. I plan on asking her out next time I see her and having been thinking about possible date ideas other than "grabbing a drink". There's a Halloween festival of sorts coming up in October (the weekend after I'll see her next actually) - it's in a park near a train station that takes roughly 30-35 minutes to get to from our local station. I would meet her at our local station, but I'm wondering if this is setting myself up for an awkward half hour with no other stimuli other than each other? Drinking alcohol on the train is allowed so I thought it may be a good idea to bring a few adult beverages. Thoughts?
basil67 Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 If you're both good at holding up your ends of a conversation, the travel shouldn't be awkward. But if one of you is a poor conversationalist, it could be grim. 1
Author Wait Posted September 26, 2018 Author Posted September 26, 2018 If you're both good at holding up your ends of a conversation, the travel shouldn't be awkward. But if one of you is a poor conversationalist, it could be grim. I'm confident in my conversation skills and she has always held up her end of our conversations in the past. I'll probably just go for it and if it's awkward, it's awkward. 1
d0nnivain Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 If you are such a poor conversationalist that you can't talk to somebody for 30 minutes why do you want to date that person & spend even more time with her? You can get to know each other, you can discuss scenery, you can discuss prior Halloween costumes etc. Having to rely on alcohol as a social lubricant is a bad sign 3
Author Wait Posted September 26, 2018 Author Posted September 26, 2018 If you are such a poor conversationalist that you can't talk to somebody for 30 minutes why do you want to date that person & spend even more time with her? You can get to know each other, you can discuss scenery, you can discuss prior Halloween costumes etc. Having to rely on alcohol as a social lubricant is a bad sign When you're right, you're right. 1
preraph Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 The 30-minute ride is just the opportunity you need to start talking and find out what each other is like. That is, after all, what a date is all about. If you find you have zero to talk about, well, then no more dates, but you surely have the social acumen to politely make conversation and ask her questions about herself. Don't introduce liquor on the way to the destination. That's going to be a long night of getting tired from being drunk. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted September 26, 2018 Posted September 26, 2018 Totally agree with the others. If you guys can't enjoy yourselves for 30 minutes, then the relationship ain't going nowhere. In fact, I would bet that this time would be quite fun. A train ride is inherently more interesting, more stimulating than say, a car ride. You got other people to observe ... You're not driving. So brainpower is completely free to engage in conversation. You can talk about the train, other people on the train, seats, the ride, the view ... and then talk your day and the event you're doing to ... Almost perfectly relaxed for a first meeting. You have enough distraction in the ride such that even if you guys don't have chemistry (here's to hoping you do), you'll likely still have a good time just going to the event. And technically, you don't have to talk. You're just taking the train to the event ... And sometimes looking out the window brings a smile. Since you don't "have to" talk (like say at a cafe) ... this ironically loosens up the conversation. 1
Author Wait Posted September 27, 2018 Author Posted September 27, 2018 If you are such a poor conversationalist that you can't talk to somebody for 30 minutes why do you want to date that person & spend even more time with her? You can get to know each other, you can discuss scenery, you can discuss prior Halloween costumes etc. Having to rely on alcohol as a social lubricant is a bad sign How would you suggest I ask her to the event? Like I said, I’ll be seeing her in October so I may just say something like “I can’t believe it’s almost Halloween already! Have you ever been to X event? No?! I have two tickets for this Saturday. You should join me!” Or do I ask her if she’d like to grab a drink first and then I can get her number and suggest X event as an alternative plan?
BC1980 Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 I don't think that's too long at all. It would give you an opportunity to talk.
shydad Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 ...having been thinking about possible date ideas other than "grabbing a drink". ... I'm wondering if this is setting myself up for an awkward half hour with no other stimuli other than each other? Drinking alcohol on the train is allowed so I thought it may be a good idea to bring a few adult beverages. Thoughts? ...do I ask her if she’d like to grab a drink first You said you wanted to do something other than grabbing a drink, and as has already been said, if you need to be "loosened up" to talk, that's a problem. My thoughts are that you not drink alcohol on this date. The verbiage you are considering using to ask is good. To add to the reasons not to drink, long term issues aside, you might feel more confident, but how will you be presenting yourself? How will she see you? After a few drinks you might think, "Yea, I nailed it!" but reality could be much different from your "enhanced" perception. If this is important to you, don't do something which could screw it up. If you're worried about not having things to talk about, prepare a list of topics, which are questions about HER (people like talking about themselves). My suggested goal for you is to get her talking. Then all you have to do is pay attention and listen. Memorize the list. If you're able to bring the topics up, and if the conversation still runs flat, you did your best and she didn't hold up her end. Possible topics: What would a perfect weekend be for you? (Pay attention so you get ideas for later.)Will you tell me about your family? Do you have any brothers or sisters? Do you spend time with them? What do you like to do together?Tell me about your faith. What does your faith mean to you? (Ask only if you know she is a person of faith.)What do you like the most about your work?What do you like to do for fun?Have you done any traveling? Where have you been? Where do you want to go to next?Do you listen to music? What music do you like? Do you like reading? Who are some of your favorite authors? What is the last book you read?Do you like watching movies? Which movie is your favorite?Do you have any pets?Are you a cooking enthusiast? What do you like to prepare? Be prepared to answer the same questions. Look, I'm shy AND introverted, and with the confidence I've gained with help from this community, and some key people offline, I totally rocked my end of the conversation with my last failed dating experience. She's an awesome person, but it was ridiculously hard to get her talking. Awkward? Surprisingly not, because I knew I was doing a good job. If I can do this, you can too. Oh, and I had no alcohol. I also had decaf coffee so as not to be too hyper. You can do this!
basil67 Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 For what it's worth, I'd totally have a glass or two of wine with a guy on the train trip. It just adds to the fun!
MidwestUSA Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 For what it's worth, I'd totally have a glass or two of wine with a guy on the train trip. It just adds to the fun! I was about to chime in with the same. As long as both parties agree, and neither is an alcoholic, I'd go with beer, but that's me. Nothing heavy - no shots, no Scotch on the rocks. There's a short train run from my city out to a smaller town. It's easily drivable, but sometimes it's fun to hope on the train, pop a Heineken, and watch the scenery go by.
Author Wait Posted September 27, 2018 Author Posted September 27, 2018 You said you wanted to do something other than grabbing a drink, and as has already been said, if you need to be "loosened up" to talk, that's a problem. My thoughts are that you not drink alcohol on this date. The verbiage you are considering using to ask is good. To add to the reasons not to drink, long term issues aside, you might feel more confident, but how will you be presenting yourself? How will she see you? After a few drinks you might think, "Yea, I nailed it!" but reality could be much different from your "enhanced" perception. If this is important to you, don't do something which could screw it up. If you're worried about not having things to talk about, prepare a list of topics, which are questions about HER (people like talking about themselves). My suggested goal for you is to get her talking. Then all you have to do is pay attention and listen. Memorize the list. If you're able to bring the topics up, and if the conversation still runs flat, you did your best and she didn't hold up her end. Possible topics: What would a perfect weekend be for you? (Pay attention so you get ideas for later.)Will you tell me about your family? Do you have any brothers or sisters? Do you spend time with them? What do you like to do together?Tell me about your faith. What does your faith mean to you? (Ask only if you know she is a person of faith.)What do you like the most about your work?What do you like to do for fun?Have you done any traveling? Where have you been? Where do you want to go to next?Do you listen to music? What music do you like? Do you like reading? Who are some of your favorite authors? What is the last book you read?Do you like watching movies? Which movie is your favorite?Do you have any pets?Are you a cooking enthusiast? What do you like to prepare? Be prepared to answer the same questions. Look, I'm shy AND introverted, and with the confidence I've gained with help from this community, and some key people offline, I totally rocked my end of the conversation with my last failed dating experience. She's an awesome person, but it was ridiculously hard to get her talking. Awkward? Surprisingly not, because I knew I was doing a good job. If I can do this, you can too. Oh, and I had no alcohol. I also had decaf coffee so as not to be too hyper. You can do this! Thank you for the detailed response! I really enjoyed your list of questions - reminds me of the FORD technique. Family, Occupation, Recreation, & Dreams.
Author Wait Posted September 27, 2018 Author Posted September 27, 2018 For what it's worth, I'd totally have a glass or two of wine with a guy on the train trip. It just adds to the fun! I was about to chime in with the same. As long as both parties agree, and neither is an alcoholic, I'd go with beer, but that's me. Nothing heavy - no shots, no Scotch on the rocks. There's a short train run from my city out to a smaller town. It's easily drivable, but sometimes it's fun to hope on the train, pop a Heineken, and watch the scenery go by. I only drink occasionally, but I figure a small bottle of wine never hurt anyone I'll gauge her interest after I ask her out.
kendahke Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 Are you both departing from the same station to go to this event or are you meeting up then taking the train? I'd say have her meet you at the station near the event if you can't think of what to talk about on a 30 minute ride without alcohol...
PRW Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 Possible topics: What would a perfect weekend be for you? (Pay attention so you get ideas for later.)Will you tell me about your family? Do you have any brothers or sisters? Do you spend time with them? What do you like to do together?Tell me about your faith. What does your faith mean to you? (Ask only if you know she is a person of faith.)What do you like the most about your work?What do you like to do for fun?Have you done any traveling? Where have you been? Where do you want to go to next?Do you listen to music? What music do you like? Do you like reading? Who are some of your favorite authors? What is the last book you read?Do you like watching movies? Which movie is your favorite?Do you have any pets?Are you a cooking enthusiast? What do you like to prepare? Sounds like a job interview without the paycheck. As many said, if the OP is that socially awkward and unable to communicate it is already over. All of this omits the golden rule. Women talk more than men. Sometimes they even "nervous talk" because they are nervous. Let the women do 80% of the talking. Just nod and grunt once in a while, toss in a question about something she said once in a while to prove you were listening and you are good to go. Then as I always preach, don't do a bunch of texting and chit-chat between the dates, you are burning up your conversation material and eventually making the other one bored of you before you make it to the date. Since you're on a train you could use a little humor and ask: "Have you ever been in a train wreck?" "Have you ever been in a Turkish Prison?" "Have you ever seen a grown man...."? Ok,..just kidding about this part. For some reason that old movie came to mind while writing this,...you know the one.
PRW Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 BTW - I usually drive 2 hours just to get to my dates. 30 minutes? Who cares? What's that?
Author Wait Posted September 27, 2018 Author Posted September 27, 2018 Are you both departing from the same station to go to this event or are you meeting up then taking the train? I'd say have her meet you at the station near the event if you can't think of what to talk about on a 30 minute ride without alcohol... We are meeting up and then taking the train. I'm more than capable of holding a conversation without alcohol, but does that mean alcohol should be off-limits?
Author Wait Posted September 27, 2018 Author Posted September 27, 2018 Sounds like a job interview without the paycheck. As many said, if the OP is that socially awkward and unable to communicate it is already over. All of this omits the golden rule. Women talk more than men. Sometimes they even "nervous talk" because they are nervous. Let the women do 80% of the talking. Just nod and grunt once in a while, toss in a question about something she said once in a while to prove you were listening and you are good to go. Then as I always preach, don't do a bunch of texting and chit-chat between the dates, you are burning up your conversation material and eventually making the other one bored of you before you make it to the date. Since you're on a train you could use a little humor and ask: "Have you ever been in a train wreck?" "Have you ever been in a Turkish Prison?" "Have you ever seen a grown man...."? Ok,..just kidding about this part. For some reason that old movie came to mind while writing this,...you know the one. I normally only text/communicate between the first few dates for logistical purposes only.
kendahke Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 We are meeting up and then taking the train. I'm more than capable of holding a conversation without alcohol, but does that mean alcohol should be off-limits? IMO--and this is only me--yes. There's plenty of time for you and she to go drinking.
PRW Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 I normally only text/communicate between the first few dates for logistical purposes only. Yes! Exactly! Same with me,...I practice what I preach.
Sarah_Smiles Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 No, it isn't too long of a trip, IMO. One of my exes drove an hour to pick me up and then drove us right back to his city to have the date because where he lived had more going on and on the car ride back with him I really enjoyed our time together, we found out we had very similar tastes in music on that drive. 1
preraph Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 I'd ask her to the Halloween thing first because it sounds more fun and also because liquor isn't directly involved so it doesn't sound so much like you just want to Sauce her up and get sex. It sounds safe in other words. Great idea for a first date.
Haydn Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 Couple of sherbets on the train is always good. But no `Special Brews` 1
d0nnivain Posted September 27, 2018 Posted September 27, 2018 How would you suggest I ask her to the event? Like I said, I’ll be seeing her in October so I may just say something like “I can’t believe it’s almost Halloween already! Have you ever been to X event? No?! I have two tickets for this Saturday. You should join me!” Or do I ask her if she’d like to grab a drink first and then I can get her number and suggest X event as an alternative plan? Either is fine. Really don't stress about talking to her. Everybody gets nervous & most people are so busy being nervous themselves they just assume you are suave & self-assured. Alcohol isn't off limits but it's not necessary on the train ride there.
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